So I know Jenna wrote about this on her blog... but I also listened to that sermon about joy, and the things that steal our joy in our lives. And yes, the list of stuff from the monk in Nebraska (who knew they had monks in NE?) stuck out to me as well.
In his list he said stuff like, "If I could do life over, I would..." and then finished it with stuff like eating more ice cream and less beans, or relishing in God's beautiful creation more...
this is my list
If I could live my life over:
I would spend more time investing in my little siblings and less time avoiding them.
I would love people more without worrying what they would think.
I would talk to and reach out to people more.
I would watch less movies and spend more time outside.
I would commit more to practice things that I could be good at.
I would learn a language and an instrument or two or three...
I would be more artistic, more domestic, more literary, and more athletic.
I would laugh more, cry more, and let myself dream routinely.
I would be content.
I would give more stuff away and make do with less.
I would eat less sweets and more rice and beans.
I would take more chances to do crazy things.
I would learn to swim and conquer my fear of heights.
I would randomly dance more, and I would learn how to really dance.
I wouldn't ever drink, kiss anyone, get a dog, or talk back to my parents, even when they are wrong.
I would take more responsibility for my actions and not justify myself all the time.
I would spend more time in the Word, and less time online.
I would learn more worship/scripture songs, and less hip-hop.
I would respect my parents more, listen to them closer, and love them better.
I would encourage people more; and not be so dang selfish.
I would be a sunday school volunteer more often and sit through boring classes less.
I would take more sermon notes, more class notes, and fill more prayer journals.
I would use more brilliant colors, wear more dresses, curl my hair, and rock the heels when given the chance.
I would give more hugs, dry more tears, and hold more hands.
I would find a place to serve more.
I would live in a ramshackle house a stones throw from hell.
I would enjoy solitude and delight in company.
... and that's just the start. Its kinda good to look at a list like this as I start into my new year. I think it helps prioritize the things that I want my life to be about, and what I want to change about the way that I currently live. With God's help, I'm gonna try to live every day, so I don't have to think about how I could have done it better if I could do it over.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
My Family
Do you have to be gone for a while to completely and fully appreciate your family?
I don't know, but I think that is exactly what has happened to me. Maybe it has a little to do with the fact that I have grown up a little bit and got rid of that nasty teenage habit of looking down on my parents and siblings. Or maybe it has to do with the fact that I look at them and imagine if this is the last holiday season that I get to spend with them in the U.S. for a while, what do I want to remember?
We were washing dishes last night. Janalee was making cookie frosting, and my dad and Jim were in the other room playing their guitars. The whole family was singing "the Revelation Song" (look it up if you don't know what I am talking about, because it is a really good song!). Now usually I hate taking part in these group sing things... don't ask why, its probably just because I have a bad attitude. Anyway, last night, I was pretty much like, "oh, what the heck," and joined right in. WOW! let me just say that I have a pretty amazingly talented family! Harmonies off the wall, and a beautifully powerful song mixed together?? YOWWEE! Needless to say, it was beautiful. I think its moments like that I will miss the most. Moments of absolute and total abandonment to the music of what is going on around me (figuratively, although this was literally).
There is something of the beauty of heaven that is reflected in my family I think. Maybe sometheing of the beauty of the church as it ought to be. The harmonies... yeah, you catching on?
Anyway, those are the moments that I want to remember when I'm old and moved away. Those and the silly moments like all standing around and shooting the breeze in the kitchen, the little girls spending the night at my house and making steak and eggs for breakfast, or tromping in the timber. I can't even explain in this short space how those times make my heart thrill.
I just hope and pray that I can learn to enjoy them more and more every day.
I don't know, but I think that is exactly what has happened to me. Maybe it has a little to do with the fact that I have grown up a little bit and got rid of that nasty teenage habit of looking down on my parents and siblings. Or maybe it has to do with the fact that I look at them and imagine if this is the last holiday season that I get to spend with them in the U.S. for a while, what do I want to remember?
We were washing dishes last night. Janalee was making cookie frosting, and my dad and Jim were in the other room playing their guitars. The whole family was singing "the Revelation Song" (look it up if you don't know what I am talking about, because it is a really good song!). Now usually I hate taking part in these group sing things... don't ask why, its probably just because I have a bad attitude. Anyway, last night, I was pretty much like, "oh, what the heck," and joined right in. WOW! let me just say that I have a pretty amazingly talented family! Harmonies off the wall, and a beautifully powerful song mixed together?? YOWWEE! Needless to say, it was beautiful. I think its moments like that I will miss the most. Moments of absolute and total abandonment to the music of what is going on around me (figuratively, although this was literally).
There is something of the beauty of heaven that is reflected in my family I think. Maybe sometheing of the beauty of the church as it ought to be. The harmonies... yeah, you catching on?
Anyway, those are the moments that I want to remember when I'm old and moved away. Those and the silly moments like all standing around and shooting the breeze in the kitchen, the little girls spending the night at my house and making steak and eggs for breakfast, or tromping in the timber. I can't even explain in this short space how those times make my heart thrill.
I just hope and pray that I can learn to enjoy them more and more every day.
Incomplete Workings/Complete Joy
I was looking back through my recent posts to this blog... quite a shame actually, almost all of them are drafts that have yet to be published... tsk, tsk on me. But none the less, I was looking back through them and came to a very decided conclusion. I've been more or less disjointed in the last several months.
My sister said something yesterday while we were hanging out...
*okay, let me pause here to say that in my family the most silliness, laughing, and other mayhem happens in the kitchen directly after meals once my parents clear out and leave the rest of us to finish cleaning up and doing dishes, etc... This is in fact where/what we were doing last night when this conversation happened...*
She said, "you are a lot funnier when you have enough sleep!" I think that she was operating off the general assumption that the reason that I had been so grumpy/down the last several times that I was at the house was my lack of sleep and general exhaustion resulting from nursing school. "Not so Mr. Skylar!"
My lack of joy in life resulted from the discombobulation of my life in general. In the last month I had come under such extreme pressure from school, financial strain, my car broke down, and I was trying to take finish strong in school while working night shifts... ugh. But that was not my problem. I had some very strained relationships, both with those directly around me, and with some others that are very dear to my heart, not to mention a relative that I love very dearly. But that was not my problem either. My problem was that in all of this, I didn't run to the very person, scratch that, the ONLY PERSON that could have held all those problems in His powerful arms for me!
That much being said, let me just say that my sister attributed the joy to the wrong source. It wasn't an increase in sleep that has me ready to tackle the day. In fact, I'm not thoroughly convinced that there has been an increase! Its the daily submission of that day to God and His glory and His pleasure.
Its a beautiful kind of glorious to rediscover your first true Love after finding emptiness everywhere else.
My sister said something yesterday while we were hanging out...
*okay, let me pause here to say that in my family the most silliness, laughing, and other mayhem happens in the kitchen directly after meals once my parents clear out and leave the rest of us to finish cleaning up and doing dishes, etc... This is in fact where/what we were doing last night when this conversation happened...*
She said, "you are a lot funnier when you have enough sleep!" I think that she was operating off the general assumption that the reason that I had been so grumpy/down the last several times that I was at the house was my lack of sleep and general exhaustion resulting from nursing school. "Not so Mr. Skylar!"
My lack of joy in life resulted from the discombobulation of my life in general. In the last month I had come under such extreme pressure from school, financial strain, my car broke down, and I was trying to take finish strong in school while working night shifts... ugh. But that was not my problem. I had some very strained relationships, both with those directly around me, and with some others that are very dear to my heart, not to mention a relative that I love very dearly. But that was not my problem either. My problem was that in all of this, I didn't run to the very person, scratch that, the ONLY PERSON that could have held all those problems in His powerful arms for me!
That much being said, let me just say that my sister attributed the joy to the wrong source. It wasn't an increase in sleep that has me ready to tackle the day. In fact, I'm not thoroughly convinced that there has been an increase! Its the daily submission of that day to God and His glory and His pleasure.
Its a beautiful kind of glorious to rediscover your first true Love after finding emptiness everywhere else.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
apathy
Main Entry: ap·a·thy
Pronunciation: \ˈa-pə-thē\
Function: noun
Etymology: Greek apatheia, from apathēs without feeling, from a- + pathos emotion — more at pathos
Date: 1594
1 : lack of feeling or emotion : impassiveness2 : lack of interest or concern : indifference
Apathy is also the emotion that I have been feeling most acutely at this present time. Yesterday I graduated from nursing school... let me tell you about that...
I've come through this last year as one of the absolute hardest of my entire life! Nursing school is brutal. But this last semester you know how much I have studied for tests? Maybe the day before... if I'm lucky. Really. I don't know how I didn't fail more of my schoolwork... honestly. I crunched numbers last week and the night before my final I lay on my couch and watched "The Two Towers". Yeah, that was largely productive!!! I managed to get through my final, and waited while grades were posted. Everyone else in my class was freaking out wanting to know if they passed or not. I was... well the best word is probably: apathetic. Completely emotionless, I was just glad the suffering was over. I passed with actually a half way decent grade and went on to graduate. I think I told everyone that I was excited to be done. I'm not. I'm indifferent. Maybe it just hasn't set in yet. Who knows...
But then again... I start to think for a minute about the things that get me excited... investing in peoples lives, natural beauty, Africa, knowing my nursing stuff... yeah, that still does it for me. So maybe I'm not apathetic, maybe I'm just selective about what excites me these days.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
why?
vs. 1:
undeserved grace
after all i've done
after all i do
to take me back
open arms
chorus:
why?
in my failings
in my weakness
in my belligerent turning away
why would You
choose to love
me?
vs. 2:
perfect forgiveness
despite all i've done
in all i do
You take me back
warm embrace
chorus:
why?
in my failings
in my weakness
in my belligerent turning away
why would You
choose to love
me?
bridge:
and i see those tears
slipping slowly down the blood caked Face
and i watch those thorns
press farther into that precious Head
and how can i
put you through
so much pain?
why would you
choose to love
me?
chorus:
here
in my failings
in my weakness
in my belligerent turning away
its here You
choose to love
me
undeserved grace
after all i've done
after all i do
to take me back
open arms
chorus:
why?
in my failings
in my weakness
in my belligerent turning away
why would You
choose to love
me?
vs. 2:
perfect forgiveness
despite all i've done
in all i do
You take me back
warm embrace
chorus:
why?
in my failings
in my weakness
in my belligerent turning away
why would You
choose to love
me?
bridge:
and i see those tears
slipping slowly down the blood caked Face
and i watch those thorns
press farther into that precious Head
and how can i
put you through
so much pain?
why would you
choose to love
me?
chorus:
here
in my failings
in my weakness
in my belligerent turning away
its here You
choose to love
me
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
November
I guess I haven't written on here for a while. I've been pretty busy with school, and the majority of things going on in my life are a little too personal to put on a blog if you know what I mean.
Basically God is doing some really awesome remodeling of my life.
For starters, He's really been working on my pride and independence. I think I asked Him to actually, but He's been really faithful at confronting me about it at every turn. Especially in the fact that my car has broken down. I'm sure that I have mentioned before how much of a love/hate relationship that I have with that car. He was the first and only car that I have owned, and I have kind of a "first love" type mentality for it. Anyway, he let me down like any typical guy, and left me hanging with two months of school left, so I've been having to bum rides off of everyone. Which as much as I really LOVE doing that... I'll be glad if my friend and his dad can get my car up and running again. They are working on it now, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
The other thing that He really keeps having me confront is whether or not I believe that He really does answer my prayers. This may seem rudimentary to you, and I believe it probably is to the Christian walk, but don't you ever have those times when you wonder, really wonder why you are praying? Perhaps those times where you pray about it as an ingrained reflex and not the real seeking of God that it should be? Or you pray without waiting in expectation for God to move, or without the longevity to wait on His answer? That is pretty much me more times than not. I think that growing up the way I did, and learning early go to Him has really put me into a permanent bent of laying things at His feet, and then turning around and leaving.
What happened to the earnestness? The pleading with God? That kind of prayer that shakes the gates of Hell? Anyone?
I thought not. I don't think that kind of prayer is taught in our churches. I see that kind of worship, sometimes that kind of preaching, that kind of passion for service, but where is the prayer? Does anyone know of churches that still do mid-week prayer? I didn't think so. And don't you just think of that as Mrs. Jenkins, Widow Saunders, and the pastor camped out in the ugly paneled basement of the church. Sitting there on folding chairs, with the sunday school feltboard Jesus' pictures on the wall behind them, and praying very softly? (maybe I'm just weird and always pictured it that way)
Crying out to God has been the cry of my heart of late. I went to Ichthus last week. I didn't realize how much I missed it. (doesn't change the fact that I still felt out of place, but I did miss it). My sister came up to me afterwards as I was sitting there praying and gave me a list of verses and told me to look them up. I looked up the first one and couldn't read the second through the tears building in my eyes and trickling down my cheeks. Reading it today, its faded, but it still carries some of the power.
Psalm 107: 8-9 "Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men, for He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things."
Basically God is doing some really awesome remodeling of my life.
For starters, He's really been working on my pride and independence. I think I asked Him to actually, but He's been really faithful at confronting me about it at every turn. Especially in the fact that my car has broken down. I'm sure that I have mentioned before how much of a love/hate relationship that I have with that car. He was the first and only car that I have owned, and I have kind of a "first love" type mentality for it. Anyway, he let me down like any typical guy, and left me hanging with two months of school left, so I've been having to bum rides off of everyone. Which as much as I really LOVE doing that... I'll be glad if my friend and his dad can get my car up and running again. They are working on it now, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
The other thing that He really keeps having me confront is whether or not I believe that He really does answer my prayers. This may seem rudimentary to you, and I believe it probably is to the Christian walk, but don't you ever have those times when you wonder, really wonder why you are praying? Perhaps those times where you pray about it as an ingrained reflex and not the real seeking of God that it should be? Or you pray without waiting in expectation for God to move, or without the longevity to wait on His answer? That is pretty much me more times than not. I think that growing up the way I did, and learning early go to Him has really put me into a permanent bent of laying things at His feet, and then turning around and leaving.
What happened to the earnestness? The pleading with God? That kind of prayer that shakes the gates of Hell? Anyone?
I thought not. I don't think that kind of prayer is taught in our churches. I see that kind of worship, sometimes that kind of preaching, that kind of passion for service, but where is the prayer? Does anyone know of churches that still do mid-week prayer? I didn't think so. And don't you just think of that as Mrs. Jenkins, Widow Saunders, and the pastor camped out in the ugly paneled basement of the church. Sitting there on folding chairs, with the sunday school feltboard Jesus' pictures on the wall behind them, and praying very softly? (maybe I'm just weird and always pictured it that way)
Crying out to God has been the cry of my heart of late. I went to Ichthus last week. I didn't realize how much I missed it. (doesn't change the fact that I still felt out of place, but I did miss it). My sister came up to me afterwards as I was sitting there praying and gave me a list of verses and told me to look them up. I looked up the first one and couldn't read the second through the tears building in my eyes and trickling down my cheeks. Reading it today, its faded, but it still carries some of the power.
Psalm 107: 8-9 "Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men, for He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things."
Sunday, October 18, 2009
i feel your pain...
i feel your pain
and it kills me a little inside
i feel the hurt from love lost
how he turned away from you
ran after another
as if you were cheap
and easy to obtain
not the priceless jewel you are
i feel your pain
that hurt of nothing going right
your body adding aches
to an already burdened heart
wondering how you'll make ends meet
live forward to another day
find something, anything to keep you
afloat on torrid seas
i feel your pain
that depression that doesn't lift
cause try as you might
you can never do it all
there's always something more
and at the end of the day
blessed sleep won't come
for your tired heart
i feel your pain
that ache of loneliness
nothing can fill
because you are alone, so alone
busyness is a weak cover
and sometimes you just need someone
anyone
i feel your pain
another tear over another grave
all you want is no more death
those dearest to you nearest to you
but life has a strange way
of leaving its participants shortchanged
by the ceasing of others participation
and the pang runs deep
i feel your pain
that constant strain
grating at your nerves and driving you
and the harder you try
smoothing edges becomes
sharpening daggers
til those who should love you best
cut you worst
i feel your pain
who feels mine?
i feel Your pain
left alone to face this fate
You don't deserve
abandoned by those You hold dear
exposed, insulted, heartbroken
now acutely aware
i don't feel Your pain
i am Your pain
i feel your pain
because He felt mine
and it kills me a little inside
i feel the hurt from love lost
how he turned away from you
ran after another
as if you were cheap
and easy to obtain
not the priceless jewel you are
i feel your pain
that hurt of nothing going right
your body adding aches
to an already burdened heart
wondering how you'll make ends meet
live forward to another day
find something, anything to keep you
afloat on torrid seas
i feel your pain
that depression that doesn't lift
cause try as you might
you can never do it all
there's always something more
and at the end of the day
blessed sleep won't come
for your tired heart
i feel your pain
that ache of loneliness
nothing can fill
because you are alone, so alone
busyness is a weak cover
and sometimes you just need someone
anyone
i feel your pain
another tear over another grave
all you want is no more death
those dearest to you nearest to you
but life has a strange way
of leaving its participants shortchanged
by the ceasing of others participation
and the pang runs deep
i feel your pain
that constant strain
grating at your nerves and driving you
and the harder you try
smoothing edges becomes
sharpening daggers
til those who should love you best
cut you worst
i feel your pain
who feels mine?
i feel Your pain
left alone to face this fate
You don't deserve
abandoned by those You hold dear
exposed, insulted, heartbroken
now acutely aware
i don't feel Your pain
i am Your pain
i feel your pain
because He felt mine
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Book Corner
This last weekend I did a very risky thing...
