Spiders

(this post is dedicated to Kia, because i wrote about her roaches although i have an equally catastrophic problem. and this post is also dedicated to Daveed, because he hates spiders, and i like laughing at him about that.)
*CAUTION* this post contains material that may be disturbing, if not slightly disgusting to some readers, and may induce the urge to vomit.

i'm a nice person, really i am. but i do draw the line at wolf spiders.
as much as i hate, loathe, and abominate cockroaches... these guys are living terrors.
so this is a word to your spiders.

if you dare to step foot in my house: i. will. kill. you.

this is not a threat. this is a promise. consider yourself warned.

and lest you think that these spiders are sadly misunderstood... this is what may happen to your thumb if you care to shake hands with this less than cordial species of arachnid.

(hey, i'm a nurse. what kind of pictures did you expect?)

yeah, so the one that tried to come in under my door tonight... met a gory, violent end against the underside of my african flipflop. take that spiders!

The Dilemma of Desire

"I think it would be good to mention that sometimes there is a 'waiting period' after a devastating loss before the heart is healed and open to a deep level of desire again. A fresh and present grief makes desire look like a fool. Who in their right mind would want to get up and do it all over again? But that's not what desire is demanding- its simply saying, 'breathe again. Let beauty heal you... Allow it passage. Notice joy sprouting here and there. God's tenderness and mercy will slowly unravel the ache- it is a much better route than attempting to tranquilize your heart in numbness, which won't work anyway. Simply receive the gentleness of God and as your heart is restored, desire will naturally spring forth again."

I was reading in my journey of desire journal biblestudy today and kept getting hit with how much our real hearts desires get us down time and time again. Even those that God has planted in our hearts for good can often be used by the devil to make us pursue an end that we vainly try and use to replace the beautiful desire that we originally had from our Father. But the sad thing that I realized is how often I don't even know how to recognize this when it happens. Like I just think its all the devil and reject all of it not realizing that at the heart of the matter is actually something that God wants to teach me about how he created my heart. Like when I have a tendency to be a people-pleaser, but God has actually built into my nature a deep love and sensitivity to the feelings of others. And no, its not there so I can bend over and let people walk all over my beliefs and values, but so that I can understand how to be all things to all people and to love them like Jesus does.
Anyway that's my thoughts for today, and since I typed all of this on my incredibly small blackberry keyboard, I'm going to call it quits now so my thumbs don't go into spasms. The Lord bless each and every one of you as He carries you too on a journey of desire towards the ultimate destination: His heart.

In other news, I've been decrying the fact that my ipod died while I was in Africa and I've been unable to resurrect it, but I just figured out how to download pandora to my blackberry and I can now listen to Christian tunes in my car again!!! Which just got me really psyched!

No Looking Back

Isaiah 43: 18-19
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

Update 3.0

last full day in U.G.
i can't even begin to tell you how close i am to crying even now as i am typing this. how can my heart be torn in two by such extremely different cultures and places?
two weeks is nowhere near long enough to do everything that i wanted to do and see everyone that i wanted to see. but for now i'll have to to just be content that i got the time that i did, and the freedom that i have to move about like i have been able to.
last few snapshots of my time here:
1. i co-wrote a song yesterday with kia. her band is going to use it in their repertoire. how cool is that? okay, so its not just in english. double cool!
its actually sang between two people who love each other but aren't from the same tribe. totally weird, cause i put a completely 'coffee-shopped' feel to the part that i helped write of the tune, so it doesn't even sound African. slightly hilarious.
2. i did dishes this morning before kia woke up. it was kinda weird cause i was totally thinking about how different her kitchen is from mine. but when you actually start thinking about it really hard you suddenly discover that its very much the same. okay, so there's a charcoal stove on the floor, but she also has gas burners just like mine. and yes, the sink only runs cold water, but it leaks just like mine. (lol). and although there is a small problem with a roach infestation, its not like i am not constantly spraying for spiders at my place. only thing that is really, really different. i keep my butter in the fridge and my bread on the counter and she does the exact opposite. all in all, i have been extremely blessed to have been able to stay with her. an i really mean BLESSED.
3. i have a strange effect on small animals and young children. and no, i'm not talking about the fact that they like to chase me shouting 'mzungu' (the children, not the animals, although i am sure they would if they could). they seem to like me strangely. in that i put them to sleep! yeah, what's up with that? i mean its one thing to be boring... but this is ridiculous! when keisha (akiki's granddaughter) finally got familiar enough with me to let me play with her i completely wore her out and she fell asleep. when i played with baby martin he got so quiet and content, and almost fell asleep on me. bubu -- the stray dog that stays near aloke's place -- decided she needed to follow me around and even tried to follow me into the house at one point. i just don't even know!! but it's not like i don't have that effect on animals and small children in the u.s. too. in fact just the other day i was carrying baby connor at work and completely put him to sleep as well.
4. okay walking around kampala is not so bad... until it freakin' pouring rains. like ginormous drops! and all those dirt roads that you have been walking on that feel completely solid suddenly turn to complete mush beneath your feet. its kinda awful. i've had the sinking feeling that i am going to slip and land firmly on my backside for the last 3 days, every time that i go out. which of course is made ten times worse by the fact that last night when i was climbing my way back home up the hill to the house power was completely out, so it was like PITCH black.

anyway, fun times. leaving tomorrow for the u.s.
then its wedding funness and a whirl of activity!

