Over the years I have learned a lot of things from working as an LPN at a long term care facility. Both from living and dying, from enriching others lives and easing others deaths. These are a few of the things I have taken away.
1. Love can not be taken lightly. I have seen my residents on their deathbeds wait until their family member was there to hold their hand as they went. Their brains far from alert and oriented, they still felt with their heart the love of family surrounding them and it was enough for them to depart from this world peacefully. Sometimes I've been that family member. The strangest thing to know that I wasn't there to hold either of my Grandpa's hands, or my dear Uncle Gary's, or my Grandma's... but I have been there for so many other people's Grandpas and Grandmas and even an Uncle Gary or two. I've also watched a couple hold hands every night with their hospital beds side by side. Unable to hear each other any more, they would shout "I love you" to each other at night, and give the sweetest old people kisses. When the husband started to decline, his wife did too, and they finally passed away only 4 hours apart. I want to go like that. When the love of my life is gone, I want to go too.
2. I want a DNR when I'm that age. I don't need broken ribs from CPR only to stave off me joining my Savior and keep me here in this hellish existence another day. And I want Advance Directives, for much the same reason. No feeding tubes or tracheas or breathing machines and if anyone ever even so much as THINKS about putting a colostomy in... I WILL shoot them in cold blood and then die instead of having it! And THE last person I will EVER put as my DPOA is my son or daughter that is emotional (or my Mom, because I couldn't put her through that). Some people just can't make those tough calls when they need to.
3. Whatever you do, brush your teeth. I'm serious people. Dentures are just weird. And while little old people look REALLY cute when they take them out and their mouths are all wrinkly, I can't stand the idea of taking my 'teeth' out of my mouth. Just ewh. And no steak. Bummer. And definitely no beef jerky. Double bummer.
4. Patience is the biggest virtue you can ever have in life. If you are an absolutely terrible awful person but you only have one good thing about you I think patience is the one character quality you should strive for above all others. Goodness knows you need it when dealing with people. Nuff said.
5. They may take everything away from you, but they can't take your faith. A nursing home is a very hard place to work. These people lose almost everything that they have independently controlled about their lives when they move in. They lose most of their furniture, belongings, even space for clothing in their closets. We give them options of food, but really if you are choosing between liver and onions and bratwurst... how is that really a choice? And of course nothing tastes like it did when you, or your wife, or your mom used to make it. Add to that the fact that if you choose not to eat we will most likely make you drink a carnation instant breakfast shake to make sure you don't lose weight. You lose your dignity every day when staff have to help you get dressed, undressed, to the toilet, and even just to help you bathe your body. We check your weight at least once a week (which, I don't know about you but I do not appreciate others knowing), and if you don't poop we will give you milk of magnesia or shove something up there to make you! As hard as we try, we can't always come the moment you call, and maybe someone is before you in line for the shower or the mechanical lift that is the only way you are able to get out of bed in the morning. Your family is probably freaked out about visiting you in a nursing home because of the smell (I can't lie, smells happen, even though we try). Slowly you watch as friend after friends names appear in the obituaries of the paper that comes every day giving you one last link to an outside world. One thing I have become convinced of from watching all this: you can take away everything around me, and even those I love the most but you cannot take away this one thing I keep inside me: my Jesus. Because even in a nursing home where life seems to be nothing more than eating, sleeping, and watching jeopardy He doesn't stop being relevant.
I'm sure there are so many more lessons that I have learned that don't come to mind right now, or that I have yet to learn. But for now, those are a few of my experiences from the last 3 years of my life.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Strange Things You See in Kansas
1. A snowmobile: yes, strange but true. It was speeding through the field across the road from my apartment.
2. A man walking with 2 canes: walking outside to get his morning paper approximately 30min after I did a doughnut and a half in my car on black ice and wound up in the ditch. (this is why I'm employed!)
