100th Post

I've struggled with this post for a while now... as the title says, it is my 100th post, and I naturally wanted it to be a good one. So here I am sitting in front of my computer... its Easter Sunday; my cute little easter dress is hanging on the back of my door (I even have cute shoes to go with it!); church is in another half hour; my room really needs cleaned, and all I can think about is all the pain in this stupid world.
Yeah, I realize I didn't build up to that one very well. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I have been personally feeling a lot as well, but maybe its just the taking on of others burdens (I have a tendency to do that) (but don't stop telling me about them; thats just the way that God wired me, and I feel empty when I don't get to help share them). At any rate, I have been feeling the pressure of a million burdens here recently which makes me wonder why I am not doing more to alleviate them.
Maybe its just doubt, but sometimes I wonder...
What would happen if I started living my life completely so the the people around me would benefit the most from its living, and not me. I know, that's not a new concept, but I dare say that very few of you actually live that way on a consistent basis. I KNOW I don't; (though deep in my heart of hearts, I wish I could say I did).
I would definitely say that this has been a theme in my life recently. Starting last semester, with looking at spiritual gifts in relation to prayer lifegroup. Shock of shocks, one of the ones that I scored really high in was voluntary poverty. What the heck??? I didn't even know what voluntary poverty means! For goodness sake, I'm an American! The most material people group on the face of the planet! We judge status on possessions and we try to teach the rest of the world to do it as well! (side note: We place little to no regard on family, as evidenced by the skyrocketing divorce rates, abortion statistics, and number of nursing homes in this lovely country of ours! I mean seriously!)
I guess maybe I'm just still in love with a simpler living style. Something far removed from it all. Somewhere where people are loved for who they are, and not what they have. Little things like nice houses turn me off now. In fact even the curtains that I bought for my living room, (and i bought those so that no one could see in to our living room, since we had an attempted break-in...) make my stomach churn a little. Did I need them? No. Yeah, I had a good reason for getting them... unless you really look at the root cause, which would end up being fear... and then you can see that I am not really ahead.
And this is a lame ending, but I am tired of struggling with writing this...