The Annoyance of Being Known

So I am one of those people who all my life have been plagued by a dad who knows everybody and their dog... and a brother who likes to have a million connections. Not to mention a sister who is a really big extrovert and loves meeting new people.
So, where does that leave me? Hmmm, good question. I get to be the person that is introduced as everybody's sister or daughter... Or after they get to know me a little they are like, "BTW, do you have a brother/sister..." or "Is your dad..."?
I absolutely hate living in a shadow!! I am really happy for them, and I very rarely meet anyone that really can't stand them, but still... seriously! Last I checked I was my own person! Kindly treat me as such!
Anyway, I have had the unique pleasure recently of introducing both my brother and sister to people that they didn't know! And my dad actually met some people that were like, "Do you have a daughter named..."? Ha! Sometimes it is fun to turn the tables!
I know some people that are not firstborn/only child have this same problem because Teacher X, who had older brother Freddy in their class a few years back, expects them to excel in the exact same subjects! I understand their frustration, a little too well. Living in a shadow is one of the most crippling positions to crush your self esteem. Very rarely can you live up to another's expectations. Plus the constant judgment just isn't healthy! It often leads people to completely rebel against norms and go extreme other end of the spectrum on pretty much everything! If you expected me to be good at math, well I am going to go all artsy on you. Just to prove you wrong/prove that I can be my own person.
So much better to just look at people individually aside from their backgrounds or relations, and then we can really see them for who they are! (which sounds so lame, but do you kinda get what I am trying to say here?)

Sense of Humor

So I was thinking this morning (which is sometimes a scary way to start a post!)... and I thought to myself that the subject of my thoughts might make a good blog post for today! So here goes...
I was just meditating on the fact that every time that I really decide that I absolutely can't or won't do something, that is exactly what God has me do... And the more I think about this, the more things that I think of that God does that with!
So, I have come up with a theory... and I don't think it is biblical necessarily... that God has a great sense of humor! (let me know if you find any verses to back that up!) (again, THEORY, so it is free to be proved or disproved)
Okay, so originally when I was trying to decide what all I wanted to do with my life and what to major in for my college work I had no ideas... (mostly cause I like too many really different things and I never really settle down to one thing) So, trying to be all responsible, I turned to God and was like, "Okay, well, I am open to suggestions, and I'll do anything... except the medical profession (cause I really don't have a strong stomach)" And I can just see God now, with His smug little smile going, "Ohh, reeeaalllly?" With characteristic irony, guess what He had me major in? Yep, nursing...
It's kind of like He came along and said, "And why exactly Joanna, do you NOT want to do this? Is it because you don't trust My strength enough to get through this?" To which of course I have to say, "Weeellll, no, but..." and then I end up following Him anyway. Funny thing is, I always end up loving exactly what He leads me into... like He knew it all along!(hmm, maybe cause He did!)
So, I didn't want to be a nurse..... absolutely love serving people in that way.
Didn't want to work in a nursing home..... bam, and I love it!
Didn't want to go to Africa..... bam, absolutely fell in love with it!
I hate being a leader, and flat out told God that I am not.... and He is constantly thrusting me into leadership positions!
Even silly things like, I didn't want to stay in my hometown.... and I actually really don't want to live anywhere else in the US now. Or, I didn't want to be that person that stayed really close and dependent on their parents.... and I really have been able to maintain a beautiful trusting relationship with both of my parents.
What it really all comes down to in the end is that God really knows what He is doing so much better than I do. And the sense of ironic humor with which He chooses to sculpt my life makes me sigh, and then laugh, because seriously who else could know that these changes would be exactly what I needed and would love!