3. A sports car pulled over by a bike cop: kid you not. It happens in this town.
4. A tyrannosaurus rex in my front yard: my landlord's kids made one on the front lawn out of snow. Whatever happened to good old-fashioned snowmen?
2. A man walking with 2 canes: walking outside to get his morning paper approximately 30min after I did a doughnut and a half in my car on black ice and wound up in the ditch. (this is why I'm employed!)
3. A sports car pulled over by a bike cop: kid you not. It happens in this town.
4. A tyrannosaurus rex in my front yard: my landlord's kids made one on the front lawn out of snow. Whatever happened to good old-fashioned snowmen?
i was planning on writing something witty
but then i opened another friends blog
and the words of a poem fell ripe on my ears
and i remembered the suffering
of this world that spins around me
and suddenly my own silly mumblings
are insignificant and utterly base
in their pathetic selfishness
i want so much to be self-less
yet i find that too often
i wrap myself in what i know
what i think, what i want
and forget the excruciatingly painful
cries of a wold in need
but then i opened another friends blog
and the words of a poem fell ripe on my ears
and i remembered the suffering
of this world that spins around me
and suddenly my own silly mumblings
are insignificant and utterly base
in their pathetic selfishness
i want so much to be self-less
yet i find that too often
i wrap myself in what i know
what i think, what i want
and forget the excruciatingly painful
cries of a wold in need
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner
Well... actually that's not true. Currently Baby is confined to exactly that spot. See Baby is what I call my dog Kala anytime that I actually like her, (which isn't that often) or when I feel sorry for her (which is slightly more often). She is quite sick at the moment, and as much as I just love cleaning up runny dog poo from all over my house she has been confined to a small piece of linoleum in the kitchen. Which she is arguably not very happy about, but it surely wasn't my idea for her to wake me up a 6am being sick all over her kennel in my bedroom.
I suppose this is God's clever way of getting me ready for parenthood right? Oh dear. At least real babies are slightly easier to handle. I mean wrestling with a full grown Weimaraner (aka giant ball of energy even when she isn't feeling well) is not exactly easy.
Although I am pretty sure my mom used the "over the linoleum" bit on us when we were young and sick too.
I suppose this is God's clever way of getting me ready for parenthood right? Oh dear. At least real babies are slightly easier to handle. I mean wrestling with a full grown Weimaraner (aka giant ball of energy even when she isn't feeling well) is not exactly easy.
Although I am pretty sure my mom used the "over the linoleum" bit on us when we were young and sick too.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thoughts from Journey of Desire
"Our dilemma is this: we can't seem to live with desire, and we can't live without it. In the face of this quandary most people decide to bury the whole question and put as much distance as they can between themselves and their desires. It is a logical and tragic act. The tragedy is increased tenfold when this suicide of soul is committed under the conviction that this is precisely what Christianity recommends. We have never been more mistaken.
How sad to think that the overwhelming majority of Christians have been taught that desire is an enemy-- maybe even the enemy-- to living a good Christian life. But its true. My guess is, you're among them. I am too. You won't find it easy to travel very far towards desire if some of your deepest beliefs about God are in conflict with your quest. So, in this leg of the journey, ... take a deeper look at what God thinks of your desire, what He says He wants-- not from you, but for you. This could mean a pretty radical reformation of your thoughts about God and the Christian life. (Thats a good thing by the way.)" -- The Journey of Desire, John Eldridge
I see us too often sacrificing the joy that should consume the Christ filled life on the altar of logically throwing off the sin which so easily entangles us, not realizing that we need to separate out the desire from the sin. Instead our repression kills our joy and passion for walking in His steps. And we ponder where our fervor has gone to? Trying vainly to renew it with conferences and new spiritual experiences or books and teachings. Completely unaware that we have cast it off in pursuit of what we thought was a "holy" life, merely because it was sterilized of all human emotion or desire. How Christ longs to use that self same desire for His greater purposes. What the heck did you think He ingrained it in you for? Does He make His children with no purpose? Does He give you desires for no reason? Is there something at the root of what you thought was a evil or sinful desire that is actually a desire for life the way God intended it? Do you find your desire for a mate in life is distracting to your love for God and have therefore avowed to put it away from yourself? Is it perhaps the very way that God ingrained you? Did He not make you to need that rib or desire to be that help meet? Do you long for belonging? Where on this earth do you belong, really? Surely its not to a fallen depraved world where sin runs rampant and confusion is the soup du jour, but to a heavenly dwelling where the King of peace rules in perfect order, serenely surrounded by constant praise.
