wishing you all a good day.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Tugging at my Heart Strings
Check out this link.
I watched a documentary (Ghosts of Cite Soleil) about this area before the hurricane hit Haiti. The whole area is fraught with violence and absolute poverty. Peace is only kept by gang violence because police don't even dare go into the deep bowels of this area. This is perhaps one of the saddest things I have heard in a while. And it makes me feel very Americanized and selfish for having a nice life here nursing spoiled elderly people when children are dying daily (basically just of dehydration) in places in the world like this. I'm a nurse! I could help! But here I am stuck in a very mediocre-ly nice life with a soul that is slowly dying from its own opulence.
Give me a small hut in the slums where I have to walk down the street to use the loos... Yeah, that's where I want to be. If I am not meant for that then why does God tug on my heart strings every time that I read something like this?
I watched a documentary (Ghosts of Cite Soleil) about this area before the hurricane hit Haiti. The whole area is fraught with violence and absolute poverty. Peace is only kept by gang violence because police don't even dare go into the deep bowels of this area. This is perhaps one of the saddest things I have heard in a while. And it makes me feel very Americanized and selfish for having a nice life here nursing spoiled elderly people when children are dying daily (basically just of dehydration) in places in the world like this. I'm a nurse! I could help! But here I am stuck in a very mediocre-ly nice life with a soul that is slowly dying from its own opulence.
Give me a small hut in the slums where I have to walk down the street to use the loos... Yeah, that's where I want to be. If I am not meant for that then why does God tug on my heart strings every time that I read something like this?
Monday, November 8, 2010
Apple Cider
Actually this post has nothing at all to do with Apple Cider, except that is what I am drinking right now.
But it does have to do with Apples. Specifically the Apples of the Eye. Okay, that sounded creepy. That was unintentional. (And I apologize if this is an excessively girly post.) But I digress...
The premise for today's post I got from a friend who posted on my "social network" wall a hugely encouraging note. Telling me that I was the apple of God's eye and that He delighted in me. I can't tell you how much that meant to me. Actually I think it was an answer to a prayer that me and my mom talked about the other day.
*deeply personal alert* For years and years I have struggled with self-esteem issues. Like many young women of my... uhm, should I say... 'frame'... I have always thought of myself as the fat kid. And therefore, as the fat kid... I have considered myself unattractive and frankly, just plain ugly. I've made jokes about it. I've hidden it. I've tried desperately to change it. And I've denied it as if I didn't care. But in the end a deep wound cut straight to my very soul, spread its gangrenous fingers of infection all over my heart and crippled the strength that should have swelled in my spiritual/emotional muscles, making me desperately weak in ways I should have been strong.
So me and my mom were talking about this... for the first time in the almost 13 years since the original wound was dealt. (which is huge, in and of itself) And my mom said something that I immediately turned into a prayer. She said that she could tell me some verses about who I am in God's sight, but that it wouldn't help. That I had to find and claim those dear verses for myself.
Then today, when that sweet new friend posted it on my wall I was blown away because there God had landed the phrase that He wanted me to know straight from His heart to mine. (and ironically she was scared to share this with me, because she often feels like people will think its odd because of her own failings that God chooses to give her messages for people. I don't find that odd. And you shouldn't either. We ALL freakin' fail!)
According to WikiAnswers: "...this phrase is usually figurative, meaning something, or more usually someone, cherished above others. As sight is so precious, someone who is called [the apple of my eye] as an endearment is similarly precious."
So do you realize that is the way that God feels about you? I should point out that the phrase "the apple of my eye" is usually meant to express something about how precious someone is by comparing them to your eyesight. I think I can relate to that. I have been obsessed for most of my life with NOT wearing glasses. The genetic odds are stacked against me. All four of my grandparents and the majority of their parents wore glasses. Both of my parents have glasses (bifocals actually), and over 50% of my siblings also wear glasses. I eat certain foods simply because of the Vitamin A. On long car trips I used to "exercise" my eyes by making them focus on an item very near to me and then one very far away in quick succession. Granted I had a tendency to read in bad lighting, but I made up for it by routinely reading at a distance that was far away from me as possible. So I kind of know what it is to value your eyes. But I think God takes it to another level. Anyway, I found these verses and they really spoke to my heart about how God views me.
Zechariah 2:8 "For this is what the LORD Almighty says: “After the Glorious One has sent me against the nations that have plundered you—for whoever touches you touches the apple of his eye—" and then basically goes on to say that God will effectively kick their scrawny little butts!! (Jo's revised edition) But think about what amazing love and protective loyalty that describes in our Heavenly Father! He OBVIOUSLY thinks we are worth that and finds us completely precious! CrAzY huh?
Deuteronomy 32 tells a lot of the same story: 10 "In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; he guarded him as the apple of his eye, 11 like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them aloft. 12 The LORD alone led him;" Again, can you sense the complete compassion, affection, and protectiveness with which He cares for us? As though we are a delicate thing, much desired.
And last, but not least, Psalm 17 tells us of the confidence with which we can approach the throne knowing that we are already a precious jewel in the eyes of our Lord: 6 "I call on you, my God, for you will answer me; turn your ear to me and hear my prayer. 7 Show me the wonders of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. 8 Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings".
But it does have to do with Apples. Specifically the Apples of the Eye. Okay, that sounded creepy. That was unintentional. (And I apologize if this is an excessively girly post.) But I digress...
The premise for today's post I got from a friend who posted on my "social network" wall a hugely encouraging note. Telling me that I was the apple of God's eye and that He delighted in me. I can't tell you how much that meant to me. Actually I think it was an answer to a prayer that me and my mom talked about the other day.
*deeply personal alert* For years and years I have struggled with self-esteem issues. Like many young women of my... uhm, should I say... 'frame'... I have always thought of myself as the fat kid. And therefore, as the fat kid... I have considered myself unattractive and frankly, just plain ugly. I've made jokes about it. I've hidden it. I've tried desperately to change it. And I've denied it as if I didn't care. But in the end a deep wound cut straight to my very soul, spread its gangrenous fingers of infection all over my heart and crippled the strength that should have swelled in my spiritual/emotional muscles, making me desperately weak in ways I should have been strong.
So me and my mom were talking about this... for the first time in the almost 13 years since the original wound was dealt. (which is huge, in and of itself) And my mom said something that I immediately turned into a prayer. She said that she could tell me some verses about who I am in God's sight, but that it wouldn't help. That I had to find and claim those dear verses for myself.
Then today, when that sweet new friend posted it on my wall I was blown away because there God had landed the phrase that He wanted me to know straight from His heart to mine. (and ironically she was scared to share this with me, because she often feels like people will think its odd because of her own failings that God chooses to give her messages for people. I don't find that odd. And you shouldn't either. We ALL freakin' fail!)
According to WikiAnswers: "...this phrase is usually figurative, meaning something, or more usually someone, cherished above others. As sight is so precious, someone who is called [the apple of my eye] as an endearment is similarly precious."
So do you realize that is the way that God feels about you? I should point out that the phrase "the apple of my eye" is usually meant to express something about how precious someone is by comparing them to your eyesight. I think I can relate to that. I have been obsessed for most of my life with NOT wearing glasses. The genetic odds are stacked against me. All four of my grandparents and the majority of their parents wore glasses. Both of my parents have glasses (bifocals actually), and over 50% of my siblings also wear glasses. I eat certain foods simply because of the Vitamin A. On long car trips I used to "exercise" my eyes by making them focus on an item very near to me and then one very far away in quick succession. Granted I had a tendency to read in bad lighting, but I made up for it by routinely reading at a distance that was far away from me as possible. So I kind of know what it is to value your eyes. But I think God takes it to another level. Anyway, I found these verses and they really spoke to my heart about how God views me.
Zechariah 2:8 "For this is what the LORD Almighty says: “After the Glorious One has sent me against the nations that have plundered you—for whoever touches you touches the apple of his eye—" and then basically goes on to say that God will effectively kick their scrawny little butts!! (Jo's revised edition) But think about what amazing love and protective loyalty that describes in our Heavenly Father! He OBVIOUSLY thinks we are worth that and finds us completely precious! CrAzY huh?
Deuteronomy 32 tells a lot of the same story: 10 "In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; he guarded him as the apple of his eye, 11 like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them aloft. 12 The LORD alone led him;" Again, can you sense the complete compassion, affection, and protectiveness with which He cares for us? As though we are a delicate thing, much desired.
And last, but not least, Psalm 17 tells us of the confidence with which we can approach the throne knowing that we are already a precious jewel in the eyes of our Lord: 6 "I call on you, my God, for you will answer me; turn your ear to me and hear my prayer. 7 Show me the wonders of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. 8 Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings".
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Tears
I came across this song in a mix of songs from a friend of mine. I wasn't expecting it, and it made me get all teary, even though I am sitting in the coffee shop and have to look completely pathetic crying to myself.
I have a dream... that someday I will live in a world where babies aren't allowed to be murdered before they even get a chance at life.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Atrocities
Normally I am not a very good political activist, but a friend of mine brought this article to my attention, and I find it very upsetting.
I should be...
I really should be:
writing notecards to help me study for my NCLEX-RN...
but another nursing license is overrated right? So I figures out that the reason that it really ticks me off that I have yet to pass it is that I really feel like I put in a lot of effort on going to school for this, and I did fairly well in class. Even excellent on some of my assignments... and yet for the state of Kansas to tell me that I really don't know what I am doing really peeves me because its a personal attack... on my pride.
Pride is something I have struggled with for years. I think originally it kinda came from this false sense of having to fend for myself. Not that I really did. Just that I thought I had to in order to not be a burden on anybody in my family. You have to understand that my house was always busy, though not hectic, and there was always someone younger than me that needed attended to for as long as I can remember. Somewhere along the line I decided that I would just look after #1 myself. This bred a long and not very fruitful line of thinking in which I didn't need anyone else but myself to succeed. As you can, I'm sure, guess... this does not lend itself very well to human relationships. And yes, if you act like you never need anything from anyone else you often may find that you are stronger than you thought. But you may also find that you are lonelier than you thought.
This pretty much can translate into any sector of your life. I don't need the other people in my class -- therefore I hate group projects and feel devastated when, since I didn't do all of it, we get points counted off on our presentation. I don't need my parents input or assistance -- I struggle through school at my own place completely broke and barely struggling from paycheck to paycheck. I don't need to depend on friends -- relationships are shallow, or I end up being the therapist to my friends, while never letting them know that I am also weak. I don't need a Savior every day -- this is probably the MOST dangerous and potential fatal one, because if I think I don't need a Savior every day, that I can get through on my own good works, then I am headed straight for failure, and potentially hell.
So like any potentially fatal drug, I've got a good antidote: Humility. The big question is, how do we go about attaining this in our lives? more thoughts on this to come...
writing notecards to help me study for my NCLEX-RN...
but another nursing license is overrated right? So I figures out that the reason that it really ticks me off that I have yet to pass it is that I really feel like I put in a lot of effort on going to school for this, and I did fairly well in class. Even excellent on some of my assignments... and yet for the state of Kansas to tell me that I really don't know what I am doing really peeves me because its a personal attack... on my pride.
Pride is something I have struggled with for years. I think originally it kinda came from this false sense of having to fend for myself. Not that I really did. Just that I thought I had to in order to not be a burden on anybody in my family. You have to understand that my house was always busy, though not hectic, and there was always someone younger than me that needed attended to for as long as I can remember. Somewhere along the line I decided that I would just look after #1 myself. This bred a long and not very fruitful line of thinking in which I didn't need anyone else but myself to succeed. As you can, I'm sure, guess... this does not lend itself very well to human relationships. And yes, if you act like you never need anything from anyone else you often may find that you are stronger than you thought. But you may also find that you are lonelier than you thought.
This pretty much can translate into any sector of your life. I don't need the other people in my class -- therefore I hate group projects and feel devastated when, since I didn't do all of it, we get points counted off on our presentation. I don't need my parents input or assistance -- I struggle through school at my own place completely broke and barely struggling from paycheck to paycheck. I don't need to depend on friends -- relationships are shallow, or I end up being the therapist to my friends, while never letting them know that I am also weak. I don't need a Savior every day -- this is probably the MOST dangerous and potential fatal one, because if I think I don't need a Savior every day, that I can get through on my own good works, then I am headed straight for failure, and potentially hell.
So like any potentially fatal drug, I've got a good antidote: Humility. The big question is, how do we go about attaining this in our lives? more thoughts on this to come...
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Small Things that Make Me Happy or Depressed
Small thing #1: I spent an hour of the last two nights laying on my bed vehemently crying. Why you ask? I was reading "The Last Sin Eater" by Francine Rivers who many of you may know from writing "Redeeming Love". I think I feel a certain connection with the heroine of this book and it just makes me cry to understand her struggle.
Small thing #2: Lecrae's new album Rehab. Yep, I got it. And yes its amazing. And yes you should be jealous. I haven't yet decided which song I like the best, but I'm about to listen to them all again, so I'll keep my ears open for a definite winner. I think "Background" is the current forerunner in that department.
Small thing #3: Just when you think that reality TV can't get any more awful... (I mean, Jersey Shore is PRETTY low...)... then you accidentally come across a show entitled "Parking Wars", which yes, does chronicle the lives of parking cops. I mean really? Now I'm not saying that parking cops are the antichrist... but they might be very near it. You thought you liked hatin' on Angelina on Jersey Shore? haha... have fun with these crazy heartless jerks! Lady just got a $51 fine for parking illegally to visit her sick mom.
Small thing #4: I just finished... well, minus some hardware that needs special ordered... refinishing an old dresser. Or more specifically an old antique dresser that was rescued from my grandpa's barn after he passed away, which formerly belonged to my great-grandma Edith. And its freakin' awesome! Talk about full sized 4 drawer dresser, up on legs with a beautiful mounted mirror on top (complete with molding detail and nearly flawless antique beveled glass). Oh, its gorgeous! And yes, I did dance around my living room with my dog after putting it all back together and realizing how gorgeous it was. (don't judge!) And the other cool thing is that the finish that I did on it totally matches my great-grandma Grace's (shout out to my namesake) chair that she taught school from, and my great-grandma Gladys' mirror that my grandma gave me. Its almost like I have half a bedroom set in antique furniture! Crazy huh?
Small thing #5: I was hoping a dear friend would be able to come visit me for Christmas this year, but plans have fallen through since a very key piece of that puzzle can't even be obtained until December 30th. I might have felt like crying a little.
Small thing #6: K-State lost to Nebraska on Thursday, and then the Uganda Cranes only managed to draw with Kenya on Saturday, despite me wearing team colors on both days... BUT... K-State SMASHED KU last night, which mostly makes up for their loss.
Small thing #7: I have now managed to keep 3 potted plants alive for the last 3 weeks. I don't think a potted plant has ever lasted that long in my sight before, and since I live virtually alone, it only makes sense that I am the only one who waters... so they should all legitimatly be dead... but they aren't! I must be growing up! (although one may argue that I have managed to keep a dog alive for over a year now. I would like to point out that this has been despite my best efforts to the contrary. I think she knows I want her to die and is being invincible out of sheer obstinance.)
Small thing #8: Flipping channels the other day, I found this show where these crazy americans were looking for some "haunted" crater in Africa. (and have you ever noticed that all americans in Africa act the same? Like they think they are the "Crocodile Hunter" or something... I'm from a weird people). Anyway, they are driving through the savana showing beautiful shots of giraffes, zebras, and other wildlife... and one guy turns to the other and is like, "You know you can make tacos out of every animal out here?"
Small thing #9: Being fingerprinted is not very fun. Do you realize that I am now in the database, so I'll always have to wear gloves when I commit my heists now?? Stupid nursing board. I liked being ambiguous.