Friends

Ever notice how God brings people into your life that are exactly the people that you really need at that point in time? I have been noticing this soooo much recently!
The really funny thing is that He doesn't do it in a systematic or even conventional way, but He brings them in RANDOMLY! I love the fact that God never really is very predictable (oh, yes I just referenced that conversation!) When He wants to bless our lives with friends He does it... and not in our timing, or when we think we are ready, but just exactly when He wants.
For example... some of my closest friends are people that I just happened to meet, just happened to end up talking to, just happened to have things in common with... all of it appeared happenstance, but I don't think for one minute that it was! I know that it was so totally God, because it is just too perfect to be anything but His divine plan!
And He still keeps doing it! Like the other day, He brought in one of my friends when I really needed him to just encourage me and get me back on track with God. Or the friend who is just there when you need a shoulder. No words, just there. The pal that never fails to make you laugh, even when you swear that 2 seconds ago you were close to tears. And don't forget the few that can make you smile, just by texting you, or seeing their name or picture. How about those friends that just make you think until your brain is sore because they ask you really deep questions that make you question your entire life and purpose, and yet you love it! And my personal favorite, the ones that you can just hang around forever because they make you feel like a million bucks, fellowship is just so strong. Then there are the people that perfectly understand situations that you are going through... (and they're not the people that you would think!) Suddenly you find that you connect and that God is reaching out His hand and blessing you through their lives! Amazing!
Disclaimer: (I realize that some of those, especially the happy ones, sound romantic, but seriously, when you have really excellent friends, I think you kind of just bond like brothers and sisters (esp in Christ) and its not romantic love, its Agape love that flows free between you all!)
Anyway, God never ceases to amaze me with all the people that He puts me in contact with that have really blessed my life because I was willing to step out in faith! And sometimes He even uses me to bring them into other's lives for blessing which is cool too!
Big thanks out to my Savior for my dear, true friends; and to them for putting up with me!

Laughing So Hard Your Stomach Hurts

Blessings in life often come in the oddest packages...
The one that I was really appreciating this evening is my sister who is sitting in the same room as me and insisted on chatting online back and forth instead of just talking to one another. It actually turned quite hilarious!
I was talking to a friend earlier today about how God brought her into my life, and it was pretty random! And then, if I get to thinking... some of my best friends are people that I have met really randomly! Makes me so confident of my God's plan for my life. Because if He can orchestrate these amazing people into my life then I really think that He can plan out what I am supposed to do with my life and where I am supposed to go!

Faith

So, I had this amazing discussion with a good friend of mine yesterday, and was trying to think how to put it in a blog post for today...
Just this, What is faith?
Of course dictionary definition: 1): firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2): complete trust. Or the, just as classic, biblical definition: Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Both similar.
My friend asked me then how I see that as working in everyday life. Especially as related to faith in God? My answer went something along these lines... Faith in my life is when I don't understand everything, but I trust that God does, and I am able to rest in that. Just knowing that what I don't/can't comprehend, my Savior does know completely so I have absolutely nothing to worry about. Faith isn't easy, its actually one of the singly hardest things I have ever had to do! But choosing faith over despair or worry is one of the wisest decisions ever!
This has got to be the hardest thing ever for people that want to know and understand it all. But God can't be put in a nice little box... if He was definable within parameters, He would cease to be God. It is His mysteriousness, the fact that His mind is undiscernable by our finite understandings that makes Him God! So somehow, we have to make up our mind to trust fall into the Arms that have borne us all our lives, unbeknown, unappreciated, unacknowledged, unloved, and still holding fast!
So, in every day life? When I don't understand what God is doing, but I trust that He has perfect plans for my life, (in fact, exactly what I would have chosen myself, if I could see the whole picture!) When I can't laugh for crying and believe that this too is part of His plan of prosper and not harm. Faith, I think, is a daily decision. We have to each individually decide every day if we are going to trust God, or ourselves for that day! The choice is ours...