How often in our pursuit of godliness have we cut from our lives that small fuel for it that makes us long for things eternal. Can we really dissect our feelings from this life and live as a shell of who we ought to be in Christ's presence? If you have truly rid all the desire from your life, how can you long to be more His?
How sad to think that the overwhelming majority of Christians have been taught that desire is an enemy-- maybe even the enemy-- to living a good Christian life. But its true. My guess is, you're among them. I am too. You won't find it easy to travel very far towards desire if some of your deepest beliefs about God are in conflict with your quest. So, in this leg of the journey, ... take a deeper look at what God thinks of your desire, what He says He wants-- not from you, but for you. This could mean a pretty radical reformation of your thoughts about God and the Christian life. (Thats a good thing by the way.)" -- The Journey of Desire, John Eldridge
I see us too often sacrificing the joy that should consume the Christ filled life on the altar of logically throwing off the sin which so easily entangles us, not realizing that we need to separate out the desire from the sin. Instead our repression kills our joy and passion for walking in His steps. And we ponder where our fervor has gone to? Trying vainly to renew it with conferences and new spiritual experiences or books and teachings. Completely unaware that we have cast it off in pursuit of what we thought was a "holy" life, merely because it was sterilized of all human emotion or desire. How Christ longs to use that self same desire for His greater purposes. What the heck did you think He ingrained it in you for? Does He make His children with no purpose? Does He give you desires for no reason? Is there something at the root of what you thought was a evil or sinful desire that is actually a desire for life the way God intended it? Do you find your desire for a mate in life is distracting to your love for God and have therefore avowed to put it away from yourself? Is it perhaps the very way that God ingrained you? Did He not make you to need that rib or desire to be that help meet? Do you long for belonging? Where on this earth do you belong, really? Surely its not to a fallen depraved world where sin runs rampant and confusion is the soup du jour, but to a heavenly dwelling where the King of peace rules in perfect order, serenely surrounded by constant praise.
How often in our pursuit of godliness have we cut from our lives that small fuel for it that makes us long for things eternal. Can we really dissect our feelings from this life and live as a shell of who we ought to be in Christ's presence? If you have truly rid all the desire from your life, how can you long to be more His?
Hell's Kitchen?
yes, that title is slightly provoking, but i don't really care. you know why?
well, i'm so glad you asked.
i just made an amazing Tortilla Tomato Florentine entirely from leftovers around my kitchen.
its okay, you can be impressed now.
and add to that, the fact that i have never even made Tomato Florentine Soup before.
that's right, i made it up based solely on what i had tasted before.
i'm pretty sure i could go on one of those super intense cooking competition shows now.
well, i'm so glad you asked.
i just made an amazing Tortilla Tomato Florentine entirely from leftovers around my kitchen.
its okay, you can be impressed now.
and add to that, the fact that i have never even made Tomato Florentine Soup before.
that's right, i made it up based solely on what i had tasted before.
i'm pretty sure i could go on one of those super intense cooking competition shows now.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Rough Comparisons Part 1:
One of my friends told me recently that I should have a million and one things to write about. I don't really think that is true, but her argument got me to thinking and wondering how much of everyday life we pass by as mundane that may in fact be captivating to others. Or at very least, they like to for a moment catch a glimpse of life through our eyes.
Anywho...
