Yep... that's about the story of my life right now. Depressing huh? Weeeeeellllll not really...
See, even in the midst of all this craziness and not getting enough done, and having to work too much, and not having any time for my friends, or even time to THINK... I feel like I am being renewed every day!
Like the week before last. It was relaxing and stressful at the same time. I had several issues to work through over break and it wasn't the most mellow of topics,(i.e. huge stress possibilities), and yet I can't say that I came out of it with anything but peace! Part of that came from some very definitive God time up on Walton's Mountain... but some of it also came from a 9 hour (round trip)car drive up to NE to visit an old friend, and a very new friend (had just met her on Monday!). It was good to sit and visit with my old friend over some (MMMMmmm) Godfathers pizza. (interjection here that I really, and I mean REALLY, like Godfather's pizza, but the one here in town closed a number of years ago, and I haven't been able to get my hands on any since then) Just reconnecting and hearing what God is doing in both of our lives was neat. Even though God is leading us down really different paths, and in different places, He still is directing our steps towards Him, and its neat every once in a while to look up and see someone else going the same direction, even if they are walking on a different path. Just kinda do the spiritual "whazup" head bob, and you are instantly encouraged!
And it was really neat to meet this new friend. Like I said, I had just officially met her on Monday of that week, and we had talked for a long time while I was still in Colorado. When I got back to Manhattan, it was weird, but God was just like, "Jo, you need to go visit her." And in my natural incredulity, I was like, "Uhm, excuse me? I don't know what You are thinking God, but I have about 4 papers to write, and a test to study for! I can't just take off and run up to NE for the weekend!" But God wouldn't stop His nagging (can I say that without being disrespectful of His supremacy?). And so on Saturday I decided to get done what I absolutely had to and take off Sunday morning for a 5 hour drive up into the flatlands of the cornhusker state!
Well, God really knows what He is doing when He lays stuff on our hearts like this... (not that He doesn't always, but you know what I mean...) I think I was the biggest blessing in a friend that she had ever met! Now, I should back up and tell you that I had only met her because she was a former coursemate (read classmate) of one of my dear brothers from Uganda. He was telling me about this friend of his, and how she was in the US and going to nursing school, and that I should be her friend on facebook and meet her. (now, I think that some of my dear peeps from Africa *bless their souls* don't really understand how big the US is, being as their countries are so small (like the size of our states)... so I'm always cautious about distance judgment) So, I asked where she was going to school... come to find out its in NE... not so far away... though why anyone from Uganda would want to go to small town NE to go to school is way beyond me!! Anyway, her English is immaculate, but like any foreigner, she is scared and shy of interaction with us crazy Americans. Almost all of her friends on campus are international students also. I am the first white American that has taken an interest in her, and it completely blew her away that I would drive 5 hours out of my way to visit her!
Man, I wish I could bring that much joy to people's faces more often! I was so nervous that as I was driving into town, I started to actually shake and second guess myself. Thinking, "why the heck am I doing this? I don't even know this gal! We've only just started talking to each other!" It could have been WAY awkward...
The moment that I stepped out of my car though, man it hit me... a wave of love. Like an almost magnetic connection. She got wrapped in her first "american" hug, and we proceeded to love on each other the rest of the night! I didn't want to leave... and had to tear myself away around 2300... rolled back into town at around 0330
Yeah, so that was my kick-off to one of the most awfully stressful weeks of my life...
First of all, let me just say that I like order, structure, organization. Not that I am good at it... as the obvious disarray of my room currently demonstrates quite poignantly! But that is how I function best. This last week was a MESS.... wait let me spell that out for you... M E S S.
Nothing was in order, nothing got done well. I felt like I was running from one half-ass project to another... kinda helter-skelter! My schoolwork was overwhelming, tiring, then just plain ridiculous... and I won't even START on my work situation!!
Really amazing thing... God is still soooo faithful! and my friends are really amazing at encouraging me!
In fact last, night I got home from some really discouraging situations at work, and my roommates had taped encouraging messages all over my room, and filled the floor with balloons!
