Faithwalkers #1

Last week I went with my housechurch to a conference entitled Faithwalkers which is for the regional Great Commission churches.
These are a few of the ways I was blessed...

a. In one of the sessions the speaker reminded us that it is no one's responsibility but our own for us to stay spiritually encouraged. That kinda hit a note for me. See growing up, I was surrounded by my dad, who has a definite spiritual gift for encouraging; my mom, who is of course supportive of me in so many ways; and my little sister, who also has a definite spiritual gift for bringing encouragement and light to so many people's lives. Those are the people I naturally like and gravitate towards as friends as well. See I am a pessimist. A very severe pessimist at times (which by the way is not really very Christ-like "In this world you will have many troubles, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world"). As such, I often look to those around me to lift me up and bring me joy. Its not uncommon for me to drag my butt to a function wanting more than anything for the people there to lift me up, yet having nothing to offer them. I do this with my dating relationship and it tears us down so much, and is something I've been convicted of this last semester. I do this with my family, and makes me just the grumpy older sister. I do this with my friends, and I am needy. I do this with my housechurch and I am continually a leech on their spirit for God. I do this at church and rarely have my heart in a proper posture to learn from God, beyond getting my heart simply sewn back together. This was so convicting. I can't reach out and share Christ and His love with others when I myself am still searching for it in others outside myself. I can't pour out what is not in my pitcher to begin with.
b. I was also convicted from one of the smaller break out sessions about some sin and wounds in my own heart. I had gone to the session thinking that it would be good for me to understand better the hearts of some of my friends, and ended up nearly crying myself with the hard hitting reality that I played into the same problems that caused their situations. But thank the Lord, forgiveness is so sweet, and His love so free, and grace so liberal.
c. Prayer. Do we do it enough? I think jolly well not! I have had a love/hate relationship with prayer for probably the last 4 years of my life as I struggled with what it meant to have a personal conversation with the God of the universe, what corporate prayer meant and looks like for me, and what it truly means to not care what others think and just pray from the heart. This last week was challenging for me, and then soooo freeing. On the first night we spent some extended time in just prayer for different topics. People on our hearts, our churches, our families, our small groups, that God would speak to us. I went to Faithwalkers two years ago and this part completely freaked me out. I am not a person that likes to talk out loud (strange that I should have a blog where I 'type out loud' huh?), and speaking in front of people freaks me out and usually makes me physically sick. Not to mention the part where I really struggle with what it looks like to talk to God and have this private conversation with other people listening in! Like how weird is that!? Anyway, I was so blessed, because when the time came, as I knew it would and I was the only person that hadn't prayed and I had to buckle down and do it... God gave so much grace. Somehow it was like this strange dam burst in my heart and I don't even remember who else was around, but just remember spilling the heart of what my heart was crying out to Him. MOST FREEING THING EVER. I highly recommend having a breakthrough like that! And it just went on throughout the night. More prayer, more complete grace, more freedom. The next day I was asked to pray for a couple of girls that were going through a really hard time in their lives. I felt so inadequate; I've never gone through these struggles. But as I listened to their stories, God started forming these words and ideas in my heart and I knew exactly what I wanted to pray for them and over them as we bowed our heads. God used that prayer to speak to their hearts. I'm not saying that to brag, because it was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that I did! It was all God and He deserves all the glory in that situation. But oh, I felt so near and dear to His heart. I hope He uses me in that way in so many other girls' lives in this coming year!

Those are pretty much the thoughts that I have in readable format... I'm sure there will be more to come in this next week! Stay tuned people; and keep seeking God, and reach out and possibly touch Him, though He is not far from each of us.