She mainly said that since I had traveled to the other side of the world and back that I should have many experiences to write about. This may in fact be true. So I have decided to start a rather small mini-series for the rest of my time in the U.s. chronicling the many differences and similarities between my time in Uganda, Africa and my time in Kansas, U.S.A. Hold on to your hats folks, because I am sure this is bound to get politically incorrect, brutally honest, and heart-wrenchingly beautiful.
Rough Comparisons Part 1: Weather
I'm sorry, I can't help it. And before you get mad at me for moaning and complaining about the weather, please understand my situation. I am currently freezing in my living room with a quilt over my sweat-pant clad legs, in 2 lays of shirts plus a hoodie typing this. Not to say that my house is lacking in heat. In fact, the heater is going full blast down the hall, plus the central air duct above me. Problem is... its freaking negative degrees in Farenheit out there! Let me clarify for those of you who may read this who are familiar with the Celcius scale. In Farenheit 32 degrees is freezing. So when I say its negative degrees you have to realize that in order to reach 0 it would already be 32 degrees below freezing, then its probably about -10, so we are up to 42 degrees below freezing. That's pretty darn cold. But its not just the cold... though that seeps in my windows and makes me sleep in a cocoon shape with my blankets to avoid inhaling the cold drafts and adding to my lovely 3 week long cold... the sky has also decided to currently bless Kansas with these strange white things falling from the sky, and unlike biblical times, you cannot collect it and eat it (although... strange story, but we totally used to do that at my parents house. my dad would go collect fresh snow for us and we ate it with honey and sprinkles on it. strange but true. apparently no one else does this though, and when my brother did when they were first married, my sister-in-law looked at him like he was crazy! (not that he isn't... but thats another story...)) Anyway this white stuff has piled on the ground in what I think was 7 inches total. Lovely driving weather for my tiny little sports car, let me tell you! And I just adore trying to step exactly where I stepped the day before so I don't freeze in my thin Converse All-Stars that I wear for work.
I suppose its my own fault. Naturally I am cold. I am in fact probably one of the worst all weather Kansans alive. (yet another agrument towards my real nationality...) The boots that I own fall under the categories of stilleto, fashion, and cowboy... but no snow boots. I actually don't even own a winter coat. (which is a long story, but I consider quite a feat since I haven't for the last 2 winters aside from a very old cerulean down coat that my mom's brother wore in college... yeah, weird I know, but its my 'play-in-the-snow-and-you-can-get-this-dirty' coat) Every time that I have gone to purchase a coat I have been unable to find one that I like that fits right or I have found it and found that I couldn't justify spending that much on a coat that I can't even wear but for a couple months out of the year. In the end that money ends up going towards someone who can actually use it, or it gets spent on bills or car repairs or something.
But all that aside, every time I look at the snow I can't help but wonder what it would be like to have never seen snow. I really can't imagine it. I've lived my whole life in Kansas. I've seen snow (however scanty) every year for my entire life. I've been excited for the days when Mom would allow us to bundle up and go play in it (and yes, allow is the right word, because somehow letting us have fun meant an incredible amount of work for her! and she was so gracious to let us do it so much!) I've shovelled the walk when it was crazy frozen out. I've even begged to be allowed to go get the mail to have a change to play in it. And I have even gone for walks on those nights when the snow finally stops and everything is deathly silent and all you can hear is the crunch of your own two feet creating a singular trodden path through the giant winter wonderland that the world has become under its fluffy white slumbering blanket.
Yet, since going to Africa, I have so many friends now who have legitimately never seen snow. Nor will they likely in their lifetimes unless the go to Mt. Kilomanjaro or something... Funny, its one thing they really wonder about. And that which I find inconvenient however pretty it may be, they find absolutely fascinating. I had one person tell me that even though he hated the cold, he was sure he would love snow. I actually laughed at him, which was mean, but how could you know you would love something you have never experienced? And... news flash, but cold must absolutely accompany snow, or you will have water... not snow. So no luck in the liking-one-thing-and-hating-another catergory.
