Whether out of sheer stupidity or just my own silliness in wanting to experience a wide variety of all the experiences available in this vast globe I have this amazing knack for getting myself into these situations...
Well, needless to say, I did it again. It started rather innocently. For work, we planned a ball for our residents. Now, said ball had a potential to be quite fun for them (getting dressed up, special live band, and fun foods), if we could get them excited to go. So me and one of the other gals at work decided that we would get into the spirit of things too and dress up for the "ball". I decided to wear one of my old bridesmaid dresses which I happen to still love (and not in one of those, "you can always shorten it and wear it again later!" type ways.) and I convinced her to wear a dress for the first time since prom in senior high! For this very special occasion we both decided to go and get our nails done.
I should have known better. Let me just clarify. No one but me is allowed to even so much as touch my toenails. My fingernails have had a little more freedom. I got them done professionally just once, for my best friend's wedding. However, I did it at a beauty school (so you may argue that wasn't really "professional" technically), but they turned out not very good, and I ended up thinking I could have done a better job myself with a couple bottles from Wally-World.
So naturally given my not-so-experienced past I was a little leery of this whole experience. However I had seen the ones this gal had got done before, and we were going to the same place, and all seemed legit.
The service was excellent and I didn't even get creeped out by the fact that they were talking in Korean while doing it. I loved the nails, though I did kinda wish they would have trimmed them just a little shorter. They were very elegant and made me feel beautiful (well, my hands anyway, because I have rather large unsightly hands and am a bit self-conscious of this fact. Its a bit embarrassing when you can single hand a basketball before the rest of the junior high boys your age...).
However... they did make life a bit hard. Anything that I have done in the past that involves finger dexterity was affected. I poked holes through my gloves at work on a regular basis. Texting on my blackberry took a lot of getting used to. Even typing in general for work became a bit slower. I figured out that I couldn't sew on my sewing machine, couldn't open small things like battery compartments, and couldn't separate papers or grab playing cards. The worst part though, and the part that made me eventually take them off was the fact that they were so abominably hard to keep clean! I guess it mostly had to do with the fact that the seal on the end wasn't very good and dirt could actually get in between MY fingernail and the fake fingernail. Ewh gross, I know! But this is made ten times worse by the fact that for my job I need to have completely clean fingernails at ALL times to prevent cross contamination and the spread of infection. I did attempt to cut them down a little to see if this helped reduce the increased bacteria count that I carried around with me, but alas this was painful, very difficult to do, and had no immediate affect on the obvious small colony. The only really good way to get them fairly clean was completely immersion in at least 5min of intense soapy scrubbing. Far longer than the 30seconds that they say it is necessary to wash for to adequately cleanse the surfaces of your distal upper appendages.
Yeah, bad deal! When the seals went, they simply had to go!
Well, I am told that the best way to take them off is with acetone. But acetone is also one of those slightly dangerous chemicals that people don't just leave lying around their houses... you know? My nail polish remover is acetone free so no luck there. However I did happen to notice that my nails were loose around the edges. Lucky stroke! Perhaps I could just pop them off with leverage force!
Oh, dear... yes, I was able to pop the first one off myself. Not too terribly painful, but that was also the least adhesive nail on either of my hands...
You can only guess the rest of this story. The last few nails (and by that I mean 8) involved a utility knife wedged under my fake nails and me muttering outdated profanities like "jumping jehosophat!" in the bathroom as my dog watched bewildered from the hallway.
How I get myself in these situations I will never cease to wonder!
Oh, I suppose this should have a lesson since it's supposed to be a 'fable'... well, how bout you give me some creative license and you come up with your own moral! Or better yet, learn from my mistake and don't get fake nails if you are a nurse. I know I for one will not be getting them again... well, unless I get married or something special like that! But that is a far cry down the road from where I'm sitting!
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