i feel your pain...

i feel your pain
and it kills me a little inside
i feel the hurt from love lost
how he turned away from you
ran after another
as if you were cheap
and easy to obtain
not the priceless jewel you are

i feel your pain
that hurt of nothing going right
your body adding aches
to an already burdened heart
wondering how you'll make ends meet
live forward to another day
find something, anything to keep you
afloat on torrid seas

i feel your pain
that depression that doesn't lift
cause try as you might
you can never do it all
there's always something more
and at the end of the day
blessed sleep won't come
for your tired heart

i feel your pain
that ache of loneliness
nothing can fill
because you are alone, so alone
busyness is a weak cover
and sometimes you just need someone
anyone

i feel your pain
another tear over another grave
all you want is no more death
those dearest to you nearest to you
but life has a strange way
of leaving its participants shortchanged
by the ceasing of others participation
and the pang runs deep

i feel your pain
that constant strain
grating at your nerves and driving you
and the harder you try
smoothing edges becomes
sharpening daggers
til those who should love you best
cut you worst

i feel your pain
who feels mine?

i feel Your pain
left alone to face this fate
You don't deserve
abandoned by those You hold dear
exposed, insulted, heartbroken
now acutely aware
i don't feel Your pain
i am Your pain

i feel your pain
because He felt mine

Book Corner

This last weekend I did a very risky thing...
... I went into a used book shop!
I know, I know what you are thinking. "Oh, Jo, you should know better!"
I have no excuses. I honestly didn't think before I took that step of action. Thankfully, I left only $25 lighter in the wallet.
My conquests for the day:
A Gown of Spanish Lace (a favorite of mine for some time, actually introduced to me by my mum)
This Present Darkness (another favorite of mine, introduced to me by my daddy)
(fyi: my parents are pretty stellar people and have good taste in books!)
Jesus Freaks (volumes 1 and 2) (no, I'm not actually a huge DCTalk fan, but I do like some of their stuff, and Voice of the Martyrs is pretty rocking awesome, so I figure you can't go wrong, plus the title intrigues me.)
The Four Loves (because C.S. Lewis is my hero, and I love to read his books even when I don't understand all of them, or agree completely.)
(also, I should add that had they had any John Eldridge books, my wallet would have been even thinner than presently, as he's the one contemporary author of teaching books that I read and love.)
Anyway, if you can't find me for some reason anytime in the next couple of weeks... its most likely because I am curled up under a quilt somewhere with a large mug of hot apple cider (otherwise entitled "The Recipe", and don't ask why) and reading my little heart away!

Someone please explain the mysteries of the universe to me!!

How come my dog will lay on my bed perfectly still when I am sitting at the computer but the moment I go to bed, she becomes all kinds of jumpy. "I want on the bed. No I don't. What was that outside? Can I go play with Sage? How come I don't have a pillow? You weren't really trying to sleep were you?"

How come every time I get really content with my life, something has to come along and stir the waters? And no, its not the bad kind of contentment. I actually need this kind to keep myself fairly sane!

How can two people on opposite sides of the world think so much alike?

Do you think we can be born somewhere that isn't our culture? (It sounds like an easy answer, but think about it for a while... its actually a trick question.)

Why am I so competitive? (This comes after proving to Jenna that I could in fact polish off the rest of the roast that I made for supper... and a banana... and a full glass of OJ.)

How come some songs can bring you to tears almost instantly? And others you can sing for years on end almost subconsciously and then one day you wake up and realize the song was about you...

Why does it take things like car accidents, weddings, funerals, and babies to bring people together? Why can't we love each other all the time?

Someone want to explain these and other mysteries of the universe to me?
And He's already told me He'd love to spend a lifetime teaching me all there is to know about them. <3

Day #4 of De-Tox

Let me just go on record and say that my life without caffeine is not bad... except for that part where I've had migraine headaches every day!! ohmyword!

Lets just say that I wasn't really planning on that repercussion from this rehab therapy.

Day #1 of De-Tox

I've been put on mandatory de-tox for my addiction to.... Mountain Dew.

Actually it was Jenna's idea. I must have been complaining about my ulcers or something, and said that I drink too much Mountain Dew. She readily agreed with me and committed me to her rehab program. *sigh* Yesterday was the last day that I could have Mountain Dew, which ironically I think I didn't actually have but 3 cans. (And that was mostly because I was at work, and I always end up drinking a lot when I am at work).

Funny thing though, I might be sleeping a lot more. See last time that I was off of Mountain Dew for a week I slept like crazy all the time! Mountain Dew doesn't actually make me not go to sleep when I'm tired, but it takes the insane sleeping edge off apparently. I won't even tell you about the month and a half that I was off of it one summer... talk about oversleeping!

This has been day one. I did stay awake all the way through class though I was getting spacey by the end of class today. We'll see how this keeps up...