And the really funny thing is that I started actually liking it better myself. Its like when you were a little kid and you had a toy that you didn't really care for or play with much, but as soon as your little sister picked it up, you were like, "whoa! hold up a minute honey! that's my toy and I was going to play with it!" Yeah, thats not really a very favorable example, but I think it captures it well. Except in this case, its not out of malice, just out of genuine interest in something that is so interesting to everyone else!
I can't help but catch myself wondering now how it would be to see snow for the first time and if throwing a snowball would just be amazing, or if ice-skating feel like flying.
Anywho...
She mainly said that since I had traveled to the other side of the world and back that I should have many experiences to write about. This may in fact be true. So I have decided to start a rather small mini-series for the rest of my time in the U.s. chronicling the many differences and similarities between my time in Uganda, Africa and my time in Kansas, U.S.A. Hold on to your hats folks, because I am sure this is bound to get politically incorrect, brutally honest, and heart-wrenchingly beautiful.
Rough Comparisons Part 1: Weather
I'm sorry, I can't help it. And before you get mad at me for moaning and complaining about the weather, please understand my situation. I am currently freezing in my living room with a quilt over my sweat-pant clad legs, in 2 lays of shirts plus a hoodie typing this. Not to say that my house is lacking in heat. In fact, the heater is going full blast down the hall, plus the central air duct above me. Problem is... its freaking negative degrees in Farenheit out there! Let me clarify for those of you who may read this who are familiar with the Celcius scale. In Farenheit 32 degrees is freezing. So when I say its negative degrees you have to realize that in order to reach 0 it would already be 32 degrees below freezing, then its probably about -10, so we are up to 42 degrees below freezing. That's pretty darn cold. But its not just the cold... though that seeps in my windows and makes me sleep in a cocoon shape with my blankets to avoid inhaling the cold drafts and adding to my lovely 3 week long cold... the sky has also decided to currently bless Kansas with these strange white things falling from the sky, and unlike biblical times, you cannot collect it and eat it (although... strange story, but we totally used to do that at my parents house. my dad would go collect fresh snow for us and we ate it with honey and sprinkles on it. strange but true. apparently no one else does this though, and when my brother did when they were first married, my sister-in-law looked at him like he was crazy! (not that he isn't... but thats another story...)) Anyway this white stuff has piled on the ground in what I think was 7 inches total. Lovely driving weather for my tiny little sports car, let me tell you! And I just adore trying to step exactly where I stepped the day before so I don't freeze in my thin Converse All-Stars that I wear for work.
I suppose its my own fault. Naturally I am cold. I am in fact probably one of the worst all weather Kansans alive. (yet another agrument towards my real nationality...) The boots that I own fall under the categories of stilleto, fashion, and cowboy... but no snow boots. I actually don't even own a winter coat. (which is a long story, but I consider quite a feat since I haven't for the last 2 winters aside from a very old cerulean down coat that my mom's brother wore in college... yeah, weird I know, but its my 'play-in-the-snow-and-you-can-get-this-dirty' coat) Every time that I have gone to purchase a coat I have been unable to find one that I like that fits right or I have found it and found that I couldn't justify spending that much on a coat that I can't even wear but for a couple months out of the year. In the end that money ends up going towards someone who can actually use it, or it gets spent on bills or car repairs or something.
But all that aside, every time I look at the snow I can't help but wonder what it would be like to have never seen snow. I really can't imagine it. I've lived my whole life in Kansas. I've seen snow (however scanty) every year for my entire life. I've been excited for the days when Mom would allow us to bundle up and go play in it (and yes, allow is the right word, because somehow letting us have fun meant an incredible amount of work for her! and she was so gracious to let us do it so much!) I've shovelled the walk when it was crazy frozen out. I've even begged to be allowed to go get the mail to have a change to play in it. And I have even gone for walks on those nights when the snow finally stops and everything is deathly silent and all you can hear is the crunch of your own two feet creating a singular trodden path through the giant winter wonderland that the world has become under its fluffy white slumbering blanket.