... I went into a used book shop!
I know, I know what you are thinking. "Oh, Jo, you should know better!"
I have no excuses. I honestly didn't think before I took that step of action. Thankfully, I left only $25 lighter in the wallet.
My conquests for the day:
A Gown of Spanish Lace (a favorite of mine for some time, actually introduced to me by my mum)
This Present Darkness (another favorite of mine, introduced to me by my daddy)
(fyi: my parents are pretty stellar people and have good taste in books!)
Jesus Freaks (volumes 1 and 2) (no, I'm not actually a huge DCTalk fan, but I do like some of their stuff, and Voice of the Martyrs is pretty rocking awesome, so I figure you can't go wrong, plus the title intrigues me.)
The Four Loves (because C.S. Lewis is my hero, and I love to read his books even when I don't understand all of them, or agree completely.)
(also, I should add that had they had any John Eldridge books, my wallet would have been even thinner than presently, as he's the one contemporary author of teaching books that I read and love.)
Anyway, if you can't find me for some reason anytime in the next couple of weeks... its most likely because I am curled up under a quilt somewhere with a large mug of hot apple cider (otherwise entitled "The Recipe", and don't ask why) and reading my little heart away!
... I went into a used book shop!
I know, I know what you are thinking. "Oh, Jo, you should know better!"
I have no excuses. I honestly didn't think before I took that step of action. Thankfully, I left only $25 lighter in the wallet.
My conquests for the day:
A Gown of Spanish Lace (a favorite of mine for some time, actually introduced to me by my mum)
This Present Darkness (another favorite of mine, introduced to me by my daddy)
(fyi: my parents are pretty stellar people and have good taste in books!)
Jesus Freaks (volumes 1 and 2) (no, I'm not actually a huge DCTalk fan, but I do like some of their stuff, and Voice of the Martyrs is pretty rocking awesome, so I figure you can't go wrong, plus the title intrigues me.)
The Four Loves (because C.S. Lewis is my hero, and I love to read his books even when I don't understand all of them, or agree completely.)
(also, I should add that had they had any John Eldridge books, my wallet would have been even thinner than presently, as he's the one contemporary author of teaching books that I read and love.)
Anyway, if you can't find me for some reason anytime in the next couple of weeks... its most likely because I am curled up under a quilt somewhere with a large mug of hot apple cider (otherwise entitled "The Recipe", and don't ask why) and reading my little heart away!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Someone please explain the mysteries of the universe to me!!
How come my dog will lay on my bed perfectly still when I am sitting at the computer but the moment I go to bed, she becomes all kinds of jumpy. "I want on the bed. No I don't. What was that outside? Can I go play with Sage? How come I don't have a pillow? You weren't really trying to sleep were you?"
How come every time I get really content with my life, something has to come along and stir the waters? And no, its not the bad kind of contentment. I actually need this kind to keep myself fairly sane!
How can two people on opposite sides of the world think so much alike?
Do you think we can be born somewhere that isn't our culture? (It sounds like an easy answer, but think about it for a while... its actually a trick question.)
Why am I so competitive? (This comes after proving to Jenna that I could in fact polish off the rest of the roast that I made for supper... and a banana... and a full glass of OJ.)
How come some songs can bring you to tears almost instantly? And others you can sing for years on end almost subconsciously and then one day you wake up and realize the song was about you...
Why does it take things like car accidents, weddings, funerals, and babies to bring people together? Why can't we love each other all the time?
Someone want to explain these and other mysteries of the universe to me?
And He's already told me He'd love to spend a lifetime teaching me all there is to know about them. <3
How come every time I get really content with my life, something has to come along and stir the waters? And no, its not the bad kind of contentment. I actually need this kind to keep myself fairly sane!
How can two people on opposite sides of the world think so much alike?
Do you think we can be born somewhere that isn't our culture? (It sounds like an easy answer, but think about it for a while... its actually a trick question.)
Why am I so competitive? (This comes after proving to Jenna that I could in fact polish off the rest of the roast that I made for supper... and a banana... and a full glass of OJ.)
How come some songs can bring you to tears almost instantly? And others you can sing for years on end almost subconsciously and then one day you wake up and realize the song was about you...
Why does it take things like car accidents, weddings, funerals, and babies to bring people together? Why can't we love each other all the time?
Someone want to explain these and other mysteries of the universe to me?
And He's already told me He'd love to spend a lifetime teaching me all there is to know about them. <3
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Day #4 of De-Tox
Let me just go on record and say that my life without caffeine is not bad... except for that part where I've had migraine headaches every day!! ohmyword!
Lets just say that I wasn't really planning on that repercussion from this rehab therapy.
Lets just say that I wasn't really planning on that repercussion from this rehab therapy.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Day #1 of De-Tox
I've been put on mandatory de-tox for my addiction to.... Mountain Dew.
Actually it was Jenna's idea. I must have been complaining about my ulcers or something, and said that I drink too much Mountain Dew. She readily agreed with me and committed me to her rehab program. *sigh* Yesterday was the last day that I could have Mountain Dew, which ironically I think I didn't actually have but 3 cans. (And that was mostly because I was at work, and I always end up drinking a lot when I am at work).
Funny thing though, I might be sleeping a lot more. See last time that I was off of Mountain Dew for a week I slept like crazy all the time! Mountain Dew doesn't actually make me not go to sleep when I'm tired, but it takes the insane sleeping edge off apparently. I won't even tell you about the month and a half that I was off of it one summer... talk about oversleeping!
This has been day one. I did stay awake all the way through class though I was getting spacey by the end of class today. We'll see how this keeps up...
Actually it was Jenna's idea. I must have been complaining about my ulcers or something, and said that I drink too much Mountain Dew. She readily agreed with me and committed me to her rehab program. *sigh* Yesterday was the last day that I could have Mountain Dew, which ironically I think I didn't actually have but 3 cans. (And that was mostly because I was at work, and I always end up drinking a lot when I am at work).
Funny thing though, I might be sleeping a lot more. See last time that I was off of Mountain Dew for a week I slept like crazy all the time! Mountain Dew doesn't actually make me not go to sleep when I'm tired, but it takes the insane sleeping edge off apparently. I won't even tell you about the month and a half that I was off of it one summer... talk about oversleeping!
This has been day one. I did stay awake all the way through class though I was getting spacey by the end of class today. We'll see how this keeps up...
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Sunday Morning
So its Sunday morning about 9:49am and I am sitting at my computer listening to "Wild Horses" playing, and hearing the crickets outside my window and my puppy complaining about being locked in her kennel. So random good things are going well in my life. Actually lots of things are NOT going well at all, which is why I am marveling at the fact that I am still in such an upbeat mood.
I finished my first round of clinicals this week, which went well. This was the rotation that I was most concerned about because I had to work the ER and ICU. I don't know about you, but I always thought of those areas as like the high intensity areas. Those areas where every three minutes you have someone running with a crash cart and paddles... Yeah, guess again. I didn't have a single code. Oh, well, I got to be majorly surprised at how well I was able to do in all those areas. I think I know more than I give myself credit for. Speaking of credit: I had a test on Monday. 10 questions. All essay. I walked out of there ready to cry because I was pretty sure that I only got about 50% on that test. Scores came back... 97%. What in the world? Apparently I am getting an A+ in B.S. class... because there was hardly anything on that test that I didn't pull out of thin air, put a spin on, and write down as if I knew exactly what I was talking about. Wonders never cease, and God is amazingly merciful. Oh, by the way... I haven't failed a test yet this semester. Believe it or not, that was actually my goal for this semester. I know, I know... lame. But true none the less.
I decided to look for a new church this semester because of some things that I had talked with a friend about this summer and really got me to thinking. Anyway... I found two. I'm not yet sure what to make of that. I really like them both. One is definitely a better fit for unsocial me, but the other might be a better fit on account of that I might actually have to do some getting out of my comfort zone. We'll see which I end up going with, or I may end up just jumping back and forth like I have been doing.
Is it bad that I've pretty much quit Ichthus? I just feel so disconnected from it. I feel like that God is really moving in their midst, which is really exciting, but I just feel like I don't have a connection to that. Maybe its just that part of me that decided to grow up and not be the "college student" anymore.
Oh, did I tell you about that? Yeah, I kinda decided to grow up a couple weeks back. That means getting my stuff together, and quit putting off stuff because I'm young or in school, or whatever other excuses I've been using. I also like to live slightly irresponsibly at times for that same reason... ha! Stopping now. Anyway that is what I decided. So you all are welcome to call me on stuff if you still see it in my life.
Lets see... in other news, my brother is getting married. Yeah, to this really amazing gal that I've wanted as a sister for a really long time! Needless to say I am pretty stoked for them! Oh, and I'm definitely adopting her mom as a faux mom-in-law, cause she's pretty stellar and fun! Anyway, we got our dresses in the other day for the wedding... uhm, yeah, bridal shop people are dumb... no better way to say that. How can I send you my exact measurements and you still order me a dress that is 6 sizes too big!?! What's up with that? Lets just say they are altering it.
Kala is getting really big. Like really big! I've had to let out her collar 2 notches since I got back from Africa. And of course she eats like a horse! By the way, I just realized the other day that her name kinda sounds like the abbreviation for Kampala.... K'la... weird. I didn't really plan that one. But I did look up online and as long as all her shots are current I can take her with me to Uganda... how cool is that!!
Anyway enough random stuff out my life for now, eh?
I finished my first round of clinicals this week, which went well. This was the rotation that I was most concerned about because I had to work the ER and ICU. I don't know about you, but I always thought of those areas as like the high intensity areas. Those areas where every three minutes you have someone running with a crash cart and paddles... Yeah, guess again. I didn't have a single code. Oh, well, I got to be majorly surprised at how well I was able to do in all those areas. I think I know more than I give myself credit for. Speaking of credit: I had a test on Monday. 10 questions. All essay. I walked out of there ready to cry because I was pretty sure that I only got about 50% on that test. Scores came back... 97%. What in the world? Apparently I am getting an A+ in B.S. class... because there was hardly anything on that test that I didn't pull out of thin air, put a spin on, and write down as if I knew exactly what I was talking about. Wonders never cease, and God is amazingly merciful. Oh, by the way... I haven't failed a test yet this semester. Believe it or not, that was actually my goal for this semester. I know, I know... lame. But true none the less.
I decided to look for a new church this semester because of some things that I had talked with a friend about this summer and really got me to thinking. Anyway... I found two. I'm not yet sure what to make of that. I really like them both. One is definitely a better fit for unsocial me, but the other might be a better fit on account of that I might actually have to do some getting out of my comfort zone. We'll see which I end up going with, or I may end up just jumping back and forth like I have been doing.
Is it bad that I've pretty much quit Ichthus? I just feel so disconnected from it. I feel like that God is really moving in their midst, which is really exciting, but I just feel like I don't have a connection to that. Maybe its just that part of me that decided to grow up and not be the "college student" anymore.
Oh, did I tell you about that? Yeah, I kinda decided to grow up a couple weeks back. That means getting my stuff together, and quit putting off stuff because I'm young or in school, or whatever other excuses I've been using. I also like to live slightly irresponsibly at times for that same reason... ha! Stopping now. Anyway that is what I decided. So you all are welcome to call me on stuff if you still see it in my life.
Lets see... in other news, my brother is getting married. Yeah, to this really amazing gal that I've wanted as a sister for a really long time! Needless to say I am pretty stoked for them! Oh, and I'm definitely adopting her mom as a faux mom-in-law, cause she's pretty stellar and fun! Anyway, we got our dresses in the other day for the wedding... uhm, yeah, bridal shop people are dumb... no better way to say that. How can I send you my exact measurements and you still order me a dress that is 6 sizes too big!?! What's up with that? Lets just say they are altering it.
Kala is getting really big. Like really big! I've had to let out her collar 2 notches since I got back from Africa. And of course she eats like a horse! By the way, I just realized the other day that her name kinda sounds like the abbreviation for Kampala.... K'la... weird. I didn't really plan that one. But I did look up online and as long as all her shots are current I can take her with me to Uganda... how cool is that!!
Anyway enough random stuff out my life for now, eh?
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Finally Writing...
I struggled all of last week trying to find something to write about on the blog. The one thing that I seemed to be really passionate about writing was the one thing I didn't want to write about on my blog... and so no posts came.
I however, completely neglected to tell about some very major things that have been on my heart as far as prayer.
You all know by now how I am absolutely in love with a country in Africa called Uganda. And equally as "in-love" with a certain section of Kampala city called Bugolobi, and especially with a church there, and specifically a really amazing group of young people called the "David's Fellowship".
Last week unfortunately, there were riots in Kampala City. As nearly as I can tell the main focus of the riots was tribal oriented. Apparently there was supposed to be some sort of meeting in the city, and at the last minute the king of the tribe was denied access which sent the meeting-goers on riot edge. Police were naturally called in to de-escalate the situation, but I am afraid, made it worse. I think the last count was 15 dead, and 100s injured. Lots of property was also destroyed, from burning cars to ransacking buses and businesses. It seems to have cooled off some in Kampala, but I wish you would all pray for peace anyway.
Uganda is a fairly stable government compared to most of Africa, but there is LOTS of corruption as anyone there will tell you. Most elections are rigged, political deviants are held on bogus charges, and the only way to get ahead is to know someone in a position higher than you. And unfortunately, they harbor the same biases towards tribes that we in some sections of the US maybe harbor towards different ethnic groups.
I don't think that is something that I'll ever understand. The concept of tribal loyalties. I was talking to a UG friend about it the other day, and realized that there is nothing in the US to compare it to. I don't even feel as patriotic towards my entire country as they do towards their tribe. (though arguably some Americans do) And while I love my family dearly, I wouldn't start a riot cause some one of them was denied access to a city.
So I was reading in Jeremiah, (because I was looking for that verse about seeking the peace and prosperity of the city which seemed appropriate) and I didn't realize that verse falls in the same conversation between God and the exiles as the "for I know the plans I have for you..." verse. Maybe I'm just stupid, but you hear the "plans" verse so much, and very rarely do you hear the whole passage that it goes with. Anyway, I think you should read it too, because I was very encouraged by it. Its found in chapter 29 in case you are interested.
Point being, not only are we seeking the peace and prosperity of the "city" while we live in it (and yes, I realize that I don't technically live in UG right now...) but also, while we ware seeking that peace we need to rest in the promise that God already has this whole thing planned out. Its not a plan of harm, its a plan of future, hope, and prosperity. But He does ask us to come to Him, call upon Him, seek with all our hearts... and then He is willing to be found by us, to answer us. And then to gather us from all the nations and places He has scattered us; gather us to Himself. *warm, fuzzy feelings*
Anyway I think I am going to committ to praying for the government of Uganda.
I however, completely neglected to tell about some very major things that have been on my heart as far as prayer.
You all know by now how I am absolutely in love with a country in Africa called Uganda. And equally as "in-love" with a certain section of Kampala city called Bugolobi, and especially with a church there, and specifically a really amazing group of young people called the "David's Fellowship".
Last week unfortunately, there were riots in Kampala City. As nearly as I can tell the main focus of the riots was tribal oriented. Apparently there was supposed to be some sort of meeting in the city, and at the last minute the king of the tribe was denied access which sent the meeting-goers on riot edge. Police were naturally called in to de-escalate the situation, but I am afraid, made it worse. I think the last count was 15 dead, and 100s injured. Lots of property was also destroyed, from burning cars to ransacking buses and businesses. It seems to have cooled off some in Kampala, but I wish you would all pray for peace anyway.