And don't even get me started on God, cause flair pray'rs... yeah, consistently being used right now, and let me tell you... He is faithful, even when we are faithless!
Here goes another week! And I have every confidence He'll pull me through this one too!
Monday, March 30, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Vacation-Detox-Deprivation-Struggle
This is spring break in my neck of the woods (ironically, just came from the pine covered slopes of Colorado). I was extremely blessed this year to be able to join my family in a small get-away of lounging in a large lodge house snugly fit into Walton's Mountain outside Manitou Springs. But I was thinking last night about what all that time had meant to me, having just returned from our jaunt yesternight.
First of all: Vacation. This time was a welcome relief from some rather intense school and work stress as of late. It was also a beautiful time just getting to reconnect with my siblings especially, and remember why I finally decided not to kill them all off while growing up. Come to find out they are really pretty stellar people. I think I could go down the list right now and name ways that each and every one of them has enriched my life! In fact I think I shall... but maybe in another blog post. Also, it was neat to see my uncle enjoying life and laughing with us. We pulled out home movies one night that we had made of
each other (you know, not the blowing out candles kind, but the pretending to be the crocodile hunter or fake interview kind!) and we were all laughing so hard at the antics. That will be a very precious memory. My uncle has ALS (Lou Gehrigs disease), and this will be one of the last special times together with him, as his condition gets progressively worse.
Second: Detox. So come to find out, God had some stuff that He wished to clear up between us, and getting me away proved an excellent outlet for surfacing some of these issues. Without actually going into full details, lets just say that there was some major sin/disobedience issues that I had been pushing to the back burner for a long time now, and God was finally like: "uhm, no, Jo, this is ridiculous, we are going to deal with this now! once and for all!" (incidentally, I have some really great best friends who have called me on this, and I finally decided to start listening to what God was saying through them). So, yeah, working on cleaning out some pretty nasty toxic sin from my life and getting clean. And I actually went for 5 days straight without a Mtn Dew. I'm not really sure how! I slept a lot more, and was largely less productive during waking hours, and the effects of my detox at this level became obvious when craving started to set in. However, when, upon returning last evening, I pulled a dusty can out of my pantry and greedily gulped it down, I would have to say that it was not as refreshing as I had formerly remembered. Perhaps I am over the hump and on the way to rehabilitation?
Third: Deprivation. Not sure what all forms this is going to take, but for starters I think that God taught me a lot through His creation in the last several days. Of course any of you that have been to Colorado know that the elevation severely effects normal body functions. Not the least of which is breathing. Decrease in oxygenation of the air at higher altitudes, causes the muscles of the diaphragm and lung alveoli to have to contract more vehemently to be able to inhale an adequate amount of O2 for adequate tissue oxygen perfusion. Funny thing though, when you have allergies like crazy, coupled with asthma, tripled with general lack of perfect fitness, and quadrupled with this oxygen deprivation... well, you get me wheezing like a freight train while trying to climb any sort of slope, and having heart palpitations! (which is slightly distressing if you have never experienced that before!) But there is a certain victory in attaining a crest, climbing just beyond what you think you can possibly do... I don't know if I can explain it. Somehow its ten times as meaningful for the very fact that it cost you something. (namely physical pain) Also, we hiked through railroad tunnels cut straight out of the mountain rocks. Some of the tunnels were quite long and you couldn't see the end from the beginning. But I noticed that if you went until you just couldn't see at all to go any farther... at the exact point where you were completely devoid of any light to see what in the world you were stepping on or over on the ground... it was at the point of absolutely no way to go on... that you could see the first sliver of light from the other end. Somehow this was the most comforting truth. That even when God brings us through times in our lives when it is so pitch black that we think we can't go on one step more. He shows us that sliver of light from the other side... plus He is there the entire time, holding our hand and coaxing us forward one step at a time. The deprivation of light makes us have to trust that He knows that there is another end and that He will not let us trip and fall in the dark.
