i also own a rather extensive collection of gingerbread men. the collection i believe originated during my high school years upon a trip to branson, misery to silver dollar city.
i almost always sleep with earrings in, unless of course i was wearing big dangly ones that day, in which case i usually take them out at night. then i forget to put any in the next day, and when i absent-mindedly reach for them during the middle of the day it absolutely drives me crazy that i am not wearing any.
which reminds me... whenever i am away from home i wear a heart shaped locket with my parents picture in it. and i wear it all the time.
i secretly really like minimalism... though to look at me or anything i have you really wouldn't guess it.
i am paranoid about being thought of as the "smart" one. i know, its a leftover effect from being homeschooled. i try really hard to excel and then hate it when anyone mentions it.
i love cooking and hate doing dishes. i love mountain dew and hate energy drinks.
speaking of energy drinks... i once did two shots of 5 hour energy in a row. the only side effects were REM while fully conscious and a hangovery type feeling for 30min the next morning.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Song Writer?
This is the second day in a row that I have randomly started writing songs... what in the world?
They aren't like chart toppers or anything, just random, Deborah/Miriam style songs... and so far I haven't written any of them down. Does that count as still writing them?
They aren't like chart toppers or anything, just random, Deborah/Miriam style songs... and so far I haven't written any of them down. Does that count as still writing them?
Monday, August 10, 2009
Take 17
So, this is, I believe the 17th try at writing something since coming back from UG. Every time I start I get snagged... maybe on the fact that a lot of things changed, and yet nothing did. How is one supposed to sort through that and figure out what to keep and what to cast aside. I think I'll just start listing things I've heard and learned and seen, and see how far I get.
1. Love: God totally reminded me about the depths and heights and indescribablness of His love (p.s. yes that is a word). I'm not sure that I appreciated all of His methods of doing that. One of them involved the death of my uncle in my absence, one of them involved way too much thinking time alone. But there were good reminders, like the sermon at my friend's church one sunday, and the love of the brotheren that got showered out. The love that people that I should hate and I showered on each other, evidence of the power of God's forgivenness. Really powerful stuff. Huge reminders to live every day fully dwelling in God's love, to pour into other's lives out of my excess overflow of that love, and leave the results to God.
2. Drama: its all around us every day. We have to make a conscious desicion to either ignore the elephant in the corner, make the biggest deal about it possible throwing peannuts at it and poking it alternately, or... and imagine a world where people did this!... actually just deal with it! So many people blow things out of porportion. I don't have the patience for that. If there is a problem, lets deal with it. Lets freakin' quit leaving everything unresolved, undiscussed, and undone.
3. Comfort: is overrated. Give me a brick and stucco house, a charcoal stove, and a hole in the ground out back. That's living. Not to say that I don't appreciate what I have here in the US... just that its overrated. When we get to a place where we can't change, adapt, do with less... then we have failed in our Christian walk. (yes, i realize that is a hugely bold statement, but think about it...) To the extent that we are not able to give up anything, everything, all our comforts, for the sake of Christ, then how can we possibly think that we will be okay with giving up all of our selves our very lives for the sake of Christ?? Yes, it does sometimes give me pause. Especially when I think of the verse where Christ says that whoever is not willing to give up mother and brothers for His sake was not worthy of the kingdom of heaven. But then I remember what He gave up for me... and I lift open hands... take all of me.
4. Grade school was good (primary school). Remember back in the day when you didn't have a car, or tuition, or bills, or significant others, or where your next meal would come from to worry about?? Yeah, those were the good old days!
1. Love: God totally reminded me about the depths and heights and indescribablness of His love (p.s. yes that is a word). I'm not sure that I appreciated all of His methods of doing that. One of them involved the death of my uncle in my absence, one of them involved way too much thinking time alone. But there were good reminders, like the sermon at my friend's church one sunday, and the love of the brotheren that got showered out. The love that people that I should hate and I showered on each other, evidence of the power of God's forgivenness. Really powerful stuff. Huge reminders to live every day fully dwelling in God's love, to pour into other's lives out of my excess overflow of that love, and leave the results to God.
