something about the fact that someone else
had been there before
brought tears to my eyes
and coursing down my cheeks
i don't normally do that
just break down
even if the song touches my heart
i am loathe to cry
ever
its like some sort of strange code
like it would corrupt my soul in some way
to feel those emotions bubble to the surface
not that its not freeing
like coming up for air after holding
your breath too long
and when you finally gasp for that icy air
its like a long sigh of relief
and from the first intake of sweet oxygen
there is release
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Like Words of Divine Hope
Like words of divine hope
Balm for my aching soul, they come
Crush through the icicles of this last year
Splintering the defenses
I've so tenderly built
Around my life, around my heart
To block out all the things that I know You have for me
And yet I long to come, even as I run away
So I let myself be drawn...
For its only in Your presence that I actually find
That purpose and peace I've been longing to bind
Close to my heart so it can't slip away
And leave me nowhere, alone at the end of the day
So I smile in pain as the cold gets thawed
The end of winter and frost; I am awed
That in the great magnificent plan for my life
You have anointed and sealed and called me Your wife
And that ownership is something that can't be replaced
An easy access to the Light of Your Face
And freedom I have to run and jump in Your lap
Spill all of my worry and in Your peaceful arms nap
Content with the fact that You never shall change
That Your promises are true til the end of the age.
Balm for my aching soul, they come
Crush through the icicles of this last year
Splintering the defenses
I've so tenderly built
Around my life, around my heart
To block out all the things that I know You have for me
And yet I long to come, even as I run away
So I let myself be drawn...
For its only in Your presence that I actually find
That purpose and peace I've been longing to bind
Close to my heart so it can't slip away
And leave me nowhere, alone at the end of the day
So I smile in pain as the cold gets thawed
The end of winter and frost; I am awed
That in the great magnificent plan for my life
You have anointed and sealed and called me Your wife
And that ownership is something that can't be replaced
An easy access to the Light of Your Face
And freedom I have to run and jump in Your lap
Spill all of my worry and in Your peaceful arms nap
Content with the fact that You never shall change
That Your promises are true til the end of the age.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Faithwalkers #3
So this is something that I was really encouraged to do by one of the smaller breakout sessions. (it was one of the girly ones). Anyway, this lady was talking about how she was a busy mother of 7 kids, and getting a quiet time didn't always work out very well, so one of the ways that she really built Scripture into her every day life was that she made up a pack of cards about a topic that she really wanted to study and then she would read them at least 2 times a day. A couple of things came out of that. It was really hard not to think about those verses in the in between times. Plus you start to memorize those scriptures as well from the frequent reading, and soon you are thinking of them during the day and altering your behavior to be Christlike like the Word, and not just your everyday usual self. The other thing she said is that she also made packs of verses like this for her kids when they were dealing with an issue, and it also helped them really learn what God had to say about issues.
So fast forward a day and I went to another seminar (it was a guy AND girl one this time), by one of my dear friends and respected pastors. He was talking about going directly to scripture in relation to people that come to your for advice in situations or even in your own sticky situations. And of course I knew this, but I think I don't think of it very often. I mean I know I should pray and read scripture more than I do, but then sometimes I just listen to the lies of the Devil that say, "well, come on now... you can't be a saint all the time!"
So then fast forward some more. As a church, we are reading through the Bible. Yesterday's segment in Matthew talked about Jesus being tempted by Satan in the desert. Do you know what Jesus said in reply to the Devil? He used the Word. Wow. What better recommendation to be in the Word, and thinking about it, and memorizing it, and carrying it with me in my daily life! I mean, Jesus IS kinda the ultimate example, don't you think?
So fast forward a day and I went to another seminar (it was a guy AND girl one this time), by one of my dear friends and respected pastors. He was talking about going directly to scripture in relation to people that come to your for advice in situations or even in your own sticky situations. And of course I knew this, but I think I don't think of it very often. I mean I know I should pray and read scripture more than I do, but then sometimes I just listen to the lies of the Devil that say, "well, come on now... you can't be a saint all the time!"