Can't Sleep for Thinking About Africa

So here I am, it's 12:22 and now officially August 19 2008, and I can't sleep. Propped with my pillows and balancing my torch on the bed in front of me I am crouched over writing this. Somehow, it seems a little to familiar... My mind is so filled with visions of Africa and in the dark I am back there. I see the familiar faces and the "homey" smells. In my minds eye I am walking that dusty red dirt path through the flats. It's early morning and some of the smog hasn't yet lifted from over the city as I look out over it from my hill. Even the soft pad of my sneakered feet seems to echo as I pick my way across the blocks of pavement and the yawning chasms of potholes etched by rain and unfilled by the sands of time. From inside the flats I can smell breakfast wafting out reminding me that for want of sleep I opted to forgo mine this morning. I can hear the buzz of activity awakening from inside the flats and outside a matron sits in patient guard over her charcoal stove and millet porridge atop it. 'It shall be cooked right if I have anything to do with it," her look seems to say as she adjusts her squatted position to frown deeper into the pot and give it a swift swish with her paddle.
Oop, watch your step there! Someone has already been busy this morning with laundry, and wash water is creating a soapy film over the sidewalk here. Sidestep that piece of garbage and jump the drainage ditch... there, now your feet are safe again... for the time being.
Above me on the road I can hear the buzz of bodabodas (motorcycles for hire) and the occasional beep as they warn pedestrians of the holy terrors that they intend on being today. Its a long walk up that hill and I almost give the driver "the eyebrow" (that says I want a ride), but remember that I have no shillings in my pocket but that 20,000 bill and my fare for the taxi ride, so I will have to foot it. And anyway, its not that far to town and the exercise is good for me (what I tried to convince myself every day that I walked this hill). And of course by town, I really mean the Middle East (no, not what you are thinking of... but it is "middle-eastern" of somewhere, I suppose Kampala). There it looms, just beyond the red gates and brick walls of my favorite building in Bugos. I live in the flats, but that dear church is my "home". Rarely can I venture within its courtyards and not meet family in residence. And even when no one appears to be around and I can curl up with my knees and thoughts with my back to the cold concrete walls... I still feel surrounded. (But that is by God's love. Why does He feel so close? I don't know, but I love it!) Basking in His peace on that front stoop is perhaps one of the most glorious feelings ever! But today I am busy, so I trot on by the church smiling at the passersby and walking unbelievably fast for a Ugandan; but what my skin does not bely, my gait is only too happy to prove; my transformation is not yet complete!
I start to round the corner and already I can tell a difference in pace. The shops are starting to come alive. Bodabodas and taxis are moving everywhere vying for business and offering a trip to town. "Will it be old park or new park today?" (sounds more like olpok and nnpok) -"New park to city square." I get out after I finally understand their jingle - thats my taxi. I crawl in and climb to the near back seat. In front of me I flip up the seat for the next embarkee. It will take a while for the taxi to fill up, so I settle back and look out the window, (after finagling it open of course!) The Middle East is indeed picking up the pace and the shops along its fushia colored facade are being opened as we speak. Above the shops I see the open windows of the cafe that I have come to love. Oh, not a food cafe - internet! Which reminds me that I need to e-mail the folk tonight when I get back. 2000 shillings should buy me an hour of pleasure, or if I drag a friend along: 30 min and a pleasant walk home!
"With a chug and a tug, and a merry little toot..." (not to mention a slight grinding of gears!)... the taxi van is off to town. To get to downtown, (which is where I am headed in case you have no clue), from Bugos, one has to drive through a bit of the industrial area. The roads are pretty good here (in fact one of them just got repaired, which is incredible!) and the taxi careens along at speeds which really ought not be legal! Smells of smoke, hot metal, and I-know-not-what from the slaughter house and other factories smack me in the face through the open window. But I dare not close it and be subjected to the stale taxi benches and B.O. which permeate the inside of the taxi. Saying a quick thank you prayer that rain is not necessitating that experience by forcing the glass closed, for today anyway. Anyway the smells change quickly enough because of the speed at which we are traveling!
Now we have reached the roundabout (did I forget to point out my living room set in the window of the furniture factory as we passed?) Yep, there are the Mirinda Jeeps keeping guard over the crazy car merry-go-round. Only have to hit one side of the roundabout on this round, so we squeeze through easy enough, and its on down the road for us. Now through the stoplight (or traffic cop if power is out) and past the Nissan dealership on the corner. Now the buildings start to heighten and pretty soon they rise a good 3 stories on either side at least. Flashing past them I read and laugh (inwardly) at the signs. This one has a ridiculous catch phrase and that one advertises some obviously ripped-off name from the U.S. On my left I see the park moving into view (well, I call it a park, but really its only a green). There is the peddler with his his little push cart filled with hot "pandora" (think doughnuts, and I fully realize that's not really what they are called). My stop is coming up soon. Here it is - "Masou" "Stage" warns the conductor that I want off. (Unless of course I want to haul off and hit him in the head, which is always an option! Saw it happen, kid you not!) I quickly pay - 700 shillings into town, and jump out of my seat, displacing those in front of me as I do so. Disembarked and once again alone I carefully stow my bag in an optimally protected position and start off down the street! Today I am not in too much of a hurry so I take time to smile and wave (beauty queen style) at several "mzungu" commenters. (Oh, yes, I enjoy being the "moviestar" some days!) All the way down the street I hold my head high and portray a false confidence (to make me look and feel less vulnerable). Its kinda fun actually!
Dart between bodabodas and taxis and make it to the other side of the street. Now I am in front of Nando's which is a cool place (and they have a really good Philly steak sandwich!) but not the destination for today's venture. On up the hill I climb to the side street. Usually dodge in and out of a jumble of crazily parked cars and there it is - Cafe Pap. I can already see my party waiting under the outdoor canopy shaded by spreading leaves.
Today, I think, will be a good day... maybe only one proposal and 6 comments on the African braids. I think I'll take the bodaboda home so I'll have time to go visit some of my very best friends in the flats. Who knows, maybe I'll even catch some of the "football" match and cheer on my team!

