Burned Once; Fear the Flame

I strongly recommend not going out all afternoon during the heat of the day to stand on a hill overlooking the lake in a strapless dress with NO SUNSCREEN if your skin is naturally whiter than the milk in your refrigerator. (and if that's not white, I would just like to point out that you may have a problem.)
This is what happened to me. It was a beautiful wedding, and not too long, but about halfway through the reception I could tell I was going to be sore the next day. Sore doesn't begin to describe it! All day Sunday, and Monday I suffered through the absolute worst pain of my entire life! Any movement at all sent almost nauseating pain all over my back. The slightest breeze would send my entire back sweeping up and down with a giant nerve fest.
Lets just say I'm probably going to have an amazing tan on my back... but until then, don't expect me to be even half-way pleasant...

Wedding

Sooo... my best gal friend got married this weekend. I'm super stoked for her. Somehow she managed to find a completely amazing guy, (which you must know are few and far between)...
But helping her with wedding prep got me thinking and questioning my own theories on marriage and on weddings in particular.

So here is my wedding philosophy (I shared it with my mom the other day, and she got kinda misty eyed and smiley): when/if I ever get married... my wedding day is the first day of the rest of my life with someone. My wedding is the celebration of that, and surrounding myself with my family and friends would be the focus of the day. Cause seriously, you invite people all that way, ask them to shovel out money, get off work, spend all day with you... and yet the day is about you? So, if I was to get married, it would be all about honoring the people that are special in our lives, and asking them to celebrate with us.
Also, all that unnecessary fru-fru that goes along with typical weddings... yeah, making me wanna seriously consider elopement as a serious option... Not that weddings aren't beautiful, just that I don't need all that to be happy. I think I would be happy just to be getting married, and hang all that other crap! (haha, pun) (and wow, that sounded kinda desperate!)
Okay, let me also restate... okay, maybe I didn't state this before... but I am not in any hurry to get married. This blog is largely theoretical in nature.
I guess there is something inside a girl that always is willing to discuss possible wedding plans, dream about wedding dresses, smile and laugh thinking about seeing her "prince charming" at the end of that aisle waiting to start the rest of their lives together. I almost wish that I could say that I don't think like that. That I could care less for that kind of romanticised love and stuff. That life isn't really a fairytale, and happy endings aren't a dime a dozen. That over 35% of marriages in the US end in divorce. I wish I could be pessimistic about it all. But I have a feeling that if I went into a rant about that, you would see right through, and claim that I was just bitter, and that I really didn't believe a word I was saying. So, I think I'll can the bitter part, and just say that yes, *sigh* (I can't believe I am admitting this), I do have hopeless romantic tendencies.
There, its out... now don't judge!

Okay, that was my wedding rant, thanks for letting me get that off my chest, I appreciate it. Don't expect me to ever post on here about wedding stuffs again, (unless as it pretains to Christ and the church). Moving on...

High School?

Well, I just got informed the other day that blogging is high school... who knew? Rats, now I'll just have to quit blogging! Wait, my 50-some uncle blogs... maybe my informant was misinformed... yeah, that's what I'm gonna go with...

Did I mention that I pretty much hate my life???

So, how come some people have the innate ability to make you feel like the biggest heel in the world, just by loving you? Just for once, could you de-complicate my life and hate me??
Did I also mention that both of my roommates graduated? Yeah, not only am I not done until December... but I also am still in class through the end of June. It sucks to be me.
Nursing school is *insert colorful language here*... I for one, am sick of it! We could get the exact same things out of our classes and not have everything due within 24 hours of each other! I mean seriously! But I guess I shoot myself in the foot with some of this, cause I have to work several days a week to pay all my bills too... Sometimes I wonder how in the world I made it through LPN school!
My grand total for sleep last night, drum roll please... : 1 1/2 hours.
Okay, so enough of that pity party, huh? I guess I am done.

Have you ever wished that you were Abraham? That once you were willing to sacrifice Issac, God would show you the ram in the bushes? That maybe all He really wanted from you was a willing spirit. Cause that's about all I have got right now... a willing spirit, cause goodness knows, the flesh is weak!
So, don't read Ecclesiastes when you are feeling down... BAD IDEA!!

Arson... or... Self Stalking

Okay, so I had this really cool idea for a blog post off of something that my pastor said in church on Sunday, but when I went to look up the main premise of what I was going to define... the definition didn't pan out...
SO sad! :(
So...
I am weird, I know, but I decided to google myself.
Okay, okay, I'm officially creepy now, but it was kinda fun. For instance: I'm a 50 year old storyteller in Washington, and a beautiful Polish actress! I'm also a wife and fellow minister bringing the news of Messiah to the Jewish people. I'm an 40 year old Australian building contractor. Oh, and I'm also a rather interesting looking yoga teacher...
The only real listing I found for myself was my Grandpa's obituary in his hometown newspaper. Which kinda sobered me fast, and I don't want to search for anything else now...

p.s. the blog was originally supposed to be about arson

Day #2 of My Life as a Crazy Person

05-05-09

Thoughts from today:

Today I cheated. I was in need of encouragement, and so I opened a card from my mom that specifically said “don’t open until Wednesday”. It was a “happy nurse’s day” card. I was encouraged.

