My younger brother has a famous quote which he garnered from who knows where, which runs something along the lines of, "Originality is nothing more than the art of concealing your sources." This entire blog post I have decided to dedicate to my favorite lines from Old English type language be it book or movie which dost capture my heart
"I have been meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow." ~P and P(the book)
"I should very easily forgive his pride, had he not injured mine." ~ P and P
"You mistake me, my dear. I have the utmost respect for your nerves. They've been my constant companion these twenty years." ~ P and P
"First, I must tell you I've been the most unmitigated and comprehensive ass." ~ P and P
"You must know... surely, you must know it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I'd scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." ~ P and P
"What are men compared to rocks and mountains?" ~ P and P
"Poor Jane. Still, a girl likes to be crossed in love now and then. It gives her something to think of... and a sort of distinction amongst het companions." ~ P and P
"Take the matter as you find it; ask no questions, utter no remonstrances; it is your best wisdom. You expected bread, and you have got a stone, break your teeth on it and don't shriek because the nerves are martyred. Do not doubt that your mental stomach --if you have such a thing -- is strong as the ostrich's; the stone will digest. You held out your hand for an egg and fate put into it a scorpion. Show no consternation, close your fingers firmly upon the gift, let it sting through your palm. Never mind, in time, after your hand and arm have swelled and quivered long with torture the squeezed scorpion will die, and you will have learned the great lesson how to endure without a sob. For the whole remnant of your life, if you survive the test -- some, it is said, die under it -- you will be stronger, wiser, less sensitive. This you are not aware of at the time, perhaps and cannot borrow courage of that hope. Nature however is an excellent friend in such cases, sealing the lips, interdicting utterance, commanding a placid dissimulation. A dissimulation often wearing an easy and gay mien at first, then settling down to sorrow and paleness in time, then passing away and leaving a convenient stoicism, not the less fortifying because it is half bitter." ~ Charlotte Bronte
"She was stronger alone; and her own good sense so well supported her, that her firmness was as unshaken, her appearance of cheerfulness as invariable, as, with regrets so poignant and so fresh, it was possible for them to be." ~ S and S (about Elinor)
"What do you know of my heart? What do you know of anything but your own suffering. For weeks, Marianne, I’ve had this pressing on me without being at liberty to speak of it to a single creature. It was forced on me by the very person whose prior claims ruined all my hope. I have endured her exultations again and again whilst knowing myself to be divided from Edward forever. Believe me, Marianne, had I not been bound to silence, I could have produced proof enough of a broken heart, even for you." ~ S and S
"Is love a fancy or a feeling? No, it is immortal as immaculate truth, tis not a blossom shed as soon as youth drops from the stem of life, for it will grow in barren regions where no waters flow, nor ray of sunshine cheats the pensive gloom."
"Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds or bends with the remover to remove. Oh no, it is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken." ~Sonnet 116, Shakespeare
"Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love." ~ Hamlet, Shakespeare
"The true adventurer goes forth aimlessly and uncalculating to meet and greet unknown fate." ~O'Henry
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Calling Out Your Name
Spring rains always make me think of this song, and while its not yet spring raining... the sky is very threatening and the winds smell of precipitation!
Friday, February 18, 2011
A New Leaf
** If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. ** Luke 14:26-27
I was washing dishes this morning and this thought kept popping into my head. Actually it was there yesterday too. I've been thinking a lot about what I will and won't give up for my Lord. Surprisingly (at least to me)I realized that I actually had things on the "won't give up" list. I have so many hopes and dreams and ambitions I've been holding in a closed fist. And though I've been holding out my hand to God asking Him to use it, I've still had a death grip on these things not allowing Him to snatch them away and replace them with something better, or even for Him to allow me to have them. I need an open hand.
I've had a quote from the movie "Facing the Giants" up on my refrigerator for the last month. Something about it kept haunting me. Although I kept reading it trying to glean as much as I could from that phrase, I felt like I was missing something from it. The quote falls in the movie after the main characters realize that they are unable to have children naturally after trying for many years. The man posed this question to his wife, after coming to the realization that he needed to be living for the Lord every day and trusting Him.