Kibito

(which Aloke informs me should be correctly pronounced in Luganda as *Ch*ibito, but i maintain that the Mtorros who live there call it *K*ibito, so that's the way i'm going to say it too!)
I went up to visit Mum Akiki in Kibito (near Fort Portal, which apparently I also pronounce funny!) this last week. She was so thrilled by all the pictures in the album that Janalee had made for her and she just gave me the biggest hug and couldn't stop asking me when I was coming back to stay with her cause she gets so lonely living by herself. I also got to deliver 3/4 of my suitcase to her full of medical supplies for the clinic.
I really ought to pray more for the clinic and Akiki. Poor lady, she was doing fairly well with her small practice, but a doctor finally came to work at the district hospital that is not far from her clinic and apparently there is some organization that pays the sisters there for their services, so delivery there is next to free. Of course Akiki can't afford to provide her midwife services free of charge, so she said that prior to my coming she hadn't had a patient for the whole month. However 3 babies were born at the clinic while I was there. One baby girl, and twin boys, and she also had to send another patient away to the hospital because of pelvic disproportion.
Other than the clinic however our stay in Kibito was stellar. Of course these things of limited power, no running water, cooking over a wood fire, and nightly trips to the outhouse out back are all sorts of fun.

But some of my favorite moments were:
1. Laughing with Akiki. You know how you can tell when some people have been stressed and they just need to smile and laugh more. I love it when I get to hang out with those people and be the person that reminds them of the joy in life.
2. Skeevia. (I actually have no idea how to spell her name), but she is one of the neighbor girls that stays with Akiki and helps out with Keisha (Akiki's granddaughter) and keeps Akiki company. She immediately decided that we needed to be fast friends and though she kinda delighted in laughing at my sad attempts to help in the kitchen or do things the African way, I think she also had fun showing off her new friend when we went to town for airtime and bread or to the market day to get "Irish" and pineapples. That girl was a pure delight to me, and unlike Akiki, didn't mind letting me help out with chores or teaching me how to hand squeeze juice! (yeah, I did that! and it was A-Mazing!)
3. 5,000 Ugandan shillings. That is what Aloke bet me that he could beat me at the Word Mole game on my blackberry. (don't ask me why I have a blackberry in Africa) See I kinda might have insulted his english skills... something about English being my first language and his second, so of course I was better at word games than him... yeah, I know. I'm mean. What can I say. But I was also right. And he can keep blaming it on the cold, but we both know that wasn't the problem with his lack of spelling quickness. Speaking of word games... we also demolished a couple of crossword puzzles on the way to Kibito and back. It seems with our combined skills we are actually fairly good, however miserable we are independently.
4. New friends. Nancy, Akiki's daughter, came to visit with two friends from the U.K. who have been working on a research project at the national park where she works. It was fun to interact with other "mzungus" with their adorable english accents and interesting ideas of what is normal and not in UG.
5. The mountains. I don't think I will ever get over how beautiful the mountains are. Whether they are shrouded in veils of smoke and fog or dominating the skyline with their presence, they are truly one of the things that makes my heart feel very close to God. My personal game is to count how many horizons i can see... So starting with the nearest mountain you can see you count the layers of mountain ranges as far back as you can see. I think our record was 9.

Well, that's 5, that's enough for today right?
Okay, okay, so I'll tell one more story before I sign off for the day. Kia, Belinda, and I went for Indian food last night (which wasn't half bad actually, though its slightly oxymoronic to eat Indian food in Africa... but whatever.) So we were on our way home and just walking through dark Kampala streets because we decided we were too full to jump in the taxi and needed to walk some of our food off, plus we wanted to get ice cream yet at Nando's. So we are walking along Kampala road just laughing and talking. Normally anywhere you go in Kampala if you are looking for the trashcan just look down, cause you are most likely walking on it. Needless to say littering is a big problem. But along Kampala road there are strategically placed cans with signs that say "Keep our city clean" and slogans of that sort. I didn't really realize what he was doing until we were pretty near him, but there was this guy leaning over one of the cans. Both of the other girls kinda shied away, but I wasn't really passing near him, so I just kept watching. Good thing I have good peripheral vision cause this guy was slightly insane (and I mean mentally unstable, not silly) and lunged towards us waving some food particle he was apparently redeeming from the garbage can. He lifted his hand to chuck it at us, seeing how we had shied away, I think he thought he would have some fun with us. I neatly sidestepped and sped up, but the girls were way ahead of me and yelled at me to start running. I think we ran a whole block from this guy who only took a couple lunges towards us and then just laughed hysterically at our disappearing figures. Funny thing though, I think I passed both of the girls and I was running in flip-flops! Can you imagine? Statistically a large majority of the mentally ill in Africa go untreated because there just aren't facilities or federal aid and families simply can't take care of them like they need when they themselves are struggling to stay above the poverty line. Anyway, we escaped from this crazy guy, but I think next time we'll just take the taxi after dark and forgo whatever adventures we might have with the mentally unstable of Kampala night life!