Today!

Ever notice how some days are just better than others? I have not actually decided what today is on the scale, but I am hoping for a good day. (Maybe my positive thinking will influence it... if I believed in that sort of thing!)
Started off well anyway with a little sleeping-in shut eye. The shifts at my job don't always necessarily lend themselves to getting to bed at a decent time. Plus I arrived home to find 2 teenage brothers stretched out on my bed watching a movie! Not that I have a huge problem with that... I actually like them to feel at home, but it was a bit surprising!
Anyway, so not an early night, but got some much needed sleep anyway and should be raring to go for another fun-packed week of... well, I guess I am not doing much of anything right now, but I am ready to go!
Okay, so observations for today...
1. Weather---absolutely beautiful for August! Usually I would expect about 100 degree weather this time of year around here, but it is actually pretty decent, maybe touching up into the 90s at midday. I can't tell you how much I really appreciate that! And the humidity level is actually fairly mild at the moment as well, which exceedingly elevates my appreciation of the temperature.
2. Any day with Chai tea is a good day... and I am currently sitting on a good 16oz.; which accompanied by a delicious pumpkin/raisin muffin makes an almost perfect breakfast.
3. My car actually is running fairly well today... a blessing that I usually take for granted, but have been acutely aware of recently as there have been times where it wasn't!
4. The mercies of God are new every morning, and I think that especially applies to Mondays!
Well, that is the most that I have for now, (this far into the day), but I'll keep you posted if anything else absolutely beautiful about today comes up!

Anger and Forgiveness...

Have you ever been really, really just ticked off at the world? I was actually mad at another one of my friends who scared me earlier in the evening with what was supposed to be a prank. But I love this girl like my sister, and so I was really, genuinely concerned for her. It really wouldn't have been that bad if she would have just explained it to me and said sorry... but she didn't. She actually laughed about it, thinking that it was funny that I had really been concerned. Which made me really actually quite livid. (I almost hung up the phone on her, which I have like this sacred vow to never do to someone I love!)
Okay, that was me like 30 minutes ago... Why not now? Good question!
Lets just say that I have these really incredible couple of friends... one that made me laugh (and it is really hard to be mad when you are laughing) and one that got right up in my face and basically told me to snap out of it (which was a wake up call I needed). My advice... and get ready for this, cause it is pretty lame...