2. Drama: its all around us every day. We have to make a conscious desicion to either ignore the elephant in the corner, make the biggest deal about it possible throwing peannuts at it and poking it alternately, or... and imagine a world where people did this!... actually just deal with it! So many people blow things out of porportion. I don't have the patience for that. If there is a problem, lets deal with it. Lets freakin' quit leaving everything unresolved, undiscussed, and undone.
3. Comfort: is overrated. Give me a brick and stucco house, a charcoal stove, and a hole in the ground out back. That's living. Not to say that I don't appreciate what I have here in the US... just that its overrated. When we get to a place where we can't change, adapt, do with less... then we have failed in our Christian walk. (yes, i realize that is a hugely bold statement, but think about it...) To the extent that we are not able to give up anything, everything, all our comforts, for the sake of Christ, then how can we possibly think that we will be okay with giving up all of our selves our very lives for the sake of Christ?? Yes, it does sometimes give me pause. Especially when I think of the verse where Christ says that whoever is not willing to give up mother and brothers for His sake was not worthy of the kingdom of heaven. But then I remember what He gave up for me... and I lift open hands... take all of me.
4. Grade school was good (primary school). Remember back in the day when you didn't have a car, or tuition, or bills, or significant others, or where your next meal would come from to worry about?? Yeah, those were the good old days!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Back in the US of A
Yes, I am officially back in the good old US of A. Not yet really sure if that's a good thing or not. Someone asked me the other day how it felt to be back "home" (meaning the US of course) and I had to pause for a couple minutes... My final answer was "bittersweet".
I talked to my mom about this the other day. How last year I went through a huge period of mourning for what I had lost, trying to make sense of being in the US, culture shock, not wanted to return, trying to be dependent again instead of independent, etc... But at the root of all my problems last year was this little girl that just was rebelling against where God had put her. She wanted to be in Africa, and He had sent her back to the US. She knew all His reasons why, but that didn't make it anymore of her wish to be there than if she hadn't known.
Funny thing is... I wonder now if I ever actually got over that longing and rebellion... I kinda don't think so. Part of the reason I was so determined to go back this summer. Not all, I still had legit reasons to go, and actually some leading from the Lord on that... but def a part.
I talked to my mom about this the other day. How last year I went through a huge period of mourning for what I had lost, trying to make sense of being in the US, culture shock, not wanted to return, trying to be dependent again instead of independent, etc... But at the root of all my problems last year was this little girl that just was rebelling against where God had put her. She wanted to be in Africa, and He had sent her back to the US. She knew all His reasons why, but that didn't make it anymore of her wish to be there than if she hadn't known.
Funny thing is... I wonder now if I ever actually got over that longing and rebellion... I kinda don't think so. Part of the reason I was so determined to go back this summer. Not all, I still had legit reasons to go, and actually some leading from the Lord on that... but def a part.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
So I've been thinking a lot recently about all that I want in a guy, which is ridiculous, because I am the last girl out there that wants one right now... But none the less, here I am typing all about it to post online! Yeah, like my sweet mother likes to remind me, just cause I have a college degree doesn't mean I am smart... Yeah, I know, she's very supportive!
Two different friends posted qualification lists in their notes recently, and I thought it was interesting, and wondered if I would be able to do that, and in as few steps? So here goes...
1. Godly. OMGoodness, I can't even begin to stress how much that means to me! In any relationship that I would even consider being in, I would have to be absolutely certain that I was not the spiritually strong one. It just wouldn't work. I think that in scripture it is very clear that the husband is to be the head and the leader, and that also means spiritually. And, I would expect him to choose allegiance Christ over me, if it ever came down to that, and to want me to do the same. Now I realize that this criteria eliminates a HUGE majority of the candidates, so I also realize that this may mean that I remain single the whole rest of my freakin’ life, and I’m actually okay with that.
2. Single. Nuff said? Don’t make me explain this one… doesn't matter how much I like him, if he's seeing someone, he's off limits.