Uganda is a fairly stable government compared to most of Africa, but there is LOTS of corruption as anyone there will tell you. Most elections are rigged, political deviants are held on bogus charges, and the only way to get ahead is to know someone in a position higher than you. And unfortunately, they harbor the same biases towards tribes that we in some sections of the US maybe harbor towards different ethnic groups.
I don't think that is something that I'll ever understand. The concept of tribal loyalties. I was talking to a UG friend about it the other day, and realized that there is nothing in the US to compare it to. I don't even feel as patriotic towards my entire country as they do towards their tribe. (though arguably some Americans do) And while I love my family dearly, I wouldn't start a riot cause some one of them was denied access to a city.
So I was reading in Jeremiah, (because I was looking for that verse about seeking the peace and prosperity of the city which seemed appropriate) and I didn't realize that verse falls in the same conversation between God and the exiles as the "for I know the plans I have for you..." verse. Maybe I'm just stupid, but you hear the "plans" verse so much, and very rarely do you hear the whole passage that it goes with. Anyway, I think you should read it too, because I was very encouraged by it. Its found in chapter 29 in case you are interested.
Point being, not only are we seeking the peace and prosperity of the "city" while we live in it (and yes, I realize that I don't technically live in UG right now...) but also, while we ware seeking that peace we need to rest in the promise that God already has this whole thing planned out. Its not a plan of harm, its a plan of future, hope, and prosperity. But He does ask us to come to Him, call upon Him, seek with all our hearts... and then He is willing to be found by us, to answer us. And then to gather us from all the nations and places He has scattered us; gather us to Himself. *warm, fuzzy feelings*
Anyway I think I am going to committ to praying for the government of Uganda.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Guy Hating...
So I've been on this good long guy hating streak for some time now. I realized that recently my explanation to almost everything is: guys are stupid, we should throw rocks at them!
(This, of course is not a idea that is generally acceptable to about 50% of the current population, and therefore not a viable option for resolve or relief in the present circumstance.)
I was just realizing how wrong this whole approach is. It isn't guys in general that are stupid, its the world that we live in, (a fallen world) that is actually stupid. Unfortunately a stupid world also incorporates, as much as I cringe to say it... the female population as well.
I would however like to say that I am starting to trace some of my present feelings of disappointment back to completely unrealistic expectations on my part. Maybe you have had them to. Those expectations of what and who a guy is supposed to be. Lets face it ladies, there is no perfect Disney prince out there waiting for us. There isn't even a Braveheart hero, or a Boaz that is going to come through for us all the time. Or maybe it was because my dad was such a great guy, and I always figured that I would go away to college like my mom, end up on worship team with some amazing guitar player, sing harmonies and study the bible together, and decide this might not be a bad life to continue. Or maybe I just wanted to imagine that everything in life would be perfect, and you all are just ruining my closet optimistic personality... nah, that can't be it!
Okay, so you all are still stupid, but then again, so am I at times. Comes with being human... special two for one deal I guess. Humanness is in us all, and I for one am realizing that I need to just give them a break. So I'll try and get over it, if you all will try and get over yourselves too... cool? Okay, sounds like a plan!
(This, of course is not a idea that is generally acceptable to about 50% of the current population, and therefore not a viable option for resolve or relief in the present circumstance.)
I was just realizing how wrong this whole approach is. It isn't guys in general that are stupid, its the world that we live in, (a fallen world) that is actually stupid. Unfortunately a stupid world also incorporates, as much as I cringe to say it... the female population as well.
I would however like to say that I am starting to trace some of my present feelings of disappointment back to completely unrealistic expectations on my part. Maybe you have had them to. Those expectations of what and who a guy is supposed to be. Lets face it ladies, there is no perfect Disney prince out there waiting for us. There isn't even a Braveheart hero, or a Boaz that is going to come through for us all the time. Or maybe it was because my dad was such a great guy, and I always figured that I would go away to college like my mom, end up on worship team with some amazing guitar player, sing harmonies and study the bible together, and decide this might not be a bad life to continue. Or maybe I just wanted to imagine that everything in life would be perfect, and you all are just ruining my closet optimistic personality... nah, that can't be it!
Okay, so you all are still stupid, but then again, so am I at times. Comes with being human... special two for one deal I guess. Humanness is in us all, and I for one am realizing that I need to just give them a break. So I'll try and get over it, if you all will try and get over yourselves too... cool? Okay, sounds like a plan!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
random booky quesiton...
so, i know this is completely random...
but...
once i read a book about the assassination of hitler. it was a fiction story about this g.i. that snuck into the fuhler's underground bunker and smoke bombed the place and then assassinated the guy in the confusion. the version i read was the reader's digest version, but i can't remember the title of the book and i was looking for it cause i would like to read the whole version.
anybody heard of it?
but...
once i read a book about the assassination of hitler. it was a fiction story about this g.i. that snuck into the fuhler's underground bunker and smoke bombed the place and then assassinated the guy in the confusion. the version i read was the reader's digest version, but i can't remember the title of the book and i was looking for it cause i would like to read the whole version.
anybody heard of it?
Friday, August 21, 2009
why yes, i do butter my bread with steak knives; and other pathetically random stuff about me
i also own a rather extensive collection of gingerbread men. the collection i believe originated during my high school years upon a trip to branson, misery to silver dollar city.
i almost always sleep with earrings in, unless of course i was wearing big dangly ones that day, in which case i usually take them out at night. then i forget to put any in the next day, and when i absent-mindedly reach for them during the middle of the day it absolutely drives me crazy that i am not wearing any.
which reminds me... whenever i am away from home i wear a heart shaped locket with my parents picture in it. and i wear it all the time.
i secretly really like minimalism... though to look at me or anything i have you really wouldn't guess it.
i am paranoid about being thought of as the "smart" one. i know, its a leftover effect from being homeschooled. i try really hard to excel and then hate it when anyone mentions it.
i love cooking and hate doing dishes. i love mountain dew and hate energy drinks.
speaking of energy drinks... i once did two shots of 5 hour energy in a row. the only side effects were REM while fully conscious and a hangovery type feeling for 30min the next morning.
i almost always sleep with earrings in, unless of course i was wearing big dangly ones that day, in which case i usually take them out at night. then i forget to put any in the next day, and when i absent-mindedly reach for them during the middle of the day it absolutely drives me crazy that i am not wearing any.
which reminds me... whenever i am away from home i wear a heart shaped locket with my parents picture in it. and i wear it all the time.
i secretly really like minimalism... though to look at me or anything i have you really wouldn't guess it.
i am paranoid about being thought of as the "smart" one. i know, its a leftover effect from being homeschooled. i try really hard to excel and then hate it when anyone mentions it.
i love cooking and hate doing dishes. i love mountain dew and hate energy drinks.
speaking of energy drinks... i once did two shots of 5 hour energy in a row. the only side effects were REM while fully conscious and a hangovery type feeling for 30min the next morning.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Song Writer?
This is the second day in a row that I have randomly started writing songs... what in the world?
They aren't like chart toppers or anything, just random, Deborah/Miriam style songs... and so far I haven't written any of them down. Does that count as still writing them?
They aren't like chart toppers or anything, just random, Deborah/Miriam style songs... and so far I haven't written any of them down. Does that count as still writing them?
Monday, August 10, 2009
Take 17
So, this is, I believe the 17th try at writing something since coming back from UG. Every time I start I get snagged... maybe on the fact that a lot of things changed, and yet nothing did. How is one supposed to sort through that and figure out what to keep and what to cast aside. I think I'll just start listing things I've heard and learned and seen, and see how far I get.
1. Love: God totally reminded me about the depths and heights and indescribablness of His love (p.s. yes that is a word). I'm not sure that I appreciated all of His methods of doing that. One of them involved the death of my uncle in my absence, one of them involved way too much thinking time alone. But there were good reminders, like the sermon at my friend's church one sunday, and the love of the brotheren that got showered out. The love that people that I should hate and I showered on each other, evidence of the power of God's forgivenness. Really powerful stuff. Huge reminders to live every day fully dwelling in God's love, to pour into other's lives out of my excess overflow of that love, and leave the results to God.
2. Drama: its all around us every day. We have to make a conscious desicion to either ignore the elephant in the corner, make the biggest deal about it possible throwing peannuts at it and poking it alternately, or... and imagine a world where people did this!... actually just deal with it! So many people blow things out of porportion. I don't have the patience for that. If there is a problem, lets deal with it. Lets freakin' quit leaving everything unresolved, undiscussed, and undone.
3. Comfort: is overrated. Give me a brick and stucco house, a charcoal stove, and a hole in the ground out back. That's living. Not to say that I don't appreciate what I have here in the US... just that its overrated. When we get to a place where we can't change, adapt, do with less... then we have failed in our Christian walk. (yes, i realize that is a hugely bold statement, but think about it...) To the extent that we are not able to give up anything, everything, all our comforts, for the sake of Christ, then how can we possibly think that we will be okay with giving up all of our selves our very lives for the sake of Christ?? Yes, it does sometimes give me pause. Especially when I think of the verse where Christ says that whoever is not willing to give up mother and brothers for His sake was not worthy of the kingdom of heaven. But then I remember what He gave up for me... and I lift open hands... take all of me.
4. Grade school was good (primary school). Remember back in the day when you didn't have a car, or tuition, or bills, or significant others, or where your next meal would come from to worry about?? Yeah, those were the good old days!
1. Love: God totally reminded me about the depths and heights and indescribablness of His love (p.s. yes that is a word). I'm not sure that I appreciated all of His methods of doing that. One of them involved the death of my uncle in my absence, one of them involved way too much thinking time alone. But there were good reminders, like the sermon at my friend's church one sunday, and the love of the brotheren that got showered out. The love that people that I should hate and I showered on each other, evidence of the power of God's forgivenness. Really powerful stuff. Huge reminders to live every day fully dwelling in God's love, to pour into other's lives out of my excess overflow of that love, and leave the results to God.
2. Drama: its all around us every day. We have to make a conscious desicion to either ignore the elephant in the corner, make the biggest deal about it possible throwing peannuts at it and poking it alternately, or... and imagine a world where people did this!... actually just deal with it! So many people blow things out of porportion. I don't have the patience for that. If there is a problem, lets deal with it. Lets freakin' quit leaving everything unresolved, undiscussed, and undone.
3. Comfort: is overrated. Give me a brick and stucco house, a charcoal stove, and a hole in the ground out back. That's living. Not to say that I don't appreciate what I have here in the US... just that its overrated. When we get to a place where we can't change, adapt, do with less... then we have failed in our Christian walk. (yes, i realize that is a hugely bold statement, but think about it...) To the extent that we are not able to give up anything, everything, all our comforts, for the sake of Christ, then how can we possibly think that we will be okay with giving up all of our selves our very lives for the sake of Christ?? Yes, it does sometimes give me pause. Especially when I think of the verse where Christ says that whoever is not willing to give up mother and brothers for His sake was not worthy of the kingdom of heaven. But then I remember what He gave up for me... and I lift open hands... take all of me.
4. Grade school was good (primary school). Remember back in the day when you didn't have a car, or tuition, or bills, or significant others, or where your next meal would come from to worry about?? Yeah, those were the good old days!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Back in the US of A
Yes, I am officially back in the good old US of A. Not yet really sure if that's a good thing or not. Someone asked me the other day how it felt to be back "home" (meaning the US of course) and I had to pause for a couple minutes... My final answer was "bittersweet".
I talked to my mom about this the other day. How last year I went through a huge period of mourning for what I had lost, trying to make sense of being in the US, culture shock, not wanted to return, trying to be dependent again instead of independent, etc... But at the root of all my problems last year was this little girl that just was rebelling against where God had put her. She wanted to be in Africa, and He had sent her back to the US. She knew all His reasons why, but that didn't make it anymore of her wish to be there than if she hadn't known.
Funny thing is... I wonder now if I ever actually got over that longing and rebellion... I kinda don't think so. Part of the reason I was so determined to go back this summer. Not all, I still had legit reasons to go, and actually some leading from the Lord on that... but def a part.
I talked to my mom about this the other day. How last year I went through a huge period of mourning for what I had lost, trying to make sense of being in the US, culture shock, not wanted to return, trying to be dependent again instead of independent, etc... But at the root of all my problems last year was this little girl that just was rebelling against where God had put her. She wanted to be in Africa, and He had sent her back to the US. She knew all His reasons why, but that didn't make it anymore of her wish to be there than if she hadn't known.
Funny thing is... I wonder now if I ever actually got over that longing and rebellion... I kinda don't think so. Part of the reason I was so determined to go back this summer. Not all, I still had legit reasons to go, and actually some leading from the Lord on that... but def a part.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
So I've been thinking a lot recently about all that I want in a guy, which is ridiculous, because I am the last girl out there that wants one right now... But none the less, here I am typing all about it to post online! Yeah, like my sweet mother likes to remind me, just cause I have a college degree doesn't mean I am smart... Yeah, I know, she's very supportive!
Two different friends posted qualification lists in their notes recently, and I thought it was interesting, and wondered if I would be able to do that, and in as few steps? So here goes...
1. Godly. OMGoodness, I can't even begin to stress how much that means to me! In any relationship that I would even consider being in, I would have to be absolutely certain that I was not the spiritually strong one. It just wouldn't work. I think that in scripture it is very clear that the husband is to be the head and the leader, and that also means spiritually. And, I would expect him to choose allegiance Christ over me, if it ever came down to that, and to want me to do the same. Now I realize that this criteria eliminates a HUGE majority of the candidates, so I also realize that this may mean that I remain single the whole rest of my freakin’ life, and I’m actually okay with that.
2. Single. Nuff said? Don’t make me explain this one… doesn't matter how much I like him, if he's seeing someone, he's off limits.
3. Kind. So this one is totally biblical. (check Proverbs ~ “what is desirable in a man..”, yes I was listening Daddy) I think this one is slightly self explanatory as well. No jerks allowed! Keep it kind and honoring or you’re out. But seriously none of this overkill stuff. Sticky sweet is not a turn on for hard-core-(wanna-be)-girls like me. Keep it real. (See next #.)
4. Honest. You can say it lots of different ways… keeping it real, not leading on, being who you are, up-front, truthfulness. I also can’t express how much I really value this quality in guys. Even if you know that the girl is going to chew you out or otherwise maim and mutilate you, just tell the truth. I want things up front and honest. And you can bet that I’m not going to even consider being anything else with you if you’re honest with me. You know you value it in us girls, so give us the courtesy of returning the favor.
5. Strong of Character. This one is purely me. To perfectly complete me I would totally need someone who would be my stronger half. Now, I’ll give you that is not an easy order for a girl who loves to be independent and stronger-than-thou about everything. It still never ceases to amaze me when guys pick up on this and go ahead and take charge, I may fuss a little, but I really like it. But if I was to be in a relationship it would have to be with someone who really could look at all my stubbornness and independence and say, “that’s why she needs me so much, because she can’t always be strong”.
6. Love Kids. Okay, this one is just me too. I love kids, and I want a lot, (although that opinion is subject to change pending pregnancy experience). (and by the way, “a lot” isn’t like 11, its more like 5-7, but negotiable). I’ve got to be straight here… nothing turns me on like a guy who loves to play with kids and genuinely interacts with them on their level, but not down to them. Yeah, that’s hot!
7. Physical. Okay, yeah my dream man also is slightly attractive. Yes, I am a real woman, and whoever said that guys were all visual, obviously forgot that girls like eye candy too. I like them taller and built (mmm, arms). Not too picky about this one though, because most of the time the other qualities shine through and you don’t even notice the shell.
I took this off my facebook page because I've laid this search to rest. But I thought I would keep the initial plan around for evidence of God's complete faithfulness to answer our prayers with more than we could ask or imagine!
Two different friends posted qualification lists in their notes recently, and I thought it was interesting, and wondered if I would be able to do that, and in as few steps? So here goes...
1. Godly. OMGoodness, I can't even begin to stress how much that means to me! In any relationship that I would even consider being in, I would have to be absolutely certain that I was not the spiritually strong one. It just wouldn't work. I think that in scripture it is very clear that the husband is to be the head and the leader, and that also means spiritually. And, I would expect him to choose allegiance Christ over me, if it ever came down to that, and to want me to do the same. Now I realize that this criteria eliminates a HUGE majority of the candidates, so I also realize that this may mean that I remain single the whole rest of my freakin’ life, and I’m actually okay with that.