Fourth: Struggle. I find it very interesting that one of the things that renews me the most is a good long struggle. Okay, funny story time... so I was hiking and me and Jeff (my stellarly amazingly rugged type of brother, think flannel shirts, work boots, dirty dusty ball cap, and heart of gold!) decided that we were not content hiking the trail, but needed to descend to the valley floor and dip our hands in the cold mountain stream... which was of course the first mistake. Getting down the mountain is generally the easier of the directions of travel, and I strongly recommend the "squat and slide" method when all else fails. I however, in my infinite wisdom, decided to stand at one point to climb over some brush... slipped, fell... and landed square on a cactus. Oh, I am really not joking! And it wasn't one of those cactus that are poky to sit on, but produce no lasting effects. No, this was porcupine-quality-millions-of-tiny-needles-embedded-in-flesh type cactus. I froze my hand in the mountain stream long enough to pull out all of the on
es impaled there... but my poor gluteous maximus had to wait until I had hiked all the way back to the house. And we decided to climb up one of the landslide piles to get back up the mountain to the trail... again, not one of my proudly bright moments... I was still a good 12 feet from the top, wheezing like a teakettle, with cramps in all four of my extremities, and wanting nothing more than to just let go of my handhold and fall all the way back down to the valley floor. But I made it... even though I really wanted to cry when I finally made it to the top, and I just laid there for a while. I would have to say that extreme sports like mountain climbing are not going to be one of my spiritual gifts! I'm pretty sure that the only thing that kept me going up that mountainside was pure heart... (that and the fact that one of my lovely siblings who shall remain nameless, but his initials are JIM! decided to shower me with pine cones while I was climbing. I always preform a little better when it becomes a pride issue) One of my profiles has this verse posted to it, and I keep meaning to change it, but then every time I start to, I realize how much I really need this verse in my life for those times of struggle: 2 Cor 4:16 "Therefore we do not lose ♥ . Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For out light and momentary afflictions are producing for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."
First of all: Vacation. This time was a welcome relief from some rather intense school and work stress as of late. It was also a beautiful time just getting to reconnect with my siblings especially, and remember why I finally decided not to kill them all off while growing up. Come to find out they are really pretty stellar people. I think I could go down the list right now and name ways that each and every one of them has enriched my life! In fact I think I shall... but maybe in another blog post. Also, it was neat to see my uncle enjoying life and laughing with us. We pulled out home movies one night that we had made of
each other (you know, not the blowing out candles kind, but the pretending to be the crocodile hunter or fake interview kind!) and we were all laughing so hard at the antics. That will be a very precious memory. My uncle has ALS (Lou Gehrigs disease), and this will be one of the last special times together with him, as his condition gets progressively worse.Second: Detox. So come to find out, God had some stuff that He wished to clear up between us, and getting me away proved an excellent outlet for surfacing some of these issues. Without actually going into full details, lets just say that there was some major sin/disobedience issues that I had been pushing to the back burner for a long time now, and God was finally like: "uhm, no, Jo, this is ridiculous, we are going to deal with this now! once and for all!" (incidentally, I have some really great best friends who have called me on this, and I finally decided to start listening to what God was saying through them). So, yeah, working on cleaning out some pretty nasty toxic sin from my life and getting clean. And I actually went for 5 days straight without a Mtn Dew. I'm not really sure how! I slept a lot more, and was largely less productive during waking hours, and the effects of my detox at this level became obvious when craving started to set in. However, when, upon returning last evening, I pulled a dusty can out of my pantry and greedily gulped it down, I would have to say that it was not as refreshing as I had formerly remembered. Perhaps I am over the hump and on the way to rehabilitation?
