The Stirring

Its stirring again... that restless spirit deep down within me. Every once in a while it likes to rear its ugly head, make me rue my current life, want to abandon my goals, throw off responsibilities, spit in the face of convention, and run off on wild and woolly adventures!
Today it was triggered by the fact that I failed a test. (by one percentage point, but failed none the less.) It just makes me feel like a lousy student nurse, and think about how I was not made for this, but for something bigger. Yes, I know this is one of the steps in getting there... but it is easy to loose site of that when I apparently stink at it so badly!
Not that I think that I am a bad nurse all the time. No, I have a lot of real, practical, down to earth knowledge, work experience, and common sense (which in my personal opinion, a lot of nurses out there are severely lacking in!) I apparently just suck at looking at a textbook and copying things and pasting them into my memory to dump out onto a test. Not that I studied much for my test anyway... long story... but see also: "Once upon a roadtrip..." for what I ended up doing all weekend instead of studying. *ducks head*
So, this is probably the part where you start thinking... Yeah, Jo, smart! Don't study at all, and then complain about failing the test! You brought this on yourself!... normally I could not agree with you more. And if it weren't for the fact that I completely bombed my math test as well, I would really not feel that badly about it. So far though, I am 0 for 2... and its not really helping my positive self-perception!
Maybe posting all these pictures in my room wasn't such a good idea. Right above my desk right now as I type this is a picture of me and the nurses from Mulago. You should see the smile on my face... its huge!! I haven't smiled that big in ages. And those beautiful braids! Man, I want those braids back!
I guess the main problem is that my heart is stuck somewhere and my body somewhere else. My body is sitting through nursing classes in a cinderblock, white-washed classroom with 24 other LPNs. Its running around town in a little green car (that REALLY needs washed) with music blaring, shades on, windows down. Its staring blankly at textbooks, cleaning house, going to work. But my heart is walking through the cool rain, and muddy potholes, tromping down to the "Middle East" to flag down a bodaboda. Its dancing through the dragonfly field munching on sugar cane. Its walking the longest route home through the flats, even though its already dark, just cause I don't want the conversation to end.
Lord, help this semester fly by!!