Small thing #10: I got a letter from my ex-roomie Jenna today, actually I got it a several days ago, but had mistakenly thrown it, along with a bunch of junk mail, on my car floorboards, and didn't find it until today. But its totally fun that I get to write real old-fashioned snail mail back and forth to her! :)
Small thing #2: Lecrae's new album Rehab. Yep, I got it. And yes its amazing. And yes you should be jealous. I haven't yet decided which song I like the best, but I'm about to listen to them all again, so I'll keep my ears open for a definite winner. I think "Background" is the current forerunner in that department.
Small thing #3: Just when you think that reality TV can't get any more awful... (I mean, Jersey Shore is PRETTY low...)... then you accidentally come across a show entitled "Parking Wars", which yes, does chronicle the lives of parking cops. I mean really? Now I'm not saying that parking cops are the antichrist... but they might be very near it. You thought you liked hatin' on Angelina on Jersey Shore? haha... have fun with these crazy heartless jerks! Lady just got a $51 fine for parking illegally to visit her sick mom.
Small thing #4: I just finished... well, minus some hardware that needs special ordered... refinishing an old dresser. Or more specifically an old antique dresser that was rescued from my grandpa's barn after he passed away, which formerly belonged to my great-grandma Edith. And its freakin' awesome! Talk about full sized 4 drawer dresser, up on legs with a beautiful mounted mirror on top (complete with molding detail and nearly flawless antique beveled glass). Oh, its gorgeous! And yes, I did dance around my living room with my dog after putting it all back together and realizing how gorgeous it was. (don't judge!) And the other cool thing is that the finish that I did on it totally matches my great-grandma Grace's (shout out to my namesake) chair that she taught school from, and my great-grandma Gladys' mirror that my grandma gave me. Its almost like I have half a bedroom set in antique furniture! Crazy huh?
Small thing #5: I was hoping a dear friend would be able to come visit me for Christmas this year, but plans have fallen through since a very key piece of that puzzle can't even be obtained until December 30th. I might have felt like crying a little.
Small thing #6: K-State lost to Nebraska on Thursday, and then the Uganda Cranes only managed to draw with Kenya on Saturday, despite me wearing team colors on both days... BUT... K-State SMASHED KU last night, which mostly makes up for their loss.
Small thing #7: I have now managed to keep 3 potted plants alive for the last 3 weeks. I don't think a potted plant has ever lasted that long in my sight before, and since I live virtually alone, it only makes sense that I am the only one who waters... so they should all legitimatly be dead... but they aren't! I must be growing up! (although one may argue that I have managed to keep a dog alive for over a year now. I would like to point out that this has been despite my best efforts to the contrary. I think she knows I want her to die and is being invincible out of sheer obstinance.)
Small thing #8: Flipping channels the other day, I found this show where these crazy americans were looking for some "haunted" crater in Africa. (and have you ever noticed that all americans in Africa act the same? Like they think they are the "Crocodile Hunter" or something... I'm from a weird people). Anyway, they are driving through the savana showing beautiful shots of giraffes, zebras, and other wildlife... and one guy turns to the other and is like, "You know you can make tacos out of every animal out here?"
Small thing #9: Being fingerprinted is not very fun. Do you realize that I am now in the database, so I'll always have to wear gloves when I commit my heists now?? Stupid nursing board. I liked being ambiguous.
Small thing #10: I got a letter from my ex-roomie Jenna today, actually I got it a several days ago, but had mistakenly thrown it, along with a bunch of junk mail, on my car floorboards, and didn't find it until today. But its totally fun that I get to write real old-fashioned snail mail back and forth to her! :)
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Courage
G.K. Chesterton:
"Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of readiness to die. 'He that will lose his life, the same shall save it,' is not a piece of mysticism for saints and heroes. It is a piece of everyday advice for sailors or mountaineers. It might be printed in an Alpine guide or a drill book. The paradox is the whole principle of courage. A man cut off by the sea may save his life if he will risk it on the precipice. He can only get away from death by continually stepping within an inch of it. A soldier surrounded by enemies, if he is to cut his way out needs to combine a strong desire for living with a strange carelessness about dying. He must not merely cling to life, for then he will be a coward, and he will not escape. He must not merely wait for death, for then he will be a suicide, and will not escape. He must seek his life in a spirit of furious indifference to it; he must desire life like water and yet drink death like wine."
My current obsession is with figuring out how to live a life of quiet desperation for Christ. Something about the urgency with which one must live while completely discarding any and all fear of the eminent danger of leaving this world behind in a split second. Maybe some of it stems from watching the progression of a hospice patient who has been waiting for nearly the last year to die. Pallbearers, programs, obituary, and venue have been picked. Yet here this patient lays in the same bed day after death, merely waiting for death to come calling. The other day this patient asked me about a cough, and when it would go away. I simply stated that it was "part of your disease, it will never go away." The patient thanked me rather sincerely for shooting straight with my answer, and that not many people would do that. I think part of that is people's own fear of death. But I really wanted to ask I could shoot straight about something else, and just ask how long this patient intended to stay in bed and mope instead of living for the rest of whatever length of life was left? I think there is a strange freedom and yes, courage as well in people that are able to look death in the face and not bat an eyelash. No flinching. Not because they have become some closed off recluse with no emotions, but because they aren't scared. There is an amazing freedom that comes when we treat death with cavalier indifference and yet love life enough to not wish ourselves into departure from it. But God finds us with open arms ready to accept His call to "come home child" whenever He is ready.
"Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of readiness to die. 'He that will lose his life, the same shall save it,' is not a piece of mysticism for saints and heroes. It is a piece of everyday advice for sailors or mountaineers. It might be printed in an Alpine guide or a drill book. The paradox is the whole principle of courage. A man cut off by the sea may save his life if he will risk it on the precipice. He can only get away from death by continually stepping within an inch of it. A soldier surrounded by enemies, if he is to cut his way out needs to combine a strong desire for living with a strange carelessness about dying. He must not merely cling to life, for then he will be a coward, and he will not escape. He must not merely wait for death, for then he will be a suicide, and will not escape. He must seek his life in a spirit of furious indifference to it; he must desire life like water and yet drink death like wine."
My current obsession is with figuring out how to live a life of quiet desperation for Christ. Something about the urgency with which one must live while completely discarding any and all fear of the eminent danger of leaving this world behind in a split second. Maybe some of it stems from watching the progression of a hospice patient who has been waiting for nearly the last year to die. Pallbearers, programs, obituary, and venue have been picked. Yet here this patient lays in the same bed day after death, merely waiting for death to come calling. The other day this patient asked me about a cough, and when it would go away. I simply stated that it was "part of your disease, it will never go away." The patient thanked me rather sincerely for shooting straight with my answer, and that not many people would do that. I think part of that is people's own fear of death. But I really wanted to ask I could shoot straight about something else, and just ask how long this patient intended to stay in bed and mope instead of living for the rest of whatever length of life was left? I think there is a strange freedom and yes, courage as well in people that are able to look death in the face and not bat an eyelash. No flinching. Not because they have become some closed off recluse with no emotions, but because they aren't scared. There is an amazing freedom that comes when we treat death with cavalier indifference and yet love life enough to not wish ourselves into departure from it. But God finds us with open arms ready to accept His call to "come home child" whenever He is ready.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Spiders
(this post is dedicated to Kia, because i wrote about her roaches although i have an equally catastrophic problem. and this post is also dedicated to Daveed, because he hates spiders, and i like laughing at him about that.)
*CAUTION* this post contains material that may be disturbing, if not slightly disgusting to some readers, and may induce the urge to vomit.
i'm a nice person, really i am. but i do draw the line at wolf spiders.
as much as i hate, loathe, and abominate cockroaches... these guys are living terrors.
so this is a word to your spiders.
if you dare to step foot in my house: i. will. kill. you.
this is not a threat. this is a promise. consider yourself warned.
and lest you think that these spiders are sadly misunderstood... this is what may happen to your thumb if you care to shake hands with this less than cordial species of arachnid.
(hey, i'm a nurse. what kind of pictures did you expect?)
yeah, so the one that tried to come in under my door tonight... met a gory, violent end against the underside of my african flipflop. take that spiders!
*CAUTION* this post contains material that may be disturbing, if not slightly disgusting to some readers, and may induce the urge to vomit.
i'm a nice person, really i am. but i do draw the line at wolf spiders.
as much as i hate, loathe, and abominate cockroaches... these guys are living terrors.
so this is a word to your spiders.
if you dare to step foot in my house: i. will. kill. you.
this is not a threat. this is a promise. consider yourself warned.
and lest you think that these spiders are sadly misunderstood... this is what may happen to your thumb if you care to shake hands with this less than cordial species of arachnid.
(hey, i'm a nurse. what kind of pictures did you expect?)
yeah, so the one that tried to come in under my door tonight... met a gory, violent end against the underside of my african flipflop. take that spiders!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
The Dilemma of Desire
"I think it would be good to mention that sometimes there is a 'waiting period' after a devastating loss before the heart is healed and open to a deep level of desire again. A fresh and present grief makes desire look like a fool. Who in their right mind would want to get up and do it all over again? But that's not what desire is demanding- its simply saying, 'breathe again. Let beauty heal you... Allow it passage. Notice joy sprouting here and there. God's tenderness and mercy will slowly unravel the ache- it is a much better route than attempting to tranquilize your heart in numbness, which won't work anyway. Simply receive the gentleness of God and as your heart is restored, desire will naturally spring forth again."
I was reading in my journey of desire journal biblestudy today and kept getting hit with how much our real hearts desires get us down time and time again. Even those that God has planted in our hearts for good can often be used by the devil to make us pursue an end that we vainly try and use to replace the beautiful desire that we originally had from our Father. But the sad thing that I realized is how often I don't even know how to recognize this when it happens. Like I just think its all the devil and reject all of it not realizing that at the heart of the matter is actually something that God wants to teach me about how he created my heart. Like when I have a tendency to be a people-pleaser, but God has actually built into my nature a deep love and sensitivity to the feelings of others. And no, its not there so I can bend over and let people walk all over my beliefs and values, but so that I can understand how to be all things to all people and to love them like Jesus does.
Anyway that's my thoughts for today, and since I typed all of this on my incredibly small blackberry keyboard, I'm going to call it quits now so my thumbs don't go into spasms. The Lord bless each and every one of you as He carries you too on a journey of desire towards the ultimate destination: His heart.
In other news, I've been decrying the fact that my ipod died while I was in Africa and I've been unable to resurrect it, but I just figured out how to download pandora to my blackberry and I can now listen to Christian tunes in my car again!!! Which just got me really psyched!
I was reading in my journey of desire journal biblestudy today and kept getting hit with how much our real hearts desires get us down time and time again. Even those that God has planted in our hearts for good can often be used by the devil to make us pursue an end that we vainly try and use to replace the beautiful desire that we originally had from our Father. But the sad thing that I realized is how often I don't even know how to recognize this when it happens. Like I just think its all the devil and reject all of it not realizing that at the heart of the matter is actually something that God wants to teach me about how he created my heart. Like when I have a tendency to be a people-pleaser, but God has actually built into my nature a deep love and sensitivity to the feelings of others. And no, its not there so I can bend over and let people walk all over my beliefs and values, but so that I can understand how to be all things to all people and to love them like Jesus does.
Anyway that's my thoughts for today, and since I typed all of this on my incredibly small blackberry keyboard, I'm going to call it quits now so my thumbs don't go into spasms. The Lord bless each and every one of you as He carries you too on a journey of desire towards the ultimate destination: His heart.
In other news, I've been decrying the fact that my ipod died while I was in Africa and I've been unable to resurrect it, but I just figured out how to download pandora to my blackberry and I can now listen to Christian tunes in my car again!!! Which just got me really psyched!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
No Looking Back
Isaiah 43: 18-19
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Update 3.0
last full day in U.G.
i can't even begin to tell you how close i am to crying even now as i am typing this. how can my heart be torn in two by such extremely different cultures and places?
two weeks is nowhere near long enough to do everything that i wanted to do and see everyone that i wanted to see. but for now i'll have to to just be content that i got the time that i did, and the freedom that i have to move about like i have been able to.
last few snapshots of my time here:
1. i co-wrote a song yesterday with kia. her band is going to use it in their repertoire. how cool is that? okay, so its not just in english. double cool!
its actually sang between two people who love each other but aren't from the same tribe. totally weird, cause i put a completely 'coffee-shopped' feel to the part that i helped write of the tune, so it doesn't even sound African. slightly hilarious.
2. i did dishes this morning before kia woke up. it was kinda weird cause i was totally thinking about how different her kitchen is from mine. but when you actually start thinking about it really hard you suddenly discover that its very much the same. okay, so there's a charcoal stove on the floor, but she also has gas burners just like mine. and yes, the sink only runs cold water, but it leaks just like mine. (lol). and although there is a small problem with a roach infestation, its not like i am not constantly spraying for spiders at my place. only thing that is really, really different. i keep my butter in the fridge and my bread on the counter and she does the exact opposite. all in all, i have been extremely blessed to have been able to stay with her. an i really mean BLESSED.
3. i have a strange effect on small animals and young children. and no, i'm not talking about the fact that they like to chase me shouting 'mzungu' (the children, not the animals, although i am sure they would if they could). they seem to like me strangely. in that i put them to sleep! yeah, what's up with that? i mean its one thing to be boring... but this is ridiculous! when keisha (akiki's granddaughter) finally got familiar enough with me to let me play with her i completely wore her out and she fell asleep. when i played with baby martin he got so quiet and content, and almost fell asleep on me. bubu -- the stray dog that stays near aloke's place -- decided she needed to follow me around and even tried to follow me into the house at one point. i just don't even know!! but it's not like i don't have that effect on animals and small children in the u.s. too. in fact just the other day i was carrying baby connor at work and completely put him to sleep as well.
4. okay walking around kampala is not so bad... until it freakin' pouring rains. like ginormous drops! and all those dirt roads that you have been walking on that feel completely solid suddenly turn to complete mush beneath your feet. its kinda awful. i've had the sinking feeling that i am going to slip and land firmly on my backside for the last 3 days, every time that i go out. which of course is made ten times worse by the fact that last night when i was climbing my way back home up the hill to the house power was completely out, so it was like PITCH black.
anyway, fun times. leaving tomorrow for the u.s.
then its wedding funness and a whirl of activity!
i can't even begin to tell you how close i am to crying even now as i am typing this. how can my heart be torn in two by such extremely different cultures and places?
two weeks is nowhere near long enough to do everything that i wanted to do and see everyone that i wanted to see. but for now i'll have to to just be content that i got the time that i did, and the freedom that i have to move about like i have been able to.
last few snapshots of my time here:
1. i co-wrote a song yesterday with kia. her band is going to use it in their repertoire. how cool is that? okay, so its not just in english. double cool!
its actually sang between two people who love each other but aren't from the same tribe. totally weird, cause i put a completely 'coffee-shopped' feel to the part that i helped write of the tune, so it doesn't even sound African. slightly hilarious.
2. i did dishes this morning before kia woke up. it was kinda weird cause i was totally thinking about how different her kitchen is from mine. but when you actually start thinking about it really hard you suddenly discover that its very much the same. okay, so there's a charcoal stove on the floor, but she also has gas burners just like mine. and yes, the sink only runs cold water, but it leaks just like mine. (lol). and although there is a small problem with a roach infestation, its not like i am not constantly spraying for spiders at my place. only thing that is really, really different. i keep my butter in the fridge and my bread on the counter and she does the exact opposite. all in all, i have been extremely blessed to have been able to stay with her. an i really mean BLESSED.
