So this is the part where my life officially becomes complicated... Oh, what's that? It already was? Yeah, you ain't seen nothing yet, pardner!
So, without making all my personal problems completely transparent... I'll just say that relationships can be very disappointing, and as one of my dear roommates observed, things get messy, especially where love is involved. Anyway, I am considering taking vows and becoming a nun.
That could work, right? Oh, wait, I don't agree with Catholic doctrine... crap. Guess that is no dice. Anyway, I hear that those habits are terribly uncomfortable. (least that's the way that they portray them in movies, *shrug*) Although being one of those Mother Theresa figures would have been cool... nah, guess not. I don't have that much patience and kindness. Crap... again.
Guess God has a better plan than that, huh? Than me running away, helping orphans in Calcutta? Cause, I mean, seriously, that sounds like a pretty good plan! Who could argue with that being good and noble and honorable? Course, we could alter it a bit... maybe Uganda instead of Calcutta; maybe jeans and a t-shirt instead of a habit; maybe I could smile a bit more. I don't know, just a thought.
Here's the thing though. I have no great humanitarian connections, no lofty aspirations, no self-sacrificing tendencies, no outlet for my work. I can't be the next Mother Theresa. I don't have her faith, hope, or love. Faith in God, hope for change in the world, or love for the people around me. Now, I'm not devoid of any of these things, just that I don't possess them in the measure that her actions demonstrated that she did. Not to say that everybody doesn't have doubts from time to time.
I just hope that my dreams aren't an attempt to run from things here. I don't think that they are; I really think that God has planted this in my heart. But then... I don't know, sometimes it feels a little too easy. Like its a cop out. Don't like this life? Move to Africa, start a new one!
4 comments:
HEY! Theres a Catholic seminary/convent just down the street! LOL! I can see it now...
anyhow, just thought i'd remind you of that one verse... lets see... something about God thriving in our weaknesses or whatev. point being, if you find weakness in your self... GET EXCITED!
I agree with David. If your lacking, it's only a chance to improve. Ask and you shall recieve, my friend. That's a promise from the King.
I have found myself tempted to become a nun as well in the past, but came to the same impass as yourself, not agreeing with the catholic doctrine. There's nothing wrong with declaring yourself a celebate and enjoying the freedom of non-attachment, or whole attachment to the Lord.
ok... first of all...
David - no WAY i am moving to NE, even if i do miss you!! but, yes, His power is made perfect in our weakness... i guess i need to see in this a chance to grow...
Jenna - thanks for the reminder of the promise... though we are faithless, He remains faithful.
Liz - i can totally see you joining me in my "nun-ship"! Of course though, I have taken my vows already... only One to whom i can fully give my heart! beloved of the King, such a beautiful picture!
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