Third: Deprivation. Not sure what all forms this is going to take, but for starters I think that God taught me a lot through His creation in the last several days. Of course any of you that have been to Colorado know that the elevation severely effects normal body functions. Not the least of which is breathing. Decrease in oxygenation of the air at higher altitudes, causes the muscles of the diaphragm and lung alveoli to have to contract more vehemently to be able to inhale an adequate amount of O2 for adequate tissue oxygen perfusion. Funny thing though, when you have allergies like crazy, coupled with asthma, tripled with general lack of perfect fitness, and quadrupled with this oxygen deprivation... well, you get me wheezing like a freight train while trying to climb any sort of slope, and having heart palpitations! (which is slightly distressing if you have never experienced that before!) But there is a certain victory in attaining a crest, climbing just beyond what you think you can possibly do... I don't know if I can explain it. Somehow its ten times as meaningful for the very fact that it cost you something. (namely physical pain) Also, we hiked through railroad tunnels cut straight out of the mountain rocks. Some of the tunnels were quite long and you couldn't see the end from the beginning. But I noticed that if you went until you just couldn't see at all to go any farther... at the exact point where you were completely devoid of any light to see what in the world you were stepping on or over on the ground... it was at the point of absolutely no way to go on... that you could see the first sliver of light from the other end. Somehow this was the most comforting truth. That even when God brings us through times in our lives when it is so pitch black that we think we can't go on one step more. He shows us that sliver of light from the other side... plus He is there the entire time, holding our hand and coaxing us forward one step at a time. The deprivation of light makes us have to trust that He knows that there is another end and that He will not let us trip and fall in the dark.
Fourth: Struggle. I find it very interesting that one of the things that renews me the most is a good long struggle. Okay, funny story time... so I was hiking and me and Jeff (my stellarly amazingly rugged type of brother, think flannel shirts, work boots, dirty dusty ball cap, and heart of gold!) decided that we were not content hiking the trail, but needed to descend to the valley floor and dip our hands in the cold mountain stream... which was of course the first mistake. Getting down the mountain is generally the easier of the directions of travel, and I strongly recommend the "squat and slide" method when all else fails. I however, in my infinite wisdom, decided to stand at one point to climb over some brush... slipped, fell... and landed square on a cactus. Oh, I am really not joking! And it wasn't one of those cactus that are poky to sit on, but produce no lasting effects. No, this was porcupine-quality-millions-of-tiny-needles-embedded-in-flesh type cactus. I froze my hand in the mountain stream long enough to pull out all of the on
es impaled there... but my poor gluteous maximus had to wait until I had hiked all the way back to the house. And we decided to climb up one of the landslide piles to get back up the mountain to the trail... again, not one of my proudly bright moments... I was still a good 12 feet from the top, wheezing like a teakettle, with cramps in all four of my extremities, and wanting nothing more than to just let go of my handhold and fall all the way back down to the valley floor. But I made it... even though I really wanted to cry when I finally made it to the top, and I just laid there for a while. I would have to say that extreme sports like mountain climbing are not going to be one of my spiritual gifts! I'm pretty sure that the only thing that kept me going up that mountainside was pure heart... (that and the fact that one of my lovely siblings who shall remain nameless, but his initials are JIM! decided to shower me with pine cones while I was climbing. I always preform a little better when it becomes a pride issue) One of my profiles has this verse posted to it, and I keep meaning to change it, but then every time I start to, I realize how much I really need this verse in my life for those times of struggle: 2 Cor 4:16 "Therefore we do not lose ♥ . Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For out light and momentary afflictions are producing for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."
Sunday, March 15, 2009
International Friends
So, here's the thing: at the beginning of the school year I thought and prayed about signing up for an international friend. In fact, I am pretty sure I filled out the form, just never turned it in. I'm not really sure why not; I just didn't. I wish I could say that God told me to hold off or something, but He didn't. I just didn't feel like it was right. Right time, right avenue, right motives, I don't know...
Fast forward like 6 months... God keeps dropping international friends in my lap! No assigned relationships, no obligations. I'm in these people's lives because I want to be in these people's lives. Because I love them for who they are. Because I understand, or am willing to try and understand them. Understand their language, their hang-ups, their joys, their culture, and our lack thereof at times!
I can't tell you how that thrills my heart! Tonight I had a talk with a girl who told me that she had been in the states for almost a year and yet had no American friends. I promptly told her that that had just changed! But what an amazing ministry to be a home and family to these people who have one soooo far away!
Anyway, I think that you all should have international friends. Even if they are not "official" international buddies or whatever you call them. Don't underestimate you ability to make someone feel very loved and accepted just by being willing to say hello, or hang out when you don't have to!