3. i have a strange effect on small animals and young children. and no, i'm not talking about the fact that they like to chase me shouting 'mzungu' (the children, not the animals, although i am sure they would if they could). they seem to like me strangely. in that i put them to sleep! yeah, what's up with that? i mean its one thing to be boring... but this is ridiculous! when keisha (akiki's granddaughter) finally got familiar enough with me to let me play with her i completely wore her out and she fell asleep. when i played with baby martin he got so quiet and content, and almost fell asleep on me. bubu -- the stray dog that stays near aloke's place -- decided she needed to follow me around and even tried to follow me into the house at one point. i just don't even know!! but it's not like i don't have that effect on animals and small children in the u.s. too. in fact just the other day i was carrying baby connor at work and completely put him to sleep as well.
4. okay walking around kampala is not so bad... until it freakin' pouring rains. like ginormous drops! and all those dirt roads that you have been walking on that feel completely solid suddenly turn to complete mush beneath your feet. its kinda awful. i've had the sinking feeling that i am going to slip and land firmly on my backside for the last 3 days, every time that i go out. which of course is made ten times worse by the fact that last night when i was climbing my way back home up the hill to the house power was completely out, so it was like PITCH black.
anyway, fun times. leaving tomorrow for the u.s.
then its wedding funness and a whirl of activity!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Kibito
(which Aloke informs me should be correctly pronounced in Luganda as *Ch*ibito, but i maintain that the Mtorros who live there call it *K*ibito, so that's the way i'm going to say it too!)
I went up to visit Mum Akiki in Kibito (near Fort Portal, which apparently I also pronounce funny!) this last week. She was so thrilled by all the pictures in the album that Janalee had made for her and she just gave me the biggest hug and couldn't stop asking me when I was coming back to stay with her cause she gets so lonely living by herself. I also got to deliver 3/4 of my suitcase to her full of medical supplies for the clinic.
I really ought to pray more for the clinic and Akiki. Poor lady, she was doing fairly well with her small practice, but a doctor finally came to work at the district hospital that is not far from her clinic and apparently there is some organization that pays the sisters there for their services, so delivery there is next to free. Of course Akiki can't afford to provide her midwife services free of charge, so she said that prior to my coming she hadn't had a patient for the whole month. However 3 babies were born at the clinic while I was there. One baby girl, and twin boys, and she also had to send another patient away to the hospital because of pelvic disproportion.
Other than the clinic however our stay in Kibito was stellar. Of course these things of limited power, no running water, cooking over a wood fire, and nightly trips to the outhouse out back are all sorts of fun.
But some of my favorite moments were:
1. Laughing with Akiki. You know how you can tell when some people have been stressed and they just need to smile and laugh more. I love it when I get to hang out with those people and be the person that reminds them of the joy in life.
2. Skeevia. (I actually have no idea how to spell her name), but she is one of the neighbor girls that stays with Akiki and helps out with Keisha (Akiki's granddaughter) and keeps Akiki company. She immediately decided that we needed to be fast friends and though she kinda delighted in laughing at my sad attempts to help in the kitchen or do things the African way, I think she also had fun showing off her new friend when we went to town for airtime and bread or to the market day to get "Irish" and pineapples. That girl was a pure delight to me, and unlike Akiki, didn't mind letting me help out with chores or teaching me how to hand squeeze juice! (yeah, I did that! and it was A-Mazing!)
3. 5,000 Ugandan shillings. That is what Aloke bet me that he could beat me at the Word Mole game on my blackberry. (don't ask me why I have a blackberry in Africa) See I kinda might have insulted his english skills... something about English being my first language and his second, so of course I was better at word games than him... yeah, I know. I'm mean. What can I say. But I was also right. And he can keep blaming it on the cold, but we both know that wasn't the problem with his lack of spelling quickness. Speaking of word games... we also demolished a couple of crossword puzzles on the way to Kibito and back. It seems with our combined skills we are actually fairly good, however miserable we are independently.
4. New friends. Nancy, Akiki's daughter, came to visit with two friends from the U.K. who have been working on a research project at the national park where she works. It was fun to interact with other "mzungus" with their adorable english accents and interesting ideas of what is normal and not in UG.
5. The mountains. I don't think I will ever get over how beautiful the mountains are. Whether they are shrouded in veils of smoke and fog or dominating the skyline with their presence, they are truly one of the things that makes my heart feel very close to God. My personal game is to count how many horizons i can see... So starting with the nearest mountain you can see you count the layers of mountain ranges as far back as you can see. I think our record was 9.
Well, that's 5, that's enough for today right?
Okay, okay, so I'll tell one more story before I sign off for the day. Kia, Belinda, and I went for Indian food last night (which wasn't half bad actually, though its slightly oxymoronic to eat Indian food in Africa... but whatever.) So we were on our way home and just walking through dark Kampala streets because we decided we were too full to jump in the taxi and needed to walk some of our food off, plus we wanted to get ice cream yet at Nando's. So we are walking along Kampala road just laughing and talking. Normally anywhere you go in Kampala if you are looking for the trashcan just look down, cause you are most likely walking on it. Needless to say littering is a big problem. But along Kampala road there are strategically placed cans with signs that say "Keep our city clean" and slogans of that sort. I didn't really realize what he was doing until we were pretty near him, but there was this guy leaning over one of the cans. Both of the other girls kinda shied away, but I wasn't really passing near him, so I just kept watching. Good thing I have good peripheral vision cause this guy was slightly insane (and I mean mentally unstable, not silly) and lunged towards us waving some food particle he was apparently redeeming from the garbage can. He lifted his hand to chuck it at us, seeing how we had shied away, I think he thought he would have some fun with us. I neatly sidestepped and sped up, but the girls were way ahead of me and yelled at me to start running. I think we ran a whole block from this guy who only took a couple lunges towards us and then just laughed hysterically at our disappearing figures. Funny thing though, I think I passed both of the girls and I was running in flip-flops! Can you imagine? Statistically a large majority of the mentally ill in Africa go untreated because there just aren't facilities or federal aid and families simply can't take care of them like they need when they themselves are struggling to stay above the poverty line. Anyway, we escaped from this crazy guy, but I think next time we'll just take the taxi after dark and forgo whatever adventures we might have with the mentally unstable of Kampala night life!
I went up to visit Mum Akiki in Kibito (near Fort Portal, which apparently I also pronounce funny!) this last week. She was so thrilled by all the pictures in the album that Janalee had made for her and she just gave me the biggest hug and couldn't stop asking me when I was coming back to stay with her cause she gets so lonely living by herself. I also got to deliver 3/4 of my suitcase to her full of medical supplies for the clinic.
I really ought to pray more for the clinic and Akiki. Poor lady, she was doing fairly well with her small practice, but a doctor finally came to work at the district hospital that is not far from her clinic and apparently there is some organization that pays the sisters there for their services, so delivery there is next to free. Of course Akiki can't afford to provide her midwife services free of charge, so she said that prior to my coming she hadn't had a patient for the whole month. However 3 babies were born at the clinic while I was there. One baby girl, and twin boys, and she also had to send another patient away to the hospital because of pelvic disproportion.
Other than the clinic however our stay in Kibito was stellar. Of course these things of limited power, no running water, cooking over a wood fire, and nightly trips to the outhouse out back are all sorts of fun.
But some of my favorite moments were:
1. Laughing with Akiki. You know how you can tell when some people have been stressed and they just need to smile and laugh more. I love it when I get to hang out with those people and be the person that reminds them of the joy in life.
2. Skeevia. (I actually have no idea how to spell her name), but she is one of the neighbor girls that stays with Akiki and helps out with Keisha (Akiki's granddaughter) and keeps Akiki company. She immediately decided that we needed to be fast friends and though she kinda delighted in laughing at my sad attempts to help in the kitchen or do things the African way, I think she also had fun showing off her new friend when we went to town for airtime and bread or to the market day to get "Irish" and pineapples. That girl was a pure delight to me, and unlike Akiki, didn't mind letting me help out with chores or teaching me how to hand squeeze juice! (yeah, I did that! and it was A-Mazing!)
3. 5,000 Ugandan shillings. That is what Aloke bet me that he could beat me at the Word Mole game on my blackberry. (don't ask me why I have a blackberry in Africa) See I kinda might have insulted his english skills... something about English being my first language and his second, so of course I was better at word games than him... yeah, I know. I'm mean. What can I say. But I was also right. And he can keep blaming it on the cold, but we both know that wasn't the problem with his lack of spelling quickness. Speaking of word games... we also demolished a couple of crossword puzzles on the way to Kibito and back. It seems with our combined skills we are actually fairly good, however miserable we are independently.
4. New friends. Nancy, Akiki's daughter, came to visit with two friends from the U.K. who have been working on a research project at the national park where she works. It was fun to interact with other "mzungus" with their adorable english accents and interesting ideas of what is normal and not in UG.
5. The mountains. I don't think I will ever get over how beautiful the mountains are. Whether they are shrouded in veils of smoke and fog or dominating the skyline with their presence, they are truly one of the things that makes my heart feel very close to God. My personal game is to count how many horizons i can see... So starting with the nearest mountain you can see you count the layers of mountain ranges as far back as you can see. I think our record was 9.
Well, that's 5, that's enough for today right?
Okay, okay, so I'll tell one more story before I sign off for the day. Kia, Belinda, and I went for Indian food last night (which wasn't half bad actually, though its slightly oxymoronic to eat Indian food in Africa... but whatever.) So we were on our way home and just walking through dark Kampala streets because we decided we were too full to jump in the taxi and needed to walk some of our food off, plus we wanted to get ice cream yet at Nando's. So we are walking along Kampala road just laughing and talking. Normally anywhere you go in Kampala if you are looking for the trashcan just look down, cause you are most likely walking on it. Needless to say littering is a big problem. But along Kampala road there are strategically placed cans with signs that say "Keep our city clean" and slogans of that sort. I didn't really realize what he was doing until we were pretty near him, but there was this guy leaning over one of the cans. Both of the other girls kinda shied away, but I wasn't really passing near him, so I just kept watching. Good thing I have good peripheral vision cause this guy was slightly insane (and I mean mentally unstable, not silly) and lunged towards us waving some food particle he was apparently redeeming from the garbage can. He lifted his hand to chuck it at us, seeing how we had shied away, I think he thought he would have some fun with us. I neatly sidestepped and sped up, but the girls were way ahead of me and yelled at me to start running. I think we ran a whole block from this guy who only took a couple lunges towards us and then just laughed hysterically at our disappearing figures. Funny thing though, I think I passed both of the girls and I was running in flip-flops! Can you imagine? Statistically a large majority of the mentally ill in Africa go untreated because there just aren't facilities or federal aid and families simply can't take care of them like they need when they themselves are struggling to stay above the poverty line. Anyway, we escaped from this crazy guy, but I think next time we'll just take the taxi after dark and forgo whatever adventures we might have with the mentally unstable of Kampala night life!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Update 2.1
Today I:
Slept in (I think it was coming to 1030 when I got up)
Blogged about roaches (see previous blog post; and apparently great granddaddy had a brother, because I just exchanged howdys with him in the hall)
Helped butcher two chickens (including cleaning a gizzard, ewh)
Bathed from a bucket of water (with only one pitcher of hot water I might add, I am very proud of my conservation)
Wore a skirt on a bodaboda (sidesaddle on a motorcyle going about 40mph over potholes)
Ate a fresh guava (I actually wasn't expecting all those seeds)
Ate fresh pineapple (heaven!)
Got scolded for wearing barefeet outside (I have a bad habit what can I say?)
Watched an entire soccer game (3:0 Manchester City over Liverpool)
Had a delightful dinner with a very dear friend (yes, all I had was chips, so what?)
Went on a rat chase (what? the nibbling coming from the corner was annoying me)
Smiled as I fell asleep (well, technically that hasn't happened yet... but Kia says I'm smiling uncontrollably at the moment so it'll probably happen)
Slept in (I think it was coming to 1030 when I got up)
Blogged about roaches (see previous blog post; and apparently great granddaddy had a brother, because I just exchanged howdys with him in the hall)
Helped butcher two chickens (including cleaning a gizzard, ewh)
Bathed from a bucket of water (with only one pitcher of hot water I might add, I am very proud of my conservation)
Wore a skirt on a bodaboda (sidesaddle on a motorcyle going about 40mph over potholes)
Ate a fresh guava (I actually wasn't expecting all those seeds)
Ate fresh pineapple (heaven!)
Got scolded for wearing barefeet outside (I have a bad habit what can I say?)
Watched an entire soccer game (3:0 Manchester City over Liverpool)
Had a delightful dinner with a very dear friend (yes, all I had was chips, so what?)
Went on a rat chase (what? the nibbling coming from the corner was annoying me)
Smiled as I fell asleep (well, technically that hasn't happened yet... but Kia says I'm smiling uncontrollably at the moment so it'll probably happen)
Update 2.0
So I've now made it through the first several days of living in Africa again. Its been a blast, and I wish I could narrow it down to just a couple of stunning stories, but instead I'll give you just a snippet of some little things that thrill me:
1. Everywhere we go, we get our bags checked (because of the bombs that were set off during world cup finals in Kampala). The other day when we were getting our bags checked they started to call me the "mzungu" (i.e. white person) and then realized that the gals was hanging with and I were dressed exactly alike (not identical of course, but similar)... and they paused and then said, "ah, you must be sisters!". I couldn't help but agree.
2. Roaches: I hate roaches. That being said, the first day I was here Kia handed me a album and as I opened it something fell out and landed on my arm. It was dark in the hall and at first I thought it was a wallet sized photo so I tried to catch it. Yeah. It wasn't a photo. Try granddaddy of all roaches. After slightly screaming like a little girl and jumping around as it headed for my barefeet and having Kia die in laughter at my antics... I decided I wasn't going to act weird about them again like that. So fast forward a couple days and as I went to use the toilet before going to bed, there he was again. Seated atop the toilet paper roll. On the back of the toilet. I really needed to go, so only two options presented themselves. Either I could buck up and attempt to chase/kill him, or I could pretend he didn't exist and go about my business. Both options presented complications. If I pretended he wasn't there... I would have to face my back to him at some point, leaving an open advantage for him to make any number of advances towards me. And I still needed the toilet paper. However the other option was complicated by the fact that I was in barefeet once again, which doesn't lend itself well to annihilating the granddaddy of all roaches. So I chose neither. I needed to go really bad... but I can hold it. The bathroom will still be there in the morning, but hopefully my little friend wouldn't be.
It is my professional obligation as a journalist to tell you that the granddaddy roach saga ended rather violently however this morning when he met a fateful end against the tip of Kia's pie-server.
3. Janalee accused me of having only guy friends in Africa, but since I've been here its been like a constant girl-date. I love my gal-friends this side! Its been beautiful to reconnect with them and gain such a love again for all their strengths, tease them about their weaknesses, get frustrated with their struggles, laugh with their joy, and grow together once again. Of course this also makes me miss my gal-friends back at home as well, but I realize I can't have everyone at once. Its like some sort of twisted, sad story... like "The Lady or the Tiger", where no matter what I pick I am missing someone or something. Only of course that I am blessed by both options, so its only a choice of loosing one of my blessings.
4. Okay, this one might be kinda silly, but I went to the Bugolobi church yesterday for service. It was beautiful, and all the songs that the sang (that weren't in english) I knew, so I was totally rockin' it! lol. Actually they sang a hymn and I was like... "oh, oops" cause I knew all the words to the Luganda, and Swahili songs... but I didn't even know all the verses to "Stand up, Stand up for Jesus". EMBARRASSING! But it was beautiful to be worshiping in that church again. It probably helped that I hadn't been to church in a couple of Sundays before because of work and then travel. There is something so beautiful about a church full of people that are so passionate about their Savior that they just belt out their songs. (one of the reasons I really love Vintage Faith) Somehow it always sounds beautiful to me, despite the logistics of being on-key and what not.
Well, that's all for today folks! I'll write more as time allows! Sula bulungi, because you should all be in bed by now anyway!!