• First of all, it takes so much more energy to be mad at somebody, who is worth the waste? (or if you deem them worthy of it, then why are they not worthy of something infinitely more powerful and wasteful of energy? Like your love?)
• Okay, this point was straight from my friend... So God takes our shortcomings and faults, all of them millions of them that there are, and throws them into the bottom of the sea. And to top it off, He posts a sign that says "No Fishing"! If He is willing to do all that for us, who are we to not do it for the few little offenses of our neighbors?
  
• And of course... Life is too short for this much drama!

Radical (8-9)

Jenny and Jennifer both commented on my You know you’ve spent time in Africa when… note, and said that it made them laugh and cry like a really good book. Then I went back and read it and I was like… hmm, no wonder. I wanted to cry myself, because so much of my heart was poured into trying to explain how much I love and miss Uganda… I can’t even explain it here for you. It runs too deep to be unearthed, too sensitive and fragile to be reached for without pain, and too strong to break off a piece for observation. It’s all or nothing… which has been such a theme in my life of late… From everything silly like my AC and windshield wipers that only work on high, to eating grasshoppers and getting my hair braided(because if you’re gonna embrace the culture, embrace it all the way), to really deep things like how God wants me to live for Him. Like how His love for me is demonstrated. Like the fact that when He says something, He never means it half-heartedly. He means you to go big or go home. None of this mediocre/run-of-the-mill/complacent living stuff. When God gives us a command He means it in the present tense active voice. And He doesn’t say things radically and mean them conservatively. That is our silly laid-back American church style of looking at it… that God only said it like that for emphasis. No, I think God is a very literal God and when He said it was all made in 7 days I believe Him. When He says He loves me enough to die for every single little thing that I have and ever will do wrong, I believe Him. And when He tells me that I am to go unto all the world, I think that means me. And when He tells me to share with those in need, to love my enemies the way He does, to pray continually, to owe nothing but love to the brethren; yeah, I believe Him there as well, that those are literal commands. Not cute suggestions to be taken with a grain of conservative salt.
Okay I love, absolutely love, it when God opens my eyes to things like that.

Me on Meds... Scary (8-1)

Would just like to go on record and say that I officially hate taking the anti-malarial Malarone. That toxic combination of proguanil and some other med starting with “a” that I don’t remember and can’t pronounce… is making me go batty! I guess that I should have known what effects it would have when there was a big warning label on it that said “don’t drive until you are familiar with the effects of this med”. I did however fail to realize that one of the side effects was hallucinatory dreams! Yes, that is right, dreams. Actually while I was still in America before setting sail for remote reaches of Africa (or what I thought was remote), I was already experiencing the lovely effects of this drug. Now, to fully understand these effects you must also understand that I am one of those people that has dreams and knows that they are dreaming. There is a fancy psychological term for it, something like conscious dreaming. That is the way that pretty much all of my dreams are. And yes, I use it to my advantage, because if I know that it is just a dream, I know that I can get away with anything, and I can change the dream if I don’t like the way that it’s going… after all, it is all in MY head. So I have not had trouble with those awful nightmares for many years now, because I just change them if I don’t like them. Enter Malarone… now, not only do I not realize that I am dreaming, but I find the most disturbing combination of everything that has happened to me that day or the past week and combine it into the LONGEST nightmare ever! Case and point: a dream while still in Africa about coming home 2 weeks early. All the facts were right, my Grandma picked me up at the airport, I knew the exact date and the date that I should have flown in, even some of the weird sequences at the airport were exactly like real life. The main problem being that I (in my dream) didn’t want to come home 2 weeks early, and I had arrived at the airport but couldn’t remember any of the almost 20hr flight that I would have had to have been on to get to the airport! I actually woke up fussing from that one, cause I was so frustrated. So much of it made sense, but too much of it was just hanging… Anyway, fast forward to last night when I literally had a dream that I was in Mulago hospital (Uganda) and being chased/attacked by zombie children patients! Yeah, don’t even ask! I would have to say that this is probably one of the most disturbing dreams that I have had in a long time. Of course I did realize that it was a dream, because seriously… zombies?!? But it still was little fun especially when I am trying to explain to the doctor at the hospital that all these kids are infected and she is like, “no, they are just scared, that’s why they are acting this way”. Anyway, I don’t know who would want to actually read my dream, so I’ll stop and just say that I kind of wonder if this is how they come up with some of the movies that they make… seriously just pop a couple Malarone, sit back and take a nap, then wake up and write a script! Sounds a little too easy and you get the added advantage of being immune to malaria while writing your script! Bonus points!