So then fast forward some more. As a church, we are reading through the Bible. Yesterday's segment in Matthew talked about Jesus being tempted by Satan in the desert. Do you know what Jesus said in reply to the Devil? He used the Word. Wow. What better recommendation to be in the Word, and thinking about it, and memorizing it, and carrying it with me in my daily life! I mean, Jesus IS kinda the ultimate example, don't you think?
forgetting you
i downloaded kirk franklin today
so you must not be gone
and i caught myself the other day
thinking of you as the one
to be my dancing mate
but i had to laugh, cause no
you haven't left it to fate
you walked away from the show
before the curtains had closed
and the last aria not sung
your will interposed
in place of that of the Son
and now my eyes are darkened
with threat of new tears
as your ears turned and hearkened
to the Devil mocking your fears
and as my porcelain heart cracks
with each breath i take
and my soul feels it lacks
strength for this colossal ache
yet there to His arms
i run and abide
safe from this world's harms
in my Father's lap hide.
so you must not be gone
and i caught myself the other day
thinking of you as the one
to be my dancing mate
but i had to laugh, cause no
you haven't left it to fate
you walked away from the show
before the curtains had closed
and the last aria not sung
your will interposed
in place of that of the Son
and now my eyes are darkened
with threat of new tears
as your ears turned and hearkened
to the Devil mocking your fears
and as my porcelain heart cracks
with each breath i take
and my soul feels it lacks
strength for this colossal ache
yet there to His arms
i run and abide
safe from this world's harms
in my Father's lap hide.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Faithwalkers #2
More thoughts for you all. The theme of the conference was "Blessed", so each of the speakers spoke on how we are blessed in our spiritual walk with so many blessings of God on our lives, and how we ought to use those blessings and take full advantage of them. That much being said... here is a snippet from things that stood out to me from the different talks:
a. Blessed to Know God: In John 17:3 Christ prays saying that, "this is eternal life, that they might know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent." The thought I came away with was this... that there is simply no other greater thing that we can attain to in life, but to really know God. And this doesn't mean know about Him, but to actually know Him in the way that you know your best friend. Yes, you know lots of facts about them, like their favorite color and where they were born... but when you really know them, you know about their character and how they would act in certain situations. What makes them tic, and what touches their hearts. That's how we need to know God. And even though its impossible to fully know everything about God (I've been best friends with a girl for 4 years now, and we still find out new things about each other and the ways that we tic), learning more and more about Him in new ways every day is soooo encouraging.
b. Blessed to be Loved by God: Romans 8:37, "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor demons, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation is able to separate us from the LOVE OF GOD that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." There is no separation from the love of God. Not a single thing that could make God love us less. There is nothing and no one and no where and no how that could or has or can change that in our lives. Our lives therefore should be lived in response to that love. If we fully comprehended even a small portion of the vast love that God has for us, how that would drastically change the way we live our lives in the everyday. We could no longer go through life with the same emotions and same actions and same attitudes, but would be forced to live out this crazy life of love towards others in light of how much we ourselves are loved by this crazy God!
c. Blessed to be Forgiven and Righteous in the Eyes of God: Psalm 51 (the whole freakin' thing!) and Ephesians 1:4 "For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight." God sees us through eyes that see Christ's blood over our lives and that makes us perfect in His Eyes. God enjoys you; Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you in His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
a. Blessed to Know God: In John 17:3 Christ prays saying that, "this is eternal life, that they might know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent." The thought I came away with was this... that there is simply no other greater thing that we can attain to in life, but to really know God. And this doesn't mean know about Him, but to actually know Him in the way that you know your best friend. Yes, you know lots of facts about them, like their favorite color and where they were born... but when you really know them, you know about their character and how they would act in certain situations. What makes them tic, and what touches their hearts. That's how we need to know God. And even though its impossible to fully know everything about God (I've been best friends with a girl for 4 years now, and we still find out new things about each other and the ways that we tic), learning more and more about Him in new ways every day is soooo encouraging.