1. Everywhere we go, we get our bags checked (because of the bombs that were set off during world cup finals in Kampala). The other day when we were getting our bags checked they started to call me the "mzungu" (i.e. white person) and then realized that the gals was hanging with and I were dressed exactly alike (not identical of course, but similar)... and they paused and then said, "ah, you must be sisters!". I couldn't help but agree.
2. Roaches: I hate roaches. That being said, the first day I was here Kia handed me a album and as I opened it something fell out and landed on my arm. It was dark in the hall and at first I thought it was a wallet sized photo so I tried to catch it. Yeah. It wasn't a photo. Try granddaddy of all roaches. After slightly screaming like a little girl and jumping around as it headed for my barefeet and having Kia die in laughter at my antics... I decided I wasn't going to act weird about them again like that. So fast forward a couple days and as I went to use the toilet before going to bed, there he was again. Seated atop the toilet paper roll. On the back of the toilet. I really needed to go, so only two options presented themselves. Either I could buck up and attempt to chase/kill him, or I could pretend he didn't exist and go about my business. Both options presented complications. If I pretended he wasn't there... I would have to face my back to him at some point, leaving an open advantage for him to make any number of advances towards me. And I still needed the toilet paper. However the other option was complicated by the fact that I was in barefeet once again, which doesn't lend itself well to annihilating the granddaddy of all roaches. So I chose neither. I needed to go really bad... but I can hold it. The bathroom will still be there in the morning, but hopefully my little friend wouldn't be.
It is my professional obligation as a journalist to tell you that the granddaddy roach saga ended rather violently however this morning when he met a fateful end against the tip of Kia's pie-server.
3. Janalee accused me of having only guy friends in Africa, but since I've been here its been like a constant girl-date. I love my gal-friends this side! Its been beautiful to reconnect with them and gain such a love again for all their strengths, tease them about their weaknesses, get frustrated with their struggles, laugh with their joy, and grow together once again. Of course this also makes me miss my gal-friends back at home as well, but I realize I can't have everyone at once. Its like some sort of twisted, sad story... like "The Lady or the Tiger", where no matter what I pick I am missing someone or something. Only of course that I am blessed by both options, so its only a choice of loosing one of my blessings.
4. Okay, this one might be kinda silly, but I went to the Bugolobi church yesterday for service. It was beautiful, and all the songs that the sang (that weren't in english) I knew, so I was totally rockin' it! lol. Actually they sang a hymn and I was like... "oh, oops" cause I knew all the words to the Luganda, and Swahili songs... but I didn't even know all the verses to "Stand up, Stand up for Jesus". EMBARRASSING! But it was beautiful to be worshiping in that church again. It probably helped that I hadn't been to church in a couple of Sundays before because of work and then travel. There is something so beautiful about a church full of people that are so passionate about their Savior that they just belt out their songs. (one of the reasons I really love Vintage Faith) Somehow it always sounds beautiful to me, despite the logistics of being on-key and what not.
Well, that's all for today folks! I'll write more as time allows! Sula bulungi, because you should all be in bed by now anyway!!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Friday:
Goodmorning! Its officially Friday. Well, actually it was officially Friday before I even went to bed last night.
Stayed up late laughing and talking with Kia... with a pillow fight and a couple serious talks thrown in. I went with Kia to one of her gigs the other night and Maaaannn that gal can sing! She's amazing!
Stayed up late laughing and talking with Kia... with a pillow fight and a couple serious talks thrown in. I went with Kia to one of her gigs the other night and Maaaannn that gal can sing! She's amazing!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Coming Home
So, I've gone and done it! I've went back home. Wow... it took so long to get over to Uganda. So my flights were supposed to be KC to DC; DC to Rome (for gas); Rome to Adis Ababa; Adis Ababa to Entebbe. All that and I was supposed to arrive by midnight on Monday.
First off let me just say that 5 hour layovers are NOT such a good idea. And the Washington DC airport is fairly boring. Just saying...
I got to sit next to Izzie (I am calling her that cause I can't pronounce or spell her real name! lol), on the flight from DC to Adis Ababa. She was a very dear girl going back home because her father was sick and we talked and slept and looked out for each other, which was a huge blessing to me, because by this time I was getting lonely.
As much as I just adore traveling all by my lonesome, I don't think I am yet cool with navigating African airports. I said goodbye to Izzie at the airport in Adis with a big hug, and continued to try and find my flight number which was not on the board. By the time that I realized I had been issued the wrong boarding pass for my flight to Entebbe, the flight I should have been on had been canceled. The airline graciously put me up for the night in a motel with supper and breakfast provided.
Let me just say that I sometimes get stressed about these sorts of things. Yeah. So take my natural propensity towards stressing, and add to it the fact that I am traveling all by myself, in a strange country, and now am having to find my way out of the airport and to a motel for the night!!
I was very near tears and definitely had a "bunny in the headlights" look on my face. But God is sooo good. There were 3 different angels which helped me out. The first was a sweet lady that directed me to the buses. The second I am calling "Hosea". I don't think that was his name, but he just looked like a Hosea. He works for the airport I think, but was near the buses and helped me find the right one to take. I hesitated for just a second... because the buses were off a little ways from the main flow of people, dimly lit, only the driver was on board, and the bus was unmarked... can you say sketch? I took a deep look in his eyes though for a minute and decided that there wasn't anything malicious there. He was sweet enough to come and sit with me for a while on the bus while I calmed down to where I wasn't freaking out. Anyway, at some point when you are in a foreign country, by yourself, and you don't know the language, you have to trust somebody!
I made it to the hotel safely. Actually the ride was kinda soothing, because most of Adis Ababa looks like Kampala, (except of course that Ethiopia is largely Muslim so dress is different, and everyone is lighter skinned than Uganda. Oh and speaking of which, I had worn my second shortest skirt on the plane ride. Yeah, I felt a little bit scandalous in a country where everyone wears long skirts or pants. Oops.)
At the Dreamliner Hotel I met my third angel. His name was Emmanuel and he was my server at the restaurant. Since I was his only customer for a while (it was like 2130 which is a bit late for supper) we got to talking and laughing. Which is good, because by that point I was very near to tears. Its true what they say, that laughter is really healing.
I read in a C.S. Lewis book once (I think it was Prince Caspian the scene where Lucy sees the mergirl that was a shepherd), that sometimes you can see people for only a brief while, but you know that if ever you saw them again, you would immediately give them a hug as if they were an old friend. I love meeting those people. Izzie and Emmanuel where definitely those type of people.
So after a rather restless night at the hotel that was very nice, on a bed that was like a board...seriously... I have slept on more comfortable tent floors, I was off to the airport again.
Made it all the way to UG by 1330 hours. Simon met me at the airport and graciously ferried me all the way to Bugos. He totally laughed at my direction giving, and even knowing names of roads and such. We were going down Old Port Bell Rd. and he was saying that it is sometimes smelly along there because of sewers and stuff, and I piped up that also there are many factories and a butchery/meat packing plant. He was like, "you really do know this place!"
A small mix up with phones and such... but I finally got a hold of Kia, whose house I am staying at, and after a very joyous reunion I am finally settled in here. I love staying up late with her just talking and laughing. She was sooo worried about me last night when I didn't get there as planned and she even had other friends worried to a tizzy. Sweet gal!
I think there are few things more beautiful than waking up in the place that you consider your homeland. Where your heart is fully at home. For some people that is nature; mountains, woods, prairie... For some its a farmhouse, a small neighborhood where they grew up, even the rush of a city. For me its a country on the other side of the globe. Uganda.
So this morning I am content. Just fully and completely content.
First off let me just say that 5 hour layovers are NOT such a good idea. And the Washington DC airport is fairly boring. Just saying...
I got to sit next to Izzie (I am calling her that cause I can't pronounce or spell her real name! lol), on the flight from DC to Adis Ababa. She was a very dear girl going back home because her father was sick and we talked and slept and looked out for each other, which was a huge blessing to me, because by this time I was getting lonely.
As much as I just adore traveling all by my lonesome, I don't think I am yet cool with navigating African airports. I said goodbye to Izzie at the airport in Adis with a big hug, and continued to try and find my flight number which was not on the board. By the time that I realized I had been issued the wrong boarding pass for my flight to Entebbe, the flight I should have been on had been canceled. The airline graciously put me up for the night in a motel with supper and breakfast provided.
Let me just say that I sometimes get stressed about these sorts of things. Yeah. So take my natural propensity towards stressing, and add to it the fact that I am traveling all by myself, in a strange country, and now am having to find my way out of the airport and to a motel for the night!!
I was very near tears and definitely had a "bunny in the headlights" look on my face. But God is sooo good. There were 3 different angels which helped me out. The first was a sweet lady that directed me to the buses. The second I am calling "Hosea". I don't think that was his name, but he just looked like a Hosea. He works for the airport I think, but was near the buses and helped me find the right one to take. I hesitated for just a second... because the buses were off a little ways from the main flow of people, dimly lit, only the driver was on board, and the bus was unmarked... can you say sketch? I took a deep look in his eyes though for a minute and decided that there wasn't anything malicious there. He was sweet enough to come and sit with me for a while on the bus while I calmed down to where I wasn't freaking out. Anyway, at some point when you are in a foreign country, by yourself, and you don't know the language, you have to trust somebody!
I made it to the hotel safely. Actually the ride was kinda soothing, because most of Adis Ababa looks like Kampala, (except of course that Ethiopia is largely Muslim so dress is different, and everyone is lighter skinned than Uganda. Oh and speaking of which, I had worn my second shortest skirt on the plane ride. Yeah, I felt a little bit scandalous in a country where everyone wears long skirts or pants. Oops.)
At the Dreamliner Hotel I met my third angel. His name was Emmanuel and he was my server at the restaurant. Since I was his only customer for a while (it was like 2130 which is a bit late for supper) we got to talking and laughing. Which is good, because by that point I was very near to tears. Its true what they say, that laughter is really healing.
I read in a C.S. Lewis book once (I think it was Prince Caspian the scene where Lucy sees the mergirl that was a shepherd), that sometimes you can see people for only a brief while, but you know that if ever you saw them again, you would immediately give them a hug as if they were an old friend. I love meeting those people. Izzie and Emmanuel where definitely those type of people.
So after a rather restless night at the hotel that was very nice, on a bed that was like a board...seriously... I have slept on more comfortable tent floors, I was off to the airport again.
Made it all the way to UG by 1330 hours. Simon met me at the airport and graciously ferried me all the way to Bugos. He totally laughed at my direction giving, and even knowing names of roads and such. We were going down Old Port Bell Rd. and he was saying that it is sometimes smelly along there because of sewers and stuff, and I piped up that also there are many factories and a butchery/meat packing plant. He was like, "you really do know this place!"
A small mix up with phones and such... but I finally got a hold of Kia, whose house I am staying at, and after a very joyous reunion I am finally settled in here. I love staying up late with her just talking and laughing. She was sooo worried about me last night when I didn't get there as planned and she even had other friends worried to a tizzy. Sweet gal!
I think there are few things more beautiful than waking up in the place that you consider your homeland. Where your heart is fully at home. For some people that is nature; mountains, woods, prairie... For some its a farmhouse, a small neighborhood where they grew up, even the rush of a city. For me its a country on the other side of the globe. Uganda.
So this morning I am content. Just fully and completely content.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
My Terrible Awful Weekend
Be forewarned: this blog post my contain some content with strong thematic elements, brief disturbing images, and situations of intense peril. (that sounds funny, but I'm really not kidding)
So my Saturday started off well enough. Overslept just a smidge. But got to work only 7 minutes late, and no one noticed. Started in on my day. Actually, more like I started in on a roll! We were knocking off our tasks left and right. Then about 10am I got an emergency call.
See I work in a nursing home and have 25 full time residents that I am responsible for direct care and medications for. However, I also carry a pager that alarms from emergency pull stations in about 250 other independent apartments on the campus. So I called this apartment to see what was wrong (sometimes we get false alarms. Someone bumped it by accident or such. Or I may need special equipment or someone to help me, so its a good idea to call first.) This lady answers the phone, very distraught sounding, and tells me to come quick because someone fell, and hit his head.
Not a big deal. Over half of my emergency calls end up being falls. And head wounds are not uncommon as well, and of course they bleed like crazy, so normally people get panic-y. I tell her we'll be right up.
Me and another nurse get up there and enter the apartment. He's in the bathroom, facedown on the floor. Half the floor is covered in blood, another fourth in bodily excrement. It looked like a freakin' CSI scene. We quickly check a pulse, but its soon obvious this gentleman has been deceased for over 4 hours (obviously I didn't do a liver probe or anything, that is just a rough estimate). I think in all of my experiences as a nurse, there is only two other times when my stomach turned as much as it did then (gas gangrene, diabetic foot ulcers in UG). Between the waste smell, the congealed blood (think jello consistency), rigor mortise, and the natural dependent blood pooling, we just barely were able to cope, and had to step out. We are good and professional nurses... but it took a lot to get through cleaning him up so the mortuary could get him. I muddled through the rest of my day, but it tore me up pretty bad emotionally.
*Up until that day, I wished that I would have went and looked at Grandma after the car accident. Now I'm glad I never saw her. I'm glad that I have a last picture of her sleeping peacefully in her bed when I woke her up to check on a bandage I had rigged for her: that beautiful white hair swept back in her usual pompadourian style bun, her eyes closed serenely, and that sweet smile.*
Then I wake up Sunday morning to go in to work a little early. My tire blows on the way there. So there I am on the side of a country road, 630am, in khaki pants, jacking up my car to change to the donut! Thanks to my dear friend BJ, (who when working on my car like a sweetheart, put all of my lug-nuts on with a freakin' torque wrench!) I had a bear of a time getting the tire off. As I'm finally getting it all squared away and lowering my jack back down, a guy in a truck pulls up and asks if I need help. I looked up, smiled really sarcastically, and was like, "Nah, you're a little late buddy! I think I got it from here!"
Top this all off with a lovely e-mail from the stand in boss telling me that I am unprofessional if I don't get all my shifts covered for while I'm gone on vacation. The vacation time that I put in for 6 months ago, and was okay-ed by my real boss'. Sometimes people are annoying.
All this was on top of trying to pack everything and get stuff squared away for my departure in a week. The stress level was deafening.
By the end of Sunday I was in such a tizzy that I literally sat on my red couch and just stared at the ceiling. I couldn't make my head stop spinning. There were so many thoughts going through my head and stress of all the stuff I had to get done, that I couldn't even finish a thought before I would be worried about something else. I felt like my head was spinning in a million circles, I almost felt dizzy. I don't think I have ever felt that way before, but I think that is what people with schizophrenia feel like because I would go crazy too if my brain was like that all the time. Someone said PTSD, and I think they may be close.
I think I'm feeling better now. Its taken quite a bit of prayer and love to get over all this... but I think with God's help I'm on the right track to healing the places in my heart that feel wounded and confused right now.
Hopefully that healing will continue... all the way through my ridiculously long flight across the ocean and while I'm again traversing the familiar sights of home!
So my Saturday started off well enough. Overslept just a smidge. But got to work only 7 minutes late, and no one noticed. Started in on my day. Actually, more like I started in on a roll! We were knocking off our tasks left and right. Then about 10am I got an emergency call.
See I work in a nursing home and have 25 full time residents that I am responsible for direct care and medications for. However, I also carry a pager that alarms from emergency pull stations in about 250 other independent apartments on the campus. So I called this apartment to see what was wrong (sometimes we get false alarms. Someone bumped it by accident or such. Or I may need special equipment or someone to help me, so its a good idea to call first.) This lady answers the phone, very distraught sounding, and tells me to come quick because someone fell, and hit his head.
