Answered Prayers

Well today is an interesting day. It seems that everything that I pray about recently comes to pass. I am mostly scared rather than thrilled with this development. Sometimes it feels like I have been beseeching the heavenlies for the longest time without a single response in the least. Now suddenly everything that I ask of God is being answered? Maybe it just scares me because it means that I am not as far away from God as I had feared. That He is actually near enough to touch and that I can’t run from Him.

I had prayed that God would take a certain person out of my friend’s life because it wasn’t a healthy relationship… boom. It happened. I had prayed that God would work out my new apartment… boom. I am in love with it. I had prayed long and hard that my sister-in-law would be able to get pregnant… boom. The pregnancy test was positive. I had prayed that my brother and his girlfriend would grow in their relationship with God and with one another… boom. I get the call this morning that they are engaged.

What is it with me that I can pray and believe God for everyone but myself? My best friend actually asked me this the other day, and I was blown away by the reply which left my lips. I do trust that God has the best in mind for my friends, my family, and the other people around me, but sometimes I find it hard to believe that He wants to give good things to me. I don’t know if this stems from an intense lack of self-worth or a false humility. A friend of mine tried to call me on this a while back, but I wasn’t in a good place to hear it at the time, and it sounded too much like a health and wealth gospel which I’ve come to hate so much during my time in Africa especially, since it seems to be so prevalent here.

So what is it exactly?

I think, at the end of the day, I need to believe God for bigger things. I know (intellectually) that my God is big enough to provide for me, to love me enough, to bring good things to my life… but I need to know in my heart to where it spills over into uncompromising belief. That is the kind of trust that He requires of me and the kind that will not let me stop assailing the heavens with my petitions, prayers, and praises.