b. Blessed to be Loved by God: Romans 8:37, "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor demons, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation is able to separate us from the LOVE OF GOD that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." There is no separation from the love of God. Not a single thing that could make God love us less. There is nothing and no one and no where and no how that could or has or can change that in our lives. Our lives therefore should be lived in response to that love. If we fully comprehended even a small portion of the vast love that God has for us, how that would drastically change the way we live our lives in the everyday. We could no longer go through life with the same emotions and same actions and same attitudes, but would be forced to live out this crazy life of love towards others in light of how much we ourselves are loved by this crazy God!
c. Blessed to be Forgiven and Righteous in the Eyes of God: Psalm 51 (the whole freakin' thing!) and Ephesians 1:4 "For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight." God sees us through eyes that see Christ's blood over our lives and that makes us perfect in His Eyes. God enjoys you; Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you in His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Faithwalkers #1
Last week I went with my housechurch to a conference entitled Faithwalkers which is for the regional Great Commission churches.
These are a few of the ways I was blessed...
a. In one of the sessions the speaker reminded us that it is no one's responsibility but our own for us to stay spiritually encouraged. That kinda hit a note for me. See growing up, I was surrounded by my dad, who has a definite spiritual gift for encouraging; my mom, who is of course supportive of me in so many ways; and my little sister, who also has a definite spiritual gift for bringing encouragement and light to so many people's lives. Those are the people I naturally like and gravitate towards as friends as well. See I am a pessimist. A very severe pessimist at times (which by the way is not really very Christ-like "In this world you will have many troubles, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world"). As such, I often look to those around me to lift me up and bring me joy. Its not uncommon for me to drag my butt to a function wanting more than anything for the people there to lift me up, yet having nothing to offer them. I do this with my dating relationship and it tears us down so much, and is something I've been convicted of this last semester. I do this with my family, and makes me just the grumpy older sister. I do this with my friends, and I am needy. I do this with my housechurch and I am continually a leech on their spirit for God. I do this at church and rarely have my heart in a proper posture to learn from God, beyond getting my heart simply sewn back together. This was so convicting. I can't reach out and share Christ and His love with others when I myself am still searching for it in others outside myself. I can't pour out what is not in my pitcher to begin with.
b. I was also convicted from one of the smaller break out sessions about some sin and wounds in my own heart. I had gone to the session thinking that it would be good for me to understand better the hearts of some of my friends, and ended up nearly crying myself with the hard hitting reality that I played into the same problems that caused their situations. But thank the Lord, forgiveness is so sweet, and His love so free, and grace so liberal.
c. Prayer. Do we do it enough? I think jolly well not! I have had a love/hate relationship with prayer for probably the last 4 years of my life as I struggled with what it meant to have a personal conversation with the God of the universe, what corporate prayer meant and looks like for me, and what it truly means to not care what others think and just pray from the heart. This last week was challenging for me, and then soooo freeing. On the first night we spent some extended time in just prayer for different topics. People on our hearts, our churches, our families, our small groups, that God would speak to us. I went to Faithwalkers two years ago and this part completely freaked me out. I am not a person that likes to talk out loud (strange that I should have a blog where I 'type out loud' huh?), and speaking in front of people freaks me out and usually makes me physically sick. Not to mention the part where I really struggle with what it looks like to talk to God and have this private conversation with other people listening in! Like how weird is that!? Anyway, I was so blessed, because when the time came, as I knew it would and I was the only person that hadn't prayed and I had to buckle down and do it... God gave so much grace. Somehow it was like this strange dam burst in my heart and I don't even remember who else was around, but just remember spilling the heart of what my heart was crying out to Him. MOST FREEING THING EVER. I highly recommend having a breakthrough like that! And it just went on throughout the night. More prayer, more complete grace, more freedom. The next day I was asked to pray for a couple of girls that were going through a really hard time in their lives. I felt so inadequate; I've never gone through these struggles. But as I listened to their stories, God started forming these words and ideas in my heart and I knew exactly what I wanted to pray for them and over them as we bowed our heads. God used that prayer to speak to their hearts. I'm not saying that to brag, because it was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that I did! It was all God and He deserves all the glory in that situation. But oh, I felt so near and dear to His heart. I hope He uses me in that way in so many other girls' lives in this coming year!