Not a big deal. Over half of my emergency calls end up being falls. And head wounds are not uncommon as well, and of course they bleed like crazy, so normally people get panic-y. I tell her we'll be right up.
Me and another nurse get up there and enter the apartment. He's in the bathroom, facedown on the floor. Half the floor is covered in blood, another fourth in bodily excrement. It looked like a freakin' CSI scene. We quickly check a pulse, but its soon obvious this gentleman has been deceased for over 4 hours (obviously I didn't do a liver probe or anything, that is just a rough estimate). I think in all of my experiences as a nurse, there is only two other times when my stomach turned as much as it did then (gas gangrene, diabetic foot ulcers in UG). Between the waste smell, the congealed blood (think jello consistency), rigor mortise, and the natural dependent blood pooling, we just barely were able to cope, and had to step out. We are good and professional nurses... but it took a lot to get through cleaning him up so the mortuary could get him. I muddled through the rest of my day, but it tore me up pretty bad emotionally.
*Up until that day, I wished that I would have went and looked at Grandma after the car accident. Now I'm glad I never saw her. I'm glad that I have a last picture of her sleeping peacefully in her bed when I woke her up to check on a bandage I had rigged for her: that beautiful white hair swept back in her usual pompadourian style bun, her eyes closed serenely, and that sweet smile.*
Then I wake up Sunday morning to go in to work a little early. My tire blows on the way there. So there I am on the side of a country road, 630am, in khaki pants, jacking up my car to change to the donut! Thanks to my dear friend BJ, (who when working on my car like a sweetheart, put all of my lug-nuts on with a freakin' torque wrench!) I had a bear of a time getting the tire off. As I'm finally getting it all squared away and lowering my jack back down, a guy in a truck pulls up and asks if I need help. I looked up, smiled really sarcastically, and was like, "Nah, you're a little late buddy! I think I got it from here!"
Top this all off with a lovely e-mail from the stand in boss telling me that I am unprofessional if I don't get all my shifts covered for while I'm gone on vacation. The vacation time that I put in for 6 months ago, and was okay-ed by my real boss'. Sometimes people are annoying.
All this was on top of trying to pack everything and get stuff squared away for my departure in a week. The stress level was deafening.
By the end of Sunday I was in such a tizzy that I literally sat on my red couch and just stared at the ceiling. I couldn't make my head stop spinning. There were so many thoughts going through my head and stress of all the stuff I had to get done, that I couldn't even finish a thought before I would be worried about something else. I felt like my head was spinning in a million circles, I almost felt dizzy. I don't think I have ever felt that way before, but I think that is what people with schizophrenia feel like because I would go crazy too if my brain was like that all the time. Someone said PTSD, and I think they may be close.
I think I'm feeling better now. Its taken quite a bit of prayer and love to get over all this... but I think with God's help I'm on the right track to healing the places in my heart that feel wounded and confused right now.
Hopefully that healing will continue... all the way through my ridiculously long flight across the ocean and while I'm again traversing the familiar sights of home!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
i made a quilt today
i made a quilt today
i wanted to show you
i know how your eyes always light up
fireflies are no match for their excitement
and flowers are your favorite
guess what? its flowered
i saw a quilt today
remember that potholder that we made
it was only a nine patch
but the colors were brilliant
i think you helped pick them out
i loved them, but i think you loved them first
i noticed a lily today
it was gold like a drop of sunlight
its from your funeral
you would have liked them
they are bright and cheerful like your smile
i'm glad mom let me have them
i sat with a grandma today
it was at work, but i think it still counts
someday her grandchildren will miss her too
i made her smile and chuckle a little
i think you would like that
i wanted to show you
i know how your eyes always light up
fireflies are no match for their excitement
and flowers are your favorite
guess what? its flowered
i saw a quilt today
remember that potholder that we made
it was only a nine patch
but the colors were brilliant
i think you helped pick them out
i loved them, but i think you loved them first
i noticed a lily today
it was gold like a drop of sunlight
its from your funeral
you would have liked them
they are bright and cheerful like your smile
i'm glad mom let me have them
i sat with a grandma today
it was at work, but i think it still counts
someday her grandchildren will miss her too
i made her smile and chuckle a little
i think you would like that
Monday, August 2, 2010
If I Could Convince You of One Thing...
If I could convince you of one thing...
it would be that everything you are going through right now is worth it.
it would be that someday things will be seen with eyes that understand.
it would be that He is still there with you right now.
it would be to not be scared of trying new things.
it would be that death is NEVER the end.
it would be that there is hope.
it would be the blessedness of the trials you are facing.
it would be the detriment of lacking joy.
it would be the huge impact that you have on those around you.
it would be a sense of the beauty of nature.
it would be the absolute worthlessness of amassing stuff.
it would be the fun of camping, traveling, or living out of a suitcase with bare essentials.
it would be to never give up who you are for who they want you to be.
it would be to not be afraid of being different.
it would be that they'll come to like you if you first like yourself.
it would be the redeeming power of music.
it would be the depth of love that He has for you.
but first, I would have to thoroughly master this myself.
...or would I?
it would be that everything you are going through right now is worth it.
it would be that someday things will be seen with eyes that understand.
it would be that He is still there with you right now.
it would be to not be scared of trying new things.
it would be that death is NEVER the end.
it would be that there is hope.
it would be the blessedness of the trials you are facing.
it would be the detriment of lacking joy.
it would be the huge impact that you have on those around you.
it would be a sense of the beauty of nature.
it would be the absolute worthlessness of amassing stuff.
it would be the fun of camping, traveling, or living out of a suitcase with bare essentials.
it would be to never give up who you are for who they want you to be.
it would be to not be afraid of being different.
it would be that they'll come to like you if you first like yourself.
it would be the redeeming power of music.
it would be the depth of love that He has for you.
but first, I would have to thoroughly master this myself.
...or would I?
Saturday, July 31, 2010
If I Die Young -- the band perry
when someone passes away you naturally take stock of your own life.
my grandma passed away this last week after many beautiful years of gracious and happy living. she died in an auto accident at the corner that i pass every day on my way to and from my current house. it easily could have been me instead.
great incentive to live every day on purpose.
my best friend said this song sounded like me. i was slightly taken aback at first. i was like, "you do realize this song is about dying right?" but then the more i thought about it, this song does sound like me, and how i would like to live in every day.
when you are living every day with no regrets there is no sorrow in death. and with our Savior there is no fear in death.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Some of My Favorite Quotes of All Time
"God notices the most trivial act, accepts the most threadbare service, listens to the coldest, feeblest petition, and gathers up with parental fondness all our fragmentary desires and attempts at good works" -Stepping Heavenward
"The reason the average woman would rather have beauty than brains is she knows the average man can see better than he can think" -Dr. James Dobson
Me to Janelle(6 yrs) - "Uhm, be careful with that, cause you don't have enough money to replace it!"
Janelle to me - "Oh, it's okay, I have 2 dollars and 51 cents!"
"What time to they televise the game on the radio?" -- Jenny
"I bet you were a chubby baby." - one of my residents who usually doesn't talk at all, to me... out of the blue.
"Makin' Memories" -John Schwartz, anytime anything funky happened in Africa
"T.I.A." - Me and David to explain anything slightly out of the ordinary, (it doesn't really matter what country we are in presently.)
Discussing rats in Kampala City, Uganda...Megan -"They carry diseases!" Manny - "No our rats don't."
"Glucose Biscuits: mmm, just like Mom used to make them!" -random sign in Kampala City
Chana to me while ordering at Chipolte: "You only order black beans cause you just came back from Africa!"
"I have always, always, always wanted to do that with a guitar!" --me to Nicole discussing using a guitar as a weapon.
"Jenna's too sweet, she wouldn't hurt anyone" -Sarah to me, discussing Jenna's habit of keeping a large blade knife with her after someone attempted to break into our house.
Jenna from the other room -- "Yes i would! I'd KILL HIM!"
"I realize I'm tipping sacred cows here" -- John Zumwald
"This is not a charismatic attempt to take over your life!" -- John Zumwald on lifted hands during worship.
"What are you doing? There's no chicken HERE!!" -- me to Jenna on a long car trip
"We get done at 230 right?" -- me to one of my nursing student buddies
"Tea party? Yeah, we're having one." -- her reply, misunderstanding me, not skipping a beat, and not batting an eyelash.
"That must be frightening for you." --"therapeutic communication" from one of our lovely nursing tests, and much quoted by our entire class, cause who would actually talk like that??
"looks like you're going to the gym" and "everybody in this family is friends" --my amazing parents' most quoted lines.
"We ARE the committee." -- "In the shadows to the left..." -- "Comes in handy down here bub!" -- "Had your chance; muffed it!" -- "You are a sad strange little man, and you have my pity. Farewell" -- "my apprentice has much to learn... much" -- fav quotes that are used frequently in my family...
"On the contrary my dear, I have the utmost regard for your nerves; they have been my constant companion these last 20 years" (me to Janalee quoting from) -Mr. Bennett (Pride and Prejudice)
"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her."
"The will of God is always bigger than we bargain for" -Jim Elliot
"I know God won't give me anything that I can't handle, I just wish He didn't trust me so much" -Mother Theresa
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart"
Psalm 37:4
"Live your life in such a way that if there was no God, it would make no sense"
"We look upon God as our last and feeblest resource. We go to Him only when we have nowhere else to go. And then we find that the storms of life have driven us, not upon the rocks, but into the desired haven."
-George MacDonald
"God has made us for Himself, and our hearts are restless, until they find their rest in Him" -Augustine
"Only in a world where faith is difficult can faith exist. I don't have faith in 2+2=4 or the noonday sun. These are beyond question. But scripture describes a hidden God. You have to make the effort of faith to find Him"
-Dr. Peter Kreeft
"We are so culturally indoctrinated to be fast paced, high-energy, hands-on kinds of people that we tend to think of prayer as a passive, nearly "do-nothing" reaction. We tend to pray when we don't know what else to do. Beloved, nothing shakes the heavenlies more than prayer. Nothing moves the heart of God more than prayer. Furthermore, I'm not sure anything takes more energy at times than fervent prayer." -Beth Moore (Daniel Study)
"The question is asked. "Is there anything more beautiful in life than a boy and girl clasping clean hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more beautiful than young love?
And the answer is given. "Yes, there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped; their faces are seamed, but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and tired, but still strong with love and devotion for one another. Yes, there is a more beautiful thing than young love... Old love."
-Author Unknown
(random side note, but I want this quotation read at my wedding)
"The roads are rugged, the precipices are deep; there may be feelings of dizziness on the heights, gusts of wind, peals of thunder, fierce eagles, nights of awful gloom; fear them not! There are also the joys of sunlight, flowers such as are not on the plain, the purest of air, restful nooks, and the stars shine thence like the eyes of God." -The Spiritual Letters of Pere Didon
"I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of His and I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed. My present makes sense. My future is secure. I'm done and finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, or first, or tops, or recognized, or praised, or rewarded. I live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by the Holy Spirit's power. My face is set. My gait is fast. My goal is heaven. The road may be narrow, my way rough, my companions few, but my Guide is reliable and my mission is clear. I will not be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice or hesitate in the presence of adversity. I will not negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, shut up, or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, and preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes. And when He does come for His own, He'll have no problem recognizing me. My colors will be clear." -A young African pastor martyred for his faith
"The reason the average woman would rather have beauty than brains is she knows the average man can see better than he can think" -Dr. James Dobson
Me to Janelle(6 yrs) - "Uhm, be careful with that, cause you don't have enough money to replace it!"
Janelle to me - "Oh, it's okay, I have 2 dollars and 51 cents!"
"What time to they televise the game on the radio?" -- Jenny
"I bet you were a chubby baby." - one of my residents who usually doesn't talk at all, to me... out of the blue.
"Makin' Memories" -John Schwartz, anytime anything funky happened in Africa
"T.I.A." - Me and David to explain anything slightly out of the ordinary, (it doesn't really matter what country we are in presently.)
Discussing rats in Kampala City, Uganda...Megan -"They carry diseases!" Manny - "No our rats don't."
"Glucose Biscuits: mmm, just like Mom used to make them!" -random sign in Kampala City
Chana to me while ordering at Chipolte: "You only order black beans cause you just came back from Africa!"
"I have always, always, always wanted to do that with a guitar!" --me to Nicole discussing using a guitar as a weapon.
"Jenna's too sweet, she wouldn't hurt anyone" -Sarah to me, discussing Jenna's habit of keeping a large blade knife with her after someone attempted to break into our house.
Jenna from the other room -- "Yes i would! I'd KILL HIM!"
"I realize I'm tipping sacred cows here" -- John Zumwald
"This is not a charismatic attempt to take over your life!" -- John Zumwald on lifted hands during worship.
"What are you doing? There's no chicken HERE!!" -- me to Jenna on a long car trip
"We get done at 230 right?" -- me to one of my nursing student buddies
"Tea party? Yeah, we're having one." -- her reply, misunderstanding me, not skipping a beat, and not batting an eyelash.
"That must be frightening for you." --"therapeutic communication" from one of our lovely nursing tests, and much quoted by our entire class, cause who would actually talk like that??
"looks like you're going to the gym" and "everybody in this family is friends" --my amazing parents' most quoted lines.
"We ARE the committee." -- "In the shadows to the left..." -- "Comes in handy down here bub!" -- "Had your chance; muffed it!" -- "You are a sad strange little man, and you have my pity. Farewell" -- "my apprentice has much to learn... much" -- fav quotes that are used frequently in my family...
"On the contrary my dear, I have the utmost regard for your nerves; they have been my constant companion these last 20 years" (me to Janalee quoting from) -Mr. Bennett (Pride and Prejudice)
"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her."
"The will of God is always bigger than we bargain for" -Jim Elliot
"I know God won't give me anything that I can't handle, I just wish He didn't trust me so much" -Mother Theresa
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart"
Psalm 37:4
"Live your life in such a way that if there was no God, it would make no sense"
"We look upon God as our last and feeblest resource. We go to Him only when we have nowhere else to go. And then we find that the storms of life have driven us, not upon the rocks, but into the desired haven."
-George MacDonald
"God has made us for Himself, and our hearts are restless, until they find their rest in Him" -Augustine
"Only in a world where faith is difficult can faith exist. I don't have faith in 2+2=4 or the noonday sun. These are beyond question. But scripture describes a hidden God. You have to make the effort of faith to find Him"
-Dr. Peter Kreeft
"We are so culturally indoctrinated to be fast paced, high-energy, hands-on kinds of people that we tend to think of prayer as a passive, nearly "do-nothing" reaction. We tend to pray when we don't know what else to do. Beloved, nothing shakes the heavenlies more than prayer. Nothing moves the heart of God more than prayer. Furthermore, I'm not sure anything takes more energy at times than fervent prayer." -Beth Moore (Daniel Study)
"The question is asked. "Is there anything more beautiful in life than a boy and girl clasping clean hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more beautiful than young love?
And the answer is given. "Yes, there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped; their faces are seamed, but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and tired, but still strong with love and devotion for one another. Yes, there is a more beautiful thing than young love... Old love."
-Author Unknown
(random side note, but I want this quotation read at my wedding)
"The roads are rugged, the precipices are deep; there may be feelings of dizziness on the heights, gusts of wind, peals of thunder, fierce eagles, nights of awful gloom; fear them not! There are also the joys of sunlight, flowers such as are not on the plain, the purest of air, restful nooks, and the stars shine thence like the eyes of God." -The Spiritual Letters of Pere Didon
"I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of His and I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed. My present makes sense. My future is secure. I'm done and finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, or first, or tops, or recognized, or praised, or rewarded. I live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by the Holy Spirit's power. My face is set. My gait is fast. My goal is heaven. The road may be narrow, my way rough, my companions few, but my Guide is reliable and my mission is clear. I will not be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice or hesitate in the presence of adversity. I will not negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, shut up, or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, and preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes. And when He does come for His own, He'll have no problem recognizing me. My colors will be clear." -A young African pastor martyred for his faith
Girly?
