Homecoming

I've been thinking a lot about when/where/what I'm gonna do upon my return to my beloved UG this summer.
First of all, you should really understand that Uganda is the only place in the world outside of my hometown where I have ever felt like I was completely at home. Get me talking about Africa sometime... you'll see. I'm told my eyes start glowing, and I know my heart soars away over an ocean...
So why does God place these kinds of stirrings inside our hearts? I'm not sure that I completely understand it. But I think it has something to do with the song that I am currently listening to: its by Lecrae, and its "Don't Waste Your Life".
I was reading back through my scrapbook from Africa last summer and I had put 2 verses in the front of it. One was a verse that God had given me in relation to that summer before I even knew that He was going to send me to Africa. But I think I've blogged about that passage before... The one that struck me, was actually a passage that I have loved for a long time, because it spoke to exactly the way that I wanted God to use me. Isaiah 61:1-3, in case you wanted to know...
I thought, when I put that passage in my scrapbook that it was a promise for how I had, did, and would minister to the dear folks of Uganda. As I was reading it just now I realize that it is the way that they ministered to me.
I found a "flair" on facebook the other day that said, "I need Africa more than Africa needs me". Unfortunately that is VERY true. Maybe it wouldn't have had to be Africa, maybe it could have been anywhere... I don't know. All I know is God got ahold of my heart last summer in ways that He has never had it before. SOOO many people played HUGE hands in that grasping! I can't even list them all, but a large majority were the wonderful people from David's Fellowship. I can't put into words how they encouraged my heart, challenged me in the faith, loved me as a sister... wow, I could go on, but I am afraid that the moisture mounting in my eyes will start coursing down my cheeks. Something about the way that they expected me to be such a dear example of Christ, was so innocently adicting, and made me want nothing more myself than to be that model. Did I fail? Abomidably! I can't even begin to describe in how many ways! I was guilty of doing so many things for my own gain, loving people because they were lovable and not because they were God's, not being above reproach in relationships, being SOOO selfish, irresponsibility, even freakin' going out clubbing one night (what kind of awful person does that when on a missions trip!)! And through it all, God was loving me and drawing me to Him.
I probably turned the absolute biggest corner in my life last summer, but it took until now to realize it. That in the verse it was me that was the poor and the brokenhearted girl who had everything, and still felt empty; that I was the prisoner and the captive, not the inmates that we ministered to. That I was in need of a proclamation of a year of the Lord's favor. That what I desperately craved was final comfort for my mourning. That He was replacing my ashes for a crown of beauty (the inner kind, that glows out of you... you know what I'm talking about). Anointing me with a oil of gladness for this spirit of mourning. And a clothing me in a garmet of praise instead of a cloak of despair.
So have I lived up to the planting of the Lord? Oaks of Righteousness? Displaying His splendor?
Only time will tell for sure on that one. I wish I could say "yes" without a shadow of doubt, but I think the oak has a lot of growing to do yet. In the end maybe these rings will tell a tale of His faithfulness. I sure hope so!