2. Single. Nuff said? Don’t make me explain this one… doesn't matter how much I like him, if he's seeing someone, he's off limits.
3. Kind. So this one is totally biblical. (check Proverbs ~ “what is desirable in a man..”, yes I was listening Daddy) I think this one is slightly self explanatory as well. No jerks allowed! Keep it kind and honoring or you’re out. But seriously none of this overkill stuff. Sticky sweet is not a turn on for hard-core-(wanna-be)-girls
4. Honest. You can say it lots of different ways… keeping it real, not leading on, being who you are, up-front, truthfulness. I also can’t express how much I really value this quality in guys. Even if you know that the girl is going to chew you out or otherwise maim and mutilate you, just tell the truth. I want things up front and honest. And you can bet that I’m not going to even consider being anything else with you if you’re honest with me. You know you value it in us girls, so give us the courtesy of returning the favor.
5. Strong of Character. This one is purely me. To perfectly complete me I would totally need someone who would be my stronger half. Now, I’ll give you that is not an easy order for a girl who loves to be independent and stronger-than-thou about everything. It still never ceases to amaze me when guys pick up on this and go ahead and take charge, I may fuss a little, but I really like it. But if I was to be in a relationship it would have to be with someone who really could look at all my stubbornness and independence and say, “that’s why she needs me so much, because she can’t always be strong”.
6. Love Kids. Okay, this one is just me too. I love kids, and I want a lot, (although that opinion is subject to change pending pregnancy experience). (and by the way, “a lot” isn’t like 11, its more like 5-7, but negotiable). I’ve got to be straight here… nothing turns me on like a guy who loves to play with kids and genuinely interacts with them on their level, but not down to them. Yeah, that’s hot!
7. Physical. Okay, yeah my dream man also is slightly attractive. Yes, I am a real woman, and whoever said that guys were all visual, obviously forgot that girls like eye candy too. I like them taller and built (mmm, arms). Not too picky about this one though, because most of the time the other qualities shine through and you don’t even notice the shell.
I took this off my facebook page because I've laid this search to rest. But I thought I would keep the initial plan around for evidence of God's complete faithfulness to answer our prayers with more than we could ask or imagine!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
So I have officially decided that I am excessively spoiled...
Here's why:
1.) I am totally used to a stand up shower (think squatting with a basin, or at best a spray nozzle)
2.) I drive my own car (public transport taxis anyone? just pray to God that it isn't raining, so the windows stay open... otherwise... whew!!)
3.) Eating rice and beans is a choice for me (true, I hate buying meat cause it is so expensive... but its not like I can't)
4.) I have my own place, and no curfew (can you even begin to fathom living at home at 23-24 and having to be home by a certain time? wow)
5.) I'm independent (yeah, some of you might not think that being unattached is much of a blessing, but it actually is. do you realize that the only person that I really answer to for my actions is God? wow, how freeing!)
Here's why:
1.) I am totally used to a stand up shower (think squatting with a basin, or at best a spray nozzle)
2.) I drive my own car (public transport taxis anyone? just pray to God that it isn't raining, so the windows stay open... otherwise... whew!!)
3.) Eating rice and beans is a choice for me (true, I hate buying meat cause it is so expensive... but its not like I can't)
4.) I have my own place, and no curfew (can you even begin to fathom living at home at 23-24 and having to be home by a certain time? wow)
5.) I'm independent (yeah, some of you might not think that being unattached is much of a blessing, but it actually is. do you realize that the only person that I really answer to for my actions is God? wow, how freeing!)
Monday, July 13, 2009
Pain
A single cold tear courses
Leaving lonely streaks across the freckled cheek
Til rounding the bend it falls
A small puddle in the African mud
Death is hard
Like the earth beneath me
As I stare into the matoke plantation
The mud and sticks in my back make a wall
Though its occupant fowl long ago
Deserted their coop for death seeminly easier
My heart hurts
The pain squeezing out in little droplets
To join their brother
Spreading red lakes
A great friend is gone
Laughter missed
A vacant room, an empty chair
My reason for visiting every day
There are no hugs for my ache
But the cold embrace of darkness
No comforter
But a diseased dog near my feet
Yet somehow its like the cat
Near the tombs
Aslan in comforter form
And I feel the warm arms of my Savior
Wrap me in His embrace
Hold me close to His heart
Drying those futile tears
Assuring me that He holds them
As He holds me.
I'z okay.
Leaving lonely streaks across the freckled cheek
Til rounding the bend it falls
A small puddle in the African mud
Death is hard
Like the earth beneath me
As I stare into the matoke plantation
The mud and sticks in my back make a wall
Though its occupant fowl long ago
Deserted their coop for death seeminly easier
My heart hurts
The pain squeezing out in little droplets
To join their brother
Spreading red lakes
A great friend is gone
Laughter missed
A vacant room, an empty chair
My reason for visiting every day
There are no hugs for my ache
But the cold embrace of darkness
No comforter
But a diseased dog near my feet
Yet somehow its like the cat
Near the tombs
Aslan in comforter form
And I feel the warm arms of my Savior
Wrap me in His embrace
Hold me close to His heart
Drying those futile tears
Assuring me that He holds them
As He holds me.
I'z okay.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Kala Ssirika
So... for those of you who are not yet aware... I got a dog.
As I told my mother upon her stunned silence at the news: yes, it is possibly the MOST irresponsible thing that I have ever done. BUT... if that is the most irresponsible thing that I have ever done... I think I'm doing pretty darn good!
Uhm so funny story... at the animal shelter they said it was a boy... So I named him Demetrius. Nice strong biblical name. (for extra points look it up in 3John, he was a pretty stellar guy) Kept that name for about... oh, maybe... 4 days, before realizing that Demetrius's parts were very ladylike in nature. This was confirmed by one of my more animal savvy friends. Poor girl!
So.... HER new name is: Kala (from the Hindu, meaning black) Ssirika (from Luganda, meaning silk). I know, I know, so I'm weird with names. But actually the Hindu has a very deep seeded meaning for me... and the Luganda as well... ask me about it sometime. They are both parts of my journey towards having a heart for overseas.
Anywho... Kala has I think taken my place in the hearts of my entire family, as they seem more eager to see if I brought my dog, than the fact that I am visiting. And my best friend's hubby has pretty much declared his love for her over me (jerk!).
Kala is a Weinerimer mix... and I can't feed her enough, and her rib cage still sticks out! I know they are lean dogs... but seriously? I hope she doesn't have worms... which they can't check for until she's 6 months anyway. Which she isn't... she's only 3 months. (which the weird nurse in me also wants to tell you all what kind of developmental milestones she should be reaching at 3 months...) Lets just say that potty-training still needs some work, and that Oxy-clean really is pretty darn amazing! Though if I ever find some of that Lemon cleaner stuff that my mom has... I am DEFINITELY getting it, cause that stuff is the bomb!
Did I tell you enough about absolutely nothing yet?
Hmmm... let me expound a bit more...
Firsts things I've trained Kala on:
*Riding in cars (she used to totally freak out, and silly me, I wanted one of those dogs that hangs their head out the window and does the "batdog" thing... either I'm a really good teacher, or she like it now!)
*Finishing her plate (though I guess I can't reasonably take credit for that, and not like she can leave the table anyway, since she always eats in her crate)
* Thunderstorms (those of you who know me pretty well, know that I pretty much LOVE rain. My roommate's dog Abby (not the dreaded terror dog) is, bless her heart, terrified of storms, so when it started storming the first day after I got Kala, I immediately took her outside and made her play with me in the rain. She doesn't have a single problem with it, and will even go out in the rain, as long as the wet grass isn't too tall.)
We're still working on "sit" and "kennel" and "come", and the part where she thinks obeying me is optional! Yeah, thats not going to fly!
I'm sure I'll have more interesting stories to come as little Kala gets bigger. (probably one where she breaks my bed, one where I teach her how to kiss people on command, and that infamous one where she causes me some sort of acute embarrassment!)
As I told my mother upon her stunned silence at the news: yes, it is possibly the MOST irresponsible thing that I have ever done. BUT... if that is the most irresponsible thing that I have ever done... I think I'm doing pretty darn good!
Uhm so funny story... at the animal shelter they said it was a boy... So I named him Demetrius. Nice strong biblical name. (for extra points look it up in 3John, he was a pretty stellar guy) Kept that name for about... oh, maybe... 4 days, before realizing that Demetrius's parts were very ladylike in nature. This was confirmed by one of my more animal savvy friends. Poor girl!
So.... HER new name is: Kala (from the Hindu, meaning black) Ssirika (from Luganda, meaning silk). I know, I know, so I'm weird with names. But actually the Hindu has a very deep seeded meaning for me... and the Luganda as well... ask me about it sometime. They are both parts of my journey towards having a heart for overseas.
Anywho... Kala has I think taken my place in the hearts of my entire family, as they seem more eager to see if I brought my dog, than the fact that I am visiting. And my best friend's hubby has pretty much declared his love for her over me (jerk!).
Kala is a Weinerimer mix... and I can't feed her enough, and her rib cage still sticks out! I know they are lean dogs... but seriously? I hope she doesn't have worms... which they can't check for until she's 6 months anyway. Which she isn't... she's only 3 months. (which the weird nurse in me also wants to tell you all what kind of developmental milestones she should be reaching at 3 months...) Lets just say that potty-training still needs some work, and that Oxy-clean really is pretty darn amazing! Though if I ever find some of that Lemon cleaner stuff that my mom has... I am DEFINITELY getting it, cause that stuff is the bomb!
Did I tell you enough about absolutely nothing yet?
Hmmm... let me expound a bit more...
Firsts things I've trained Kala on:
*Riding in cars (she used to totally freak out, and silly me, I wanted one of those dogs that hangs their head out the window and does the "batdog" thing... either I'm a really good teacher, or she like it now!)
*Finishing her plate (though I guess I can't reasonably take credit for that, and not like she can leave the table anyway, since she always eats in her crate)
* Thunderstorms (those of you who know me pretty well, know that I pretty much LOVE rain. My roommate's dog Abby (not the dreaded terror dog) is, bless her heart, terrified of storms, so when it started storming the first day after I got Kala, I immediately took her outside and made her play with me in the rain. She doesn't have a single problem with it, and will even go out in the rain, as long as the wet grass isn't too tall.)
We're still working on "sit" and "kennel" and "come", and the part where she thinks obeying me is optional! Yeah, thats not going to fly!
I'm sure I'll have more interesting stories to come as little Kala gets bigger. (probably one where she breaks my bed, one where I teach her how to kiss people on command, and that infamous one where she causes me some sort of acute embarrassment!)
Friday, June 12, 2009
Homecoming
I've been thinking a lot about when/where/what I'm gonna do upon my return to my beloved UG this summer.
First of all, you should really understand that Uganda is the only place in the world outside of my hometown where I have ever felt like I was completely at home. Get me talking about Africa sometime... you'll see. I'm told my eyes start glowing, and I know my heart soars away over an ocean...
So why does God place these kinds of stirrings inside our hearts? I'm not sure that I completely understand it. But I think it has something to do with the song that I am currently listening to: its by Lecrae, and its "Don't Waste Your Life".
I was reading back through my scrapbook from Africa last summer and I had put 2 verses in the front of it. One was a verse that God had given me in relation to that summer before I even knew that He was going to send me to Africa. But I think I've blogged about that passage before... The one that struck me, was actually a passage that I have loved for a long time, because it spoke to exactly the way that I wanted God to use me. Isaiah 61:1-3, in case you wanted to know...
I thought, when I put that passage in my scrapbook that it was a promise for how I had, did, and would minister to the dear folks of Uganda. As I was reading it just now I realize that it is the way that they ministered to me.
I found a "flair" on facebook the other day that said, "I need Africa more than Africa needs me". Unfortunately that is VERY true. Maybe it wouldn't have had to be Africa, maybe it could have been anywhere... I don't know. All I know is God got ahold of my heart last summer in ways that He has never had it before. SOOO many people played HUGE hands in that grasping! I can't even list them all, but a large majority were the wonderful people from David's Fellowship. I can't put into words how they encouraged my heart, challenged me in the faith, loved me as a sister... wow, I could go on, but I am afraid that the moisture mounting in my eyes will start coursing down my cheeks. Something about the way that they expected me to be such a dear example of Christ, was so innocently adicting, and made me want nothing more myself than to be that model. Did I fail? Abomidably! I can't even begin to describe in how many ways! I was guilty of doing so many things for my own gain, loving people because they were lovable and not because they were God's, not being above reproach in relationships, being SOOO selfish, irresponsibility, even freakin' going out clubbing one night (what kind of awful person does that when on a missions trip!)! And through it all, God was loving me and drawing me to Him.
I probably turned the absolute biggest corner in my life last summer, but it took until now to realize it. That in the verse it was me that was the poor and the brokenhearted girl who had everything, and still felt empty; that I was the prisoner and the captive, not the inmates that we ministered to. That I was in need of a proclamation of a year of the Lord's favor. That what I desperately craved was final comfort for my mourning. That He was replacing my ashes for a crown of beauty (the inner kind, that glows out of you... you know what I'm talking about). Anointing me with a oil of gladness for this spirit of mourning. And a clothing me in a garmet of praise instead of a cloak of despair.
So have I lived up to the planting of the Lord? Oaks of Righteousness? Displaying His splendor?
Only time will tell for sure on that one. I wish I could say "yes" without a shadow of doubt, but I think the oak has a lot of growing to do yet. In the end maybe these rings will tell a tale of His faithfulness. I sure hope so!
First of all, you should really understand that Uganda is the only place in the world outside of my hometown where I have ever felt like I was completely at home. Get me talking about Africa sometime... you'll see. I'm told my eyes start glowing, and I know my heart soars away over an ocean...
So why does God place these kinds of stirrings inside our hearts? I'm not sure that I completely understand it. But I think it has something to do with the song that I am currently listening to: its by Lecrae, and its "Don't Waste Your Life".
I was reading back through my scrapbook from Africa last summer and I had put 2 verses in the front of it. One was a verse that God had given me in relation to that summer before I even knew that He was going to send me to Africa. But I think I've blogged about that passage before... The one that struck me, was actually a passage that I have loved for a long time, because it spoke to exactly the way that I wanted God to use me. Isaiah 61:1-3, in case you wanted to know...
I thought, when I put that passage in my scrapbook that it was a promise for how I had, did, and would minister to the dear folks of Uganda. As I was reading it just now I realize that it is the way that they ministered to me.
I found a "flair" on facebook the other day that said, "I need Africa more than Africa needs me". Unfortunately that is VERY true. Maybe it wouldn't have had to be Africa, maybe it could have been anywhere... I don't know. All I know is God got ahold of my heart last summer in ways that He has never had it before. SOOO many people played HUGE hands in that grasping! I can't even list them all, but a large majority were the wonderful people from David's Fellowship. I can't put into words how they encouraged my heart, challenged me in the faith, loved me as a sister... wow, I could go on, but I am afraid that the moisture mounting in my eyes will start coursing down my cheeks. Something about the way that they expected me to be such a dear example of Christ, was so innocently adicting, and made me want nothing more myself than to be that model. Did I fail? Abomidably! I can't even begin to describe in how many ways! I was guilty of doing so many things for my own gain, loving people because they were lovable and not because they were God's, not being above reproach in relationships, being SOOO selfish, irresponsibility, even freakin' going out clubbing one night (what kind of awful person does that when on a missions trip!)! And through it all, God was loving me and drawing me to Him.
I probably turned the absolute biggest corner in my life last summer, but it took until now to realize it. That in the verse it was me that was the poor and the brokenhearted girl who had everything, and still felt empty; that I was the prisoner and the captive, not the inmates that we ministered to. That I was in need of a proclamation of a year of the Lord's favor. That what I desperately craved was final comfort for my mourning. That He was replacing my ashes for a crown of beauty (the inner kind, that glows out of you... you know what I'm talking about). Anointing me with a oil of gladness for this spirit of mourning. And a clothing me in a garmet of praise instead of a cloak of despair.
So have I lived up to the planting of the Lord? Oaks of Righteousness? Displaying His splendor?
Only time will tell for sure on that one. I wish I could say "yes" without a shadow of doubt, but I think the oak has a lot of growing to do yet. In the end maybe these rings will tell a tale of His faithfulness. I sure hope so!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
My Roommate's Dog
My roommate's dog is the biggest spoiled brat in the world.
My roommate's dog stole my dog's bone from his crate, chewed on it all night, and then proceeded to parade it in front of my dog and growl at him when he went after it!