Today I played Dominos with two rapists. I’ve never felt safer.

Today I had to question a very fundamental belief of mine. I met a man who beat his children with a buggy whip. He justifies it with scripture. I have no clue how to refute it. Object for much prayer and thought.

Today, I realized how completely insanely awesome people in my class are. *see also: ghoulish masks on a creepy psych unit after dark… you can imagine…

Today, I seriously considered being a psych nurse for the first time ever.

Today, I absolutely LOVED the boldness I have in Christ. NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING is keeping me in timidity.

Today, I missed my roommate, and had to call her on the phone to tell her that… and then never ended up really telling her that at all. Why are we so resistant to admit that we need others?

Today, I really appreciated my family. For loving me, for putting up with me, for raising me in the way I should go, for supporting me when I am down, for praying me into Jesus’ arms

Day #1 of my Life as a Crazy Person:

05-04-09

So, this week I am spending some extended time here in Larned at the State Mental Hospital. Yes, that’s right, someone must have finally recognized my insane tendencies… so here I am for observation!

Okay, okay, so I am not actually a patient. But I might as well be. I and 18 of my other nursing school classmates are shacked up on a vacant wing of the building. I’m really not even kidding. We have to buzz and security lets us in through the doors. I have a metal sink and toilet (my own personal set!) in the corner of my room. They are aluminum, and they are staring back at me from the corner… kinda creeping me out right now as I am typing this. (I don’t EVEN know how I’ll be able to sleep tonight!) I’m sitting in my rock hard metal bed, typing this. I’ve draped a sheet over the window in my door for privacy. I did bring my own army green sheets to place on the bed (over the top of their white hospital sheets), cause, yes, I am THAT paranoid. And of course my own TWO pillows are propped between me and the wall, as I sit cross-legged in a rather… uhm… alert… position facing the door. (Lets just say, my neck might be sore tomorrow from the stress of holding my body in a constant state of readiness.

Oh, and I took a shower tonight. Now, I, unlike some of you more fortunate people out there who were subjected to the loveliness of communal showers after gym class… have never really taken a hankering to public showers. And when I say that these are public, they do have individual stalls, and curtains… but no good way to go from the shower to dressed, or vice versa… (someone please explain to me the point of having privacy while scrubbing in the shower, if you have no way to privately get to and from the shower for said activity???) Me and one of the other students tag teamed tonight standing guard while the other dressed. Worked out pretty well. I guess we’ll plan on doing that tomorrow night as well.

One good thing… they did add electrical outlets to the patient rooms in an effort to make them better suitable for student’s use. Hence the ability of mine to actually be typing this presently. Its killing me to not be able to check my e-mail right now though. Even when I am away from home, I usually find somewhere to check it, or only go a few days without being online. Of course it is infinitely easier to not feel like you are missing being online, when you aren’t even on your computer… but as that is obviously not the case… *sigh*

Praise the Lord for music though! I am listening to Brooke Frasier right now… really love her sound, you should check her out (musically I mean). I think that I posted a video of hers on here once… Yeah, I think “Albertine”, but I like her other stuff too. Man, sometimes I think that my music is one of the fundamental ways that God chooses to encourage me and get me through the day.

But I digress… how did I get through today, you ask? Well, today wasn’t bad. I am definitely overwhelmed with that daunting task that I will face in the next couple of days. I am not really sure that I am ready for this, at all…

We took a tour of the Mental Hospital today. It’s the saddest thing I have ever seen. We went into several different areas, including the children’s unit. That was sad. A couple of the kids eyes seemed so glazed over, like they didn’t really care what was going on around them. And then some, you could tell were probably the behavior issue kids, because they seemed to have an undercurrent of pushing… just pushing a little further, a little harder… There are also a lot of inmates here from the sex offender part of the state pen. Its kinda scary to think about them being on the same grounds as us, but then again, I suppose they used to live on the same streets as us. Only serves to further my theory (from Proverbs) that with much knowledge comes much grief. Anyway, I feel perfectly safe here, since we are completely locked down.

According to our tour guide, the mental hospital originally started out with largely horticulture therapy for the patients. They essentially ran a farm out here in Midwestern Kansas. Somewhere along the way, really about the time psychotropic drugs started coming out, they closed down the farm. Its sad in a way. I think people learn a lot from caring for living things (even if its just a plant), and there is something that clears your head very nicely from just getting your hands dirty, and doing a little good honest work. Dirt under your fingernails and a satisfied smile on your face.

I’m apprehensive for what tomorrow might hold, but I know the one Who holds my future. Its firmly in His hands, and I don’t expect that it’ll be anything we can’t tackle together!