So I'm planning a bridal shower and trying to come up with games. Let me first of all tell you that I absolutely HATE shower games! They are the most ridiculous mix of awkward and cutesy... its just sickening. That much being said... I found a couple that seem more random instead of awkward and more clever than cutesy... hopefully I am not a disappointment to the whole world of women out there. (then again... like I really care!!)
But interestingly enough, my family and I were in the kitchen at my parents house the other day (where all good discussions happen. No really, they do. Brain food in easy access, lounging against, or on counters or chairs, or doing dishes. The philosophy just flows). Anywho...
My dad made the interesting observation that when ladies get together in formal groups they play games. Strangely it seems that guys don't do this. With the exclusion of a sport game, it seems that they are hardcore and just plunge into whatever it is that they are supposed to be doing. I, of course, did not know that was what they did, having never been invited to a men's retreat (I can't imagine why! sexist little people!).
What it is it about ladies that makes us feel that we must have some sort of social ice-breaker type thing before we get down to business? Are we ladies really that guarded that we have to break down and feel comfortable by being silly before we can be real?
Anyway, I thought it was a strangely interesting and slightly bemusing factoid.
Guess I had better go get busy planning my stupid (newly discovered "girly") bridal shower games. *sigh*
But interestingly enough, my family and I were in the kitchen at my parents house the other day (where all good discussions happen. No really, they do. Brain food in easy access, lounging against, or on counters or chairs, or doing dishes. The philosophy just flows). Anywho...
My dad made the interesting observation that when ladies get together in formal groups they play games. Strangely it seems that guys don't do this. With the exclusion of a sport game, it seems that they are hardcore and just plunge into whatever it is that they are supposed to be doing. I, of course, did not know that was what they did, having never been invited to a men's retreat (I can't imagine why! sexist little people!).
What it is it about ladies that makes us feel that we must have some sort of social ice-breaker type thing before we get down to business? Are we ladies really that guarded that we have to break down and feel comfortable by being silly before we can be real?
Anyway, I thought it was a strangely interesting and slightly bemusing factoid.
Guess I had better go get busy planning my stupid (newly discovered "girly") bridal shower games. *sigh*
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Fantine
"i had a dream in time gone by
when hope was high
and life worth living
i dreamed that love would never die
i dreamed that God would be forgiving
i had a dream my life would be
so different from this hell i'm living
so different now from what it seemed
now life has killed the dream i dreamed."
that was a quote i found in my 'journey of desire' journal this morning as i was doing my biblestudy. its a quote from Fantine from Les Miserables. something in my heart resonated with the emotion behind it, however misguided the philosophy behind it turns out to be. i think i understand the absolute weariness of Fantine, as she realizes that her life is turning out to be so very different than what she pictured for her ideal. because i think i feel a little of it too.
but in the end, the truth is this. dead dreams fertilize the ground for growth of dreams that our Father wants to give us instead. hope is still high, though perhaps more mellow now that we see with matured eyes. life is still worth living, if it is lived on purpose. and i don't mean in a manner of purpose towards one goal, but i mean on purpose every day. small term goals. living today to His glory. love does sometimes die its true. human love that is. but there is a Love that does not die. but grows stronger with time, even more poignant with disappointments, deeper even when we run from it, and eventually saturates our very person if we allow it to. and shocks: God is still forgiving. no mistake is too big for Him to not welcome you back with open arms. no failure so great that He doesn't still love you.
and true this world is no heaven... but its far from hell. the small joys are still there. the sun still shines, rain still falls, dew still clings to blades of grass, fields of wheat still rival gold for beauty, people still smile, birds still sing, God is still not dead, and life is here for the taking.
when hope was high
and life worth living
i dreamed that love would never die
i dreamed that God would be forgiving
i had a dream my life would be
so different from this hell i'm living
so different now from what it seemed
now life has killed the dream i dreamed."
that was a quote i found in my 'journey of desire' journal this morning as i was doing my biblestudy. its a quote from Fantine from Les Miserables. something in my heart resonated with the emotion behind it, however misguided the philosophy behind it turns out to be. i think i understand the absolute weariness of Fantine, as she realizes that her life is turning out to be so very different than what she pictured for her ideal. because i think i feel a little of it too.
but in the end, the truth is this. dead dreams fertilize the ground for growth of dreams that our Father wants to give us instead. hope is still high, though perhaps more mellow now that we see with matured eyes. life is still worth living, if it is lived on purpose. and i don't mean in a manner of purpose towards one goal, but i mean on purpose every day. small term goals. living today to His glory. love does sometimes die its true. human love that is. but there is a Love that does not die. but grows stronger with time, even more poignant with disappointments, deeper even when we run from it, and eventually saturates our very person if we allow it to. and shocks: God is still forgiving. no mistake is too big for Him to not welcome you back with open arms. no failure so great that He doesn't still love you.
and true this world is no heaven... but its far from hell. the small joys are still there. the sun still shines, rain still falls, dew still clings to blades of grass, fields of wheat still rival gold for beauty, people still smile, birds still sing, God is still not dead, and life is here for the taking.
Coffee Shop Blues
Okay the coffee shop that I am currently sitting in, is being OVERRUN by kids at the moment. Which is fine, I mean, I like kids. Not in coffee shops, but I do like kids.
Anyway, needless to say I can't really hear myself think, so the deep thoughtful blog that I was planning on writing today, is going to be slightly lacking.
Also, I think mothers are getting older. Maybe people are just waiting longer to start having kids. I'm seeing ladies that I would expect to be the soccer moms of the world, and they are carrying around babies and 2 year olds. I think it has become fashionable to wait until you are 30 to have your first kid. I guess I shouldn't say anything about that, since its not like I can negatively affect that fashion at this point in time! haha...
Also, the LTR looking full back tatoo is no longer cool when you are carting a screaming 3 year old. But it is funny.
Anyway, needless to say I can't really hear myself think, so the deep thoughtful blog that I was planning on writing today, is going to be slightly lacking.
Also, I think mothers are getting older. Maybe people are just waiting longer to start having kids. I'm seeing ladies that I would expect to be the soccer moms of the world, and they are carrying around babies and 2 year olds. I think it has become fashionable to wait until you are 30 to have your first kid. I guess I shouldn't say anything about that, since its not like I can negatively affect that fashion at this point in time! haha...
Also, the LTR looking full back tatoo is no longer cool when you are carting a screaming 3 year old. But it is funny.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Smatterings
Smattering #1. If I ever get a husband, and he ever gets to be middle aged... remind me to NEVER let him wear a Hawaiian flowered shirt! I've just seen about 4 already this morning, and PUUULEEZZ people... you aren't in Hawaii or at a bbq! (and its 9am on a workday!) The shirt just makes you look silly!
Smattering #2. I can't believe i am admitting this, but I am actually shy of my new apartment. I have NO idea how that works psychologically. But needless to say, I have yet to think of it as my own. Someday, hopefully soon!
Smattering #3. Apparently I use the internet more than I was aware... I've been freaking out the last couple days because I haven't been able to get on from my computer. Which is completely weird, because I have a smart phone and shouldn't legitimately freak out about this sort of thing!
Smattering #4. Okay, I totally told my mom and sister that I thought it was all weird to meet my neighbor that lived above me and be all friends with her... but I actually met her this morning, and she's really nice. So I guess I have to rescind my former statements to that effect.
Smattering #2. I can't believe i am admitting this, but I am actually shy of my new apartment. I have NO idea how that works psychologically. But needless to say, I have yet to think of it as my own. Someday, hopefully soon!
Smattering #3. Apparently I use the internet more than I was aware... I've been freaking out the last couple days because I haven't been able to get on from my computer. Which is completely weird, because I have a smart phone and shouldn't legitimately freak out about this sort of thing!
Smattering #4. Okay, I totally told my mom and sister that I thought it was all weird to meet my neighbor that lived above me and be all friends with her... but I actually met her this morning, and she's really nice. So I guess I have to rescind my former statements to that effect.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Earth Day
Today is Earth Day and I didn't recycle anything, but I did read an article about plastic bottles blocking channels in Kampala, Uganda and causing major widespread flooding, all while sipping out of my second plastic bottle of the day.
Today is Earth Day and I didn't plant any trees, but I did open and discard 3 envelopes, use approximately 15 unneeded sheets of paper, and file a paper bill that I also receive electronically.
Today is Earth Day and I didn't conserve any water, but I'm pretty sure that I left a full glass of water on the desk at work when I left.
Today is Earth Day and I did wear a green jacket that has the words "LOVE" with a tree on it... it looked kinda hippie-mother-earth-loving; its a cotton-poly blend.
Today is Earth Day and I didn't plant any trees, but I did open and discard 3 envelopes, use approximately 15 unneeded sheets of paper, and file a paper bill that I also receive electronically.
Today is Earth Day and I didn't conserve any water, but I'm pretty sure that I left a full glass of water on the desk at work when I left.
Today is Earth Day and I did wear a green jacket that has the words "LOVE" with a tree on it... it looked kinda hippie-mother-earth-loving; its a cotton-poly blend.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Poem
close to Thy Heart Lord
let me find my rest
content me in Your arms
safe, cared for, and blest
teach me not to wander
and seek other arms
dissuade my flirting with danger
wrapped in evils charms
remind me of bluer skies
deeper greens
when i first fell in love
and all that it means
keep my heart Lord
pining for You
to my First Love forever
and always be true.
let me find my rest
content me in Your arms
safe, cared for, and blest
teach me not to wander
and seek other arms
dissuade my flirting with danger
wrapped in evils charms
remind me of bluer skies
deeper greens
when i first fell in love
and all that it means
keep my heart Lord
pining for You
to my First Love forever
and always be true.
desperately, i need You
okay, this post might get a little nitty-gritty, so consider yourself forewarned.
i was talking to my lovely roomie the other day about when we want God the most. and how interestingly enough it seems to directly correspond with when we need Him to get through every day. and strange thing... He seems to bless us more when we are consistently seeking Him every day. at least it seems that way in my life.
so i was telling her about when i was in africa and how i woke up every morning and read my bible, and every night before i fell asleep it was the last thing that i looked at (and yes, i'm a dork, but i totally fell asleep with it in the bed next to me with my hand resting on it!). weird i know, but that is how much i felt that i needed God during that time. and the joy that got lavished on me was frankly... AMAZING! i don't even know how i would have made it through that time without Him renewing me every day like that.
anyway, so i was saying to her that i wish i still felt that i needed God that desperately. and the sad thing is that I DO. i need Him every day in soooo many ways, and yet i've grown appathetic to the fact that i am in desperate need of Him in my life. which... *cough, cough*... has made me rather blind to small pockets of sin occuring rather blatantly in my life. thankfully, He is really good at reminding me to come back to Him, and He restores freely when we ask.
anyway, so now i am asking Him to restore me to the place where i realize my desperateness to Him for everything in my life. do you need to too? i talked to one of my really good friends the other day, and it was so hard to talk to her, because i recognized this same struggle in her life. her main complaint was that she was just so bored, and she wanted an adventure. when did we get the idea that God is not a God of adventure?? who planted that lie? all i could think to tell her was that she was missing the very source of where her adventure should be coming from! the amazing thing is that we are so discontent most of the time, and yet we look at God and believe that lie that says He won't really change that in our lives. i know how many time i have been guilty of that very thing. but then... when i'm living in Him. i forget that whole silly discontent/bored/unhappy thing and just am fully alive again! and its so beautiful! why don't i run back to it all time? do you?
desperate
i was talking to my lovely roomie the other day about when we want God the most. and how interestingly enough it seems to directly correspond with when we need Him to get through every day. and strange thing... He seems to bless us more when we are consistently seeking Him every day. at least it seems that way in my life.
so i was telling her about when i was in africa and how i woke up every morning and read my bible, and every night before i fell asleep it was the last thing that i looked at (and yes, i'm a dork, but i totally fell asleep with it in the bed next to me with my hand resting on it!). weird i know, but that is how much i felt that i needed God during that time. and the joy that got lavished on me was frankly... AMAZING! i don't even know how i would have made it through that time without Him renewing me every day like that.
anyway, so i was saying to her that i wish i still felt that i needed God that desperately. and the sad thing is that I DO. i need Him every day in soooo many ways, and yet i've grown appathetic to the fact that i am in desperate need of Him in my life. which... *cough, cough*... has made me rather blind to small pockets of sin occuring rather blatantly in my life. thankfully, He is really good at reminding me to come back to Him, and He restores freely when we ask.
anyway, so now i am asking Him to restore me to the place where i realize my desperateness to Him for everything in my life. do you need to too? i talked to one of my really good friends the other day, and it was so hard to talk to her, because i recognized this same struggle in her life. her main complaint was that she was just so bored, and she wanted an adventure. when did we get the idea that God is not a God of adventure?? who planted that lie? all i could think to tell her was that she was missing the very source of where her adventure should be coming from! the amazing thing is that we are so discontent most of the time, and yet we look at God and believe that lie that says He won't really change that in our lives. i know how many time i have been guilty of that very thing. but then... when i'm living in Him. i forget that whole silly discontent/bored/unhappy thing and just am fully alive again! and its so beautiful! why don't i run back to it all time? do you?
desperate
Monday, April 12, 2010
Its the little lessons in life...
1.) six miles on the Konza can be a bit much for winter skin.... especially on the shoulders... also the hip muscles... but that's another story.
2.) don't go camping with your spaz dog... unless you want to feel like shooting her when she wakes you up every hour by walking around your tent once again... and trying to lay on your face.... yeah, i'm not joking.
3.) stretch pants are all nice and comfortable and all... until you finish your 10 hour shift at a job that requires a lot of turning, twisting, bending, and squatting... at which point you begin to look like the 'pants on the ground' song was written expressly in your honor.
4.) burning prairies out at tuttle definitely look like the beacons of Gondor have been lit.
5.) it nearly next to impossible to finish something you are not working on.
6.) surest way to shock the socks off someone: be the PLEASANT customer that calls the customer service line. seriously, i am pretty sure this guy was about to ask me out if my call hadn't been being "monitored for quality customer care assurance".
7.) never underestimate the redemptive quality of something that you were originally doing for someone else. sometimes, God intends to bless you through it too. (ie... you should read Wild at Heart, its not just for guys. and no, i don't just like it cause i am a tomboy!)
8.) gratefulness is an awesome cure for that completely drained from serving others feeling.
9.) God's love is so deep and wide that when he casts away our sins into that deep sea and they sink beneath those waves... we know for sure that no one could ever fish deep enough to pull them back out!
10.) falling in love is hard. little smells, sights, sounds that remind you of your Love. it sucks. oh, Africa, i miss you so!!
2.) don't go camping with your spaz dog... unless you want to feel like shooting her when she wakes you up every hour by walking around your tent once again... and trying to lay on your face.... yeah, i'm not joking.
3.) stretch pants are all nice and comfortable and all... until you finish your 10 hour shift at a job that requires a lot of turning, twisting, bending, and squatting... at which point you begin to look like the 'pants on the ground' song was written expressly in your honor.
4.) burning prairies out at tuttle definitely look like the beacons of Gondor have been lit.
5.) it nearly next to impossible to finish something you are not working on.
6.) surest way to shock the socks off someone: be the PLEASANT customer that calls the customer service line. seriously, i am pretty sure this guy was about to ask me out if my call hadn't been being "monitored for quality customer care assurance".
7.) never underestimate the redemptive quality of something that you were originally doing for someone else. sometimes, God intends to bless you through it too. (ie... you should read Wild at Heart, its not just for guys. and no, i don't just like it cause i am a tomboy!)
