And for my case that has been true.
I never planned to look up from my Americano
Peer over the top of my reading glasses
Whilst gently rocking my crossed high heels
And see you.
I didn't plan for you to slip the other waiters a bill to get my table.
I didn't plan on giving you my real phone number.
I didn't plan on you actually calling
Giving me some story about a party somewhere that I should go with you to.
I didn't plan on going to any party anyway, but you cancelled.
I didn't plan on you promising to take me out to make up for it.
I didn't plan on you pawning your phone to be able to take me out in style for that first date.
I didn't plan on having such a good time.
I didn't plan to go on seeing you
I'm pretty sure I told a friend that it was fun, but I didn't think I would see you again.
I didn't plan to slowly find myself liking hanging out with you.
How did you do that?
I didn't plan on going out dancing with you that night.
I didn't plan on you kissing me for the first time
Under the glow of a streetlight on the Kololo Bypass.
I didn't plan for the weeks to turn into months.
I didn't plan for our lives to get so entangled.
I didn't plan on hurting so much when you wouldn't talk to me.
I didn't plan on writing you that "Mr. Darcy" letter.
I didn't plan to feel such a flood of relief when you finally said that you forgave me.
I hadn't planned to care that much.
I didn't plan on loving the way we used to ride double on a boda boda.
I didn't plan to get used to your stupid blue crocs
Or your extreme hairstyle, or the way your eyes looked into my soul.
I didn't plan on it feeling so right to hold your hand
Or lean on your shoulder when we were sitting on the porch watching the last drops of sunlight be squeezed from the sky.
I didn't plan on falling for you.
I didn't plan for what your answer was to your mom
When she asked you in Luganda if I was the one you were going to marry
Not knowing that I had understood her question.
I didn't plan on that test being positive
As my shaky hands could barely hold the cup to pee in
And my mind raced with a million different thoughts and emotions.
I didn't plan on being so happy
It was all I could do to keep from bursting into tears at the thought that I would finally be a mother.
I didn't plan on you losing your job.
I didn't plan on not getting my visa.
I didn't plan on us being thrust apart by the very thing that has tied us together for life.
And so it was that
I didn't plan on you getting down on one knee that day at the airport with ring in hand.
I hadn't planned for what I would say if you asked
And so in the rush of the moment and with a plane to catch
I said yes.
But I didn't really plan on everything that would mean to you.
And my mind hadn't even gotten to planning on such a promise.
But I didn't plan on you being so constant
If you had won my heart before while present, you now won it again in absentia.
I didn't plan on looking anxiously for your messages every day.
I didn't plan on you staying true.
I didn't plan on your gentle words, tender affection, and fervent prayers calming my fears.
I didn't plan on your candor and valor building bridges to my heart
That not even half the globe's distance could retract.
I didn't plan on your big, black eyes staring back at me through our son's
I didn't plan on wanting so badly for you to be here
And share every little giggle and toot that escapes out of him.
I didn't plan to go through every day constantly thinking of you
What you would be saying to me if you were in the seat beside me in the car
What kind of things you would pick out with me in the grocery store
If you would hold the door for me when I am carrying the sleeping baby.
I didn't plan on missing you so badly that sometimes a piece of my chest feels like its missing
Like a black hole is eating me from the inside.
I didn't plan on missing the warmth of your hugs or the feel of your lips
Even the toughness of your palms when they were pressed in mine.
I didn't plan on any of this.
I didn't plan on knowing what is to truly be loved.
I didn't plan on having hope again of planning a wedding.
I didn't plan to have someone know me so thoroughly and still love me so completely.
I never planned on anything like this ever happening to me.
And I am so glad that life doesn't go as planned.
*[To my dearest Moses,
Today marks the one year anniversary of that day at the airport when you asked me to make you the happiest man in the world. I don't know if I have succeeded in that yet, but I hope that I have many more opportunities in the future. I wasn't sure of what I was promising that day, but if you asked me again today I would answer exactly the same. I would be/will be honored to be married to you and I hope and pray that it happens sooner than any of us can plan!
All my love (except the part that D stole, sorry!),
Your Jo.]