** "If God never gives us the children we want, will you still love Him?" **
I blanked out "the children" in the quote and added my name to the end, posing the question to myself, and filling in any number of different scenarios. Funny thing is that I always thought I knew the answer to that question. I've known for, what feels like, my entire life that being angry at God about something doesn't change it one iota. Yet now that I look back, I can fairly clearly see that I was mad all along. When bad things happen in my life I have a couple of songs that I listen to on repeat. They have the same theme. They speak of how much God loves me. Which is weird. Why, at times when things go differently than I wanted in my life would I not question God's plan, but instead need this crazy reassurance that He loves me, and that I should love Him?
I guess I still don't know the whole answer to that question, but I feel like maybe I'm finally getting to the root of one of my problems with really trusting God. I was talking to some of my girlfriends and I think a small part of me was still holding out hoping that I would get the storybook tale that I have always wanted. But life is more complicated than that, and I'm not sure why I wanted a fairytale, when I've always been more of a action movie type gal anyway... Recent events have crumbled even my little dreams of having the storybook that I wanted and I finally realize why those dreams can't happen. Because if I was to truthfully answer the question, "will you still love Him?" my answer would be shaky. I really don't have a faith that grounded. I know what the right answer is and I would struggle to still love Him because I knew I should, but it wouldn't be that free and effortless flow like it should be. I picture a stream when I say that. One that is swollen by spring rains and melting snow and it just rushes over the rocks, so utterly clear and cold and purposeful, knowing that it will follow the bed sculpted by time. Thinking that I already knew where my stream was headed, I think I have been fighting God when I could have just been freely flowing without a care knowing He has already prepared the course for me.
I want that much freedom. So I'm trying to purpose to lay down all my hopes and dreams and ambitions and plans. And I mean ALL.
Which is probably one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do in my entire life. And yet, so necessary that I can't fail to do it.
This life I am living now, I cannot continue to live. It will kill me faster than a 0.2mg of ricin.
I was washing dishes this morning and this thought kept popping into my head. Actually it was there yesterday too. I've been thinking a lot about what I will and won't give up for my Lord. Surprisingly (at least to me)I realized that I actually had things on the "won't give up" list. I have so many hopes and dreams and ambitions I've been holding in a closed fist. And though I've been holding out my hand to God asking Him to use it, I've still had a death grip on these things not allowing Him to snatch them away and replace them with something better, or even for Him to allow me to have them. I need an open hand.
I've had a quote from the movie "Facing the Giants" up on my refrigerator for the last month. Something about it kept haunting me. Although I kept reading it trying to glean as much as I could from that phrase, I felt like I was missing something from it. The quote falls in the movie after the main characters realize that they are unable to have children naturally after trying for many years. The man posed this question to his wife, after coming to the realization that he needed to be living for the Lord every day and trusting Him.
** "If God never gives us the children we want, will you still love Him?" **
I blanked out "the children" in the quote and added my name to the end, posing the question to myself, and filling in any number of different scenarios. Funny thing is that I always thought I knew the answer to that question. I've known for, what feels like, my entire life that being angry at God about something doesn't change it one iota. Yet now that I look back, I can fairly clearly see that I was mad all along. When bad things happen in my life I have a couple of songs that I listen to on repeat. They have the same theme. They speak of how much God loves me. Which is weird. Why, at times when things go differently than I wanted in my life would I not question God's plan, but instead need this crazy reassurance that He loves me, and that I should love Him?
I guess I still don't know the whole answer to that question, but I feel like maybe I'm finally getting to the root of one of my problems with really trusting God. I was talking to some of my girlfriends and I think a small part of me was still holding out hoping that I would get the storybook tale that I have always wanted. But life is more complicated than that, and I'm not sure why I wanted a fairytale, when I've always been more of a action movie type gal anyway... Recent events have crumbled even my little dreams of having the storybook that I wanted and I finally realize why those dreams can't happen. Because if I was to truthfully answer the question, "will you still love Him?" my answer would be shaky. I really don't have a faith that grounded. I know what the right answer is and I would struggle to still love Him because I knew I should, but it wouldn't be that free and effortless flow like it should be. I picture a stream when I say that. One that is swollen by spring rains and melting snow and it just rushes over the rocks, so utterly clear and cold and purposeful, knowing that it will follow the bed sculpted by time. Thinking that I already knew where my stream was headed, I think I have been fighting God when I could have just been freely flowing without a care knowing He has already prepared the course for me.