8.) gratefulness is an awesome cure for that completely drained from serving others feeling.
9.) God's love is so deep and wide that when he casts away our sins into that deep sea and they sink beneath those waves... we know for sure that no one could ever fish deep enough to pull them back out!
10.) falling in love is hard. little smells, sights, sounds that remind you of your Love. it sucks. oh, Africa, i miss you so!!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
I'm out man
SIN: Aye look what’s good fam it’s me again. The one you used to call your friend. I know you aint forgot me?
CRAE: Oh yeah you always get me caught in sin.
SIN: Here you go with that again. You act like we aint cool or sumthin. Lets go smoke a Kool or sumthin. Talk and sip a brew or sumthin.
CRAE: Naw man I aint trusting you/ Aint nothing but lust in you/ Thanks be to God I obeyed the teaching I was entrusted to/ cause when you pass by you just want ya boy to backslide/ Have me feeling sick like I’m coming down off a crack high/
SIN: Man that’s a flat lie/ you act like I’m the bad guy/ you know when me and you get together we have a grand time/ lets take it back. All the way to like the 6th grade/ last thing on your mind back in the day was trying to live saved/ remember house parties, kissing in the dark?/ man that was innocent fun come on…
CRAE: NOW don’t start/ See dawg I live by the Spirit so I don’t gratify/ all them old sinful desires that never satsify/
SIN: Aye come on KILL THAT!/ Look me in my face and tell me I’m a lie/ You aint feeling chasing women, getting drunk, and getting high, stacking money, staying fly, living up the playas life, we was having fun now gone try to be religious guy
CRAE: Aye Yo man first of all LOWER YOUR VOICE! Who you talkin’ to?/ Handcuffed in August ‘02 I got caught with you/ Truck flipped over on 35 that was all from you/ I’ll mess around and lose my life man tryna walk in you/ I’m standing on these stages and got these people believing me/ what I look like trying ta gratify this disease in me/
SIN: So Now I’m a disease? Man please. I got yo back dawg/ I aint saying drop the Jesus and be a rap star/ All Im saying is when it’s you and me lets be real folk/ We aint gotta be selling drugs and tryna kill folk/ Maybe just a lil…
CRAE: What? A lil this, a lil that, a lil BET late at night, that’s like a lil crack, see you aint gone lie to me/ I see how you be tryna be/ BET tonight becomes addiction to pornography/ and that’s in no way honoring the God who’s ruling sovereignly/
SIN: Man you know you miss them old days
CRAE: Yeah you right possibly/ But after that I sober up and think of Jesus holding up…his skin up on the cross for all them drunken nights I’m throwing up/ every thought of blowin up is captured in his flowing blood/ I start thinking Philippians 4:8 when you showing up/
SIN: You know I aint gone quit right?
CRAE: Yeah I know but I’m dead to you/ and one day I’ll be present with Jesus who died and bled from you/ Colossians 1:15 thats the God that I trust in/ the Father crushed Him/ In doing so he has crushed sin
Friday, April 2, 2010
Top Picks
Complement of the day: my dear roommate Jenna
"Well, you are a lot more farm girl than a lot of people!"
~
Movie of the Week: Zombieland
I know its a little rough in some places, but I absolutely love all his rules.
~
Surprising moment of the week: My mom with a pile of poker chips
Apparently my brothers were teaching her a new game, and I walked in on the action!
~
Encouraging person in my life this week: Kia
My soul sista! Anything and everything from the AIDS epidemic in Africa, to boys, to following God... we're there for each other! luvya girly!
~
Prank of the week: my BFF telling hubby she was pregnant
Its all about ground-work folks... thats the key to a convincing bluff. April fools! (and btw, he started it!)
~
Moment with God: Sunday morning church
You should totally check out this song. Vicki and Jake sang it at church and it blew me away.
"Well, you are a lot more farm girl than a lot of people!"
~
Movie of the Week: Zombieland
I know its a little rough in some places, but I absolutely love all his rules.
~
Surprising moment of the week: My mom with a pile of poker chips
Apparently my brothers were teaching her a new game, and I walked in on the action!
~
Encouraging person in my life this week: Kia
My soul sista! Anything and everything from the AIDS epidemic in Africa, to boys, to following God... we're there for each other! luvya girly!
~
Prank of the week: my BFF telling hubby she was pregnant
Its all about ground-work folks... thats the key to a convincing bluff. April fools! (and btw, he started it!)
~
Moment with God: Sunday morning church
You should totally check out this song. Vicki and Jake sang it at church and it blew me away.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Spring Cleaning
Found upon cleaning out my backpack:
4 different kinds of mechanical pencils (and a box of lead that doesn't fit any of them)
20 airsoft pellets (i do not now, nor have i ever had in my possession an airsoft gun)
3 sticks of spearmint gum
1 package of airline moist towelettes
2 miscellaneous medications
40 hole punch holes
1 case for a cardiac caliper (with no caliper in it)
12 roseart colored pencils
1 broken hair clip (a claw clip without the claws is hardly as effective)
4 AA batteries of questionable validity
1 bent safety pin
3 notecards for a presentation on pediatric leukemia
5 pens of varying colors
and 57 cents in change.
4 different kinds of mechanical pencils (and a box of lead that doesn't fit any of them)
20 airsoft pellets (i do not now, nor have i ever had in my possession an airsoft gun)
3 sticks of spearmint gum
1 package of airline moist towelettes
2 miscellaneous medications
40 hole punch holes
1 case for a cardiac caliper (with no caliper in it)
12 roseart colored pencils
1 broken hair clip (a claw clip without the claws is hardly as effective)
4 AA batteries of questionable validity
1 bent safety pin
3 notecards for a presentation on pediatric leukemia
5 pens of varying colors
and 57 cents in change.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Lame
Yes, I just self-titled my blog with a comment about my lack of blogging in the last several weeks. In all actuality I am not really sure why I haven't written on here except that I have been writing (no, actually. with a pencil and paper! shocking!) in another place for a little while, and I think a lot of my ideas and randomness has been expended there. Coupled with the fact that when the weather gets nicer, it is much more dreary to sit in front of a computer screen to ramble on about things that do or don't have to do with real actual occurrences.
Anyway, that much being said... these last several weeks have been quite tumultuous as far as work and relationships and living situations.
Anyway, that much being said... these last several weeks have been quite tumultuous as far as work and relationships and living situations.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
More Trouble than its Worth
I totally feel like a underpaid Taiwanese child in a bamboo blind factory...
... let me explain...
My bedroom window in my house faces the street, and while our house is a generous ways back from the street, my windows are completely unprotected. In the rain, I get to hear every splitter-splatter of drops that hit my window, and in the summer, the scorching sun burns straight through whatever window covers are in place and turns my bedroom into a veritable oven. This much being said... I have had some window covering issues. Yes, yes... I know I have blogged about window coverings in the past. (and thank you, the new curtain rod is doing quite nicely) However, these particular venetian blinds were already in a sad state when I first laid claim on the room more than a year ago... and have since only proceeded to get worse. You know how when you break one of the blinds in a venetian blind, you might as well throw it away, because there is pretty much no salvaging it after that? Yeah, that would pretty much be the case here. I had lived with them for over a year though before my conscience and pocketbook and better judgement and frustration all agreed that I should replace them.
And I did.
What I wanted... (and you know that always starts a complicated story)... was wooden blinds. A beautiful dark red wood to go with my dark tones in my room and accent the burgundy curtains. Yeah, come to find out those are kinda expensive. Well, my conscience and pocketbook and better judgement and frustration would not agree to them, so I ended up with some bamboo blinds. Half the cost, same color, more "safari", and possibly the same amount of fun!
Wrong again.
I failed to realize that the bamboo was not tied close enough together to keep out much light, or keep in much sight... oops!! (remember my room faces the street)
Soooo yeeeeaaaah...
My mom graciously gave me some burlap fabric. Its heavy duty, and it'll get the job done. Now all that's left to do is painstakingly sew the burlap onto the back of the blinds. I have almost 1/2 of one blind done. And I feel sooooooo sorry for child laborers that have to do this kind of thing. I want to pull my hair out a little bit at the moment. But allow me to finish. Maybe I can have something on my windows by tonight.
Maybe, just maybe... in about 3 weeks, when I've forgot how hard this was to do... I'll think it was worth it. We'll see. At the moment, I am highly doubting.
... let me explain...
My bedroom window in my house faces the street, and while our house is a generous ways back from the street, my windows are completely unprotected. In the rain, I get to hear every splitter-splatter of drops that hit my window, and in the summer, the scorching sun burns straight through whatever window covers are in place and turns my bedroom into a veritable oven. This much being said... I have had some window covering issues. Yes, yes... I know I have blogged about window coverings in the past. (and thank you, the new curtain rod is doing quite nicely) However, these particular venetian blinds were already in a sad state when I first laid claim on the room more than a year ago... and have since only proceeded to get worse. You know how when you break one of the blinds in a venetian blind, you might as well throw it away, because there is pretty much no salvaging it after that? Yeah, that would pretty much be the case here. I had lived with them for over a year though before my conscience and pocketbook and better judgement and frustration all agreed that I should replace them.
And I did.
What I wanted... (and you know that always starts a complicated story)... was wooden blinds. A beautiful dark red wood to go with my dark tones in my room and accent the burgundy curtains. Yeah, come to find out those are kinda expensive. Well, my conscience and pocketbook and better judgement and frustration would not agree to them, so I ended up with some bamboo blinds. Half the cost, same color, more "safari", and possibly the same amount of fun!
Wrong again.
I failed to realize that the bamboo was not tied close enough together to keep out much light, or keep in much sight... oops!! (remember my room faces the street)
Soooo yeeeeaaaah...
My mom graciously gave me some burlap fabric. Its heavy duty, and it'll get the job done. Now all that's left to do is painstakingly sew the burlap onto the back of the blinds. I have almost 1/2 of one blind done. And I feel sooooooo sorry for child laborers that have to do this kind of thing. I want to pull my hair out a little bit at the moment. But allow me to finish. Maybe I can have something on my windows by tonight.
Maybe, just maybe... in about 3 weeks, when I've forgot how hard this was to do... I'll think it was worth it. We'll see. At the moment, I am highly doubting.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
My Heroes
So I finally watched "Braveheart"...
Its kinda nice, I finally understand all the hype of Wallace and biblical analogies that pastors and one of my favorite authors are terribly fond of using.
... but I'm sorry, Aragorn still trumps Wallace any day of the week.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Quotes of the Day 1.1
Religion-- who needs it? A list of endless, dead rules. As ancient as the people that invented them. Give me a vibrant, real relationship with a God who loves me regardless of how unworthy I am when I come to Him, and how bad I continue to mess up in my life. Give me the freedom of choice, let me live a crazy all out life that looks silly to starched collars... yeah, that's my type of religion. Not to say that I am against organized religion... just those who think that going to church on Sunday is enough. If you don't have a real relationship with God, it aint worth squat!
Faith -- My Jesus is my everything! Seriously, He's what gets me up in the morning and why I can sleep at night. He's my lover and my best friend. I've tried life without Him, and let me tell you it wasn't worth it! Faith is what makes me smile in the hard times, cause I know He is still faithful. Faith is that fire that drives me to go do crazy things, to love completely, live openly, and share unconditionally.
Faith -- My Jesus is my everything! Seriously, He's what gets me up in the morning and why I can sleep at night. He's my lover and my best friend. I've tried life without Him, and let me tell you it wasn't worth it! Faith is what makes me smile in the hard times, cause I know He is still faithful. Faith is that fire that drives me to go do crazy things, to love completely, live openly, and share unconditionally.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Blogging
I have officially decided that I am not a blogger.
I am a wanna-be.
See real bloggers have causes, or are well read, or keep up on current events, or have deep thoughts.
I don't aggressively have any celebrity type causes that I support openly.
I am not currently well read. Though this may have been true at one point in time, esp in relation to my age and status, it is currently deplorably inaccurate. I wish it were true, but I cannot lie. I have not been well-read in many years.
I do not keep up on current events. Well, not entirely. It is true that I often catch a little of what is going on in the news while I am working and the TV is on. I also do sometimes read the random yahoo articles on my homepage, and yes, I do every week or so look a Ugandan newspaper up online and read the articles... but in general I care very little that the capital is under 5 feet of snow and freaking out like little girls, or that Obama is dropping percentage points in approval poles by the day, or what-have-you.
I do sometimes have deep thoughts it is true. But my memory these days I am afraid is closer to that of some of my 90 year old residents. By the time that I get home at night I have completely forgotten any and every good decent deep thought I had that day. Instead my mind will likely be consumed with whether or not it is acceptable to eat a cereal entitled "Blueberry Morning" anytime besides the morning...
So you see I am not a real blogger. My uncle is a real blogger. Though I very seldom agree with his opinions on things, he is very passionate about his causes, well read on current events, and thinks things through deeply. And he can write a story that will leave you in stitches.
I am merely a wanna-be.
But I guess that is okay. I don't mind. And I very highly doubt that the 3 people that read my blog care very much either.
I write because I LIKE to write. And until that changes, I will remain, very respectfully yours... Jo-wanna-be-blogger!
I am a wanna-be.
See real bloggers have causes, or are well read, or keep up on current events, or have deep thoughts.
I don't aggressively have any celebrity type causes that I support openly.
I am not currently well read. Though this may have been true at one point in time, esp in relation to my age and status, it is currently deplorably inaccurate. I wish it were true, but I cannot lie. I have not been well-read in many years.
I do not keep up on current events. Well, not entirely. It is true that I often catch a little of what is going on in the news while I am working and the TV is on. I also do sometimes read the random yahoo articles on my homepage, and yes, I do every week or so look a Ugandan newspaper up online and read the articles... but in general I care very little that the capital is under 5 feet of snow and freaking out like little girls, or that Obama is dropping percentage points in approval poles by the day, or what-have-you.
I do sometimes have deep thoughts it is true. But my memory these days I am afraid is closer to that of some of my 90 year old residents. By the time that I get home at night I have completely forgotten any and every good decent deep thought I had that day. Instead my mind will likely be consumed with whether or not it is acceptable to eat a cereal entitled "Blueberry Morning" anytime besides the morning...
So you see I am not a real blogger. My uncle is a real blogger. Though I very seldom agree with his opinions on things, he is very passionate about his causes, well read on current events, and thinks things through deeply. And he can write a story that will leave you in stitches.
I am merely a wanna-be.
But I guess that is okay. I don't mind. And I very highly doubt that the 3 people that read my blog care very much either.
I write because I LIKE to write. And until that changes, I will remain, very respectfully yours... Jo-wanna-be-blogger!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Chucky Cheese's and Lessons Learned
I keep seeing analogies recently. I don't know what that means about me... just that I keep seeing them. They keep popping up like those annoying games at chucky cheese's where you have to constantly hit them until no more pop up. (I'm thoroughly convinced that a parent invented that game based on the easy amusement of kids. What completely worthless, but utterly time consuming activity can we get kids to pay to play!!)
1. I put my dog in her kennel last night after yelling at her for some miscreant behavior. I however did not lock the kennel. She was free to come and go, but it took her a record 10min to figure this out and actually test the door to see if she could open it. I think that is similar to how we approach God sometimes. We sit looking out the door the we think He has locked, and we never once go push on it to see if perchance He's left it without lock and key. Obviously there are times you wouldn't want to push on doors that God has closed, so the analogy breaks down. But when you know its in an area of freedom in your life in Christ, or direction that you know He wants you to go eventually... why not at least nudge it a little with your nose and see if God has opened the way for you to be free?