Sunday Morning

So its Sunday morning about 9:49am and I am sitting at my computer listening to "Wild Horses" playing, and hearing the crickets outside my window and my puppy complaining about being locked in her kennel. So random good things are going well in my life. Actually lots of things are NOT going well at all, which is why I am marveling at the fact that I am still in such an upbeat mood.
I finished my first round of clinicals this week, which went well. This was the rotation that I was most concerned about because I had to work the ER and ICU. I don't know about you, but I always thought of those areas as like the high intensity areas. Those areas where every three minutes you have someone running with a crash cart and paddles... Yeah, guess again. I didn't have a single code. Oh, well, I got to be majorly surprised at how well I was able to do in all those areas. I think I know more than I give myself credit for. Speaking of credit: I had a test on Monday. 10 questions. All essay. I walked out of there ready to cry because I was pretty sure that I only got about 50% on that test. Scores came back... 97%. What in the world? Apparently I am getting an A+ in B.S. class... because there was hardly anything on that test that I didn't pull out of thin air, put a spin on, and write down as if I knew exactly what I was talking about. Wonders never cease, and God is amazingly merciful. Oh, by the way... I haven't failed a test yet this semester. Believe it or not, that was actually my goal for this semester. I know, I know... lame. But true none the less.
I decided to look for a new church this semester because of some things that I had talked with a friend about this summer and really got me to thinking. Anyway... I found two. I'm not yet sure what to make of that. I really like them both. One is definitely a better fit for unsocial me, but the other might be a better fit on account of that I might actually have to do some getting out of my comfort zone. We'll see which I end up going with, or I may end up just jumping back and forth like I have been doing.
Is it bad that I've pretty much quit Ichthus? I just feel so disconnected from it. I feel like that God is really moving in their midst, which is really exciting, but I just feel like I don't have a connection to that. Maybe its just that part of me that decided to grow up and not be the "college student" anymore.
Oh, did I tell you about that? Yeah, I kinda decided to grow up a couple weeks back. That means getting my stuff together, and quit putting off stuff because I'm young or in school, or whatever other excuses I've been using. I also like to live slightly irresponsibly at times for that same reason... ha! Stopping now. Anyway that is what I decided. So you all are welcome to call me on stuff if you still see it in my life.
Lets see... in other news, my brother is getting married. Yeah, to this really amazing gal that I've wanted as a sister for a really long time! Needless to say I am pretty stoked for them! Oh, and I'm definitely adopting her mom as a faux mom-in-law, cause she's pretty stellar and fun! Anyway, we got our dresses in the other day for the wedding... uhm, yeah, bridal shop people are dumb... no better way to say that. How can I send you my exact measurements and you still order me a dress that is 6 sizes too big!?! What's up with that? Lets just say they are altering it.
Kala is getting really big. Like really big! I've had to let out her collar 2 notches since I got back from Africa. And of course she eats like a horse! By the way, I just realized the other day that her name kinda sounds like the abbreviation for Kampala.... K'la... weird. I didn't really plan that one. But I did look up online and as long as all her shots are current I can take her with me to Uganda... how cool is that!!
Anyway enough random stuff out my life for now, eh?

Finally Writing...

I struggled all of last week trying to find something to write about on the blog. The one thing that I seemed to be really passionate about writing was the one thing I didn't want to write about on my blog... and so no posts came.
I however, completely neglected to tell about some very major things that have been on my heart as far as prayer.

You all know by now how I am absolutely in love with a country in Africa called Uganda. And equally as "in-love" with a certain section of Kampala city called Bugolobi, and especially with a church there, and specifically a really amazing group of young people called the "David's Fellowship".
Last week unfortunately, there were riots in Kampala City. As nearly as I can tell the main focus of the riots was tribal oriented. Apparently there was supposed to be some sort of meeting in the city, and at the last minute the king of the tribe was denied access which sent the meeting-goers on riot edge. Police were naturally called in to de-escalate the situation, but I am afraid, made it worse. I think the last count was 15 dead, and 100s injured. Lots of property was also destroyed, from burning cars to ransacking buses and businesses. It seems to have cooled off some in Kampala, but I wish you would all pray for peace anyway.
Uganda is a fairly stable government compared to most of Africa, but there is LOTS of corruption as anyone there will tell you. Most elections are rigged, political deviants are held on bogus charges, and the only way to get ahead is to know someone in a position higher than you. And unfortunately, they harbor the same biases towards tribes that we in some sections of the US maybe harbor towards different ethnic groups.
I don't think that is something that I'll ever understand. The concept of tribal loyalties. I was talking to a UG friend about it the other day, and realized that there is nothing in the US to compare it to. I don't even feel as patriotic towards my entire country as they do towards their tribe. (though arguably some Americans do) And while I love my family dearly, I wouldn't start a riot cause some one of them was denied access to a city.

So I was reading in Jeremiah, (because I was looking for that verse about seeking the peace and prosperity of the city which seemed appropriate) and I didn't realize that verse falls in the same conversation between God and the exiles as the "for I know the plans I have for you..." verse. Maybe I'm just stupid, but you hear the "plans" verse so much, and very rarely do you hear the whole passage that it goes with. Anyway, I think you should read it too, because I was very encouraged by it. Its found in chapter 29 in case you are interested.
Point being, not only are we seeking the peace and prosperity of the "city" while we live in it (and yes, I realize that I don't technically live in UG right now...) but also, while we ware seeking that peace we need to rest in the promise that God already has this whole thing planned out. Its not a plan of harm, its a plan of future, hope, and prosperity. But He does ask us to come to Him, call upon Him, seek with all our hearts... and then He is willing to be found by us, to answer us. And then to gather us from all the nations and places He has scattered us; gather us to Himself. *warm, fuzzy feelings*

Anyway I think I am going to committ to praying for the government of Uganda.