I want that much freedom. So I'm trying to purpose to lay down all my hopes and dreams and ambitions and plans. And I mean ALL.
Which is probably one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do in my entire life. And yet, so necessary that I can't fail to do it.
This life I am living now, I cannot continue to live. It will kill me faster than a 0.2mg of ricin.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
The Fingernail Fable
Whether out of sheer stupidity or just my own silliness in wanting to experience a wide variety of all the experiences available in this vast globe I have this amazing knack for getting myself into these situations...
Well, needless to say, I did it again. It started rather innocently. For work, we planned a ball for our residents. Now, said ball had a potential to be quite fun for them (getting dressed up, special live band, and fun foods), if we could get them excited to go. So me and one of the other gals at work decided that we would get into the spirit of things too and dress up for the "ball". I decided to wear one of my old bridesmaid dresses which I happen to still love (and not in one of those, "you can always shorten it and wear it again later!" type ways.) and I convinced her to wear a dress for the first time since prom in senior high! For this very special occasion we both decided to go and get our nails done.
I should have known better. Let me just clarify. No one but me is allowed to even so much as touch my toenails. My fingernails have had a little more freedom. I got them done professionally just once, for my best friend's wedding. However, I did it at a beauty school (so you may argue that wasn't really "professional" technically), but they turned out not very good, and I ended up thinking I could have done a better job myself with a couple bottles from Wally-World.
So naturally given my not-so-experienced past I was a little leery of this whole experience. However I had seen the ones this gal had got done before, and we were going to the same place, and all seemed legit.
The service was excellent and I didn't even get creeped out by the fact that they were talking in Korean while doing it. I loved the nails, though I did kinda wish they would have trimmed them just a little shorter. They were very elegant and made me feel beautiful (well, my hands anyway, because I have rather large unsightly hands and am a bit self-conscious of this fact. Its a bit embarrassing when you can single hand a basketball before the rest of the junior high boys your age...).
However... they did make life a bit hard. Anything that I have done in the past that involves finger dexterity was affected. I poked holes through my gloves at work on a regular basis. Texting on my blackberry took a lot of getting used to. Even typing in general for work became a bit slower. I figured out that I couldn't sew on my sewing machine, couldn't open small things like battery compartments, and couldn't separate papers or grab playing cards. The worst part though, and the part that made me eventually take them off was the fact that they were so abominably hard to keep clean! I guess it mostly had to do with the fact that the seal on the end wasn't very good and dirt could actually get in between MY fingernail and the fake fingernail. Ewh gross, I know! But this is made ten times worse by the fact that for my job I need to have completely clean fingernails at ALL times to prevent cross contamination and the spread of infection. I did attempt to cut them down a little to see if this helped reduce the increased bacteria count that I carried around with me, but alas this was painful, very difficult to do, and had no immediate affect on the obvious small colony. The only really good way to get them fairly clean was completely immersion in at least 5min of intense soapy scrubbing. Far longer than the 30seconds that they say it is necessary to wash for to adequately cleanse the surfaces of your distal upper appendages.
Yeah, bad deal! When the seals went, they simply had to go!
Well, I am told that the best way to take them off is with acetone. But acetone is also one of those slightly dangerous chemicals that people don't just leave lying around their houses... you know? My nail polish remover is acetone free so no luck there. However I did happen to notice that my nails were loose around the edges. Lucky stroke! Perhaps I could just pop them off with leverage force!
Oh, dear... yes, I was able to pop the first one off myself. Not too terribly painful, but that was also the least adhesive nail on either of my hands...
You can only guess the rest of this story. The last few nails (and by that I mean 8) involved a utility knife wedged under my fake nails and me muttering outdated profanities like "jumping jehosophat!" in the bathroom as my dog watched bewildered from the hallway.
How I get myself in these situations I will never cease to wonder!