2. I was cleaning dishes last night. Don't ask why, but I felt like doing dishes, which is entirely uncharacteristic for me, and so I thought I would take advantage of it! Anywho... I was going to drain the sink so I could clean it. (yeah, again, don't ask. I have no idea what got into me) However like any good unmaintained sink the draining on this sink was sluggish. And by sluggish I mean, like go scrub the entire bathtub and the toilet and then come back, it might be drained. I am sometimes however a resourceful person, and was able to pull from my extensive dish-washing knowledge (thank you, growing up in a large family!) and ascertain that it was not actually the sink inself that was deficient in its duties. See in our sink, (one of those old models) there is not an "in-sink-erator" (in other words, a garbage disposal). In fact, in our sink the garbage disposal consists of two things: a small seive that fits over the drain spout, and.... wait for it... YOU! I heard a quote once that I particularly liked. It was something to the effect of: what really seperates the boys from the men is the ability to bare-handedly clean out the stopper on the sink without holding it at arms length away from your body. Anyway, it was indeed the sink stopper that was the issue. Have you ever reached down through dirty soapy, now greasy, after-dishes-water that is slightly cooling, add in some floating spaghetti for snake-like effect, and a few other ambiguous chunks of disgarded food and MMMMMMmmmm! (don't you just feel like eating now??) only to pull up a seive that wow... should have been cleaned a log time ago. Pretty sure there are more gross things in life... but I haven't seen many of them! (and I'm a nurse and I've been to Africa!) Now the way a seive is supposed to work is that things are supposed to be filtered through the little hole and not allowed to go down the drain and clog it at some undisclosed juncture or bend in the pipe. However, water has these amazing corosive effects on almost any food substance and over time, what should have been caught in the seive and cleaned out had been permanently caked into the holes not allowing any of the water to flow down the drain as it should. While scrubbing out these nice little food cakes, I couldn't help but think of those things in life that we need filtered out of our lives. I think the seive is like our conscience, or to some extent like the Holy Spirit interceding in our lives. There are times in our lives when we allow the seive to be taken from its place, and we end up with clogged drains. However, when there is stuff that goes down in our lives and we merely catch it in our seive we can also impede the blessings that God would have for our lives. I know this was a really hard lesson for me. I felt like I had to stay in some sort of mourning period for a certain amount of time. Repentance for me seemed to convey that you not only rejected the old idea and wanted to move on and turn from it, but also that clung a little to that sin as a way of remembering what not to do next time. Pretty soon all those little leftover peices of sin are clumped together so thick and tight, that I can't see my way to Jesus' side anymore. My relationship with God becomes clogged. At some point we need to clean all the junk out of our lives. Really take it all before God and surrender it. Its then that He is free to pour out blessings on our lives, and we are open to receive them. Now obviously I am not comparing the blessings of God to dirty, greasy dishes water... but you get the general idea.
1. I put my dog in her kennel last night after yelling at her for some miscreant behavior. I however did not lock the kennel. She was free to come and go, but it took her a record 10min to figure this out and actually test the door to see if she could open it. I think that is similar to how we approach God sometimes. We sit looking out the door the we think He has locked, and we never once go push on it to see if perchance He's left it without lock and key. Obviously there are times you wouldn't want to push on doors that God has closed, so the analogy breaks down. But when you know its in an area of freedom in your life in Christ, or direction that you know He wants you to go eventually... why not at least nudge it a little with your nose and see if God has opened the way for you to be free?
2. I was cleaning dishes last night. Don't ask why, but I felt like doing dishes, which is entirely uncharacteristic for me, and so I thought I would take advantage of it! Anywho... I was going to drain the sink so I could clean it. (yeah, again, don't ask. I have no idea what got into me) However like any good unmaintained sink the draining on this sink was sluggish. And by sluggish I mean, like go scrub the entire bathtub and the toilet and then come back, it might be drained. I am sometimes however a resourceful person, and was able to pull from my extensive dish-washing knowledge (thank you, growing up in a large family!) and ascertain that it was not actually the sink inself that was deficient in its duties. See in our sink, (one of those old models) there is not an "in-sink-erator" (in other words, a garbage disposal). In fact, in our sink the garbage disposal consists of two things: a small seive that fits over the drain spout, and.... wait for it... YOU! I heard a quote once that I particularly liked. It was something to the effect of: what really seperates the boys from the men is the ability to bare-handedly clean out the stopper on the sink without holding it at arms length away from your body. Anyway, it was indeed the sink stopper that was the issue. Have you ever reached down through dirty soapy, now greasy, after-dishes-water that is slightly cooling, add in some floating spaghetti for snake-like effect, and a few other ambiguous chunks of disgarded food and MMMMMMmmmm! (don't you just feel like eating now??) only to pull up a seive that wow... should have been cleaned a log time ago. Pretty sure there are more gross things in life... but I haven't seen many of them! (and I'm a nurse and I've been to Africa!) Now the way a seive is supposed to work is that things are supposed to be filtered through the little hole and not allowed to go down the drain and clog it at some undisclosed juncture or bend in the pipe. However, water has these amazing corosive effects on almost any food substance and over time, what should have been caught in the seive and cleaned out had been permanently caked into the holes not allowing any of the water to flow down the drain as it should. While scrubbing out these nice little food cakes, I couldn't help but think of those things in life that we need filtered out of our lives. I think the seive is like our conscience, or to some extent like the Holy Spirit interceding in our lives. There are times in our lives when we allow the seive to be taken from its place, and we end up with clogged drains. However, when there is stuff that goes down in our lives and we merely catch it in our seive we can also impede the blessings that God would have for our lives. I know this was a really hard lesson for me. I felt like I had to stay in some sort of mourning period for a certain amount of time. Repentance for me seemed to convey that you not only rejected the old idea and wanted to move on and turn from it, but also that clung a little to that sin as a way of remembering what not to do next time. Pretty soon all those little leftover peices of sin are clumped together so thick and tight, that I can't see my way to Jesus' side anymore. My relationship with God becomes clogged. At some point we need to clean all the junk out of our lives. Really take it all before God and surrender it. Its then that He is free to pour out blessings on our lives, and we are open to receive them. Now obviously I am not comparing the blessings of God to dirty, greasy dishes water... but you get the general idea.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Red Suede Curtains
So about a year ago, I bought some red suede curtains for the front window in our living room. I like them, they match the red wall in the kitchen, and they are fairly maintenance free.However... when I bought them i purchased some that would go on the current fixtures. Okay, that would have been fine except... the current fixtures include three light wood curtain rod holders and a curtain rod that is missing its ball-stopper-thingy on one end.
This in and of itself would be okay, but this curtain rod should more accurately called curtain rod"s"... See, for some odd reason it is not one rod but two... The only way that it stays up is if you very delicately balance the two ends of the rods next to each other atop the one middle rod holder and pray that a strong wind doesn't blow... or none of the dogs run behind the couch!
I was messing with them however today (very delicately of course) because when the curtains are closed, it really decreases the light in our front room. As I was gingerly pulling them back to expose the shades and glass on the other side I couldn't help but notice that a lot of things in my life are exactly like those curtains.
For as long as I can remember I have built, constructed, written, embroidered, cooked, and loved things that are delicate. My siblings used to make fun of me, because although I could make some pretty stellar Lego creations... they were always flimsy. You had to play with them VERY delicately or they would fall to millions of pieces in your hands. Awesome 4 story castle with dungeon, secret passageway, and fully functioning drawbridge + play with it a little too roughly = pile of multicolored bricks. My clothing construction projects were not much better. I can make a mean shirt, skirt, jacket, or even duffle-bag. However, as my mother (and extremely patient home-ec teacher) can attest to: my facings are rarely tacked down, my seams on the inside are sloppy, and I don't reinforce my stitching, or top-stitch like I should. Cooking... well, don't even start on that... I can't even begin to describe how many cakes were stuck together with frosting... how many loves of bread fell in the oven because my yeast making skills were not quite up to par, or I was sloppy on how long I mixed the ingredients.
As I was contemplating all this that has been kind of my life story, I realized that the problem goes a whole lot deeper than that. The same things happen in my relationships too... I build them on flimsy things and when those get tested, I end up with a pile of Lego pieces where a beautiful monument to friendship was built. I do that with God things sometimes to. I try so hard to reach for some concept, grow in some area that I keep building up when God is still trying to get me to build out. He knows I need a firm foundation instead of a tottering but beautiful tower. In His divine wisdom He knows that I can't stand the pressures of life that way.
In a way its exactly like the man who built his house on the sand in the parable. If I didn't have a firm foundation to begin with, its absolutely useless to keep building. Its temporary.
I think that I have seen God take a lot of my "sand-houses" (if you will) down to ruins recently. Some of the materials are salvageable, some are not. Either way, this time we are starting over, and together, gonna build this house upon unshifting Rock.
And to think... I got all that from opening my curtains to let in the afternoon sun. I think I might go get a new rod...
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Quote of the Day
"twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do that by the ones that you did do. so throw off the bowlines. sail away from the safe harbor. catch the trade winds in your sails. explore. dream. hope." -- mark twain
This was the quote of the day on my calendar. I don't know if I like it or not. At first when I read it I did, and then I didn't, and then I did again, and now... I don't think I agree with all of it.
I won't tell you completely why because I think you should make your own decision. What do you think of this quote? I'm interested in all responses...
This was the quote of the day on my calendar. I don't know if I like it or not. At first when I read it I did, and then I didn't, and then I did again, and now... I don't think I agree with all of it.
I won't tell you completely why because I think you should make your own decision. What do you think of this quote? I'm interested in all responses...
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Encouragement
Am I the only one who keeps certain things around me just because they are encouraging? What's that you say? Oh, funny, I thought not. I know you do it too.
Here's part of my fun collection.
* There's an e-mail that I keep at the front of my inbox after I am done filing and deleting. Its title is "al' ittle love", and its an e-mail from my 10 year old brother telling me how to use emoticons on g-mail. I don't even have to open it to be encouraged. Just the title alone reminds me that I am loved, (and respected) by a 10 year old boy.
* I got a flip calendar from my sister-in-law as part of a gift for being a bridesmaid in her wedding. It has all kinds of little sayings on it. I try to flip it every day to see if there is anything encouraging. Sometimes there isn't, but I usually check anyway. She also gave me a little book about being God's Princess. I can't tell you how many times I flip that book open to the next page and almost cry from reading the promises and love that my God has for me.
* Behind my hp scanner/printer combo (which REALLY comes in handy for school) hangs a map of Kampala city (generated interestingly enough from copies made on said hp from the back of the map of Uganda that hangs above my coat rack!). Looking at that map reminds me of the places and faces I need to pray for. But its also encouraging, because that place holds a promise of God for my life. :) Actually if you look around my room... above my bed is a shelf with a sign that says "P-R-A-Y" flanked by a giraffe and an elephant, above a banana leaf relief of the continent of Africa, a peice of African art, and the verse "Delight yourself in me and I will give you the desires of your heart". Scattered around my room are pictures of my family and friends. People I pray for on a consistent basis, and ones I know pray for me too. What an encouragement!
* This is silly, but in my kitchen the walls are beige... except for one wall. It's red. Brilliant red. I love that one red wall. I think it speaks to my heart and my love of being the rebel and delighting in being different.
* In my car, directly behind the steering wheel is a very faded peice of paper. At one time it was cute and scrapbooky looking... now it is all but unreadable. It looks like this "For to me, to ____ is ______, to _____ is _____". I bet you can guess what the blanks used to say before the colored ink faded in the sun. I put that in my car when I first got it because, for one thing I wanted to consecrate my car to God (I figured if I gave it to Him, He'd take better care of it than me), but also because one of my biggest fears in life was getting in a car accident. In fact I used to have nightmares about being in a moving car and not being able to stop it while I watched in slow motion as me or my little siblings sped head on towards imminent danger! For about a month, every time that I got into that car, I read that verse. Somewhere along the way the truth of it started to sink in. I still read it every once in a while, but the fear of death is gone for me. Now, its just pure encouragement of the hope that I have.
So... can you think of anything that you keep around you just cause its encouraging to your heart? If not... then wow... you need to get a life! And I mean that in the nicest sense.
I actually was thinking about this because one of my New Year's resolutions... (which actually had nothing to do with it being a new physical year... but a new spiritual year)... was to be more encouraging to the people around me. So I was thinking of blessings in my life that I could use to be blessings to others. So far its been absolutely amazing and I am thoroughly being encouraged by encouraging others as well! Sweet returns!
Here's part of my fun collection.
* There's an e-mail that I keep at the front of my inbox after I am done filing and deleting. Its title is "al' ittle love", and its an e-mail from my 10 year old brother telling me how to use emoticons on g-mail. I don't even have to open it to be encouraged. Just the title alone reminds me that I am loved, (and respected) by a 10 year old boy.
* I got a flip calendar from my sister-in-law as part of a gift for being a bridesmaid in her wedding. It has all kinds of little sayings on it. I try to flip it every day to see if there is anything encouraging. Sometimes there isn't, but I usually check anyway. She also gave me a little book about being God's Princess. I can't tell you how many times I flip that book open to the next page and almost cry from reading the promises and love that my God has for me.
* Behind my hp scanner/printer combo (which REALLY comes in handy for school) hangs a map of Kampala city (generated interestingly enough from copies made on said hp from the back of the map of Uganda that hangs above my coat rack!). Looking at that map reminds me of the places and faces I need to pray for. But its also encouraging, because that place holds a promise of God for my life. :) Actually if you look around my room... above my bed is a shelf with a sign that says "P-R-A-Y" flanked by a giraffe and an elephant, above a banana leaf relief of the continent of Africa, a peice of African art, and the verse "Delight yourself in me and I will give you the desires of your heart". Scattered around my room are pictures of my family and friends. People I pray for on a consistent basis, and ones I know pray for me too. What an encouragement!
* This is silly, but in my kitchen the walls are beige... except for one wall. It's red. Brilliant red. I love that one red wall. I think it speaks to my heart and my love of being the rebel and delighting in being different.
* In my car, directly behind the steering wheel is a very faded peice of paper. At one time it was cute and scrapbooky looking... now it is all but unreadable. It looks like this "For to me, to ____ is ______, to _____ is _____". I bet you can guess what the blanks used to say before the colored ink faded in the sun. I put that in my car when I first got it because, for one thing I wanted to consecrate my car to God (I figured if I gave it to Him, He'd take better care of it than me), but also because one of my biggest fears in life was getting in a car accident. In fact I used to have nightmares about being in a moving car and not being able to stop it while I watched in slow motion as me or my little siblings sped head on towards imminent danger! For about a month, every time that I got into that car, I read that verse. Somewhere along the way the truth of it started to sink in. I still read it every once in a while, but the fear of death is gone for me. Now, its just pure encouragement of the hope that I have.
So... can you think of anything that you keep around you just cause its encouraging to your heart? If not... then wow... you need to get a life! And I mean that in the nicest sense.
I actually was thinking about this because one of my New Year's resolutions... (which actually had nothing to do with it being a new physical year... but a new spiritual year)... was to be more encouraging to the people around me. So I was thinking of blessings in my life that I could use to be blessings to others. So far its been absolutely amazing and I am thoroughly being encouraged by encouraging others as well! Sweet returns!
Friday, January 1, 2010
random convo...
one of my coworkers to me -- "So you don't have a boyfriend, you don't have any babies, and you don't drink... What do you do for fun?"
me to her -- laughs, then adds more thoughtfully "That's all that's fun in your life?"
*just a small wake up call for those of us who don't always see the complete and total desperateness of those around us for something, anything to make their life count for something. to be fun. just for tonight, this week, this month, this year. how often do we miss their cries out for some hint of a life that has something more.
me to her -- laughs, then adds more thoughtfully "That's all that's fun in your life?"
*just a small wake up call for those of us who don't always see the complete and total desperateness of those around us for something, anything to make their life count for something. to be fun. just for tonight, this week, this month, this year. how often do we miss their cries out for some hint of a life that has something more.
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