I guess I haven't written on here for a while. I've been pretty busy with school, and the majority of things going on in my life are a little too personal to put on a blog if you know what I mean.
Basically God is doing some really awesome remodeling of my life.
For starters, He's really been working on my pride and independence. I think I asked Him to actually, but He's been really faithful at confronting me about it at every turn. Especially in the fact that my car has broken down. I'm sure that I have mentioned before how much of a love/hate relationship that I have with that car. He was the first and only car that I have owned, and I have kind of a "first love" type mentality for it. Anyway, he let me down like any typical guy, and left me hanging with two months of school left, so I've been having to bum rides off of everyone. Which as much as I really LOVE doing that... I'll be glad if my friend and his dad can get my car up and running again. They are working on it now, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
The other thing that He really keeps having me confront is whether or not I believe that He really does answer my prayers. This may seem rudimentary to you, and I believe it probably is to the Christian walk, but don't you ever have those times when you wonder, really wonder why you are praying? Perhaps those times where you pray about it as an ingrained reflex and not the real seeking of God that it should be? Or you pray without waiting in expectation for God to move, or without the longevity to wait on His answer? That is pretty much me more times than not. I think that growing up the way I did, and learning early go to Him has really put me into a permanent bent of laying things at His feet, and then turning around and leaving.
What happened to the earnestness? The pleading with God? That kind of prayer that shakes the gates of Hell? Anyone?
I thought not. I don't think that kind of prayer is taught in our churches. I see that kind of worship, sometimes that kind of preaching, that kind of passion for service, but where is the prayer? Does anyone know of churches that still do mid-week prayer? I didn't think so. And don't you just think of that as Mrs. Jenkins, Widow Saunders, and the pastor camped out in the ugly paneled basement of the church. Sitting there on folding chairs, with the sunday school feltboard Jesus' pictures on the wall behind them, and praying very softly? (maybe I'm just weird and always pictured it that way)
Crying out to God has been the cry of my heart of late. I went to Ichthus last week. I didn't realize how much I missed it. (doesn't change the fact that I still felt out of place, but I did miss it). My sister came up to me afterwards as I was sitting there praying and gave me a list of verses and told me to look them up. I looked up the first one and couldn't read the second through the tears building in my eyes and trickling down my cheeks. Reading it today, its faded, but it still carries some of the power.
Psalm 107: 8-9 "Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men, for He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things."
