apathy

Main Entry: ap·a·thy

Pronunciation: \ˈa-pə-thē\

Function: noun

Etymology: Greek apatheia, from apathēs without feeling, from a- + pathos emotion — more at pathos

Date: 1594

1 : lack of feeling or emotion : impassiveness
2 : lack of interest or concern : indifference

Apathy is also the emotion that I have been feeling most acutely at this present time. Yesterday I graduated from nursing school... let me tell you about that...
I've come through this last year as one of the absolute hardest of my entire life! Nursing school is brutal. But this last semester you know how much I have studied for tests? Maybe the day before... if I'm lucky. Really. I don't know how I didn't fail more of my schoolwork... honestly. I crunched numbers last week and the night before my final I lay on my couch and watched "The Two Towers". Yeah, that was largely productive!!! I managed to get through my final, and waited while grades were posted. Everyone else in my class was freaking out wanting to know if they passed or not. I was... well the best word is probably: apathetic. Completely emotionless, I was just glad the suffering was over. I passed with actually a half way decent grade and went on to graduate. I think I told everyone that I was excited to be done. I'm not. I'm indifferent. Maybe it just hasn't set in yet. Who knows...

But then again... I start to think for a minute about the things that get me excited... investing in peoples lives, natural beauty, Africa, knowing my nursing stuff... yeah, that still does it for me. So maybe I'm not apathetic, maybe I'm just selective about what excites me these days.