Yet, since going to Africa, I have so many friends now who have legitimately never seen snow. Nor will they likely in their lifetimes unless the go to Mt. Kilomanjaro or something... Funny, its one thing they really wonder about. And that which I find inconvenient however pretty it may be, they find absolutely fascinating. I had one person tell me that even though he hated the cold, he was sure he would love snow. I actually laughed at him, which was mean, but how could you know you would love something you have never experienced? And... news flash, but cold must absolutely accompany snow, or you will have water... not snow. So no luck in the liking-one-thing-and-hating-another catergory.
And the really funny thing is that I started actually liking it better myself. Its like when you were a little kid and you had a toy that you didn't really care for or play with much, but as soon as your little sister picked it up, you were like, "whoa! hold up a minute honey! that's my toy and I was going to play with it!" Yeah, thats not really a very favorable example, but I think it captures it well. Except in this case, its not out of malice, just out of genuine interest in something that is so interesting to everyone else!
I can't help but catch myself wondering now how it would be to see snow for the first time and if throwing a snowball would just be amazing, or if ice-skating feel like flying.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Being Resolute
In general I pretty much hate new years resolutions. I mean if you were resolved to change why wait until a new year to do it? And the fact that most people go to the gym for a week and the stop. Well, sounds like you were really resolute in that resolution! I'd hate to know how long you would have done it if it were only a vague inclination!
So for many years I have stayed away from the complete hypocrisy that I consider this practice is. However I was looking at my life the week of Christmas this last year and realized that there were definitely things in my life that I really wanted to work on. The changes in my life between last Christmas and this one are so very drastic! But I realize that a lot of those same things that I wanted to work on then, I still want to work on now. So I broke down and actually made out a list of things that I would genuinely like to see change in my life between this last Christmas '10 and Christmas '11. So without further ado, this is my list:
1. to study scripture: I think the best way to know how to live every day is to understand the heart of God. If I really understood that, I would not even have to stop and think in most situations.
2. to lose 40lbs: yeah, I know that is a lot, and you are not supposed to want to lose that much, but I would really like to. Actually I would like to lose more than that, but aside from getting jungle fever and having to live on coconut milk for 2 months, I don't really see that happening. Lets face it folks, I live in America presently!
3. to not spend in excess: and by excess, I mean pretty much anything. Now in all honesty, I kinda already slipped on this one. I bought some clothes the other day. But I kind of justify that by the fact that I have had to retire a couple of the shirts and pants that I currently wear for work, so its kinda ok.
4. to spend generously on one thing:others: this is coupled with the other resolution. As much as I love to shop, I am allowed to do it if it is for someone else.
5. to save money frugally: we'll see how that goes. I really don't have much hope of that because it seems that I am always giving it away. But then again when I really am motivated I've been able to save for plane tickets, and a car, and college tuition... so this should be easy right?
6. to write more: this I have already failed miserably at because (as I discussed with Kia) while I should have a million and one things to write about (I mean, I've been to Africa and back for goodness sakes!) I have just been lacking in motivation recently. Coupled with the fact that my computer has been having issues, and I have found it inconvenient to try and type on something that you are afraid may crash at any second. Anyway... I am going to change that at the sincere urging of my very dear friend and try and write something captivating for you all at least once a week. I LOVE the idea of doing it every day... but I'm not kidding anyone, it simply wouldn't happen. I think this goal is very much more practical.
7. to love unselfishly those around me: and I actually have a specific list of people. Chances are if you are reading this blog you know me well enough to be on it, so you needent go through life wondering if you made the list or not! ;)
I think 7 is enough right? Anyway that is the number I am going to go with for now. Maybe I'll add more later... there should probably be one about doing my housework and sewing, and being a good domestic person... and probably a big one about patience too... but hey, there's always next year!