3. Kind. So this one is totally biblical. (check Proverbs ~ “what is desirable in a man..”, yes I was listening Daddy) I think this one is slightly self explanatory as well. No jerks allowed! Keep it kind and honoring or you’re out. But seriously none of this overkill stuff. Sticky sweet is not a turn on for hard-core-(wanna-be)-girls like me. Keep it real. (See next #.)
4. Honest. You can say it lots of different ways… keeping it real, not leading on, being who you are, up-front, truthfulness. I also can’t express how much I really value this quality in guys. Even if you know that the girl is going to chew you out or otherwise maim and mutilate you, just tell the truth. I want things up front and honest. And you can bet that I’m not going to even consider being anything else with you if you’re honest with me. You know you value it in us girls, so give us the courtesy of returning the favor.
5. Strong of Character. This one is purely me. To perfectly complete me I would totally need someone who would be my stronger half. Now, I’ll give you that is not an easy order for a girl who loves to be independent and stronger-than-thou about everything. It still never ceases to amaze me when guys pick up on this and go ahead and take charge, I may fuss a little, but I really like it. But if I was to be in a relationship it would have to be with someone who really could look at all my stubbornness and independence and say, “that’s why she needs me so much, because she can’t always be strong”.
6. Love Kids. Okay, this one is just me too. I love kids, and I want a lot, (although that opinion is subject to change pending pregnancy experience). (and by the way, “a lot” isn’t like 11, its more like 5-7, but negotiable). I’ve got to be straight here… nothing turns me on like a guy who loves to play with kids and genuinely interacts with them on their level, but not down to them. Yeah, that’s hot!
7. Physical. Okay, yeah my dream man also is slightly attractive. Yes, I am a real woman, and whoever said that guys were all visual, obviously forgot that girls like eye candy too. I like them taller and built (mmm, arms). Not too picky about this one though, because most of the time the other qualities shine through and you don’t even notice the shell.
I took this off my facebook page because I've laid this search to rest. But I thought I would keep the initial plan around for evidence of God's complete faithfulness to answer our prayers with more than we could ask or imagine!
Two different friends posted qualification lists in their notes recently, and I thought it was interesting, and wondered if I would be able to do that, and in as few steps? So here goes...
1. Godly. OMGoodness, I can't even begin to stress how much that means to me! In any relationship that I would even consider being in, I would have to be absolutely certain that I was not the spiritually strong one. It just wouldn't work. I think that in scripture it is very clear that the husband is to be the head and the leader, and that also means spiritually. And, I would expect him to choose allegiance Christ over me, if it ever came down to that, and to want me to do the same. Now I realize that this criteria eliminates a HUGE majority of the candidates, so I also realize that this may mean that I remain single the whole rest of my freakin’ life, and I’m actually okay with that.
2. Single. Nuff said? Don’t make me explain this one… doesn't matter how much I like him, if he's seeing someone, he's off limits.
3. Kind. So this one is totally biblical. (check Proverbs ~ “what is desirable in a man..”, yes I was listening Daddy) I think this one is slightly self explanatory as well. No jerks allowed! Keep it kind and honoring or you’re out. But seriously none of this overkill stuff. Sticky sweet is not a turn on for hard-core-(wanna-be)-girls
4. Honest. You can say it lots of different ways… keeping it real, not leading on, being who you are, up-front, truthfulness. I also can’t express how much I really value this quality in guys. Even if you know that the girl is going to chew you out or otherwise maim and mutilate you, just tell the truth. I want things up front and honest. And you can bet that I’m not going to even consider being anything else with you if you’re honest with me. You know you value it in us girls, so give us the courtesy of returning the favor.
5. Strong of Character. This one is purely me. To perfectly complete me I would totally need someone who would be my stronger half. Now, I’ll give you that is not an easy order for a girl who loves to be independent and stronger-than-thou about everything. It still never ceases to amaze me when guys pick up on this and go ahead and take charge, I may fuss a little, but I really like it. But if I was to be in a relationship it would have to be with someone who really could look at all my stubbornness and independence and say, “that’s why she needs me so much, because she can’t always be strong”.