My roommate's dog also will act like she has to go out just to get the other dogs at the door so she can steal their toys or bones.
My roommate's dog also likes to chew on underwear and computer power cords.
My roommate's dog is essentially hated by everyone in my house except (obviously) my roommate.
but that's okay, i am secretly training my puppy to kick her scrawny little butt! (*insert evil laugh here*)
My roommate's dog stole my dog's bone from his crate, chewed on it all night, and then proceeded to parade it in front of my dog and growl at him when he went after it!
My roommate's dog also will act like she has to go out just to get the other dogs at the door so she can steal their toys or bones.
My roommate's dog also likes to chew on underwear and computer power cords.
My roommate's dog is essentially hated by everyone in my house except (obviously) my roommate.
but that's okay, i am secretly training my puppy to kick her scrawny little butt! (*insert evil laugh here*)
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Random Recent News
1.) my nursing instructor honestly thought homeschoolers were Amish, because they wore skirts. way to loose my respect...
2.) i do, by the way, absolutely DELIGHT in trashing my "good Christian homeschooler" image. not to say that i want a trashy rep... but just to say, i hate being the goody two shoes all the time, and i don't think that a true Christ-follower would have that kind of rep anyway. i'm talking down and dirty living like Christ, and it sure as shootin' don't include having a upstanding pharisee kind of reputation.
3.) i apparently can be talked into just about anything... my roommate has succeeded in talking me into getting a puppy. is it okay to admit that i haven't told my parents yet because i am afraid of what they'll think?
4.) actually that is what is keeping me from sleeping right now... see puppies whine! incessantly! especially puppies that are used to sleeping with their brothers and are forced to sleep all alone in a crate. its hard not to feel sorry for the poor guy, but my bed is hardly big enough for me, and he's not potty trained, so no dice!
5.) when Demetrius is not whining... apparently he SNORES in his sleep! i would get one that did... i can't stand snoring, i never have been able to. in fact when i have a cold and can't breath, i also can't SLEEP because i wake myself up when i snore. one of the woes of living with Peach was that she definitely snores...
6.) i LOVE rain... its falling outside as i type this. so probably the most romantic thing anyone will ever do is kiss me in the rain... chills up and down my spine... yeah... okay, moving on...
7.) sometimes people unconscioudly tell me how much they love me, and it blows me away. just little things here and there. things they think of to do for or with me...
8.) my mom is amazing. she does the bulk of work taking care of my uncle who has ALS. last week she went to the doctor for something and they checked her blood pressure (like the always do) and it was high. she has a lot of stress in her life, and yet she shoulders it so well. if there are people on this earth that deserve the title 'saint', my mom is one of them.
9.) why do they always feel the need to check your blood pressure when you go to the doctors office. i can tell you right now its gonna be high! lets see... i'm not feeling well which is why i am here (=stress), i have to pay for this visit (=stress), i'm seeing a doctor who may have bad news for me (=stress), and/or i have a pathological process in my body causing physical stress... you think my blood pressure is gonna be high???
10.) btw... God's mercies are so new every morning! wow, let me just relish that for a bit! ... yeah, have i mentioned recently how much i really just love Him? even when sometimes things don't really make a whole lot of sense or i am not sure where He is going, though i am blindly following. its so amazing to know that i don't have to know every little twist of the path, because i have a guide, and i already know the destination. gotta purpose more to sit back and enjoy the ride...
2.) i do, by the way, absolutely DELIGHT in trashing my "good Christian homeschooler" image. not to say that i want a trashy rep... but just to say, i hate being the goody two shoes all the time, and i don't think that a true Christ-follower would have that kind of rep anyway. i'm talking down and dirty living like Christ, and it sure as shootin' don't include having a upstanding pharisee kind of reputation.
3.) i apparently can be talked into just about anything... my roommate has succeeded in talking me into getting a puppy. is it okay to admit that i haven't told my parents yet because i am afraid of what they'll think?
4.) actually that is what is keeping me from sleeping right now... see puppies whine! incessantly! especially puppies that are used to sleeping with their brothers and are forced to sleep all alone in a crate. its hard not to feel sorry for the poor guy, but my bed is hardly big enough for me, and he's not potty trained, so no dice!
5.) when Demetrius is not whining... apparently he SNORES in his sleep! i would get one that did... i can't stand snoring, i never have been able to. in fact when i have a cold and can't breath, i also can't SLEEP because i wake myself up when i snore. one of the woes of living with Peach was that she definitely snores...
6.) i LOVE rain... its falling outside as i type this. so probably the most romantic thing anyone will ever do is kiss me in the rain... chills up and down my spine... yeah... okay, moving on...
7.) sometimes people unconscioudly tell me how much they love me, and it blows me away. just little things here and there. things they think of to do for or with me...
8.) my mom is amazing. she does the bulk of work taking care of my uncle who has ALS. last week she went to the doctor for something and they checked her blood pressure (like the always do) and it was high. she has a lot of stress in her life, and yet she shoulders it so well. if there are people on this earth that deserve the title 'saint', my mom is one of them.
9.) why do they always feel the need to check your blood pressure when you go to the doctors office. i can tell you right now its gonna be high! lets see... i'm not feeling well which is why i am here (=stress), i have to pay for this visit (=stress), i'm seeing a doctor who may have bad news for me (=stress), and/or i have a pathological process in my body causing physical stress... you think my blood pressure is gonna be high???
10.) btw... God's mercies are so new every morning! wow, let me just relish that for a bit! ... yeah, have i mentioned recently how much i really just love Him? even when sometimes things don't really make a whole lot of sense or i am not sure where He is going, though i am blindly following. its so amazing to know that i don't have to know every little twist of the path, because i have a guide, and i already know the destination. gotta purpose more to sit back and enjoy the ride...
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Burned Once; Fear the Flame
I strongly recommend not going out all afternoon during the heat of the day to stand on a hill overlooking the lake in a strapless dress with NO SUNSCREEN if your skin is naturally whiter than the milk in your refrigerator. (and if that's not white, I would just like to point out that you may have a problem.)
This is what happened to me. It was a beautiful wedding, and not too long, but about halfway through the reception I could tell I was going to be sore the next day. Sore doesn't begin to describe it! All day Sunday, and Monday I suffered through the absolute worst pain of my entire life! Any movement at all sent almost nauseating pain all over my back. The slightest breeze would send my entire back sweeping up and down with a giant nerve fest.
Lets just say I'm probably going to have an amazing tan on my back... but until then, don't expect me to be even half-way pleasant...
This is what happened to me. It was a beautiful wedding, and not too long, but about halfway through the reception I could tell I was going to be sore the next day. Sore doesn't begin to describe it! All day Sunday, and Monday I suffered through the absolute worst pain of my entire life! Any movement at all sent almost nauseating pain all over my back. The slightest breeze would send my entire back sweeping up and down with a giant nerve fest.
Lets just say I'm probably going to have an amazing tan on my back... but until then, don't expect me to be even half-way pleasant...
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Wedding
Sooo... my best gal friend got married this weekend. I'm super stoked for her. Somehow she managed to find a completely amazing guy, (which you must know are few and far between)...
But helping her with wedding prep got me thinking and questioning my own theories on marriage and on weddings in particular.
So here is my wedding philosophy (I shared it with my mom the other day, and she got kinda misty eyed and smiley): when/if I ever get married... my wedding day is the first day of the rest of my life with someone. My wedding is the celebration of that, and surrounding myself with my family and friends would be the focus of the day. Cause seriously, you invite people all that way, ask them to shovel out money, get off work, spend all day with you... and yet the day is about you? So, if I was to get married, it would be all about honoring the people that are special in our lives, and asking them to celebrate with us.
Also, all that unnecessary fru-fru that goes along with typical weddings... yeah, making me wanna seriously consider elopement as a serious option... Not that weddings aren't beautiful, just that I don't need all that to be happy. I think I would be happy just to be getting married, and hang all that other crap! (haha, pun) (and wow, that sounded kinda desperate!)
Okay, let me also restate... okay, maybe I didn't state this before... but I am not in any hurry to get married. This blog is largely theoretical in nature.
I guess there is something inside a girl that always is willing to discuss possible wedding plans, dream about wedding dresses, smile and laugh thinking about seeing her "prince charming" at the end of that aisle waiting to start the rest of their lives together. I almost wish that I could say that I don't think like that. That I could care less for that kind of romanticised love and stuff. That life isn't really a fairytale, and happy endings aren't a dime a dozen. That over 35% of marriages in the US end in divorce. I wish I could be pessimistic about it all. But I have a feeling that if I went into a rant about that, you would see right through, and claim that I was just bitter, and that I really didn't believe a word I was saying. So, I think I'll can the bitter part, and just say that yes, *sigh* (I can't believe I am admitting this), I do have hopeless romantic tendencies.
There, its out... now don't judge!
Okay, that was my wedding rant, thanks for letting me get that off my chest, I appreciate it. Don't expect me to ever post on here about wedding stuffs again, (unless as it pretains to Christ and the church). Moving on...
But helping her with wedding prep got me thinking and questioning my own theories on marriage and on weddings in particular.
So here is my wedding philosophy (I shared it with my mom the other day, and she got kinda misty eyed and smiley): when/if I ever get married... my wedding day is the first day of the rest of my life with someone. My wedding is the celebration of that, and surrounding myself with my family and friends would be the focus of the day. Cause seriously, you invite people all that way, ask them to shovel out money, get off work, spend all day with you... and yet the day is about you? So, if I was to get married, it would be all about honoring the people that are special in our lives, and asking them to celebrate with us.
Also, all that unnecessary fru-fru that goes along with typical weddings... yeah, making me wanna seriously consider elopement as a serious option... Not that weddings aren't beautiful, just that I don't need all that to be happy. I think I would be happy just to be getting married, and hang all that other crap! (haha, pun) (and wow, that sounded kinda desperate!)
Okay, let me also restate... okay, maybe I didn't state this before... but I am not in any hurry to get married. This blog is largely theoretical in nature.
I guess there is something inside a girl that always is willing to discuss possible wedding plans, dream about wedding dresses, smile and laugh thinking about seeing her "prince charming" at the end of that aisle waiting to start the rest of their lives together. I almost wish that I could say that I don't think like that. That I could care less for that kind of romanticised love and stuff. That life isn't really a fairytale, and happy endings aren't a dime a dozen. That over 35% of marriages in the US end in divorce. I wish I could be pessimistic about it all. But I have a feeling that if I went into a rant about that, you would see right through, and claim that I was just bitter, and that I really didn't believe a word I was saying. So, I think I'll can the bitter part, and just say that yes, *sigh* (I can't believe I am admitting this), I do have hopeless romantic tendencies.
There, its out... now don't judge!
Okay, that was my wedding rant, thanks for letting me get that off my chest, I appreciate it. Don't expect me to ever post on here about wedding stuffs again, (unless as it pretains to Christ and the church). Moving on...
High School?
Well, I just got informed the other day that blogging is high school... who knew? Rats, now I'll just have to quit blogging! Wait, my 50-some uncle blogs... maybe my informant was misinformed... yeah, that's what I'm gonna go with...
Monday, May 18, 2009
Did I mention that I pretty much hate my life???
So, how come some people have the innate ability to make you feel like the biggest heel in the world, just by loving you? Just for once, could you de-complicate my life and hate me??
Did I also mention that both of my roommates graduated? Yeah, not only am I not done until December... but I also am still in class through the end of June. It sucks to be me.
Nursing school is *insert colorful language here*... I for one, am sick of it! We could get the exact same things out of our classes and not have everything due within 24 hours of each other! I mean seriously! But I guess I shoot myself in the foot with some of this, cause I have to work several days a week to pay all my bills too... Sometimes I wonder how in the world I made it through LPN school!
My grand total for sleep last night, drum roll please... : 1 1/2 hours.
Okay, so enough of that pity party, huh? I guess I am done.
Have you ever wished that you were Abraham? That once you were willing to sacrifice Issac, God would show you the ram in the bushes? That maybe all He really wanted from you was a willing spirit. Cause that's about all I have got right now... a willing spirit, cause goodness knows, the flesh is weak!
So, don't read Ecclesiastes when you are feeling down... BAD IDEA!!
Did I also mention that both of my roommates graduated? Yeah, not only am I not done until December... but I also am still in class through the end of June. It sucks to be me.
Nursing school is *insert colorful language here*... I for one, am sick of it! We could get the exact same things out of our classes and not have everything due within 24 hours of each other! I mean seriously! But I guess I shoot myself in the foot with some of this, cause I have to work several days a week to pay all my bills too... Sometimes I wonder how in the world I made it through LPN school!
My grand total for sleep last night, drum roll please... : 1 1/2 hours.
Okay, so enough of that pity party, huh? I guess I am done.
Have you ever wished that you were Abraham? That once you were willing to sacrifice Issac, God would show you the ram in the bushes? That maybe all He really wanted from you was a willing spirit. Cause that's about all I have got right now... a willing spirit, cause goodness knows, the flesh is weak!
So, don't read Ecclesiastes when you are feeling down... BAD IDEA!!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Arson... or... Self Stalking
Okay, so I had this really cool idea for a blog post off of something that my pastor said in church on Sunday, but when I went to look up the main premise of what I was going to define... the definition didn't pan out...
SO sad! :(
So...
I am weird, I know, but I decided to google myself.
Okay, okay, I'm officially creepy now, but it was kinda fun. For instance: I'm a 50 year old storyteller in Washington, and a beautiful Polish actress! I'm also a wife and fellow minister bringing the news of Messiah to the Jewish people. I'm an 40 year old Australian building contractor. Oh, and I'm also a rather interesting looking yoga teacher...
The only real listing I found for myself was my Grandpa's obituary in his hometown newspaper. Which kinda sobered me fast, and I don't want to search for anything else now...
p.s. the blog was originally supposed to be about arson
SO sad! :(
So...
I am weird, I know, but I decided to google myself.
Okay, okay, I'm officially creepy now, but it was kinda fun. For instance: I'm a 50 year old storyteller in Washington, and a beautiful Polish actress! I'm also a wife and fellow minister bringing the news of Messiah to the Jewish people. I'm an 40 year old Australian building contractor. Oh, and I'm also a rather interesting looking yoga teacher...
The only real listing I found for myself was my Grandpa's obituary in his hometown newspaper. Which kinda sobered me fast, and I don't want to search for anything else now...
p.s. the blog was originally supposed to be about arson
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Day #2 of My Life as a Crazy Person
05-05-09
Thoughts from today:
Today I cheated. I was in need of encouragement, and so I opened a card from my mom that specifically said “don’t open until Wednesday”. It was a “happy nurse’s day” card. I was encouraged.
Today I played Dominos with two rapists. I’ve never felt safer.
Today I had to question a very fundamental belief of mine. I met a man who beat his children with a buggy whip. He justifies it with scripture. I have no clue how to refute it. Object for much prayer and thought.
Today, I realized how completely insanely awesome people in my class are. *see also: ghoulish masks on a creepy psych unit after dark… you can imagine…
Today, I seriously considered being a psych nurse for the first time ever.
Today, I absolutely LOVED the boldness I have in Christ. NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING is keeping me in timidity.
Today, I missed my roommate, and had to call her on the phone to tell her that… and then never ended up really telling her that at all. Why are we so resistant to admit that we need others?
Today, I really appreciated my family. For loving me, for putting up with me, for raising me in the way I should go, for supporting me when I am down, for praying me into Jesus’ arms
Day #1 of my Life as a Crazy Person:
05-04-09
So, this week I am spending some extended time here in Larned at the State Mental Hospital. Yes, that’s right, someone must have finally recognized my insane tendencies… so here I am for observation!
Okay, okay, so I am not actually a patient. But I might as well be. I and 18 of my other nursing school classmates are shacked up on a vacant wing of the building. I’m really not even kidding. We have to buzz and security lets us in through the doors. I have a metal sink and toilet (my own personal set!) in the corner of my room. They are aluminum, and they are staring back at me from the corner… kinda creeping me out right now as I am typing this. (I don’t EVEN know how I’ll be able to sleep tonight!) I’m sitting in my rock hard metal bed, typing this. I’ve draped a sheet over the window in my door for privacy. I did bring my own army green sheets to place on the bed (over the top of their white hospital sheets), cause, yes, I am THAT paranoid. And of course my own TWO pillows are propped between me and the wall, as I sit cross-legged in a rather… uhm… alert… position facing the door. (Lets just say, my neck might be sore tomorrow from the stress of holding my body in a constant state of readiness.