So for many years I have stayed away from the complete hypocrisy that I consider this practice is. However I was looking at my life the week of Christmas this last year and realized that there were definitely things in my life that I really wanted to work on. The changes in my life between last Christmas and this one are so very drastic! But I realize that a lot of those same things that I wanted to work on then, I still want to work on now. So I broke down and actually made out a list of things that I would genuinely like to see change in my life between this last Christmas '10 and Christmas '11. So without further ado, this is my list:
1. to study scripture: I think the best way to know how to live every day is to understand the heart of God. If I really understood that, I would not even have to stop and think in most situations.
2. to lose 40lbs: yeah, I know that is a lot, and you are not supposed to want to lose that much, but I would really like to. Actually I would like to lose more than that, but aside from getting jungle fever and having to live on coconut milk for 2 months, I don't really see that happening. Lets face it folks, I live in America presently!
3. to not spend in excess: and by excess, I mean pretty much anything. Now in all honesty, I kinda already slipped on this one. I bought some clothes the other day. But I kind of justify that by the fact that I have had to retire a couple of the shirts and pants that I currently wear for work, so its kinda ok.
4. to spend generously on one thing:others: this is coupled with the other resolution. As much as I love to shop, I am allowed to do it if it is for someone else.
5. to save money frugally: we'll see how that goes. I really don't have much hope of that because it seems that I am always giving it away. But then again when I really am motivated I've been able to save for plane tickets, and a car, and college tuition... so this should be easy right?
6. to write more: this I have already failed miserably at because (as I discussed with Kia) while I should have a million and one things to write about (I mean, I've been to Africa and back for goodness sakes!) I have just been lacking in motivation recently. Coupled with the fact that my computer has been having issues, and I have found it inconvenient to try and type on something that you are afraid may crash at any second. Anyway... I am going to change that at the sincere urging of my very dear friend and try and write something captivating for you all at least once a week. I LOVE the idea of doing it every day... but I'm not kidding anyone, it simply wouldn't happen. I think this goal is very much more practical.
7. to love unselfishly those around me: and I actually have a specific list of people. Chances are if you are reading this blog you know me well enough to be on it, so you needent go through life wondering if you made the list or not! ;)
I think 7 is enough right? Anyway that is the number I am going to go with for now. Maybe I'll add more later... there should probably be one about doing my housework and sewing, and being a good domestic person... and probably a big one about patience too... but hey, there's always next year!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Dedications
me without you is like mournful lyrics without the music that makes them alive and beautifully haunting. no artistry courses through them but that of sonnet. no melody lifts them from mundane to dance in free airs of sound. lovely as they may be, they lack something. something of a fuller richer existence. they lack meat to speak it souls excepting those which frequent bookstores and coffee shops and lazily peruse for forgotten ballads. but join my words to your melody and suddenly from oblivion to fame the compilation flies. it stirs hearts; awakens emotions thought lost; moves mountians of earth the unbury loves forgotten or forgotten childhood memories. it comes alive. really alive, for the first time. dares to dream that it may change the world for generations to come. i am words and you are music. i need you or i will never be a song. and the song we make is beautiful. funny how the great Composer must have taught us our parts long before we knew we existed. before we had hope of becoming anything more than just prose, or anything more than just a pretty tune. already our hearts were made for each other. be my music. i'll be your lines. together our heart song will be heard.