Oh, I suppose this should have a lesson since it's supposed to be a 'fable'... well, how bout you give me some creative license and you come up with your own moral! Or better yet, learn from my mistake and don't get fake nails if you are a nurse. I know I for one will not be getting them again... well, unless I get married or something special like that! But that is a far cry down the road from where I'm sitting!
Well, needless to say, I did it again. It started rather innocently. For work, we planned a ball for our residents. Now, said ball had a potential to be quite fun for them (getting dressed up, special live band, and fun foods), if we could get them excited to go. So me and one of the other gals at work decided that we would get into the spirit of things too and dress up for the "ball". I decided to wear one of my old bridesmaid dresses which I happen to still love (and not in one of those, "you can always shorten it and wear it again later!" type ways.) and I convinced her to wear a dress for the first time since prom in senior high! For this very special occasion we both decided to go and get our nails done.
I should have known better. Let me just clarify. No one but me is allowed to even so much as touch my toenails. My fingernails have had a little more freedom. I got them done professionally just once, for my best friend's wedding. However, I did it at a beauty school (so you may argue that wasn't really "professional" technically), but they turned out not very good, and I ended up thinking I could have done a better job myself with a couple bottles from Wally-World.
So naturally given my not-so-experienced past I was a little leery of this whole experience. However I had seen the ones this gal had got done before, and we were going to the same place, and all seemed legit.
The service was excellent and I didn't even get creeped out by the fact that they were talking in Korean while doing it. I loved the nails, though I did kinda wish they would have trimmed them just a little shorter. They were very elegant and made me feel beautiful (well, my hands anyway, because I have rather large unsightly hands and am a bit self-conscious of this fact. Its a bit embarrassing when you can single hand a basketball before the rest of the junior high boys your age...).
However... they did make life a bit hard. Anything that I have done in the past that involves finger dexterity was affected. I poked holes through my gloves at work on a regular basis. Texting on my blackberry took a lot of getting used to. Even typing in general for work became a bit slower. I figured out that I couldn't sew on my sewing machine, couldn't open small things like battery compartments, and couldn't separate papers or grab playing cards. The worst part though, and the part that made me eventually take them off was the fact that they were so abominably hard to keep clean! I guess it mostly had to do with the fact that the seal on the end wasn't very good and dirt could actually get in between MY fingernail and the fake fingernail. Ewh gross, I know! But this is made ten times worse by the fact that for my job I need to have completely clean fingernails at ALL times to prevent cross contamination and the spread of infection. I did attempt to cut them down a little to see if this helped reduce the increased bacteria count that I carried around with me, but alas this was painful, very difficult to do, and had no immediate affect on the obvious small colony. The only really good way to get them fairly clean was completely immersion in at least 5min of intense soapy scrubbing. Far longer than the 30seconds that they say it is necessary to wash for to adequately cleanse the surfaces of your distal upper appendages.
Yeah, bad deal! When the seals went, they simply had to go!
Well, I am told that the best way to take them off is with acetone. But acetone is also one of those slightly dangerous chemicals that people don't just leave lying around their houses... you know? My nail polish remover is acetone free so no luck there. However I did happen to notice that my nails were loose around the edges. Lucky stroke! Perhaps I could just pop them off with leverage force!
Oh, dear... yes, I was able to pop the first one off myself. Not too terribly painful, but that was also the least adhesive nail on either of my hands...
You can only guess the rest of this story. The last few nails (and by that I mean 8) involved a utility knife wedged under my fake nails and me muttering outdated profanities like "jumping jehosophat!" in the bathroom as my dog watched bewildered from the hallway.
How I get myself in these situations I will never cease to wonder!
Oh, I suppose this should have a lesson since it's supposed to be a 'fable'... well, how bout you give me some creative license and you come up with your own moral! Or better yet, learn from my mistake and don't get fake nails if you are a nurse. I know I for one will not be getting them again... well, unless I get married or something special like that! But that is a far cry down the road from where I'm sitting!