Update 2.1

Today I:
Slept in (I think it was coming to 1030 when I got up)
Blogged about roaches (see previous blog post; and apparently great granddaddy had a brother, because I just exchanged howdys with him in the hall)
Helped butcher two chickens (including cleaning a gizzard, ewh)
Bathed from a bucket of water (with only one pitcher of hot water I might add, I am very proud of my conservation)
Wore a skirt on a bodaboda (sidesaddle on a motorcyle going about 40mph over potholes)
Ate a fresh guava (I actually wasn't expecting all those seeds)
Ate fresh pineapple (heaven!)
Got scolded for wearing barefeet outside (I have a bad habit what can I say?)
Watched an entire soccer game (3:0 Manchester City over Liverpool)
Had a delightful dinner with a very dear friend (yes, all I had was chips, so what?)
Went on a rat chase (what? the nibbling coming from the corner was annoying me)
Smiled as I fell asleep (well, technically that hasn't happened yet... but Kia says I'm smiling uncontrollably at the moment so it'll probably happen)

Update 2.0

So I've now made it through the first several days of living in Africa again. Its been a blast, and I wish I could narrow it down to just a couple of stunning stories, but instead I'll give you just a snippet of some little things that thrill me:

1. Everywhere we go, we get our bags checked (because of the bombs that were set off during world cup finals in Kampala). The other day when we were getting our bags checked they started to call me the "mzungu" (i.e. white person) and then realized that the gals was hanging with and I were dressed exactly alike (not identical of course, but similar)... and they paused and then said, "ah, you must be sisters!". I couldn't help but agree.

2. Roaches: I hate roaches. That being said, the first day I was here Kia handed me a album and as I opened it something fell out and landed on my arm. It was dark in the hall and at first I thought it was a wallet sized photo so I tried to catch it. Yeah. It wasn't a photo. Try granddaddy of all roaches. After slightly screaming like a little girl and jumping around as it headed for my barefeet and having Kia die in laughter at my antics... I decided I wasn't going to act weird about them again like that. So fast forward a couple days and as I went to use the toilet before going to bed, there he was again. Seated atop the toilet paper roll. On the back of the toilet. I really needed to go, so only two options presented themselves. Either I could buck up and attempt to chase/kill him, or I could pretend he didn't exist and go about my business. Both options presented complications. If I pretended he wasn't there... I would have to face my back to him at some point, leaving an open advantage for him to make any number of advances towards me. And I still needed the toilet paper. However the other option was complicated by the fact that I was in barefeet once again, which doesn't lend itself well to annihilating the granddaddy of all roaches. So I chose neither. I needed to go really bad... but I can hold it. The bathroom will still be there in the morning, but hopefully my little friend wouldn't be.
It is my professional obligation as a journalist to tell you that the granddaddy roach saga ended rather violently however this morning when he met a fateful end against the tip of Kia's pie-server.

3. Janalee accused me of having only guy friends in Africa, but since I've been here its been like a constant girl-date. I love my gal-friends this side! Its been beautiful to reconnect with them and gain such a love again for all their strengths, tease them about their weaknesses, get frustrated with their struggles, laugh with their joy, and grow together once again. Of course this also makes me miss my gal-friends back at home as well, but I realize I can't have everyone at once. Its like some sort of twisted, sad story... like "The Lady or the Tiger", where no matter what I pick I am missing someone or something. Only of course that I am blessed by both options, so its only a choice of loosing one of my blessings.

4. Okay, this one might be kinda silly, but I went to the Bugolobi church yesterday for service. It was beautiful, and all the songs that the sang (that weren't in english) I knew, so I was totally rockin' it! lol. Actually they sang a hymn and I was like... "oh, oops" cause I knew all the words to the Luganda, and Swahili songs... but I didn't even know all the verses to "Stand up, Stand up for Jesus". EMBARRASSING! But it was beautiful to be worshiping in that church again. It probably helped that I hadn't been to church in a couple of Sundays before because of work and then travel. There is something so beautiful about a church full of people that are so passionate about their Savior that they just belt out their songs. (one of the reasons I really love Vintage Faith) Somehow it always sounds beautiful to me, despite the logistics of being on-key and what not.

Well, that's all for today folks! I'll write more as time allows! Sula bulungi, because you should all be in bed by now anyway!!