Money

So, I officially hate spending money! Not that I mind shopping, cause goodness knows, I love that. But when it actually comes to pulling out the old wallet (and my wallet isn't actually that old), I just loathe the whole transaction.
Yesterday I had to spend entirely too much on school. And I haven't actually paid tuition (think in the thousands) or books (about $800) yet! Man, healthcare costs are just unreal these days! (oh, wait, I guess that pays for people like me... crap)
But all kidding aside, why do I need a national background check... if I have never lived anywhere but Kansas? and definitely never held a nursing license in another state? (Cost-wise its like a $30 dollar difference.) Seriously, why? Someone at the school tried to tell me that it was what the clinical facilities required... which is a bunch of B.S. because I talked to the DON personally, and she said that they had switched to that because they are getting more and more out of state people that come to school there. So, by all means, punish the rest of us for the fact that a couple people decided to relocate!!
Then I had to buy a nursing kit... with stupid stuff that I already have in it... you know... like bottles of NS, penlight, bandage scissors, dressing supplies... price tag: $180. But its a racket; they won't tell you what all is in the kit, so there is no way that you can just go get your own supplies.
And I had to buy scrubs (which just makes me thrilled!), lovely white scrubs. First of all, I should just like to point out that nurses gave up wearing white long ago, because it is just not functional! I mean, do you have any idea how much I spill things? Let alone working with blood and body fluids? Not to mention, I have this amazing tendency to not be able to pick up a pen or marker without having it get all over my clothes. Yeah, this isn't going to go well at all!
And last, but not least, I had to buy my bridesmaid dress for the wedding in May. I think that this is the one expense from yesterday's list that I don't really mind. First of all, because I really like the dress, but also because I am supper excited to be in a wedding... (yes, the silly, girly part of me is coming out!) I have been a candlelighter before, but never a bridesmaid, and now I am going to be the maid of honor! I love the dress, the colors, the couple... yeah, I am pretty excited! Not that the dress wasn't expensive... (in fact, I don't think I have ever spent that much on any item of clothing) but just that I don't mind as much. For one day, I get to be a princess, and my job as maid of honor is serving the queen, which I dearly love, so yeah, its not so bad. I can deal with a little wallet strain in this respect, because I love the bride like a sister! (in fact we call each other unbiological sisters)
Which makes me wonder... what happened to that love that I used to have for nursing? Is it so far gone that I really hate/loathe/abominate spending money towards knowing how to better serve my patients? I used to love this! Where did the joy go? Or is it just the strain of nursing school? Just the fact that I don't like going to class and learning all sorts of stupid theory. Maybe the fact that I think I could better use my time taking care of 20 year old patients dying of treatable malaria in Africa than the 57 year old man with DM from obesity, heart failure with quadruple bypass from his high fat diet, and GERD (which won't resolve because he refuses to stick to a low fat diet and exercise)! I mean, seriously!
So Matthew 6:19-24 might be a good passage to check out. Just thinking about where I am placing my treasures, and how oftentimes I feel that where I have placed them go against everything that I believe. Which doesn't make sense, because where my treasure is, there my heart is too.
Why am I going to RN school? Quite honestly, because I want a degree.* I have always wanted a degree. If I didn't, I would just be happy being an LPN. Yeah, US RNs get paid more, and especially if I am going back to my favorite continent, which I definitely want to do, I should be an RN. But, in all honesty, its cause I want a degree. And I am willing to put myself through a year of torture to achieve that goal. (though I'll probably complain about it all the way through!)
*and there is another thing... After I finished my LPN schooling, my uncle challenged me to go ahead and complete my degree. The challenge didn't have any strings attached, but I know that he'll be disappointed if I don't. And he has just been diagnosed with terminal ALS. Less than 6 months probably. How can I not?
So, for now, my "treasure" is going towards nursing. My heart is going to Africa. And my body is stuck somewhere in between. This should be an interesting semester!