I know that I was really upset after loosing my other job, but I would just like to go on record and say that God is so amazingly good!
I love my new job. I love the little boy I take care of. I love getting to interact with all the kids at school. I love the my 3 day weekends and being able to go to all my church activities. I love the absolute stress-free-ness! I even love the 1/2 hour drive to and from work every day (my own personal prayer closet).
God has really, really blessed me. I really just don't even know how else to explain it other than that!
It seems like every time something goes wrong in my life recently He really works it out in a way that is beautiful. I lost my job; I get a better paying job that I love more. He breaks relationships and rebuilds them. My car won't start, but I know what the problem is and can fix it myself. I am broke beyond belief, but I can still scrape enough together to bless someone in more need. The door isn't open to go to Africa yet (which breaks my heart), but I get to live with 4 amazing sisters from VFS next year (which aside from being a huge blessing and chance for me to be a blessing, also gives me an opportunity to honor my father's advice).
And the joy doesn't stop! I guess that's the part that I love the most. Well, I don't guess, I know. I think my face looks 2 years younger when I see it these days. The worry and stress is just gone and with it the unseemly lines that accompanied them. Funny how seeking God leads us directly to that kind of peace and joy!
I guess that isn't really a very good, nice long, meaningful post like I usually like to write... but that's what's up with me and also why I haven't really posted on here recently. I guess I've been too busy loving and living life!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Unsearchable
"Come out by yourself and be clean," You have said
And I have desired it
That purity that dives so deep and cleans out all the muck
That I've made of the beauty You intended for my life
And sometimes I fear that when You see the mess
You'll sigh and give up on me
Cause I know that I would
Which is yet another reason its good I'm not God
You don't give up though, even when I try to
When I backslide and struggle and fail.
Yet again.
You always take me back, give me another chance,
Love me still.
What kind of person does that?
I mean, its just stupid according to this world.
You don't keep loving people who hurt you,
Let alone a delinquent wife who constantly whore's herself.
And I am no better than Isreal
No different than Hosea's wife...
And you have loved me yet.
How can I comprehend that?
Let alone accept is as true,
A Love that never changes?
I've had only small, minuscule tastes of such a Love
And not near enough to think it might be real
But You keep teaching me to believe in it
That You aren't going to go anywhere.
You are constant and unchanging as the morning sun.
As steady as the ocean tide coming in.
Yet You aren't tame.
You aren't safe.
Ironically You are as many different things as it is possible to be
Yet above all: unsearchable,
Un-understandable.
And I have desired it
That purity that dives so deep and cleans out all the muck
That I've made of the beauty You intended for my life
And sometimes I fear that when You see the mess
You'll sigh and give up on me
Cause I know that I would
Which is yet another reason its good I'm not God
You don't give up though, even when I try to
When I backslide and struggle and fail.
Yet again.
You always take me back, give me another chance,
Love me still.
What kind of person does that?
I mean, its just stupid according to this world.
You don't keep loving people who hurt you,
Let alone a delinquent wife who constantly whore's herself.
And I am no better than Isreal
No different than Hosea's wife...
And you have loved me yet.
How can I comprehend that?
Let alone accept is as true,
A Love that never changes?
I've had only small, minuscule tastes of such a Love
And not near enough to think it might be real
But You keep teaching me to believe in it
That You aren't going to go anywhere.
You are constant and unchanging as the morning sun.
As steady as the ocean tide coming in.
Yet You aren't tame.
You aren't safe.
Ironically You are as many different things as it is possible to be
Yet above all: unsearchable,
Un-understandable.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
the song
something about the fact that someone else
had been there before
brought tears to my eyes
and coursing down my cheeks
i don't normally do that
just break down
even if the song touches my heart
i am loathe to cry
ever
its like some sort of strange code
like it would corrupt my soul in some way
to feel those emotions bubble to the surface
not that its not freeing
like coming up for air after holding
your breath too long
and when you finally gasp for that icy air
its like a long sigh of relief
and from the first intake of sweet oxygen
there is release
had been there before
brought tears to my eyes
and coursing down my cheeks
i don't normally do that
just break down
even if the song touches my heart
i am loathe to cry
ever
its like some sort of strange code
like it would corrupt my soul in some way
to feel those emotions bubble to the surface
not that its not freeing
like coming up for air after holding
your breath too long
and when you finally gasp for that icy air
its like a long sigh of relief
and from the first intake of sweet oxygen
there is release
Like Words of Divine Hope
Like words of divine hope
Balm for my aching soul, they come
Crush through the icicles of this last year
Splintering the defenses
I've so tenderly built
Around my life, around my heart
To block out all the things that I know You have for me
And yet I long to come, even as I run away
So I let myself be drawn...