A Big 'Ol Mug 'O Chai

Well, here I am sitting in arguably the best coffee shop in the nation... and sipping down a massive mug of Chai. Because, I got this cup free (being my eleventh cup) and being the loyal customer that I am... Normally I only get the medium size, but since today's cup was on the house... why not go all the way? And when you are sitting in this kind of coffee shop, well it ceases to really be a question! (By the way - have you ever noticed how no electronic system counts Chai as an actual word? They always try and tell you that you spelled it wrong!)
So I was just thinking about several different topics for today's post... tossing around a few ideas, and just thinking about everything that I have been learning lately... (Because if you haven't noticed yet, life is all about learning. If you are not learning something new every day then you are not really living.) So lately I have been learning how dear one of my sisters is to me, to be in wonder and awe every day at how much my Savior loves me, to treasure my family, to love my friends more than my own desires, and how to humble myself, before I am humbled. Of course that is not all, because something new every day means a lot of lessons! But those are just a few to start out with.
So, now it is your turn... what have you been learning? Okay, so maybe you haven't been looking for it. Now is your change to try. Look today for what you can learn from your experiences, what is going on around you, even insight from those you hear or read about... look for it and I think you will be surprised with what you find!

My Messed Up Life -- Redeemed

I was also just thinking about how we need to represent... and I think that I should post my story on here. Just a shout out to my Lord for what He has done in my life and why He is my everything!
Okay, so not sure how I will really narrow down exactly what my testimony is... To start out with I have these amazing parents. They really love the Lord and seek to follow Him with their whole hearts. It's really something else to grow up under that kind of care and love that is flowing from the Master, through them and over onto your life! Gives me a lot of respect for Godly parenting and how hard it is. We really are watching, even when we pretend to be completely ignoring you.
So my parents were incredible and taught me about God from the time that I was very small. The thing is... God doesn't have grandkids. My parent's faith was/is not enough to put me in connection with God. I could learn everything that they had to teach me, but really if I didn't have my own relationship with God, it was of absolutely no use.
And I think, deep down I knew that... They taught me a lot about God, but you can't learn to love Him by simply learning about Him. And though by all outward signs I was the perfect Christian kid, I was suffering inside. I was the kid that you would love to have in your Sunday School class because I knew all the right answers. I was the favorite pick for Bible trivia, and a major asset to any sort of youth group activity. But again, on the inside I was being torn apart. The really sad thing, is that I knew what I had to do to change. I had been to church, I knew what my parents had taught me, I had even undergone the training to tell others about how to change... I knew exactly what it required, and from the midst of my misery I looked at the Savior's outstretched arm, and said, "No thanks, I think I got this one."
You may think, "Well, stupid, you have fun with that!" or you may be in my same boat and think, "Gosh, well, what do I need God for anyway? You chose right!" Don't even begin to think that! Remember the part where I was miserable? Yeah, that doesn't go away on its own! I could chase it to the back of my mind for periods of time, but it never goes away. Probably if I had been in faster circles this is where the drugs and alcohol would have come in... but as it was, I just stuck to being a jerk to everyone that I knew, and wallowing in my self pity.
At different points in time I would come back to God and basically say, "Yeah, this kinda sucks; You want to change my life? Go right ahead!" but it was lip service. I really wanted Him to have nothing to do with changing my life. I still thought that I could probably get it together on my own without any of His help.
