Forgiveness

i'm struggling right now. i really need to forgive someone, but every time i think i am able to do it... this little cutting thing or two they said pops back up and it shanks me in the heart every time. i don't want to be a bitter, sour person for the rest of my life. i want to laugh again. to really enjoy things. but somehow in the back of my mind this is always there. creeping in and dragging me down to its dank hollows with it.
how can i explain the depth of pain these few words brought, or how ill timed they appear to my earthly sensibilities. how every shred of them wounds the very wounds Satan himself planted in my heart times long ago. salt to an already festering wound of neglect, self-loathing, and depression. A deep venous stasis ulcerative wound that God's been packing wet to dry to heal in my heart (nursing terms! hehe). It feels like pouring acid on it.
But the command is clear, just as clear as any other time in my life. And forgiveness will come when I ask Him for it. Its never been something I can muster on my own strength.