For its only in Your presence that I actually find
That purpose and peace I've been longing to bind
Close to my heart so it can't slip away
And leave me nowhere, alone at the end of the day
So I smile in pain as the cold gets thawed
The end of winter and frost; I am awed
That in the great magnificent plan for my life
You have anointed and sealed and called me Your wife
And that ownership is something that can't be replaced
An easy access to the Light of Your Face
And freedom I have to run and jump in Your lap
Spill all of my worry and in Your peaceful arms nap
Content with the fact that You never shall change
That Your promises are true til the end of the age.
Balm for my aching soul, they come
Crush through the icicles of this last year
Splintering the defenses
I've so tenderly built
Around my life, around my heart
To block out all the things that I know You have for me
And yet I long to come, even as I run away
So I let myself be drawn...
For its only in Your presence that I actually find
That purpose and peace I've been longing to bind
Close to my heart so it can't slip away
And leave me nowhere, alone at the end of the day
So I smile in pain as the cold gets thawed
The end of winter and frost; I am awed
That in the great magnificent plan for my life
You have anointed and sealed and called me Your wife
And that ownership is something that can't be replaced
An easy access to the Light of Your Face
And freedom I have to run and jump in Your lap
Spill all of my worry and in Your peaceful arms nap
Content with the fact that You never shall change
That Your promises are true til the end of the age.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Faithwalkers #3
So this is something that I was really encouraged to do by one of the smaller breakout sessions. (it was one of the girly ones). Anyway, this lady was talking about how she was a busy mother of 7 kids, and getting a quiet time didn't always work out very well, so one of the ways that she really built Scripture into her every day life was that she made up a pack of cards about a topic that she really wanted to study and then she would read them at least 2 times a day. A couple of things came out of that. It was really hard not to think about those verses in the in between times. Plus you start to memorize those scriptures as well from the frequent reading, and soon you are thinking of them during the day and altering your behavior to be Christlike like the Word, and not just your everyday usual self. The other thing she said is that she also made packs of verses like this for her kids when they were dealing with an issue, and it also helped them really learn what God had to say about issues.
So fast forward a day and I went to another seminar (it was a guy AND girl one this time), by one of my dear friends and respected pastors. He was talking about going directly to scripture in relation to people that come to your for advice in situations or even in your own sticky situations. And of course I knew this, but I think I don't think of it very often. I mean I know I should pray and read scripture more than I do, but then sometimes I just listen to the lies of the Devil that say, "well, come on now... you can't be a saint all the time!"
So then fast forward some more. As a church, we are reading through the Bible. Yesterday's segment in Matthew talked about Jesus being tempted by Satan in the desert. Do you know what Jesus said in reply to the Devil? He used the Word. Wow. What better recommendation to be in the Word, and thinking about it, and memorizing it, and carrying it with me in my daily life! I mean, Jesus IS kinda the ultimate example, don't you think?
So fast forward a day and I went to another seminar (it was a guy AND girl one this time), by one of my dear friends and respected pastors. He was talking about going directly to scripture in relation to people that come to your for advice in situations or even in your own sticky situations. And of course I knew this, but I think I don't think of it very often. I mean I know I should pray and read scripture more than I do, but then sometimes I just listen to the lies of the Devil that say, "well, come on now... you can't be a saint all the time!"
So then fast forward some more. As a church, we are reading through the Bible. Yesterday's segment in Matthew talked about Jesus being tempted by Satan in the desert. Do you know what Jesus said in reply to the Devil? He used the Word. Wow. What better recommendation to be in the Word, and thinking about it, and memorizing it, and carrying it with me in my daily life! I mean, Jesus IS kinda the ultimate example, don't you think?
forgetting you
i downloaded kirk franklin today
so you must not be gone
and i caught myself the other day
thinking of you as the one
to be my dancing mate
but i had to laugh, cause no
you haven't left it to fate
you walked away from the show
before the curtains had closed
and the last aria not sung
your will interposed
in place of that of the Son
and now my eyes are darkened
with threat of new tears
as your ears turned and hearkened
to the Devil mocking your fears
and as my porcelain heart cracks
with each breath i take
and my soul feels it lacks
strength for this colossal ache
yet there to His arms
i run and abide
safe from this world's harms
in my Father's lap hide.
so you must not be gone
and i caught myself the other day
thinking of you as the one
to be my dancing mate
but i had to laugh, cause no
you haven't left it to fate
you walked away from the show
before the curtains had closed
and the last aria not sung
your will interposed
in place of that of the Son
and now my eyes are darkened
with threat of new tears
as your ears turned and hearkened
to the Devil mocking your fears
and as my porcelain heart cracks
with each breath i take
and my soul feels it lacks
strength for this colossal ache
yet there to His arms
i run and abide
safe from this world's harms
in my Father's lap hide.
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