Fantine

"i had a dream in time gone by
when hope was high
and life worth living
i dreamed that love would never die
i dreamed that God would be forgiving

i had a dream my life would be
so different from this hell i'm living
so different now from what it seemed
now life has killed the dream i dreamed."

that was a quote i found in my 'journey of desire' journal this morning as i was doing my biblestudy. its a quote from Fantine from Les Miserables. something in my heart resonated with the emotion behind it, however misguided the philosophy behind it turns out to be. i think i understand the absolute weariness of Fantine, as she realizes that her life is turning out to be so very different than what she pictured for her ideal. because i think i feel a little of it too.
but in the end, the truth is this. dead dreams fertilize the ground for growth of dreams that our Father wants to give us instead. hope is still high, though perhaps more mellow now that we see with matured eyes. life is still worth living, if it is lived on purpose. and i don't mean in a manner of purpose towards one goal, but i mean on purpose every day. small term goals. living today to His glory. love does sometimes die its true. human love that is. but there is a Love that does not die. but grows stronger with time, even more poignant with disappointments, deeper even when we run from it, and eventually saturates our very person if we allow it to. and shocks: God is still forgiving. no mistake is too big for Him to not welcome you back with open arms. no failure so great that He doesn't still love you.
and true this world is no heaven... but its far from hell. the small joys are still there. the sun still shines, rain still falls, dew still clings to blades of grass, fields of wheat still rival gold for beauty, people still smile, birds still sing, God is still not dead, and life is here for the taking.