6. Love Kids. Okay, this one is just me too. I love kids, and I want a lot, (although that opinion is subject to change pending pregnancy experience). (and by the way, “a lot” isn’t like 11, its more like 5-7, but negotiable). I’ve got to be straight here… nothing turns me on like a guy who loves to play with kids and genuinely interacts with them on their level, but not down to them. Yeah, that’s hot!
7. Physical. Okay, yeah my dream man also is slightly attractive. Yes, I am a real woman, and whoever said that guys were all visual, obviously forgot that girls like eye candy too. I like them taller and built (mmm, arms). Not too picky about this one though, because most of the time the other qualities shine through and you don’t even notice the shell.
I took this off my facebook page because I've laid this search to rest. But I thought I would keep the initial plan around for evidence of God's complete faithfulness to answer our prayers with more than we could ask or imagine!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
So I have officially decided that I am excessively spoiled...
Here's why:
1.) I am totally used to a stand up shower (think squatting with a basin, or at best a spray nozzle)
2.) I drive my own car (public transport taxis anyone? just pray to God that it isn't raining, so the windows stay open... otherwise... whew!!)
3.) Eating rice and beans is a choice for me (true, I hate buying meat cause it is so expensive... but its not like I can't)
4.) I have my own place, and no curfew (can you even begin to fathom living at home at 23-24 and having to be home by a certain time? wow)
5.) I'm independent (yeah, some of you might not think that being unattached is much of a blessing, but it actually is. do you realize that the only person that I really answer to for my actions is God? wow, how freeing!)
Here's why:
1.) I am totally used to a stand up shower (think squatting with a basin, or at best a spray nozzle)
2.) I drive my own car (public transport taxis anyone? just pray to God that it isn't raining, so the windows stay open... otherwise... whew!!)
3.) Eating rice and beans is a choice for me (true, I hate buying meat cause it is so expensive... but its not like I can't)
4.) I have my own place, and no curfew (can you even begin to fathom living at home at 23-24 and having to be home by a certain time? wow)
5.) I'm independent (yeah, some of you might not think that being unattached is much of a blessing, but it actually is. do you realize that the only person that I really answer to for my actions is God? wow, how freeing!)
Monday, July 13, 2009
Pain
A single cold tear courses
Leaving lonely streaks across the freckled cheek
Til rounding the bend it falls
A small puddle in the African mud
Death is hard
Like the earth beneath me
As I stare into the matoke plantation
The mud and sticks in my back make a wall
Though its occupant fowl long ago
Deserted their coop for death seeminly easier
My heart hurts
The pain squeezing out in little droplets
To join their brother
Spreading red lakes
A great friend is gone
Laughter missed
A vacant room, an empty chair
My reason for visiting every day
There are no hugs for my ache
But the cold embrace of darkness
No comforter
But a diseased dog near my feet
Yet somehow its like the cat
Near the tombs
Aslan in comforter form
And I feel the warm arms of my Savior
Wrap me in His embrace
Hold me close to His heart
Drying those futile tears
Assuring me that He holds them
As He holds me.
I'z okay.
Leaving lonely streaks across the freckled cheek
Til rounding the bend it falls
A small puddle in the African mud
Death is hard
Like the earth beneath me
As I stare into the matoke plantation
The mud and sticks in my back make a wall
Though its occupant fowl long ago
Deserted their coop for death seeminly easier
My heart hurts
The pain squeezing out in little droplets
To join their brother
Spreading red lakes
A great friend is gone
Laughter missed
A vacant room, an empty chair
My reason for visiting every day
There are no hugs for my ache
But the cold embrace of darkness
No comforter
But a diseased dog near my feet
Yet somehow its like the cat
Near the tombs
Aslan in comforter form
And I feel the warm arms of my Savior
Wrap me in His embrace
Hold me close to His heart
Drying those futile tears
Assuring me that He holds them
As He holds me.
I'z okay.
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