Oh, and I took a shower tonight. Now, I, unlike some of you more fortunate people out there who were subjected to the loveliness of communal showers after gym class… have never really taken a hankering to public showers. And when I say that these are public, they do have individual stalls, and curtains… but no good way to go from the shower to dressed, or vice versa… (someone please explain to me the point of having privacy while scrubbing in the shower, if you have no way to privately get to and from the shower for said activity???) Me and one of the other students tag teamed tonight standing guard while the other dressed. Worked out pretty well. I guess we’ll plan on doing that tomorrow night as well.
One good thing… they did add electrical outlets to the patient rooms in an effort to make them better suitable for student’s use. Hence the ability of mine to actually be typing this presently. Its killing me to not be able to check my e-mail right now though. Even when I am away from home, I usually find somewhere to check it, or only go a few days without being online. Of course it is infinitely easier to not feel like you are missing being online, when you aren’t even on your computer… but as that is obviously not the case… *sigh*
Praise the Lord for music though! I am listening to Brooke Frasier right now… really love her sound, you should check her out (musically I mean). I think that I posted a video of hers on here once… Yeah, I think “Albertine”, but I like her other stuff too. Man, sometimes I think that my music is one of the fundamental ways that God chooses to encourage me and get me through the day.
But I digress… how did I get through today, you ask? Well, today wasn’t bad. I am definitely overwhelmed with that daunting task that I will face in the next couple of days. I am not really sure that I am ready for this, at all…
We took a tour of the Mental Hospital today. It’s the saddest thing I have ever seen. We went into several different areas, including the children’s unit. That was sad. A couple of the kids eyes seemed so glazed over, like they didn’t really care what was going on around them. And then some, you could tell were probably the behavior issue kids, because they seemed to have an undercurrent of pushing… just pushing a little further, a little harder… There are also a lot of inmates here from the sex offender part of the state pen. Its kinda scary to think about them being on the same grounds as us, but then again, I suppose they used to live on the same streets as us. Only serves to further my theory (from Proverbs) that with much knowledge comes much grief. Anyway, I feel perfectly safe here, since we are completely locked down.
According to our tour guide, the mental hospital originally started out with largely horticulture therapy for the patients. They essentially ran a farm out here in Midwestern Kansas. Somewhere along the way, really about the time psychotropic drugs started coming out, they closed down the farm. Its sad in a way. I think people learn a lot from caring for living things (even if its just a plant), and there is something that clears your head very nicely from just getting your hands dirty, and doing a little good honest work. Dirt under your fingernails and a satisfied smile on your face.
I’m apprehensive for what tomorrow might hold, but I know the one Who holds my future. Its firmly in His hands, and I don’t expect that it’ll be anything we can’t tackle together!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
goodbye
Every once in a while, when you make bold statements... you really should follow through on them.
its not regret
but it is remorse
i knew better
but i let my imagination run wild
it was a fate worse than death
knowing separation
from Him who loves me best
and i chose it
but no more
i'm saying no this time
as easy as that
i may be looked at as cruel
but i can't keep on in this
there's no good time to say goodbye
but there is a time
now
and soon the freedom will follow
as it always does
clean as the tulips in my yard
washed in the drizzling rain
as a tear falls
and keeps washing
all the pain
all the worry
all the sense of distance
and i'm there
at my Father's feet
and as i lift my hesitant, tearful eyes
i see His beautifully kind ones looking down at me
and i don't see reproach
i see longing
and then i am in His arms
full embrace
i think about taking one last look
but sodom and gomorrah is not worth even that
no turning back
kiss it goodbye
its not regret
but it is remorse
i knew better
but i let my imagination run wild
it was a fate worse than death
knowing separation
from Him who loves me best
and i chose it
but no more
i'm saying no this time
as easy as that
i may be looked at as cruel
but i can't keep on in this
there's no good time to say goodbye
but there is a time
now
and soon the freedom will follow
as it always does
clean as the tulips in my yard
washed in the drizzling rain
as a tear falls
and keeps washing
all the pain
all the worry
all the sense of distance
and i'm there
at my Father's feet
and as i lift my hesitant, tearful eyes
i see His beautifully kind ones looking down at me
and i don't see reproach
i see longing
and then i am in His arms
full embrace
i think about taking one last look
but sodom and gomorrah is not worth even that
no turning back
kiss it goodbye
Monday, April 27, 2009
Committed
So I was sitting in class today, and they were talking about schizophrenia.
Man, my butt didn't want to stay still in that seat!
See to me, what they were describing as schizophrenia, sounded a whole lot like what I would categorize as straight up demon possession!
I know, way to be nice and subtle about it! Approach the issue tenderly, like a good mercy gifting! Way to go, Jo. Nice work!
But seriously! Have you ever listened to an interview with these cats? They are messed up! I mean really! And I know my enemy well enough to know what he sounds like! If I heard voices like that... well, I'd sure as hell (double meaning intended) know where they came from!
Okay, weird thing though...
A year or two ago, that would have totally freaked me out. I would have had shivers up and down my spine just thinking about it. And the fact that in less than a weeks time I will be the person providing care for these people, and I have yet to get really freaked out about this is well... probably having to do with the Divine.
I am not by nature a completely throw yourself out there in the thick of the battle kind of person. I still get continually amazed when God lets me venture out cautiously into the battlefield and I don't get completely slaughtered! Seems He's given me more strength than I thought... or maybe its just a different strength than I thought... (for more thoughts on that... talk to me about it sometime).
Anyway, so I was talking to my dad today. (who is, in fact, a pretty stellar person, and you all should def meet him!) ... but anyway, I was talking to him about this subject and low and behold... his conclusion was exactly the same as mine! I was expecting him to do a little arguing before seeing my point of view on this. Must have forgot about his Social Science major... (think abnormal psych...). Anyway, he was telling me how I needed to be really prepared with prayer and all, because if indeed I meet up with any of these cats, they are going to know who I am, and Who is in me. (fyi, my dad didn't actually refer to them as "cats", that was my own interjection).
I'm not sure what to think about that. Its actually not something I had thought about before. That schizos (who do have demonic stuff going on) are going to be completely adverse to even my presence, when it reeks of the Lord.
Anyone freaking out yet? Cause I actually feel more freaked out about the assignment that I need to turn in before I go to work tonight. Strange, huh?
Anyway, this is an APB of sorts out to you all... could I get some prayer for my time at Larned next week? I'd really appreciate you all praying a hedge of protection around me while I am there. I think I am going to need it. Definitely up against a lot of spiritual warfare from what it sounds like. And of course I have to be a professional nurse, and can't go performing any exorcisms... so this may be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. To be within a yard of hell, and professionally unable to extend a hand to snatch them from the flames! Crap, now as I am typing this all, God is building in me a love and compassion for these people! But for the grace of God, I would be exactly where they are today.
Pray for me guys. I think this might either break my heart or my spirit.
I'll be at Larned State Mental Hospital most of next week... back on Thurs... if they let me leave!!!!
Man, my butt didn't want to stay still in that seat!
See to me, what they were describing as schizophrenia, sounded a whole lot like what I would categorize as straight up demon possession!
I know, way to be nice and subtle about it! Approach the issue tenderly, like a good mercy gifting! Way to go, Jo. Nice work!
But seriously! Have you ever listened to an interview with these cats? They are messed up! I mean really! And I know my enemy well enough to know what he sounds like! If I heard voices like that... well, I'd sure as hell (double meaning intended) know where they came from!
Okay, weird thing though...
A year or two ago, that would have totally freaked me out. I would have had shivers up and down my spine just thinking about it. And the fact that in less than a weeks time I will be the person providing care for these people, and I have yet to get really freaked out about this is well... probably having to do with the Divine.
I am not by nature a completely throw yourself out there in the thick of the battle kind of person. I still get continually amazed when God lets me venture out cautiously into the battlefield and I don't get completely slaughtered! Seems He's given me more strength than I thought... or maybe its just a different strength than I thought... (for more thoughts on that... talk to me about it sometime).
Anyway, so I was talking to my dad today. (who is, in fact, a pretty stellar person, and you all should def meet him!) ... but anyway, I was talking to him about this subject and low and behold... his conclusion was exactly the same as mine! I was expecting him to do a little arguing before seeing my point of view on this. Must have forgot about his Social Science major... (think abnormal psych...). Anyway, he was telling me how I needed to be really prepared with prayer and all, because if indeed I meet up with any of these cats, they are going to know who I am, and Who is in me. (fyi, my dad didn't actually refer to them as "cats", that was my own interjection).
I'm not sure what to think about that. Its actually not something I had thought about before. That schizos (who do have demonic stuff going on) are going to be completely adverse to even my presence, when it reeks of the Lord.
Anyone freaking out yet? Cause I actually feel more freaked out about the assignment that I need to turn in before I go to work tonight. Strange, huh?
Anyway, this is an APB of sorts out to you all... could I get some prayer for my time at Larned next week? I'd really appreciate you all praying a hedge of protection around me while I am there. I think I am going to need it. Definitely up against a lot of spiritual warfare from what it sounds like. And of course I have to be a professional nurse, and can't go performing any exorcisms... so this may be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. To be within a yard of hell, and professionally unable to extend a hand to snatch them from the flames! Crap, now as I am typing this all, God is building in me a love and compassion for these people! But for the grace of God, I would be exactly where they are today.
Pray for me guys. I think this might either break my heart or my spirit.
I'll be at Larned State Mental Hospital most of next week... back on Thurs... if they let me leave!!!!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Missing You, when You aren't Gone
We have this nursing diagnosis that we talk about in nursing school. Its called Anticipatory Grieving. Often you would see it when you or someone you love is diagnosed with a terminal illness (i.e. an illness that will end in death).
I was randomly moving about the pad looking for something this morning, and wandered into Jenna's room. (if you must know, I was looking for a flat iron)...
As I was snooping through stuff looking for what I wanted, I was thinking of what a great friend I have in Jenna... and how much I am going to miss her this summer!
Let me paint a picture of Jenna for you... we'll start with her room...
I was looking for a flat iron... I found: 3 curling irons, 1 crimping iron, 2 hair blow dryers (one of them is mine), a set of curlers, and 1 clothes iron. Still have no clue where the flat iron is! I also found: freeweights, armor all, a baseball glove, a hammer, 2 flashlights, and camo heavy duty boots. Are you completely confused by Jenna yet? Let me add in that there is a rack on the wall, next to a wall hanging from Africa, and her bed is littered with makeup supplies... still not confused? Let me also add that Jenna and I wear about the same size of clothes, so sometimes we share stuff. My shirt that always seems to go missing? My lavenadar colored K-State shirt. Jenna has KU junk all over her walls, but when it comes to stealing clothes, she takes something implicitly K-State?? confused yet?
Perhaps the best part is in fact this... On Jenna's night stand by her bed she keeps a 7in bladed knife! (we had someone try and break into our house, and Jenna plans to be prepared! see also: Jenna's death wish on anyone who would attempt breaking in: "I'd KILL him!")
Jenna is hard core and a softy. She loves fishing, but can fix a mean wedding up-do! She loves falling asleep on the couch with me to Disney movies, and bakes a stellar cinnamon roll. But she is going to bring her shotgun from home with her in the fall so we can go shooting! (secret love of mine!)
But this is all the really awesome stuff about Jenna, maybe I should add in a few of her faults... She likes to hoard antibiotics and take them whenever she feels sick (super viruses here we come! good job!). She also cusses a lot when she's under anesthesia... it kinda funny! (from when she got her wisdom teeth pulled). She also doesn't do things by halves. Which could I guess be a good thing or a bad thing. When God lays something on her heart, she follows it completely. But, when she decides something, its also next to useless to try and talk her out of it. (you won't win the arguement at the time; prayer is best for that!)
So why am I anticipatorily greiving for Jenna this summer? Jenna is going to be in Indy working as a park ranger (something she DEFINITELY has a huge heart for!). And I'll be staying here and finishing summer classes and then treking off to Africa for a little something that I have a huge heart for.
I'm gonna miss that gal! :( *sniff* (I have allergies, gosh!) *sniff*
I was randomly moving about the pad looking for something this morning, and wandered into Jenna's room. (if you must know, I was looking for a flat iron)...
As I was snooping through stuff looking for what I wanted, I was thinking of what a great friend I have in Jenna... and how much I am going to miss her this summer!
Let me paint a picture of Jenna for you... we'll start with her room...
I was looking for a flat iron... I found: 3 curling irons, 1 crimping iron, 2 hair blow dryers (one of them is mine), a set of curlers, and 1 clothes iron. Still have no clue where the flat iron is! I also found: freeweights, armor all, a baseball glove, a hammer, 2 flashlights, and camo heavy duty boots. Are you completely confused by Jenna yet? Let me add in that there is a rack on the wall, next to a wall hanging from Africa, and her bed is littered with makeup supplies... still not confused? Let me also add that Jenna and I wear about the same size of clothes, so sometimes we share stuff. My shirt that always seems to go missing? My lavenadar colored K-State shirt. Jenna has KU junk all over her walls, but when it comes to stealing clothes, she takes something implicitly K-State?? confused yet?
Perhaps the best part is in fact this... On Jenna's night stand by her bed she keeps a 7in bladed knife! (we had someone try and break into our house, and Jenna plans to be prepared! see also: Jenna's death wish on anyone who would attempt breaking in: "I'd KILL him!")
Jenna is hard core and a softy. She loves fishing, but can fix a mean wedding up-do! She loves falling asleep on the couch with me to Disney movies, and bakes a stellar cinnamon roll. But she is going to bring her shotgun from home with her in the fall so we can go shooting! (secret love of mine!)
But this is all the really awesome stuff about Jenna, maybe I should add in a few of her faults... She likes to hoard antibiotics and take them whenever she feels sick (super viruses here we come! good job!). She also cusses a lot when she's under anesthesia... it kinda funny! (from when she got her wisdom teeth pulled). She also doesn't do things by halves. Which could I guess be a good thing or a bad thing. When God lays something on her heart, she follows it completely. But, when she decides something, its also next to useless to try and talk her out of it. (you won't win the arguement at the time; prayer is best for that!)
So why am I anticipatorily greiving for Jenna this summer? Jenna is going to be in Indy working as a park ranger (something she DEFINITELY has a huge heart for!). And I'll be staying here and finishing summer classes and then treking off to Africa for a little something that I have a huge heart for.
I'm gonna miss that gal! :( *sniff* (I have allergies, gosh!) *sniff*
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Profuse Apologies
Well, my dear blog readers, as you have already surmised... I had formerly erroneously labeled one of my blog posts with the label of it being my 100th post. Unfortunately, this was not quite correct. See, I had failed to account for blogger counting all the posts that I had started and failed to finish. Low and behold I had 4 drafts which actually put the published total at 96 instead of 100, which some of my dear friends were so kind as to point out!
Well that has been corrected. I published 2 of the notes unfinished, and deleted the other two (they were really only 2 sentences each anyway). And you will be happy to note that my current PUBLISHED post count stands at a lovely 102.
Enjoy poppets!
Well that has been corrected. I published 2 of the notes unfinished, and deleted the other two (they were really only 2 sentences each anyway). And you will be happy to note that my current PUBLISHED post count stands at a lovely 102.
Enjoy poppets!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Dicotomy of Freedom
- free·dom
- Pronunciation:
- \ˈfrē-dəm\
- Function:
- noun
- Date:
- before 12th century
1: the quality or state of being free: as a: the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action b: liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another : independence c: the quality or state of being exempt or released usually from something onerous <freedom from care> d: ease, facility freedom> e: the quality of being frank, open, or outspoken freedom> f: improper familiarity g: boldness of conception or execution h: unrestricted use freedom of their home> 2 a: a political right b: franchise, privilege
So I was thinking the other night, about the kind of gal that I used to be... and the results of such careful study were quite disparaging. In a lot of ways the girl I used to be was a lot free-er... and in some ways, not nearly as free.
And when I say free... I really mean that particular brand of freedom that comes from Christ.
I know... I know... how can I classify different types of freedom in Christ? Aren't we all covered under the same freedom? Yes, we are... but I think that at different times in my life I have been more or less aware of certain freedoms in some areas of my life.
So I was thinking the other night, about the kind of gal that I used to be... and the results of such careful study were quite disparaging. In a lot of ways the girl I used to be was a lot free-er... and in some ways, not nearly as free.
And when I say free... I really mean that particular brand of freedom that comes from Christ.