Those are pretty much the thoughts that I have in readable format... I'm sure there will be more to come in this next week! Stay tuned people; and keep seeking God, and reach out and possibly touch Him, though He is not far from each of us.
These are a few of the ways I was blessed...
a. In one of the sessions the speaker reminded us that it is no one's responsibility but our own for us to stay spiritually encouraged. That kinda hit a note for me. See growing up, I was surrounded by my dad, who has a definite spiritual gift for encouraging; my mom, who is of course supportive of me in so many ways; and my little sister, who also has a definite spiritual gift for bringing encouragement and light to so many people's lives. Those are the people I naturally like and gravitate towards as friends as well. See I am a pessimist. A very severe pessimist at times (which by the way is not really very Christ-like "In this world you will have many troubles, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world"). As such, I often look to those around me to lift me up and bring me joy. Its not uncommon for me to drag my butt to a function wanting more than anything for the people there to lift me up, yet having nothing to offer them. I do this with my dating relationship and it tears us down so much, and is something I've been convicted of this last semester. I do this with my family, and makes me just the grumpy older sister. I do this with my friends, and I am needy. I do this with my housechurch and I am continually a leech on their spirit for God. I do this at church and rarely have my heart in a proper posture to learn from God, beyond getting my heart simply sewn back together. This was so convicting. I can't reach out and share Christ and His love with others when I myself am still searching for it in others outside myself. I can't pour out what is not in my pitcher to begin with.
b. I was also convicted from one of the smaller break out sessions about some sin and wounds in my own heart. I had gone to the session thinking that it would be good for me to understand better the hearts of some of my friends, and ended up nearly crying myself with the hard hitting reality that I played into the same problems that caused their situations. But thank the Lord, forgiveness is so sweet, and His love so free, and grace so liberal.
c. Prayer. Do we do it enough? I think jolly well not! I have had a love/hate relationship with prayer for probably the last 4 years of my life as I struggled with what it meant to have a personal conversation with the God of the universe, what corporate prayer meant and looks like for me, and what it truly means to not care what others think and just pray from the heart. This last week was challenging for me, and then soooo freeing. On the first night we spent some extended time in just prayer for different topics. People on our hearts, our churches, our families, our small groups, that God would speak to us. I went to Faithwalkers two years ago and this part completely freaked me out. I am not a person that likes to talk out loud (strange that I should have a blog where I 'type out loud' huh?), and speaking in front of people freaks me out and usually makes me physically sick. Not to mention the part where I really struggle with what it looks like to talk to God and have this private conversation with other people listening in! Like how weird is that!? Anyway, I was so blessed, because when the time came, as I knew it would and I was the only person that hadn't prayed and I had to buckle down and do it... God gave so much grace. Somehow it was like this strange dam burst in my heart and I don't even remember who else was around, but just remember spilling the heart of what my heart was crying out to Him. MOST FREEING THING EVER. I highly recommend having a breakthrough like that! And it just went on throughout the night. More prayer, more complete grace, more freedom. The next day I was asked to pray for a couple of girls that were going through a really hard time in their lives. I felt so inadequate; I've never gone through these struggles. But as I listened to their stories, God started forming these words and ideas in my heart and I knew exactly what I wanted to pray for them and over them as we bowed our heads. God used that prayer to speak to their hearts. I'm not saying that to brag, because it was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that I did! It was all God and He deserves all the glory in that situation. But oh, I felt so near and dear to His heart. I hope He uses me in that way in so many other girls' lives in this coming year!
Those are pretty much the thoughts that I have in readable format... I'm sure there will be more to come in this next week! Stay tuned people; and keep seeking God, and reach out and possibly touch Him, though He is not far from each of us.
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