If Curiosity Killed

If curiosity killed the cat
Then this feline had enough catnip arsenic
To destroy all nine of her lives
Chasing balls of twine she was never meant to unwind

See it started when she was very young
A few vague ideas planted on a fertile imagination
And they spread like gangrene
Taking her innocent mind along for the vacation
Because what she didn't fully know
And now couldn't ever unlearn
Would eat away at her soul
Pushing her to want a turn
And playing with dolls became a guilty affair
As she acted out scenes
She shouldn't know existed
Till it switched to books in her teens
Cause even if her mother checked most of her novels
There was always some way to sneak one in
And late at night she began to feel things
By day, changed the way she saw men

And her turn finally came
As he spoke sweet nothings in her ears
Whispered empty promises into her soul
And she sold herself cheap for those tears
That would all too ultimately come
Because 'emptiness' can't fill you
And 'nothing' can't satiate
At the end of the day she was still alone
Maybe more so now than ever before
Having tasted the nectar of Eden's love
She was cast out into this hell we call the world

And she turned where all disappointed, starving go
And that was the first time she saw it
Never occurring to her she could have a problem
Cause it's guys who get addicted to this kind of thing
But somehow she kept going back
And slowly the poison spread as it infected
Relationship after relationship
With its screaming yearn for more
The burden of guilt growing heavier and heavier
Every time her eyes settled on the vast store
Til she became the performer not the audience
And plied her trade for the chance
He would find her desirable...
Beautiful... Notice her... Even once

Who's fault is it?
Who is to blame?
Is it the industry or the individuals
Gaining money from barring their shame?

See I want to tell you this story has a happy ending
That the girl found help and healing
But how many people would that be true for?
How many instead lose their feeling?
How many young girls are just like her?
Thrust prematurely into a world they can't cope with
Carrying scars into marriages and relationships
Still looking for that perfect man and myth

And how many of her brothers have it worse?
Locked inside prisons of their own shame
Shackled to things they think they need
Never knowing character or heart or name
And won't they carry these scars as well?
Hurt the very women who love them best
Because there is no competition for an airbrushed pic
And he'll find he can't settle for less

If curiosity killed the cat
Then this feline had enough catnip arsenic
To destroy all her nine lives
Chasing balls of twine she was never meant to unwind

But thank God He saw her in her hurt and her pain
This is one cat that has been saved from the game.

** Uganda recently passed what has been referred to as the "miniskirt" bill in an attempt to curb pornography and indecent exposure within the country. While this may seem a bit strange on a country running rampant with teen pregnancy, HIV infection, and scandalous dressing, I loudly applaud the intentions behind wanting to preserve the original conservative values which have been honored in Africa in the past. May all nations take an example and feel the need to protect innocent lives and hearts from the evils of this dangerous industry.
** For all my brothers and sisters affected by this may I just say that God has not turned His back on you and He loves you yet. There is nothing and no one who can separate you from the love of God and that includes your own shame. Remember that guilt is from the devil and conviction is from God. You can change with His help. Maybe the change won't happen all at once but every day is a decision and you have the power in Christ to be victorious over this life of sin and death!

This Week

This week in Africa...
My tablet, external harddrive, and computer all broke (to varying extents)
I tried to get an apartment and realized that I can't afford it yet
I held like 7 babies and played with many more and realized how badly I want my own
I ran a low grade temp for 3 days and still went to work
I cried, like really cried for the first time this year
I nearly lost my way completely with a very broken heart and then found it again with help from a very unlikely source (the person who started my problems in the first place)
I started reading Walking with God by John Eldredge again... And got reminded how many things I am trying to do on my own without even asking God if it is a good idea

On page 87 this is what I found:
"And so God must, from time to time, and sometimes very insistently, disruptn our lives SO THAT we release our grasping of life here and now. Usually through pain. God is asking us to let go of the things we love and have given our hearts to, so that we can give our hearts even more fully to Him. He that's our attempts to make life work so that our efforts fail, and we must face the fact that we don't really look to God for life."

But that wasn't enough so He thought He would emphasize the point by having me read in Acts chapter 27 about Paul and the shipwreck... Interestingly, God told Paul that the only way for every life to be spared was for them to stay with the ship, no matter how bad the seas got. Act 27:25 " So keep up your courage, men, for I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me.". Its like He was also whispering in my ear... "The storm is bad, but I'll bring you through this if you hold steady and stay with Me." But the verse continues, "Nevertheless, we must run aground on some island." There may be worse to come, but somehow those few simple words spoke to my heart well enough for me to be able to pick myself up and continue on.

Thanks for reading, hope you were encouraged with what God has been teaching me, and mob love my peeps!