I know... I know... how can I classify different types of freedom in Christ? Aren't we all covered under the same freedom? Yes, we are... but I think that at different times in my life I have been more or less aware of certain freedoms in some areas of my life.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
The Prayer Box
So I am sure that you all are aware of the book "Redeeming Love". Needless to say, I like it a lot, and recently read it for the second time. Great picture of how completely God loves us, how He will fight for us, how He will wait forever for us, how He forgives us...
Anyway, there was one part in the book that stood out to me, and it was something strange... but, anyway, one of the characters had a hatbox filled with scraps of paper which were all her prayer requests. She wrote down each one, and stuck it in the box, waiting for God to fulfill the petition. I used to do that...
Okay, this is dorky, but at my parent's house I slept on a bunkbed, and I had the lower bunk (ask Janalee or Jenny about collapsing the bunk on top of me, or me leg lifting the bunk board with them on it! (who needs a gym??)) Anyway... in the rafters above me as I slept I used to keep a small pad. I am a natural worrier. It used to take me at least a good hour and a half to fall asleep. I would lay there in bed look up at the bunkboard above me and over-analyze everything that happened that day, everything that I hoped would happen the next day, everything that I wished had happened! It was ridiculous!
I don't know where I first read it, but someone in a book... maybe Elizabeth Elliot?? suggested writing all the prayer requests that you have down. Even something as simple as writing them out was an act of realease. Then pray over them, and let go and let God have them... totally.
So that is what my notebook ended up being. When I would lay in bed at night and think through everything in my life, when I would come to a place of worry... there it would go on the list, pray about it, release it, one less wrinkle to my brow. Also the coolest thing is that every time that I would go to write something else on the list, I would look over everything else, and realize things that God had already answered! Then I could cross them out with a date, and show God's faithfulness. Great encouragement!
I don't know what happened to that list. I think I found it when I was moving to my current house, but I haven't seen it since then.
Well, since reading that book again, I thought to myself that I should use that again! So I have got a shoebox (it says 'club zone' on it; is that sacreligous?), and have spent most of the last hour and a half filling it full of prayer requests. (I didn't realize I had SOOO many things that I am currently asking God for! Wow!)
p.s. I made the box this morning... and already I have had to go fishing for one of the notes... God answered a request! (Curious? okay, I guess I'll tell you... David is going with me and my sister to Africa! David's words: "was there ever any doubt?" my prayer request: "make it clear - no doubts" My God is faithful!)
I think you should make a prayer box too!
Anyway, there was one part in the book that stood out to me, and it was something strange... but, anyway, one of the characters had a hatbox filled with scraps of paper which were all her prayer requests. She wrote down each one, and stuck it in the box, waiting for God to fulfill the petition. I used to do that...
Okay, this is dorky, but at my parent's house I slept on a bunkbed, and I had the lower bunk (ask Janalee or Jenny about collapsing the bunk on top of me, or me leg lifting the bunk board with them on it! (who needs a gym??)) Anyway... in the rafters above me as I slept I used to keep a small pad. I am a natural worrier. It used to take me at least a good hour and a half to fall asleep. I would lay there in bed look up at the bunkboard above me and over-analyze everything that happened that day, everything that I hoped would happen the next day, everything that I wished had happened! It was ridiculous!
I don't know where I first read it, but someone in a book... maybe Elizabeth Elliot?? suggested writing all the prayer requests that you have down. Even something as simple as writing them out was an act of realease. Then pray over them, and let go and let God have them... totally.
So that is what my notebook ended up being. When I would lay in bed at night and think through everything in my life, when I would come to a place of worry... there it would go on the list, pray about it, release it, one less wrinkle to my brow. Also the coolest thing is that every time that I would go to write something else on the list, I would look over everything else, and realize things that God had already answered! Then I could cross them out with a date, and show God's faithfulness. Great encouragement!
I don't know what happened to that list. I think I found it when I was moving to my current house, but I haven't seen it since then.
Well, since reading that book again, I thought to myself that I should use that again! So I have got a shoebox (it says 'club zone' on it; is that sacreligous?), and have spent most of the last hour and a half filling it full of prayer requests. (I didn't realize I had SOOO many things that I am currently asking God for! Wow!)
p.s. I made the box this morning... and already I have had to go fishing for one of the notes... God answered a request! (Curious? okay, I guess I'll tell you... David is going with me and my sister to Africa! David's words: "was there ever any doubt?" my prayer request: "make it clear - no doubts" My God is faithful!)
I think you should make a prayer box too!
Monday, April 13, 2009
Africa!
Holy, jumping beans, people!
I am going!
Yes, that's right, I've been hoping, and praying, and even struggling, and doubting... but I am going back to Africa this summer. And incidentally... I am dragging my little sister along... and possibly... :) Yeah, I am supper stoked!
So, you all want to know what I am going to be doing?
Well, I'm gonna tell you anyway! Working with a really awesome ministry called Village of Hope Uganda. (btw, you should buy some of the orphan's beads! they are absolutely beautiful!) Everything from working with the orphans at the safehouse with medical recordkeeping, to working with local nurses in the IDP camps, to getting down and dirty with construction work on the land for the Village of Hope. I am so looking forward to what God looks to do through this summer! Ah, man, I can't tell you how excited I am! Whew... calm down, Jo!
So, my request is that you all keep me and my sister in your prayers! I know we'd appreciate it a lot! (and my parents too, cause they are having a hard time letting two of their daughters run off to deep, dark Africa!)
And especially for the people that we get to interact with. That they would feel God's love through us. Even that we would have opportunities to share our faith with the kids, and refugees in the camps. And that we would be able to work hard and diligently at all we do, knowing we are working for the Lord!
I am going!
Yes, that's right, I've been hoping, and praying, and even struggling, and doubting... but I am going back to Africa this summer. And incidentally... I am dragging my little sister along... and possibly... :) Yeah, I am supper stoked!
So, you all want to know what I am going to be doing?
Well, I'm gonna tell you anyway! Working with a really awesome ministry called Village of Hope Uganda. (btw, you should buy some of the orphan's beads! they are absolutely beautiful!) Everything from working with the orphans at the safehouse with medical recordkeeping, to working with local nurses in the IDP camps, to getting down and dirty with construction work on the land for the Village of Hope. I am so looking forward to what God looks to do through this summer! Ah, man, I can't tell you how excited I am! Whew... calm down, Jo!
So, my request is that you all keep me and my sister in your prayers! I know we'd appreciate it a lot! (and my parents too, cause they are having a hard time letting two of their daughters run off to deep, dark Africa!)
And especially for the people that we get to interact with. That they would feel God's love through us. Even that we would have opportunities to share our faith with the kids, and refugees in the camps. And that we would be able to work hard and diligently at all we do, knowing we are working for the Lord!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
100th Post
I've struggled with this post for a while now... as the title says, it is my 100th post, and I naturally wanted it to be a good one. So here I am sitting in front of my computer... its Easter Sunday; my cute little easter dress is hanging on the back of my door (I even have cute shoes to go with it!); church is in another half hour; my room really needs cleaned, and all I can think about is all the pain in this stupid world.
Yeah, I realize I didn't build up to that one very well. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I have been personally feeling a lot as well, but maybe its just the taking on of others burdens (I have a tendency to do that) (but don't stop telling me about them; thats just the way that God wired me, and I feel empty when I don't get to help share them). At any rate, I have been feeling the pressure of a million burdens here recently which makes me wonder why I am not doing more to alleviate them.
Maybe its just doubt, but sometimes I wonder...
What would happen if I started living my life completely so the the people around me would benefit the most from its living, and not me. I know, that's not a new concept, but I dare say that very few of you actually live that way on a consistent basis. I KNOW I don't; (though deep in my heart of hearts, I wish I could say I did).
I would definitely say that this has been a theme in my life recently. Starting last semester, with looking at spiritual gifts in relation to prayer lifegroup. Shock of shocks, one of the ones that I scored really high in was voluntary poverty. What the heck??? I didn't even know what voluntary poverty means! For goodness sake, I'm an American! The most material people group on the face of the planet! We judge status on possessions and we try to teach the rest of the world to do it as well! (side note: We place little to no regard on family, as evidenced by the skyrocketing divorce rates, abortion statistics, and number of nursing homes in this lovely country of ours! I mean seriously!)
I guess maybe I'm just still in love with a simpler living style. Something far removed from it all. Somewhere where people are loved for who they are, and not what they have. Little things like nice houses turn me off now. In fact even the curtains that I bought for my living room, (and i bought those so that no one could see in to our living room, since we had an attempted break-in...) make my stomach churn a little. Did I need them? No. Yeah, I had a good reason for getting them... unless you really look at the root cause, which would end up being fear... and then you can see that I am not really ahead.
And this is a lame ending, but I am tired of struggling with writing this...
Yeah, I realize I didn't build up to that one very well. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I have been personally feeling a lot as well, but maybe its just the taking on of others burdens (I have a tendency to do that) (but don't stop telling me about them; thats just the way that God wired me, and I feel empty when I don't get to help share them). At any rate, I have been feeling the pressure of a million burdens here recently which makes me wonder why I am not doing more to alleviate them.
Maybe its just doubt, but sometimes I wonder...
What would happen if I started living my life completely so the the people around me would benefit the most from its living, and not me. I know, that's not a new concept, but I dare say that very few of you actually live that way on a consistent basis. I KNOW I don't; (though deep in my heart of hearts, I wish I could say I did).
I would definitely say that this has been a theme in my life recently. Starting last semester, with looking at spiritual gifts in relation to prayer lifegroup. Shock of shocks, one of the ones that I scored really high in was voluntary poverty. What the heck??? I didn't even know what voluntary poverty means! For goodness sake, I'm an American! The most material people group on the face of the planet! We judge status on possessions and we try to teach the rest of the world to do it as well! (side note: We place little to no regard on family, as evidenced by the skyrocketing divorce rates, abortion statistics, and number of nursing homes in this lovely country of ours! I mean seriously!)
I guess maybe I'm just still in love with a simpler living style. Something far removed from it all. Somewhere where people are loved for who they are, and not what they have. Little things like nice houses turn me off now. In fact even the curtains that I bought for my living room, (and i bought those so that no one could see in to our living room, since we had an attempted break-in...) make my stomach churn a little. Did I need them? No. Yeah, I had a good reason for getting them... unless you really look at the root cause, which would end up being fear... and then you can see that I am not really ahead.
And this is a lame ending, but I am tired of struggling with writing this...
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Random Questions...
1. Why does it snow in the morning, and yet I go to school with a short sleeve shirt, come out for lunch, and nearly freeze to death, and then opt for shorts in the evening, cause the sun is way too warm?
2. How come I can not study at all, and make grades better than my classmates?
3. Why do I want things so badly, only to find out that having them gives me a whole new set of problems?
4. Why do I never feel tired when I can sleep in, and so incredibly tired when I need to get up?
5. How come I always forget the confidence that I am supposed to have in Christ?
6. What exactly is their deal??? I mean, like they have to know this stuff for their jobs! Why do I have to know it for nursing school? And why so much busywork???
7. Which phase am I in right now? The birth of a vision, the death of a vision, or the supernatural fulfillment of a vision?
8. Why is all that I can think about centered on Africa?
9. Please explain why we junk sounds together like Nwfulnd puppies, instead of New-found-land, or Rknsaw instead of Are-Kansas? Are we really in that much of a hurry?
10. Why's it so hard to pray when you know you really need to? If I really want, more than anything in the world to delight myself in God, why do I find it so hard to do?
11. When do you draw the line?
12. Why am I still so addicted to Mountain Dew??
2. How come I can not study at all, and make grades better than my classmates?
3. Why do I want things so badly, only to find out that having them gives me a whole new set of problems?
4. Why do I never feel tired when I can sleep in, and so incredibly tired when I need to get up?
5. How come I always forget the confidence that I am supposed to have in Christ?
6. What exactly is their deal??? I mean, like they have to know this stuff for their jobs! Why do I have to know it for nursing school? And why so much busywork???
7. Which phase am I in right now? The birth of a vision, the death of a vision, or the supernatural fulfillment of a vision?
8. Why is all that I can think about centered on Africa?
9. Please explain why we junk sounds together like Nwfulnd puppies, instead of New-found-land, or Rknsaw instead of Are-Kansas? Are we really in that much of a hurry?
10. Why's it so hard to pray when you know you really need to? If I really want, more than anything in the world to delight myself in God, why do I find it so hard to do?
11. When do you draw the line?
12. Why am I still so addicted to Mountain Dew??
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Life Rolls on... Crushing the Poor Child Under It's Giant Millwheel...
Yep... that's about the story of my life right now. Depressing huh? Weeeeeellllll not really...
See, even in the midst of all this craziness and not getting enough done, and having to work too much, and not having any time for my friends, or even time to THINK... I feel like I am being renewed every day!
Like the week before last. It was relaxing and stressful at the same time. I had several issues to work through over break and it wasn't the most mellow of topics,(i.e. huge stress possibilities), and yet I can't say that I came out of it with anything but peace! Part of that came from some very definitive God time up on Walton's Mountain... but some of it also came from a 9 hour (round trip)car drive up to NE to visit an old friend, and a very new friend (had just met her on Monday!). It was good to sit and visit with my old friend over some (MMMMmmm) Godfathers pizza. (interjection here that I really, and I mean REALLY, like Godfather's pizza, but the one here in town closed a number of years ago, and I haven't been able to get my hands on any since then) Just reconnecting and hearing what God is doing in both of our lives was neat. Even though God is leading us down really different paths, and in different places, He still is directing our steps towards Him, and its neat every once in a while to look up and see someone else going the same direction, even if they are walking on a different path. Just kinda do the spiritual "whazup" head bob, and you are instantly encouraged!
And it was really neat to meet this new friend. Like I said, I had just officially met her on Monday of that week, and we had talked for a long time while I was still in Colorado. When I got back to Manhattan, it was weird, but God was just like, "Jo, you need to go visit her." And in my natural incredulity, I was like, "Uhm, excuse me? I don't know what You are thinking God, but I have about 4 papers to write, and a test to study for! I can't just take off and run up to NE for the weekend!" But God wouldn't stop His nagging (can I say that without being disrespectful of His supremacy?). And so on Saturday I decided to get done what I absolutely had to and take off Sunday morning for a 5 hour drive up into the flatlands of the cornhusker state!
Well, God really knows what He is doing when He lays stuff on our hearts like this... (not that He doesn't always, but you know what I mean...) I think I was the biggest blessing in a friend that she had ever met! Now, I should back up and tell you that I had only met her because she was a former coursemate (read classmate) of one of my dear brothers from Uganda. He was telling me about this friend of his, and how she was in the US and going to nursing school, and that I should be her friend on facebook and meet her. (now, I think that some of my dear peeps from Africa *bless their souls* don't really understand how big the US is, being as their countries are so small (like the size of our states)... so I'm always cautious about distance judgment) So, I asked where she was going to school... come to find out its in NE... not so far away... though why anyone from Uganda would want to go to small town NE to go to school is way beyond me!! Anyway, her English is immaculate, but like any foreigner, she is scared and shy of interaction with us crazy Americans. Almost all of her friends on campus are international students also. I am the first white American that has taken an interest in her, and it completely blew her away that I would drive 5 hours out of my way to visit her!
Man, I wish I could bring that much joy to people's faces more often! I was so nervous that as I was driving into town, I started to actually shake and second guess myself. Thinking, "why the heck am I doing this? I don't even know this gal! We've only just started talking to each other!" It could have been WAY awkward...
The moment that I stepped out of my car though, man it hit me... a wave of love. Like an almost magnetic connection. She got wrapped in her first "american" hug, and we proceeded to love on each other the rest of the night! I didn't want to leave... and had to tear myself away around 2300... rolled back into town at around 0330
Yeah, so that was my kick-off to one of the most awfully stressful weeks of my life...
First of all, let me just say that I like order, structure, organization. Not that I am good at it... as the obvious disarray of my room currently demonstrates quite poignantly! But that is how I function best. This last week was a MESS.... wait let me spell that out for you... M E S S.
Nothing was in order, nothing got done well. I felt like I was running from one half-ass project to another... kinda helter-skelter! My schoolwork was overwhelming, tiring, then just plain ridiculous... and I won't even START on my work situation!!
Really amazing thing... God is still soooo faithful! and my friends are really amazing at encouraging me!
In fact last, night I got home from some really discouraging situations at work, and my roommates had taped encouraging messages all over my room, and filled the floor with balloons!
And don't even get me started on God, cause flair pray'rs... yeah, consistently being used right now, and let me tell you... He is faithful, even when we are faithless!
