So a little part of me just died inside... which is actually a good thing, cause it was something that God has been working for a long time to unclench my fist over. But now I feel almost more defeated than when it was defeating my life. Why is that?
Shouldn't I be overwhelmed with a freedom and vigor like I usually am when He finally gets to the heart of the matter and I let Him take full control? Maybe that joy and release hasn't come yet, because I am too emotionally invested in it this time.
In any case I feel very strongly the winter on my life. Not that things are completely caked in snow ten feet under, but just the death of so many wants and desires in my life.
Okay, so maybe it is more like a greenhouse farmer... cause I definitely see God doing a lot of growth in some areas. The just seem to be controlled and not out in the environment like I am used to. But maybe that is where He is having to start me out on some of this character building. In there, where it is just me and Him, and then someday, I'll be able to come out into the world a strong and vibrant plant that can last many winters.
2 comments:
maybe this is encouraging:
spring bulbs are put in the ground just as winter begins, as everything is dying. But they are the first things up in the new year of blooming and a reminder to everyone that the winter and 'death' of the season is over. Maybe you are a bulb, planted in the beginning of the death of winter, developing roots in the ground to be a cheerful and colorful reminder that a new season has begun. :]
Keep on going strong, Jo! :)
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