Fast forward like 6 months... God keeps dropping international friends in my lap! No assigned relationships, no obligations. I'm in these people's lives because I want to be in these people's lives. Because I love them for who they are. Because I understand, or am willing to try and understand them. Understand their language, their hang-ups, their joys, their culture, and our lack thereof at times!
I can't tell you how that thrills my heart! Tonight I had a talk with a girl who told me that she had been in the states for almost a year and yet had no American friends. I promptly told her that that had just changed! But what an amazing ministry to be a home and family to these people who have one soooo far away!
Anyway, I think that you all should have international friends. Even if they are not "official" international buddies or whatever you call them. Don't underestimate you ability to make someone feel very loved and accepted just by being willing to say hello, or hang out when you don't have to!
This is Colorado peeps!
Welcome to my first attempt at video blogging...
depending on the response to this vid, I might consider doing it more often. If nothing else you can join me in laughing at the hilarious bunch that I call my family!!
depending on the response to this vid, I might consider doing it more often. If nothing else you can join me in laughing at the hilarious bunch that I call my family!!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Like it, Love it, Want lots more of it!
So I have been reading everyone else's blogs about KC and specifically the "Murder Factory" section of the city.
First off, I guess I should display my ignorance of there even being such a neighborhood. No, I never watch the news, or read the KC Star (except the cryptoquips), and unlike so many of the Ichthus community, have no relational ties with it... and so am largely unfamiliar with "the City". (I guess everything is up to date there??)
Secondly, WOW!! I am so super stoked for what is anticipated happening there! My spiritual heart is so full with excitement for all involved! I see God really raising a banner of freedom and hope in that area. A standard of Chirst's love and the power of His blood over generations of bloodshed!
So, yeah, I totally followed the link from Liz's blog and read all about the area. My heart broke with the absolute hopelessness of people in that neighborhood. To the point where all they want to do is get out! I read it last night, and it was still so heavy on my heart this morning that I spent a better part of my morning in prayer for it. (and I'm not saying that to sound all "spiritual", but to demonstrate how it really is on my heart, even when I know so little about it)
I guess I should also clarify that the "heavy on my heart" isn't like a crushing weight, like usually I have in such situations, but a burden that feels so filled with joy and hope... sorry, guess I don't know how to explain it besides that... Just that when I sayburden, I don't mean a depressive burden.
I think that God isn't calling me to go there, but that He definitely is calling me to prayer for the area. As such, I think it would be awesome to go there sometime and prayer walk the area. But we'll see...
Right now, my excitement for what God would look to do is incredibly huge!
Like it, Love it, Want lots more of it! -- lets not be afraid to ask God to do big things again and again! And how completely awesome to be willing to live sacrificially in such a major way! Ah, man, I applaud that from the bottom of my heart! Truly sold out to God!
First off, I guess I should display my ignorance of there even being such a neighborhood. No, I never watch the news, or read the KC Star (except the cryptoquips), and unlike so many of the Ichthus community, have no relational ties with it... and so am largely unfamiliar with "the City". (I guess everything is up to date there??)
Secondly, WOW!! I am so super stoked for what is anticipated happening there! My spiritual heart is so full with excitement for all involved! I see God really raising a banner of freedom and hope in that area. A standard of Chirst's love and the power of His blood over generations of bloodshed!
So, yeah, I totally followed the link from Liz's blog and read all about the area. My heart broke with the absolute hopelessness of people in that neighborhood. To the point where all they want to do is get out! I read it last night, and it was still so heavy on my heart this morning that I spent a better part of my morning in prayer for it. (and I'm not saying that to sound all "spiritual", but to demonstrate how it really is on my heart, even when I know so little about it)
I guess I should also clarify that the "heavy on my heart" isn't like a crushing weight, like usually I have in such situations, but a burden that feels so filled with joy and hope... sorry, guess I don't know how to explain it besides that... Just that when I sayburden, I don't mean a depressive burden.
I think that God isn't calling me to go there, but that He definitely is calling me to prayer for the area. As such, I think it would be awesome to go there sometime and prayer walk the area. But we'll see...