Here goes another week! And I have every confidence He'll pull me through this one too!
See, even in the midst of all this craziness and not getting enough done, and having to work too much, and not having any time for my friends, or even time to THINK... I feel like I am being renewed every day!
Like the week before last. It was relaxing and stressful at the same time. I had several issues to work through over break and it wasn't the most mellow of topics,(i.e. huge stress possibilities), and yet I can't say that I came out of it with anything but peace! Part of that came from some very definitive God time up on Walton's Mountain... but some of it also came from a 9 hour (round trip)car drive up to NE to visit an old friend, and a very new friend (had just met her on Monday!). It was good to sit and visit with my old friend over some (MMMMmmm) Godfathers pizza. (interjection here that I really, and I mean REALLY, like Godfather's pizza, but the one here in town closed a number of years ago, and I haven't been able to get my hands on any since then) Just reconnecting and hearing what God is doing in both of our lives was neat. Even though God is leading us down really different paths, and in different places, He still is directing our steps towards Him, and its neat every once in a while to look up and see someone else going the same direction, even if they are walking on a different path. Just kinda do the spiritual "whazup" head bob, and you are instantly encouraged!
And it was really neat to meet this new friend. Like I said, I had just officially met her on Monday of that week, and we had talked for a long time while I was still in Colorado. When I got back to Manhattan, it was weird, but God was just like, "Jo, you need to go visit her." And in my natural incredulity, I was like, "Uhm, excuse me? I don't know what You are thinking God, but I have about 4 papers to write, and a test to study for! I can't just take off and run up to NE for the weekend!" But God wouldn't stop His nagging (can I say that without being disrespectful of His supremacy?). And so on Saturday I decided to get done what I absolutely had to and take off Sunday morning for a 5 hour drive up into the flatlands of the cornhusker state!
Well, God really knows what He is doing when He lays stuff on our hearts like this... (not that He doesn't always, but you know what I mean...) I think I was the biggest blessing in a friend that she had ever met! Now, I should back up and tell you that I had only met her because she was a former coursemate (read classmate) of one of my dear brothers from Uganda. He was telling me about this friend of his, and how she was in the US and going to nursing school, and that I should be her friend on facebook and meet her. (now, I think that some of my dear peeps from Africa *bless their souls* don't really understand how big the US is, being as their countries are so small (like the size of our states)... so I'm always cautious about distance judgment) So, I asked where she was going to school... come to find out its in NE... not so far away... though why anyone from Uganda would want to go to small town NE to go to school is way beyond me!! Anyway, her English is immaculate, but like any foreigner, she is scared and shy of interaction with us crazy Americans. Almost all of her friends on campus are international students also. I am the first white American that has taken an interest in her, and it completely blew her away that I would drive 5 hours out of my way to visit her!
Man, I wish I could bring that much joy to people's faces more often! I was so nervous that as I was driving into town, I started to actually shake and second guess myself. Thinking, "why the heck am I doing this? I don't even know this gal! We've only just started talking to each other!" It could have been WAY awkward...
The moment that I stepped out of my car though, man it hit me... a wave of love. Like an almost magnetic connection. She got wrapped in her first "american" hug, and we proceeded to love on each other the rest of the night! I didn't want to leave... and had to tear myself away around 2300... rolled back into town at around 0330
Yeah, so that was my kick-off to one of the most awfully stressful weeks of my life...
First of all, let me just say that I like order, structure, organization. Not that I am good at it... as the obvious disarray of my room currently demonstrates quite poignantly! But that is how I function best. This last week was a MESS.... wait let me spell that out for you... M E S S.
Nothing was in order, nothing got done well. I felt like I was running from one half-ass project to another... kinda helter-skelter! My schoolwork was overwhelming, tiring, then just plain ridiculous... and I won't even START on my work situation!!
Really amazing thing... God is still soooo faithful! and my friends are really amazing at encouraging me!
In fact last, night I got home from some really discouraging situations at work, and my roommates had taped encouraging messages all over my room, and filled the floor with balloons!
And don't even get me started on God, cause flair pray'rs... yeah, consistently being used right now, and let me tell you... He is faithful, even when we are faithless!
Here goes another week! And I have every confidence He'll pull me through this one too!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Vacation-Detox-Deprivation-Struggle
This is spring break in my neck of the woods (ironically, just came from the pine covered slopes of Colorado). I was extremely blessed this year to be able to join my family in a small get-away of lounging in a large lodge house snugly fit into Walton's Mountain outside Manitou Springs. But I was thinking last night about what all that time had meant to me, having just returned from our jaunt yesternight.
First of all: Vacation. This time was a welcome relief from some rather intense school and work stress as of late. It was also a beautiful time just getting to reconnect with my siblings especially, and remember why I finally decided not to kill them all off while growing up. Come to find out they are really pretty stellar people. I think I could go down the list right now and name ways that each and every one of them has enriched my life! In fact I think I shall... but maybe in another blog post. Also, it was neat to see my uncle enjoying life and laughing with us. We pulled out home movies one night that we had made of
each other (you know, not the blowing out candles kind, but the pretending to be the crocodile hunter or fake interview kind!) and we were all laughing so hard at the antics. That will be a very precious memory. My uncle has ALS (Lou Gehrigs disease), and this will be one of the last special times together with him, as his condition gets progressively worse.
Second: Detox. So come to find out, God had some stuff that He wished to clear up between us, and getting me away proved an excellent outlet for surfacing some of these issues. Without actually going into full details, lets just say that there was some major sin/disobedience issues that I had been pushing to the back burner for a long time now, and God was finally like: "uhm, no, Jo, this is ridiculous, we are going to deal with this now! once and for all!" (incidentally, I have some really great best friends who have called me on this, and I finally decided to start listening to what God was saying through them). So, yeah, working on cleaning out some pretty nasty toxic sin from my life and getting clean. And I actually went for 5 days straight without a Mtn Dew. I'm not really sure how! I slept a lot more, and was largely less productive during waking hours, and the effects of my detox at this level became obvious when craving started to set in. However, when, upon returning last evening, I pulled a dusty can out of my pantry and greedily gulped it down, I would have to say that it was not as refreshing as I had formerly remembered. Perhaps I am over the hump and on the way to rehabilitation?
Third: Deprivation. Not sure what all forms this is going to take, but for starters I think that God taught me a lot through His creation in the last several days. Of course any of you that have been to Colorado know that the elevation severely effects normal body functions. Not the least of which is breathing. Decrease in oxygenation of the air at higher altitudes, causes the muscles of the diaphragm and lung alveoli to have to contract more vehemently to be able to inhale an adequate amount of O2 for adequate tissue oxygen perfusion. Funny thing though, when you have allergies like crazy, coupled with asthma, tripled with general lack of perfect fitness, and quadrupled with this oxygen deprivation... well, you get me wheezing like a freight train while trying to climb any sort of slope, and having heart palpitations! (which is slightly distressing if you have never experienced that before!) But there is a certain victory in attaining a crest, climbing just beyond what you think you can possibly do... I don't know if I can explain it. Somehow its ten times as meaningful for the very fact that it cost you something. (namely physical pain) Also, we hiked through railroad tunnels cut straight out of the mountain rocks. Some of the tunnels were quite long and you couldn't see the end from the beginning. But I noticed that if you went until you just couldn't see at all to go any farther... at the exact point where you were completely devoid of any light to see what in the world you were stepping on or over on the ground... it was at the point of absolutely no way to go on... that you could see the first sliver of light from the other end. Somehow this was the most comforting truth. That even when God brings us through times in our lives when it is so pitch black that we think we can't go on one step more. He shows us that sliver of light from the other side... plus He is there the entire time, holding our hand and coaxing us forward one step at a time. The deprivation of light makes us have to trust that He knows that there is another end and that He will not let us trip and fall in the dark.
Fourth: Struggle. I find it very interesting that one of the things that renews me the most is a good long struggle. Okay, funny story time... so I was hiking and me and Jeff (my stellarly amazingly rugged type of brother, think flannel shirts, work boots, dirty dusty ball cap, and heart of gold!) decided that we were not content hiking the trail, but needed to descend to the valley floor and dip our hands in the cold mountain stream... which was of course the first mistake. Getting down the mountain is generally the easier of the directions of travel, and I strongly recommend the "squat and slide" method when all else fails. I however, in my infinite wisdom, decided to stand at one point to climb over some brush... slipped, fell... and landed square on a cactus. Oh, I am really not joking! And it wasn't one of those cactus that are poky to sit on, but produce no lasting effects. No, this was porcupine-quality-millions-of-tiny-needles-embedded-in-flesh type cactus. I froze my hand in the mountain stream long enough to pull out all of the on
es impaled there... but my poor gluteous maximus had to wait until I had hiked all the way back to the house. And we decided to climb up one of the landslide piles to get back up the mountain to the trail... again, not one of my proudly bright moments... I was still a good 12 feet from the top, wheezing like a teakettle, with cramps in all four of my extremities, and wanting nothing more than to just let go of my handhold and fall all the way back down to the valley floor. But I made it... even though I really wanted to cry when I finally made it to the top, and I just laid there for a while. I would have to say that extreme sports like mountain climbing are not going to be one of my spiritual gifts! I'm pretty sure that the only thing that kept me going up that mountainside was pure heart... (that and the fact that one of my lovely siblings who shall remain nameless, but his initials are JIM! decided to shower me with pine cones while I was climbing. I always preform a little better when it becomes a pride issue) One of my profiles has this verse posted to it, and I keep meaning to change it, but then every time I start to, I realize how much I really need this verse in my life for those times of struggle: 2 Cor 4:16 "Therefore we do not lose ♥ . Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For out light and momentary afflictions are producing for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."
First of all: Vacation. This time was a welcome relief from some rather intense school and work stress as of late. It was also a beautiful time just getting to reconnect with my siblings especially, and remember why I finally decided not to kill them all off while growing up. Come to find out they are really pretty stellar people. I think I could go down the list right now and name ways that each and every one of them has enriched my life! In fact I think I shall... but maybe in another blog post. Also, it was neat to see my uncle enjoying life and laughing with us. We pulled out home movies one night that we had made of
each other (you know, not the blowing out candles kind, but the pretending to be the crocodile hunter or fake interview kind!) and we were all laughing so hard at the antics. That will be a very precious memory. My uncle has ALS (Lou Gehrigs disease), and this will be one of the last special times together with him, as his condition gets progressively worse.Second: Detox. So come to find out, God had some stuff that He wished to clear up between us, and getting me away proved an excellent outlet for surfacing some of these issues. Without actually going into full details, lets just say that there was some major sin/disobedience issues that I had been pushing to the back burner for a long time now, and God was finally like: "uhm, no, Jo, this is ridiculous, we are going to deal with this now! once and for all!" (incidentally, I have some really great best friends who have called me on this, and I finally decided to start listening to what God was saying through them). So, yeah, working on cleaning out some pretty nasty toxic sin from my life and getting clean. And I actually went for 5 days straight without a Mtn Dew. I'm not really sure how! I slept a lot more, and was largely less productive during waking hours, and the effects of my detox at this level became obvious when craving started to set in. However, when, upon returning last evening, I pulled a dusty can out of my pantry and greedily gulped it down, I would have to say that it was not as refreshing as I had formerly remembered. Perhaps I am over the hump and on the way to rehabilitation?
Third: Deprivation. Not sure what all forms this is going to take, but for starters I think that God taught me a lot through His creation in the last several days. Of course any of you that have been to Colorado know that the elevation severely effects normal body functions. Not the least of which is breathing. Decrease in oxygenation of the air at higher altitudes, causes the muscles of the diaphragm and lung alveoli to have to contract more vehemently to be able to inhale an adequate amount of O2 for adequate tissue oxygen perfusion. Funny thing though, when you have allergies like crazy, coupled with asthma, tripled with general lack of perfect fitness, and quadrupled with this oxygen deprivation... well, you get me wheezing like a freight train while trying to climb any sort of slope, and having heart palpitations! (which is slightly distressing if you have never experienced that before!) But there is a certain victory in attaining a crest, climbing just beyond what you think you can possibly do... I don't know if I can explain it. Somehow its ten times as meaningful for the very fact that it cost you something. (namely physical pain) Also, we hiked through railroad tunnels cut straight out of the mountain rocks. Some of the tunnels were quite long and you couldn't see the end from the beginning. But I noticed that if you went until you just couldn't see at all to go any farther... at the exact point where you were completely devoid of any light to see what in the world you were stepping on or over on the ground... it was at the point of absolutely no way to go on... that you could see the first sliver of light from the other end. Somehow this was the most comforting truth. That even when God brings us through times in our lives when it is so pitch black that we think we can't go on one step more. He shows us that sliver of light from the other side... plus He is there the entire time, holding our hand and coaxing us forward one step at a time. The deprivation of light makes us have to trust that He knows that there is another end and that He will not let us trip and fall in the dark.
Fourth: Struggle. I find it very interesting that one of the things that renews me the most is a good long struggle. Okay, funny story time... so I was hiking and me and Jeff (my stellarly amazingly rugged type of brother, think flannel shirts, work boots, dirty dusty ball cap, and heart of gold!) decided that we were not content hiking the trail, but needed to descend to the valley floor and dip our hands in the cold mountain stream... which was of course the first mistake. Getting down the mountain is generally the easier of the directions of travel, and I strongly recommend the "squat and slide" method when all else fails. I however, in my infinite wisdom, decided to stand at one point to climb over some brush... slipped, fell... and landed square on a cactus. Oh, I am really not joking! And it wasn't one of those cactus that are poky to sit on, but produce no lasting effects. No, this was porcupine-quality-millions-of-tiny-needles-embedded-in-flesh type cactus. I froze my hand in the mountain stream long enough to pull out all of the on
es impaled there... but my poor gluteous maximus had to wait until I had hiked all the way back to the house. And we decided to climb up one of the landslide piles to get back up the mountain to the trail... again, not one of my proudly bright moments... I was still a good 12 feet from the top, wheezing like a teakettle, with cramps in all four of my extremities, and wanting nothing more than to just let go of my handhold and fall all the way back down to the valley floor. But I made it... even though I really wanted to cry when I finally made it to the top, and I just laid there for a while. I would have to say that extreme sports like mountain climbing are not going to be one of my spiritual gifts! I'm pretty sure that the only thing that kept me going up that mountainside was pure heart... (that and the fact that one of my lovely siblings who shall remain nameless, but his initials are JIM! decided to shower me with pine cones while I was climbing. I always preform a little better when it becomes a pride issue) One of my profiles has this verse posted to it, and I keep meaning to change it, but then every time I start to, I realize how much I really need this verse in my life for those times of struggle: 2 Cor 4:16 "Therefore we do not lose ♥ . Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For out light and momentary afflictions are producing for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."
Sunday, March 15, 2009
International Friends
So, here's the thing: at the beginning of the school year I thought and prayed about signing up for an international friend. In fact, I am pretty sure I filled out the form, just never turned it in. I'm not really sure why not; I just didn't. I wish I could say that God told me to hold off or something, but He didn't. I just didn't feel like it was right. Right time, right avenue, right motives, I don't know...
Fast forward like 6 months... God keeps dropping international friends in my lap! No assigned relationships, no obligations. I'm in these people's lives because I want to be in these people's lives. Because I love them for who they are. Because I understand, or am willing to try and understand them. Understand their language, their hang-ups, their joys, their culture, and our lack thereof at times!
I can't tell you how that thrills my heart! Tonight I had a talk with a girl who told me that she had been in the states for almost a year and yet had no American friends. I promptly told her that that had just changed! But what an amazing ministry to be a home and family to these people who have one soooo far away!
Anyway, I think that you all should have international friends. Even if they are not "official" international buddies or whatever you call them. Don't underestimate you ability to make someone feel very loved and accepted just by being willing to say hello, or hang out when you don't have to!
Fast forward like 6 months... God keeps dropping international friends in my lap! No assigned relationships, no obligations. I'm in these people's lives because I want to be in these people's lives. Because I love them for who they are. Because I understand, or am willing to try and understand them. Understand their language, their hang-ups, their joys, their culture, and our lack thereof at times!
I can't tell you how that thrills my heart! Tonight I had a talk with a girl who told me that she had been in the states for almost a year and yet had no American friends. I promptly told her that that had just changed! But what an amazing ministry to be a home and family to these people who have one soooo far away!
Anyway, I think that you all should have international friends. Even if they are not "official" international buddies or whatever you call them. Don't underestimate you ability to make someone feel very loved and accepted just by being willing to say hello, or hang out when you don't have to!
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