Schizophrenia

I know... I know... how cliche can you get, but... my heart and my head are fighting again.

It has to do with this beautiful thing called life and how it ought to be lived.
See part of me wants to get every little tiny eensy weensy drop of fullness and funness out of it; to pour out myself for people, to laugh often, love well, forgive unconditionally, dance in the rain... you know... the usual.
The other part of me... hmm... not so much. More like the part of me that tells me I should be studying for my practicum tomorrow instead of typing this blog post. The part of me that wanted me to get quit chatting earlier when I needed to go study before class, cringes when I get less than a B on a test, kicks herself in the foot for not attending to details, freaks out about the $228 ticket, can't stand how messy she lets her apartment get, decries the general state of her finances, car, and dresser... and so on.
Now anyone who has known me for any length of time at all knows that the first one does not in the least sound like me. First of all, it's cliche... and I HATE cliche! But second, I am the safe one. Yes, I am that friend... the one that always has to remind you that whatever you are doing at the time, that is terribly dangerous and foolhardy, shall probably not only break your neck, but also get you in a ton of trouble. I'm the girl that freaks out to the point of giving herself ulcers over stupid test scores. Cries when she fails things, can't function with clutter, packs things for trips weeks in advance.
Yeah, that's the normal me.
So where did this other person come from? And how do we send her back?!?
I'm not sure that I know what to do with this new "cliche" that abandons school for relationships, work for family, her own comfort for fun... She's downright unnerving to the conservative, responsible me!! But really, when all is said and done, she values people over accomplishments, God over comfort, and simplicity over elaboration. Its a mind shift, but maybe a heart one as well. God has been working on me... I know that. And I don't yet see what He's doing with all the puzzle peices... and the picture doesn't make any sense yet. In fact those perfectly placed peices in the middle with no connections are downright awkward. But I trust fully that God has a plan for them as well!
I feel more alive than ever... and I don't think that I would want to stop this transformation for the world!