I talked to a friend the other day about the depths of depression and realized for the first time that I could actually verbalize that I was at times suicidal. I would pour myself into friends' lives only to have them turn around and leave me, or betray me, which only fueled the downward spiral. Looking back those were the darkest days, and I withdrew back into myself where even my family, who had been so close to me couldn't really understand. But I am by nature an actress, and to this day very few people really understand the depths of loneliness and depression that I went through during that time. Around people, especially my family, I was pleasant, even if not happy.
So when did this change? Good question... I would have to say that it was close to my senior year in high school that I began to change. I say began because it was only the beginning of what would come to a climax years later. My senior year though, I kind of came back to God and was like, "Okay, I give. If You really want, I'll let You start to change me." I think for the first time I realized that I couldn't do it on my own. But surrender is still a huge challenge for me, and I wasn't willing to relinquish control of my life quite yet.
So a lot of struggle through working and college studies later... I lost all my closest, best friends; both of my Grandpas passed away; I moved out on my own away from my family; I lost myself away from my home church; and I basically proceeded to drift. Unfortunately, this time there were other friends to pick me up and carry me along with them. I turned 21 and it was on to the night scene. My conscience wouldn't let me go all the way, but I definitely embraced the whole essence. I don't know exactly how long that period lasted, I just know that sometimes God brings change into our lives for a reason...
I needed a change, and God was only too happy to oblige.
Really He had already been bringing about change, I had just been viewing it as curses and suffering! My change came with a diploma.
Suddenly I had to make some decisions and choices, and I was not really prepared to! Needless to say, God kept changing up everything in my life until I was back to being on track with Him. For the first time in my life seeking God was actually interesting, almost fun (*gasp*). I can't say that it has been a walk in the park since then.
I think that the more that we try and walk in God's ways, the harder it gets. (Ask me sometime about spiritual warfare!) It hasn't been easy. God never promised that it would be... in fact I am pretty darn sure He promises the exact opposite! But the joy! Ah, it's incomparable!
I've slipped a lot! He's asked for some hard things... (relationships breaking, forming; pulling me from my comfort zone; going to Africa!) but I wouldn't go back to that sad, scared, deeply depressed girl that I used to be for anything in the world!
Every day with my God is an adventure, and I don't want to miss out on a thing!

Uhmm, who turned on the Writing Fountain?

So, recently I have just been writing and writing! The other day I was typing on my laptop and realized that I had filled up 14pgs of 11pt font typing single space!!! Yeah, that is really freakin' pathetic!
I guess that this whole thing started though when I was in Africa and having to (or making myself) write in a journal every day. I was doing it there mainly because I didn't want to loose any of the experience in my memory! Anyone who has ever journaled knows that it is so much fun to look back and read about what you were doing and thinking and feeling. I love it anyway, and had always wished that I could do it more. (It always sounded like something that I would do anyway, because I love different handwriting and I really like being introverted, and I think a LOT!) But I never really had been able to get into actually writing on a long term basis. I was kinda weird, cause sometimes I could do it very well, and others I would just sit there with pen posed mid-air and nothing would come...
So, needless to say this changed while I was in Africa... (gosh I feel like every-other sentence that comes out of my mouth these days has "Africa" in it!! Consider this your blanket apology for the rest of the references!) Anyway, this changed. First of all because I didn't know a whole lot of the people that I was around to start out with... so like any good introvert I started writing up a storm in my diary that I had purchased for exactly this purpose! Yeah, fun... well, unfortunately post returning to the good ol' USofA and actually settling into real ordinary everyday life I now find myself with the insane urge to write... about pretty much everything! It is by far one of the most insatiable urges I have ever experienced.
Hence, this blog being created!