Smatterings
1. to whom it may concern: the dog collar aisle in your local PetCo is not the place to pick up chicks... and yes, your little labrador puppy is cute, but my weimeraner could eat him for breakfast, burp, and have enough room left over for mid-morning tea! please don't mistake my being a nice person for actual interest.
in other news though, Kala really loves her peanut butter filled bone. i didn't know they made these things, but its awesome! she always fussed at me anyway when i would make anything with peanut butter because apparently she loves it! (great way to get her to take pills by the way!)
2. my entire front lawn is a giant bog. And by bog i mean that there is not possible way to get from my car to my house without varying amounts of mud encased upon my shoes. i took the liberty of rearranging the stepping stones in my front yardish "area" yesterday so that i could possibly traipse the treacherous hill down to my lowly vehicle without causing a small mudslide. then i jumped up and down on them and felt like a complete moron/little kid. but apparently my shenanigans worked because after freezing in the ground last night they were very firm this morning when i went to use them.
also i need to decide by the end of this month if i want to sign another 12month lease on my apartment, which will mean that i will not be able to move to Uganda this year as I had hoped. which leaves me with a huge sinking pit in my stomach.
3. kangaroos and emus can't walk backwards. i don't know why, but yahoo said that they can't. personally i think this may be a matter of classical conditioning. if i could kick-box the life outa someone, i wouldn't ever back away either... just sayin'...
4. i soooooo want to go to night school and learn how to make my own shoes. okay, so obviously i am watching P.S. I Love You. i still really want to know how to make my own shoes, i mean how cool is that? i could totally pull it off right? i'm creative enough. and it would save me and my shoe crazy friends and sisters a lot of money if i could just make them! how cool would that be to get a custom made pair of shoes for your birthday? i mean really! you know you would be impressed and don't pretend otherwise.
in other news though, Kala really loves her peanut butter filled bone. i didn't know they made these things, but its awesome! she always fussed at me anyway when i would make anything with peanut butter because apparently she loves it! (great way to get her to take pills by the way!)
2. my entire front lawn is a giant bog. And by bog i mean that there is not possible way to get from my car to my house without varying amounts of mud encased upon my shoes. i took the liberty of rearranging the stepping stones in my front yardish "area" yesterday so that i could possibly traipse the treacherous hill down to my lowly vehicle without causing a small mudslide. then i jumped up and down on them and felt like a complete moron/little kid. but apparently my shenanigans worked because after freezing in the ground last night they were very firm this morning when i went to use them.
also i need to decide by the end of this month if i want to sign another 12month lease on my apartment, which will mean that i will not be able to move to Uganda this year as I had hoped. which leaves me with a huge sinking pit in my stomach.
3. kangaroos and emus can't walk backwards. i don't know why, but yahoo said that they can't. personally i think this may be a matter of classical conditioning. if i could kick-box the life outa someone, i wouldn't ever back away either... just sayin'...
4. i soooooo want to go to night school and learn how to make my own shoes. okay, so obviously i am watching P.S. I Love You. i still really want to know how to make my own shoes, i mean how cool is that? i could totally pull it off right? i'm creative enough. and it would save me and my shoe crazy friends and sisters a lot of money if i could just make them! how cool would that be to get a custom made pair of shoes for your birthday? i mean really! you know you would be impressed and don't pretend otherwise.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The Throes of It All
One person
And yet the happiness your bring
Is almost overwhelming
The matter-of-fact way we talk of forever
Makes me hope more every day
Until my heart
Already committed in love and faith
Is fully yours
And though it leaves me dangerously exposed
I will choose to keep giving it to you
And trust that though we all may be fools in love
You will honor that trust and give me that which I desire
Til forever is no longer a dream
And together on our knees
We daily pledge our lives
To Him and each other
Til He calls us to our heavenly home
We strive to make one here
As near as possible.
And yet the happiness your bring
Is almost overwhelming
The matter-of-fact way we talk of forever
Makes me hope more every day
Until my heart
Already committed in love and faith
Is fully yours
And though it leaves me dangerously exposed
I will choose to keep giving it to you
And trust that though we all may be fools in love
You will honor that trust and give me that which I desire
Til forever is no longer a dream
And together on our knees
We daily pledge our lives
To Him and each other
Til He calls us to our heavenly home
We strive to make one here
As near as possible.
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