how can i tell you in a few simple messages
the depths of how i love you
oh glorious decision to abandon fear
and choose instead the warmth of your embrace
as i feel your arms squeeze around me
drawing me close and tight
how can i regret the freedom of love
that has given me such a haven
from a cruel and misunderstanding world
and the lonely nights fly by in succession
with hope of a new days dawn
when no longer will i be a single soldier
facing the daunting universe
but my earthly sergeant here to lead me
in advance against the trials of life
leans sweetly on my side and whispers in my ear
"it will all be okay; i'm here"
and suddenly it is
so until that day i must remain faithful
to Him whom both of us serve
train readily, prepare vigilantly
so when He deems it, our two man platoon
will be unstoppable
and no force may take us down or disarm us
for besides our army at our back
we will have each other at our sides
ready to take on the world... together
how can i tell you in a few simple messages
the depths of how i love you
oh glorious decision to abandon fear
and choose instead the warmth of your embrace
as i feel your arms squeeze around me
drawing me close and tight
how can i regret the freedom of love
that has given me such a haven
from a cruel and misunderstanding world
and the lonely nights fly by in succession
with hope of a new days dawn
when no longer will i be a single soldier
facing the daunting universe
but my earthly sergeant here to lead me
in advance against the trials of life
leans sweetly on my side and whispers in my ear
"it will all be okay; i'm here"
and suddenly it is
so until that day i must remain faithful
to Him whom both of us serve
train readily, prepare vigilantly
so when He deems it, our two man platoon
will be unstoppable
and no force may take us down or disarm us
for besides our army at our back
we will have each other at our sides
ready to take on the world... together
Those Times
The white lightning comes and away upon it I fly
A sudden burst of ideas and notions about life
As if nothing could conquer me
And the world were an agreeable and untouching place.
But truth be told I need more than anything
A small bottle of that joy
To get me through the times in life when
Hope sinks low and tomorrow hides her face.
One swig that I may ride again on the winds
Dancing across rippling meadows
To that place where all is at rest once again
And dreams are free to footrace.
How I wish to soar to that little glimpse of heaven
Where hope springs eternally alive
Like aimless wildflowers popping
From their muddy beds for sunshine's warm embrace.
A sudden burst of ideas and notions about life
As if nothing could conquer me
And the world were an agreeable and untouching place.
But truth be told I need more than anything
A small bottle of that joy
To get me through the times in life when
Hope sinks low and tomorrow hides her face.
One swig that I may ride again on the winds
Dancing across rippling meadows
To that place where all is at rest once again
And dreams are free to footrace.
How I wish to soar to that little glimpse of heaven
Where hope springs eternally alive
Like aimless wildflowers popping
From their muddy beds for sunshine's warm embrace.
The Shoppe
The conversation swirls around
Mixing with the earthen and aromaticly pervasive scents of coffee beans
As afternoon sunlight bounces off books and electronics
Individuals bent on losing the world
Collectively
The whir of the steamer drowns part of the slow Glen Miller style
Over the speakers
Can you feel the roughly sculpted and glazed mugs
Warm in your hands with fresh brew
Memories of these days will always include days with you
At the coffee shoppe
Hours squandered in debate, chatter, or reading
Dear friends each and every one of you
I've learnt more here of the lessons of life than ever in
The stagnant halls we also frequented.
Mixing with the earthen and aromaticly pervasive scents of coffee beans
As afternoon sunlight bounces off books and electronics
Individuals bent on losing the world
Collectively
The whir of the steamer drowns part of the slow Glen Miller style
Over the speakers
Can you feel the roughly sculpted and glazed mugs
Warm in your hands with fresh brew
Memories of these days will always include days with you
At the coffee shoppe
Hours squandered in debate, chatter, or reading
Dear friends each and every one of you
I've learnt more here of the lessons of life than ever in
The stagnant halls we also frequented.
Silence
Sorry for the silence all. I guess my public needs me, because several people have commented on how long its been since I posted! haha... you all know that I'm not that vain. And 5 points to whomever can isolate where that line came from!
All joking aside please don't be overly shocked when there are several posts on here. See its not that I haven't been writing, its just due to computer difficulties I have been unable to keep my computer on long enough to actually post on here! Some crazy overheating problem that I have yet to work all the kinks out of. Anywho... enjoy!
All joking aside please don't be overly shocked when there are several posts on here. See its not that I haven't been writing, its just due to computer difficulties I have been unable to keep my computer on long enough to actually post on here! Some crazy overheating problem that I have yet to work all the kinks out of. Anywho... enjoy!
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