Right now, my excitement for what God would look to do is incredibly huge!
Like it, Love it, Want lots more of it! -- lets not be afraid to ask God to do big things again and again! And how completely awesome to be willing to live sacrificially in such a major way! Ah, man, I applaud that from the bottom of my heart! Truly sold out to God!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Schizophrenia
I know... I know... how cliche can you get, but... my heart and my head are fighting again.
It has to do with this beautiful thing called life and how it ought to be lived.
See part of me wants to get every little tiny eensy weensy drop of fullness and funness out of it; to pour out myself for people, to laugh often, love well, forgive unconditionally, dance in the rain... you know... the usual.
The other part of me... hmm... not so much. More like the part of me that tells me I should be studying for my practicum tomorrow instead of typing this blog post. The part of me that wanted me to get quit chatting earlier when I needed to go study before class, cringes when I get less than a B on a test, kicks herself in the foot for not attending to details, freaks out about the $228 ticket, can't stand how messy she lets her apartment get, decries the general state of her finances, car, and dresser... and so on.
Now anyone who has known me for any length of time at all knows that the first one does not in the least sound like me. First of all, it's cliche... and I HATE cliche! But second, I am the safe one. Yes, I am that friend... the one that always has to remind you that whatever you are doing at the time, that is terribly dangerous and foolhardy, shall probably not only break your neck, but also get you in a ton of trouble. I'm the girl that freaks out to the point of giving herself ulcers over stupid test scores. Cries when she fails things, can't function with clutter, packs things for trips weeks in advance.
Yeah, that's the normal me.
So where did this other person come from? And how do we send her back?!?
I'm not sure that I know what to do with this new "cliche" that abandons school for relationships, work for family, her own comfort for fun... She's downright unnerving to the conservative, responsible me!! But really, when all is said and done, she values people over accomplishments, God over comfort, and simplicity over elaboration. Its a mind shift, but maybe a heart one as well. God has been working on me... I know that. And I don't yet see what He's doing with all the puzzle peices... and the picture doesn't make any sense yet. In fact those perfectly placed peices in the middle with no connections are downright awkward. But I trust fully that God has a plan for them as well!
I feel more alive than ever... and I don't think that I would want to stop this transformation for the world!
It has to do with this beautiful thing called life and how it ought to be lived.
See part of me wants to get every little tiny eensy weensy drop of fullness and funness out of it; to pour out myself for people, to laugh often, love well, forgive unconditionally, dance in the rain... you know... the usual.
The other part of me... hmm... not so much. More like the part of me that tells me I should be studying for my practicum tomorrow instead of typing this blog post. The part of me that wanted me to get quit chatting earlier when I needed to go study before class, cringes when I get less than a B on a test, kicks herself in the foot for not attending to details, freaks out about the $228 ticket, can't stand how messy she lets her apartment get, decries the general state of her finances, car, and dresser... and so on.
Now anyone who has known me for any length of time at all knows that the first one does not in the least sound like me. First of all, it's cliche... and I HATE cliche! But second, I am the safe one. Yes, I am that friend... the one that always has to remind you that whatever you are doing at the time, that is terribly dangerous and foolhardy, shall probably not only break your neck, but also get you in a ton of trouble. I'm the girl that freaks out to the point of giving herself ulcers over stupid test scores. Cries when she fails things, can't function with clutter, packs things for trips weeks in advance.
Yeah, that's the normal me.
So where did this other person come from? And how do we send her back?!?
I'm not sure that I know what to do with this new "cliche" that abandons school for relationships, work for family, her own comfort for fun... She's downright unnerving to the conservative, responsible me!! But really, when all is said and done, she values people over accomplishments, God over comfort, and simplicity over elaboration. Its a mind shift, but maybe a heart one as well. God has been working on me... I know that. And I don't yet see what He's doing with all the puzzle peices... and the picture doesn't make any sense yet. In fact those perfectly placed peices in the middle with no connections are downright awkward. But I trust fully that God has a plan for them as well!
I feel more alive than ever... and I don't think that I would want to stop this transformation for the world!
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